i. make a wave.
He examines his reflection in the rippled waters of the backyard pool, wondering what the hell makes him so different from his younger brother, what makes the girl love him instead of her. He'd seen him, that traitor brother of his, and the hug they'd shared, the obvious show of affection. He saw the way he had smelled her hair, the way he had smiled (smiled) when he did so.
Is Nick just better looking than him? Is it the freckles or the brown eyes? What does he have that Kevin just doesn't?
Sure, maybe Nick can write her a song. Maybe he's cuter and closer to her age and…. this is just dumb. He's just as great as his brother, and thinking that he's worse than him is no way to win a girl's heart. There's some other way that Nick has figured out, that Joe has figured out, but that Kevin hasn't. There's some secret to winning a girl over that he just doesn't know.
It's not the hair, he thinks as he ran his fingers through his curls, the ones identical to Nick's. Is it the voice? Is it because he's Nick, the better singer, the better songwriter? Is it because he's Kevin, the constantly rejected guitarist, the one constantly written off as non-important? He tries not to let himself be bothered by it; most of the time, he wasn't.
Today he was, because today every single little hope he had is disappearing and he doesn't know how to stop it.
The water is cold to the touch, but he plunges his feet in anyway until he's sitting on the side dangling his feet off the edge. The smooth, placid water with the slight ripples is suddenly torn apart by his feet, kicking at it, making waves. Just the pebble in the water, the first step, that was what started a chain reaction, the wave. It was like the games the boys had played when they were kids, throwing rocks into ponds and making them splash. Nick's splash had been bigger. He'd made a wave and swept Macy Misa off of her feet.
It was so fucking unfair that Kevin could barely take it.
Somehow, it had seemed that back in Jersey, Macy had seemed into him. They'd had so many more moments. There was the afternoon spent trapped inside her shop; she'd wanted to ask him questions, not Nick. It was Kevin who had attempted to teach her to sing, who had helped find the lucky charm, who had done countless numbers of things for her, subconsciously trying to get her to notice him.
Nick, however quiet he may claim to be, was just more noticeable.
And for the first time in years, he lets tears fall from his hazel eyes. He stops keeping his emotions inside and lets them out for the world to know. As he takes his legs out of the water and the water becomes calm again, a single tear falls, rippling the surface ever so slightly. He wipes away the others before they can do the same.
kevinlucas
the hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else. ~ anonymous
two seconds ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®
ii. LA, baby.
The sun is shining, the day is wasting away. Kevin's inside, reading a book. God knows where his brothers are. On a double date, maybe? His thoughts are bitter and are answered by an unread tweet alert on his phone.
joelucas
having lunch with the beautiful itsstellamalone :D
six minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone
itsstelamalone
joelucas just so we're clear, this is not a date.
two minutes ago in reply to joelucas via Twitter for iPhone
The guitarist sighs, half in relief, half in nervousness, because they hadn't mentioned "nicklucas" and "mmacymisa". That didn't mean they weren't there. Nick close to never updated his Twitter (neither did Kevin), and Macy…
Kevin sighed and threw his phone onto the couch, reaching for the pint of ice cream he'd left there and the spoon. Rocky Road. His favorite. But he just wasn't hungry; the butterflies in his stomach refused to go away.
After putting back the ice cream, retrieving his phone, and putting a bookmark in his book, he grabs the keys to his car and hits the road, hoping to find some escape. Instead within the first minute he finds his neighbor DZ on the side of the road. "What's up, JONAS?" he asks in that annoyingly-friendly way he has.
Kevin puts on a fake smile that was surprisingly real-feeling and replies, "Not much." His voice didn't go all high. The smile grew wider, and it wasn't fake. Little improvements, they meant the most.
Except, of course, if "big improvements" meant Macy falling in love with him.
"That's great. Mind if I join you?" It wasn't a question. DZ hops over the side of the car and into the passenger seat.
"Yeah. Sure." Kevin sighs and shifts back into drive. DZ leans back and puts his arms behind his head, echoing Kevin's sigh.
"So, what do you think of L.A.?"
It's awful! Kevin wants to spit out, to tell someone how he really feels about Macy, but keeps it inside. "So far so great," he mumbles absentmindedly instead as he turns right to go towards the shoreline.
