Redux
Blaine and the girls of glee were working the crowd well, whipping up the dance floor into a blitz of colour and energy with their infectious enthusiasm for the ridiculous. Silk skirts swished and hormones collided in the building heat of the gymnasium, bodies grinding and fists pumping under the flashing lights that bounced almost frantically off the giant glitter ball, hanging high above the throng below. If Coach Sylvester were currently in the vicinity, she no doubt would be bestowing her trademark glower upon this display of cavorting teenage lust and wondering just what the penalty would be for the (justifiable) use of a water canon on minors. But she seemed to have disappeared for the time being, and no-one missed her. Just then Brittany and Tina raised their voices to join Blaine's once more, pounding out the chorus and earning another whoop and sing-along from the crowd of peers at their feet.
Rachel was delightfully dizzy and breathless from her twirls under and through Jesse's arms, her beaming smile echoing his as they drew close again, moving in perfect sync with minimal effort and maximum effect. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders as his hands found her hips and led them into a light sway, laughing at the outrageously inappropriate observations he shared in her ear. Her dress was getting hot and sticky against her skin, her hair was fast unravelling and she was gagging for a drink of water, but Rachel honestly couldn't care less about any of that. She was having fun. The most fun she'd had in far too long. She'd almost forgotten what it felt like. Between the glee club's theatrics and Kurt's personal dramas, it felt unbelievably good to just unwind with someone. Of course Jesse had always been good at relaxing her, she remembered with a slight blush. She glanced to the side, thankful that she could write off the colour in her cheeks as the flush of exertion, and unintentionally exposing the soft curve of her neck to Jesse in the process. An opportunity he proceeded to take full advantage of, much to her pleasant surprise, a small giggle escaping her lips as his mouth nipped a trail of warm kisses beneath her earlobe.
Suddenly a figure lunged in from her right, almost blocking out the light of the glitter ball with his bulk and tainting the air with the familiar stale tinge of discount aftershave. Rachel barely had time to register the intrusion before their embrace was broken all too rudely, Jesse yanked back from her by a large hand and angry glare.
"Hey, dude, keep it PG," growled Finn as he grabbed Jesse off her, his voice full of authority and what one could only assume was supposed to be a tone of warning and intimidation.
Jesse faced the towering bulk of his accuser before Rachel could react, the two boys squaring up silently, the air suddenly taught with rising testosterone that made her sigh impatiently. This pathetic rivalry was getting real old, real fast. Jesse's gaze was cool as he regarded his bitterest competition, the mirth dying from his lips as they hardened into a mocking line and he pushed some curls back from his forehead. It was seamless how quickly he could control the emotion in his face and body and Rachel couldn't help but wonder if she was the only one who ever got to see the full beauty of his real smile, his uninhibited expressions. The skill of his facades might have once unnerved her, but she was getting so much better at reading him now. Surprising, given the brief span of their reunion, but something was just different this time. She could sense it even if she couldn't explain it. There was a freedom of choice in him that had not been there before, and she could feel herself budding and blooming like a flower under the warmth of sincerity it had unlocked between them.
Yet there was no trace of that tenderness in him now, no inch of weakness open to exploit as he stared Finn down with an icy anger that almost made her shiver.
"Beat it, Lurch," he drawled scornfully. "It's none of Y.B."
"Well, this is my school, so it's my business."
"Oh please. Why don't you get a life instead of butting into everyone else's?"
Finn took a step forward threateningly. "Hey, back off, dude."
Rachel glimpsed Quinn out of the corner of her eye, standing a few paces away where Finn had abandoned her and following the exchange with a hard expression, along with a growing crowd of bystanders who were obviously hoping for some gossip-worthy action to kick off. Something like pain or fury tightened those delicately crafted features for a moment, but then it passed and her striking emerald eyes were strangely calm and perfectly clear when they opened again. As if she'd accepted a realisation or made a decision. She made no move to come forward or intervene, yet her gaze was unwavering across the dance floor, as if curious to see the outcome despite herself.
