The sky was grey; the leaves were falling off of the once bloomed trees, turning orange and yellow. Faces were hot and eyes were red. I could hear the wheeps of her mother and father. I could feel the agony, and pain they were going through.
I gazed along the graveyard. I saw the faces of her family members; twisted and turned up with pain. Friends from school, shocked. Her boyfriend was still and stiff. His eyes were dark, and he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. Her little sister, not really knowing what to think about this whole situation. I could feel the sadness.
Then there was me - Ashley- her best friend since kindegarten, standing at her casket, telling her I loved her out loud but scolding her in my head. Placing this last rose and a photo album on the box she would be buried in, wanting it to open and her to jump out and yell "April fools!". A small part because that was her sick sense of humor, the other part, because she was my best fucking friend. I turned around and saw my mother and father looking at me with sympothy, guestring that I come sit back down. I didn't want to. I wanted to be in that hole with her. I wanted to go to where ever she is now and just smack her, and hug her, and kiss her and tell her that everything would of been okay if she would of just let it.
Tiffany Lewis hung herself on October 4th, 2010. I found her in her garage after school. Lifeless and pale with a hint of blue in her face. I didn't scream, or cry. It didn't phase me right away for some odd reason. I stepped up on the stool and cut her down, and put her on the cold, rough ground of her garage. I sat down too, and held her in my arms until her parents came home. Their screams were muffled, they grabbed her out of my arms and shook her lifeless body. They were talking to me, shaking me, as if I were dead too. And I was. I couldn't move, could barely breathe. I was helplessly watching them try to bring their daughter back.
It was a few hours before I shed a tear. Before I destroyed everything in my room, screaming, breaking everything on my shelves, punching my wall until my kuckles bled. I remember screaming 'why', over and over again. Cursing at God, cursing at Satan, cursing at everyone I could possibly think of at that moment. Pulling my hair out, and causing myself harm.
They didn't find any obvious note. They couldn't find anything to get closure. She left without any explination and that is what really pissed me off the most. We said our final words before the casket was lowered. I simply said "I love you more than you know." After that I just walked away. I couldn't watch them put my best friend in the ground.
The car ride home was silent and seemed long. Tears streamed down my face making my make up cause black streaks down my cheeks. Tiffany was gone, but I couldn't seem to comprehend that. I took out my phone and almost texted her. I went to my voicemail and listened to the crazy things she left me over and over again. I think that was the only way I could wake up in the morning, and get through my day.
We finally get home after what seemed like hours. I immediatly got out of the car, into my house and straight to my room. I layed on my bed and just stared at my celing for 3 straight hours until my mom knocked on my door.
"Come in," I yelled.
She slowly opened my door and poked her head in.
"Ash, are you hungry? Your father wants to take us to dinner." "Yeah, just let me change," I said getting up. "I'll be out in a few."
She nodded and looked at me for a minuet.
"We loved her too, Ashley. Like she was one of our own."
I just looked away and mouthed 'I know'. She finally shut my door to let me change.
I walked over to my dresser and pulled out my jean drawer. I took out a pair of jeans when something heavy fell to the ground. It looked like a book.
I bent over and picked it up, and turned it around to the cover.
There was a note card taped to the front, in Tiffany's hand writing.
Diary if I Die By Tiffany Renee Lewis