"Going to the beach?"
"Maybe. I don't know, really." His eyes wander to all the people on the beach, the bleach-blonde anorexic models, the long-haired surfer boys, the curly-haired boy with Macy Misa-
He threw on the brakes, squeaking to a stop in the middle of the road. As he felt everyone begin to stare at him, he switched on the turn signal and turned around quickly. Anywhere but here. Anywhere but here. Still, he can't help but stare at his brother and his crush as he drives away.
DZ follows his gaze. "Welcome to LA," he says quietly. "Where dreams are made of."
"Not mine," Kevin mutters.
kevinlucas
welcome to LA, baby.
just now via Twitter for BlackBerry®
iii. all at once.
Where did he go wrong? Days go by, weeks go bye, two months go by. The city, the love, the everything drive Kevin silent. He doesn't speak, he barely even leaves his house. He just leaves his brothers to their lives. Their perfect, wonderful lives.
They barely even notice that he's breaking so slowly.
nicklucas
I think I've finally found my smile.
39 minutes ago via TinyTwitter
He didn't even need to read what she had tweeted back to know that all was now officially lost for Kevin Lucas and Macy Misa. A guitar lies in the corner, gathering dust (he hadn't touched it for weeks in his distress), and he picks it up and begins to play it. He doesn't need to be Nick Lucas to write a song. If the time is right, it just comes easy.
let him know that you know best
'cause after all you do know best
try to slip past his defense
without granting innocence
lay down a list of what is wrong
the things you've told him all along
and pray to God he hears you,
and pray to God he hears you.
Scrawled across the paper were these words in his handwriting, chord names, and teardrops. Before long, paper lined the room as Kevin struggles to find the right wording, the right everything for his song. He pins it to the wall, one sheet above the others. He smiles, then looks at his hands, covered in ink marks. Would Macy ever know that he, he of all people, wrote a song for her?
Nick had probably beaten him to it. What did it matter? And with that, he takes the scissors to the new song and cuts it in half, carelessly cutting his hand in the process. Blood beaded out of the new cut. Kevin stares at it for a moment, lost in the stinging pain and the simplicity of the scratch. The pain of a perfect accident, a perfect cutter. Why did it feel so good? He wasn't that desperate, was he? Teenagers fall in and out of love like Miley Cyrus gets new boyfriends and Justin Bieber releases new music to torture the world with. How could Nick and Macy be different?
The answer was that they weren't. But to every answer, there's another question. How is it possible for someone to date their younger brother's ex-girlfriend?
Life was dumb, oh so fucking dumb.
He loved her, he was sure of it.
What he wasn't sure of was if he wanted this or not. Would anyone…
The answer to that question was yes, but Kevin didn't even want to say it in his head. He didn't want that, yet he did.
Yes, people would miss him if he died. But he wouldn't miss the sorrow, the longing, and the heartbreak.
He'll do it, he decides, and slams the door behind him.
The papers on the floor rustle impatiently in the wind, the only records of Kevin's last thoughts.
iv. how to save a life.
"He'll be okay, right?"
"That's what they say."
Joe Lucas wipes tears from his eyes and looks at his best friend, Stella Malone. "Why?" What a simple, yet powerful word. Why.
"The reason that all people do it. They just don't want to live."
"But…"
"But nothing, Joseph, that's the truth. Something in him just… snapped."
"It's not like Kevin, though."
"You said yourself just the other day that Kevin just isn't Kevin anymore."
He had said it, that was the truth, and he wishes he'd done something about it. Talked to his brother. Tried to help. Maybe they'd be somewhere else instead of in the ICU, waiting for news on his condition. Hoping that they can save his older brother. "We were so dumb not to see it."
Two hours later, Nick Lucas stands outside in the hospital parking lot, between the lines and blame, wondering why the hell he even came. This was his fault, and the pieces of paper he holds balled up in his hands were not going to let him forget it.
"I'm sorry, Kev," he whispers ever so softly to the air, as if his brother can even hear him. The doctors say he'll be okay, but for a skeptic like him, it was hard to believe. Fuck, it was hard to believe where he was now. It could have all been prevented.
