Qui-Gon tossed and turned, his bed-sheets forming a white cocoon around him. He had learned today- the night before the galaxy's most popular holiday, Life Day- that Obi-Wan was to be knighted tomorrow; killing the Sith having been his Trial, and he would then take Anakin as his official Padawan. Still, he was unable to sleep peacefully. It seemed somehow ironic that his soon-to-be former apprentice would be left behind on the holiday that he had not celebrated since Xanatos had renounced the Order. He would have to make sure that The Chosen One knew the importance of the day. It was as he was thinking this that Qui-Gon slipped into the strange dreams…
The past
Thirteen-year old Obi-Wan Kenobi stared out across the snow covered landscape of the Jedi Temple from his perch on the balcony extruding from the small apartment that he lived in with his Master. The snow was still pure white, a tribute to the late hour. It would become but a brown slush soon.
It was the evening before Life Day, his first with Qui-Gon. His new Master hadn't mentioned the celebration, however. The Padawan had not the courage to bring it up. He accepted that his Master was one of the Jedi that didn't acknowledge the day. Strange though; most- he had thought before all- the Jedi lucky enough to achieve such a rank as Qui-Gon were known to encourage celebration.
Obi-Wan quickly brushed away a tear that had made it past his emotionless mask. It was just a holiday! He could spend it with his friends outside in the snow, if none of them were busy.
Qui-Gon awoke suddenly. The dream had been surprising. He remembered his first Life day with Obi-Wan, or rather lack of it: He had gone about as if it was just an ordinary day, and had had his Padawan do the same; they had sparred and then his apprentice had practiced his lightsaber katas under Qui-Gon's watchful eyes. That was how it had always been.
Maybe he should have been a little bit looser; after all, Xanatos's betrayal hadn't been Obi-Wan's fault.
No matter. He would not make the same mistakes with Anakin.
Present- Twelve years later
Obi-Wan stood on the same terrace that he had first set foot on over a decade ago. It seemed that every Life Day Eve was spent like this: Staring out onto the Temple Grounds all covered in snow. He tended to be there from midnight- when he was certain that Qui-Gon was sleeping- to the fourth hour, when his Master awoke.
Each year, he hoped that it would different: That Master Jinn- as Obi-Wan might as well start thinking of him- would warm up to him enough that they might actually celebrate the day instead of working even harder than usual. It seemed that he acquired more bruises and burns sparring on Life Day than on any other given time.
He didn't bother to hide the tears streaming down his cheeks. After all, he was alone.
Why did Qui-Gon never show him the same feelings that he showed Anakin? When was the last time he got a hand on his shoulder, or a good job?
When had he ever been treated as a son?
This dream disturbed Qui-Gon more. If their bond were still intact, he would have checked to see what Obi-Wan was feeling right now. As it was, it had been severed earlier that day when the Council had decreed that he was to train Anakin. Truthfully, he wasn't sure who had broken the connection first: Him or his Padawan.
Before his guilt could get great enough so that he might actually go see what Obi-Wan was doing, Qui-Gon slipped into the third dream.
The future- Eleven years later
Qui-Gon was supporting Obi-Wan's body. His once apprentice looked old- older than Qui-Gon did in the present- and several scars crossed over his face and bare chest, which displayed a deep blaster wound.
"It isn't that bad." The Jedi Master was lying; the wound was near fatal, if not certainly deadly.
Obi-Wan started to give a slightly sarcastic laugh that ended in him spitting out blood. "You always did lie."
The elder of the two stared down at his former Padawan. "What do you mean? I never lied to you!" Even as he said that, he wondered if it was true.
So did the wounded one, apparently. Staring at the Jedi Master, his blue eyes accusing, he said, "Really? You said that you'd watch over me until I was ready for knighthood, not that you'd abandon me for someone more powerful than me! And someone with no regard for the Code, at that." Qui-Gon had no time to ponder the meaning of these cryptic words. "Admit it, Master Jinn. You never gave a damn about me."
He had no time to deny it. Obi-Wan's eyes closed for the final time before he could.
Anakin stood above them, his face emotionless.
Qui-Gon sat up, gasping for breath. He didn't understand the full meaning of the last dream, but he knew that he couldn't let it get to that! He padded out of bed, intent for the small balcony adjoined to his apartment. He had a hunch about what awaited him there.
The feeling proved correct. Obi-Wan was standing facing the grounds of the Temple, his bare back shaking, as if racked by sobs.
Qui-Gon approached hesitantly, as if facing an injured animal. "Obi-Wan?"
The twenty-five year old straightened up immediately. His hand went to his face, like he was wiping away tears. "Yes Master?"
The elder of the two might have laughed: His Padawan was always polite, and he knew that he would be until the end.
"Padawan-I-what-I'm so sorry." He didn't know what to say.
Obi-Wan still didn't turn to face him. "What is there to be sorry for?"
The question threw him off balance. "What do you mean?"
His apprentice laughed: A harsh, bitter sound. "You're getting a brand new, powerful Padawan tomorrow, and you get rid of me. That's what you want."
"Obi-Wan, please face me." He wasn't sure what to say, but he knew that he could face the damage he'd done easier if he was staring at it head-on.
The man turned slowly, as if preparing his Master for what he would see.
Qui-Gon would have needed more time than that. Obi-Wan's eyes were bloodshot, the only expression on his hollow face. His lips were tinged with blue; the night air must have been well below freezing.
"How can I help, Obi-Wan?" He could see all the damage that he had done merely in the young man's expression.
"The past is set in stone. The future may always be in motion, but you cannot change what has already happened." He avoided the direct question.
"But if I can change what hasn't happened, then I need to try. Please Obi-Wan, you are my son; it kills me to see you like this-"
Obi-Wan laughed again, in the same tone. "You should have thought of that before you closed off our bond."
Qui-Gon's throat constricted. So it had been him who had cut off their connection. "I'm sorry; there has to be something I could do-"
His current Padawan looked directly at him for the first time. "Yes, I guess there is. Stay away from me. Don't come to my Knighting Ceremony, and do your best to refuse all missions we might have to go on. I know I will."
"But why? I can help you, if you let me."
"No you can't, and you should accept that. It's set in stone now, that you abandoned me. If you just avoid me now, well, then I guess it will help ease the pain. "
As he spoke, Obi-Wan appeared to blink back more tears.
"Please, Padawan…"
"You lost the right to call me that a long time ago." His apprentice's voice was a deadly quiet tone. "Focus on Anakin. Make leaving me behind worth the while." He walked away to his private chambers.
Qui-Gon didn't follow.
The next day- Life Day
Qui-Gon awoke to find Obi-Wan's rooms cleared out. A visit to Yoda revealed to him that Obi-Wan had been knighted, and had just left on his first solo mission.
His once-Master didn't try to contact him.
After all, Anakin was his future and he didn't want to make the same mistakes twice.