Jimmy's Notes:
DISCLAIMER: I am NOT the writer of this fanfic! (Jake Tanner is, although a guy who goes by the name SoSugoi on DeviantArt had already confessed to being the troll who wrote this masterpiece.) I'm just translating the original gibberish into more intelligible speech. I decided to do the third flavor of the NVR Challenges; the rules of which I have posted on the repost of the original fanfic, which is on 'narutoveangancerevelaitons' in blogspot.
The translation is also a mix of sarcasm, commentary, and lampshading, and of course, none of the beliefs presented in this fanfic are in conformity with mine. I didn't really translate it as faithfully so that I can insert my rather sardonic comments between the lines. Since I got locked out of my Monica Gilbey-Bieber account because I had forgotten the passwords to the account itself and the silly e-mail I have used to create it, I am gonna repost this fic on this new account. Besides, I have already updated it since then, and the first version of this fic on here stopped abruptly at chapter 5.
...Dammit. I'm still seeing errors despite my endeavor to beta-read this thing.
Okay, so this is a story I just wrote. It's in the world of NARUTO, so I hope you guys like it, okay?
AN: There's no dudes fucking because that is fucking gross. I'm not a fucking yaoi faggot. Sheesh.
XXXXXXXXX69XXXXXXXXX
NARUTO: Vengeance Revelations
CHAPTER ONE: New Power
It was five days after I left my home for the village of Konohagakure, and when I got there, I met a girl who was really hot. Her name was Sakura. I also met her friends: Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi, who called themselves Team 7. Anyway, my name is Ronan Beelzebub. I'm thirteen years old, and have just come to the town. I am six feet tall, and have dark blue hair that looks like Justin Bieber's hair. (I don't like him though; FUCK HIM. HE SUCKS. ALL MODERN MUSIC FUCKING SUCKS. THE BEATLES HAD THAT HAIRSTYLE BEFORE JUSTIN FUCKING BIEBER EVEN EXISTED.) I am very muscular, and I measure twenty-eight inches around my biceps. I have huge pecs. Furthermore, I also have a huge dick which is two feet long and quite fat, plus I cum a lot. I was really excited about moving to a new town, because I would finally have some new pussy to fuck, having had sex with all the other girls in my old town.
Since I was young, I knew I was special because I could shoot dark blue light out of my hands. It blew holes in stuff and was really powerful, but I didn't show anybody because I was afraid that they wouldn't understand it, and because I might be ostracized. (Then again, I could just blow holes into their stuff, right? And then all the girls can blow ME afterwards. Har har har.)
Anyway, the new town was so different, because it was in Japan, and I'm not Japanese; I'm American. Japan is different from America, although this wasn't really Japan; it was one of the Shinobi Nations. I know I just contradicted myself, but I was still so cool, after all. The place was cool too, of course, because the girls here are all sexy, and shit, I wanted to fuck them and their dripping, wet pussies.
I was wearing a really big, black cloak, and I had red shoes on. I had big chains around my neck and waist, and also had a headband (like the one in the show, except mine glows blue around it and has knives in it that surprisingly, haven't cut through my skull. Yeah. I broke the fourth wall, simply because I can. I'm an all-powerful, awesome, and SEXY Gary Stu, after all.) When I got out of our hummer, Sakura and her friends were shocked to see me because of the headband, and they were like, "Oh my God, I can't believe this! You must be one of us! We have a lot to tell you, so please come on the temple over there, and we can do it." Then, my headband glowed and they all gasped.
"How is this possible? I can sense that you have more power to show us, so come over to the temple and I will show you everything, including our-" Sakura said, interrupted when I took off my headband, and ethereal knives grew out of my head. She looked at me in astonishment, dumbfounded about what she had just seen.
"You are very special and have powers greater than our own," they said in chorus. "When you come to the temple over there, we will be strong-"
They were interrupted once more by a huge snake that fell from the black sky. IT WAS OROCHIMARU!
They told me to stand back because I could not handle this, even though they had told me earlier that I have powers greater than their own. Seriously, being around awesome and SEXY Gary Stus like me can turn even the best of geniuses into drooling idiots. So, I did just as I was told, and I watched as they fought hard using their ninja powers and were defeated one by one: first, Sasuke, then Kakashi, then Naruto, and then Sakura. And when he had Sakura, I shouted, "LET HER GO, YOU MONSTER!"
All of a sudden, my eyes turned blue, and I began to float. My powers were taking hold of me, and they were all shocked. Again. I grew ten feet taller, and began to fight Orochimaru as best as I could, saving Sakura and blasting him with hot (like me) beams of blue light. Sakura fell from his clutches, and I saved her by catching her with my big, strong arms. Orochimaru fell to the ground badly hurt, and then I waved my hands with blue light shooting out. He was lifted up, thrown, and hurt even worse than before. I flew over to him and roared at him, and he got scared.
Everybody else was amazed that I did this, and he was too, but he said, "You are not as powerugfukl as you think-k-k!" He coughed blood out of his mouth as he spoke, thus garbling his words. "I will be back; you'll see! And you'll die!" And then, he vanished. Right after he vanished, I fell down to the ground and shrunk back to regular size. All my human strength had been drained, and I ached.
Sakura ran to my side, saying, "You are more powerful than all of us combined. You are the chosen one to defeat Orochimaru. Thank you for saving my life." And then, she kissed me. She rubbed my crotch and added, "You are very big! Now, let's go to the temple, and you can heal. Then, we can talk about you."
They all carried me back to the temple, and I blacked out as we entered.
XXXXXXXXX69XXXXXXXXX
AN: OKAY, THAT'S THE FIRST CHAPTER. I REALLY WANT AT LEAST 2 REVIEWS UNTIL I PUBLISH THE SECOND CHAPTER. I NEED TWO NOW; PEOPLE ARE READING MY STORY. I KNOW it's kind of different and darker than usual, but please give me a chance. It's going to get so much more awesome! EVERY NARUTO FAN WILL LOVE THIS. IF YOU LOVE NARUTO WRITE A REVIEW. PRETTY PLEASE?