"Nicky." He spins around to see Macy, standing there, the smallest little half smile on her face. He looks away immediately.
"Hey, Mace." He bites his lip. "How's Kev?"
"He's awake." The conversation is short and staccato, back and forth, like a game of ping-pong. It's an awkward moment that Nick doesn't like; the tension in the air. The good news is a combination of a life vest and an anchor for the seventeen-year-old. He doesn't know how to tell Kevin that he knows.
A guitar in hand, five minutes later he's standing in front of his room. Before he even goes in, however, he sees a tweet alert he hadn't noticed before.
kevinlucas
sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
7:05 PM August 25th via Twitter for BlackBerry®
nicklucas
kevinlucas i'm sorry.
just now via TinyTwitter
He slips his phone into his pocket and knocks on the door, three slow knocks. As he opens the door slowly, he notices he's holding his breath.
Kevin looks so small, lying on the hospital bed, with the IVs and the oxygen tube. He doesn't smile when he sees Nick, barely acknowledges his brother's presence. "Hey," the younger brother says softly, almost like an apology. He wasn't quite there yet.
"Hi." Kevin's staring out the window at the neon lights of LA. "What do you want?"
"I, um…" Nick doesn't know how to answer this question, and is taken aback by the sudden hostility in his voice. "I'm sorry." The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them. "It's my fault. I mean… I should have seen it sooner."
"It doesn't matter." He sighs. "I can live with it."
"Live?" Nick is incredulous. "You tried to fucking kill yourself, Kevin! I don't care what I have to do, I'd give up everything to have you as my brother. Alive."
Kevin's phone beeps, and he reaches for it, looks at the screen, and begins typing away. Once he's done, he places it back on the table. "Really?"
"Really, Kevin. Screw Macy, screw love. If I didn't have you and Joe in my life, then…" He trails off. "Then I wouldn't be anything." His phone vibrates in his pocket, and he pulls it out.
One new tweet available. Update now?
He taps the yes button on his phone ever so lightly, his heart racing, new tears in his eyes.
kevinlucas
nicklucas apology accepted. i love you, bro.
less than a minute ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®
nicklucas
kevinlucas i love you too.
just now via TinyTwitter
The younger brother looks once more at the paper in his hands, and setting it down on the bed, begins to play Kevin's song. The guitarist recognizes it immediately, and smiles.
he will do one of two things
he will admit to everything
or he'll say he's just not the same
and you'll begin to wonder why you came.
"I came because I care about you," Nick says suddenly. He stops playing. "I was the one who found you, who called 911. I never left your side, Kev, because I knew you'd do it for me, no matter what."
"Sometimes a brother is better than a superhero," Kevin replies softly. "Marc Brown."
Nick manages a smile, a small smile, but a Nick smile nonetheless. "Thanks."
"You should date Macy," he says. "I know… I know that I do like her, but I also know that I can move on. Something I was fucking dumb enough not to try."
"I… don't know if I can," Nick stutters.
"Do it. For me."
And Nick nods and hugs his brother one last time.
kevinlucas
There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love. ~Bryant H. McGill
one minute ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®
v. brother love.
Macy Misa stands at the door, watching the two brothers.
She loves Nick, had never thought twice about Kevin until now.
But what he had done for his younger brother was something that she would have never been able to do for her own younger sister. She admired him for that, admired his love and their love for each other.
She'd never look at Kevin Lucas the same way again. Not as a lover, but as a brother. The best brother anyone could ever, ever have.
mmacymisa
There's no other love like the love from a brother. ~Astrid Alauda
just now via Twitter for BlackBerry®
A/N: *hides behind review button so when someone tries to kill her, they'll have to review first* Hey, um, happy ending, right? A really corny, happy ending, but it's still happy! And a little too incest-y. Don't take it in that direction. Please.
FanFiction was demented and removed all the "at" signs in front of the screennames. I know you all know that's how twitter works. Pretend they're there.
Disclaimer: Okay, so I don't own JONAS LA; I haven't even seen the whole first episode – just the first half. I don't own Twitter, if I did, joejonas, nickjonas, and kevinjonas would all be following me. I don't own the song "How To Save A Life" by the Fray. I've borrowed the format of the tweets from a story on a different site, and I really like it.