Rachel, on the other hand, was absolutely fuming at the loss of Jesse's hot lips on her neck and the kiss of his tongue on her skin. Could Finn's timing be any worse or any more unwanted? The last thing she needed was an intervention from her overbearing ex. Rachel felt her eyes narrow, her hands clenching into balls, as something finally snapped deep inside her, unleashing a pounding surge of anger so violent she nearly trembled. She stared at Finn, standing there arrogantly going after her prom date as if he had some divine right to control her life – and by extension ultimately treating her as if she were no more than his property or his pet. Was she just expected to fawn over him on demand, be there to pamper his ego whenever he needed the comfort and assurance? Did he think he was doing her a favour, rescuing her from the attentions that someone else dared to give her? As if she was some little weakling who needed to be saved, incapable of knowing what she wanted and unable to look after herself. Who the hell did he think he was? He may have claimed it to be only friendly concern the other day, but they all knew better. And frankly, he had no damn right to interfere in her life or between her and Jesse. Petty jealousy was an ugly colour on him, and instead of the gratification it might have once given her, now it only made her blood boil with indignation.
Jesse dismissed her ex's presence with a roll of his eyes. "Whatever," he said as he turned away to return to her.
"Hey!" Finn made to roughly grab his shoulder but Rachel stepped between them before he had the chance, catching his chest and shoving him backwards with a surprising force for her petite size, her small fists clenched tight with anger.
"Knock it off, Finn!" she shouted as he staggered back a few steps. He shifted his attention to her for the first time, shock and confusion covering his face as he took in the expression that blazed on hers – a fury that was both protective and deeply resentful. "What the hell is your problem!"
Finn stepped forward again to where Rachel was still planted firmly in front of Jesse, meeting her eyes earnestly, his voice just as heated in response. "He was all over you and –"
"And what?" she demanded loudly, her tone dangerous. "That's none of your fucking business! In fact, nothing that happens in my private life is any of your business unless I choose to share it. When are you going to get it through your head – Jesse is here because I want him here! You have no right to barge in like you own me, as if you know what's best for me. Because, trust me, you don't know jack shit!"
All students within hearing distance of the explosive argument had stopped dancing by now, a ripple of nudges going across the floor. Eagerness at a potential punch up had been replaced by raised eyebrows and hushed comments, mouths dropping in a mixture of stunned disbelief and admiration at hearing such fierce declarations and language come from the annoying little glee-clubber who was usually such an easy target. But damn, the girl actually had a backbone. And, if they had to admit it, she was actually more than a little bit scary. The force of her presence and emotions far overpowered her deceptively diminutive figure, and a few former tormenters made a mental note not to be anywhere nearby in the future when Rachel Berry lost her temper.
"I know this guy's a jerk!" Finn spluttered, jabbing an accusing finger behind her.
Jesse put a hand to his chest in a mock wounded expression, mouthing 'ouch' over her shoulder with a sarcastic smirk.
"It's over, Finn," Rachel retorted almost on a sigh. "The truth is you just can't stand the fact that I'm finally moving on, something I should have done a long time ago. Maybe it's time you did too."
Finn shook his head, as if brushing off her words, his expression softening with some secret understanding. "It's okay, I know what you were doing, Rach. You wanted to get my attention, make me realise what I really wanted. And it worked," he assured with a smile, reaching for her cheek.
She flinched back, knocking away his hand. "Don't touch me! Are you really that deluded?" A look of horror washed over her face. "Oh god, is that what I sounded like? Believe it or not, Finn, despite your overblown and childish ego, this isn't about you. This is about me choosing what I want and who I want to spend my time with. I guess it was just too much to ask to have me and my decisions respected."
"Rachel –"
"But you never did get it. Just like you don't get much of anything about me or any of the girls in your life. That's why you're over here, getting in my face and interrupting our evening, and completely ignoring your own date. Not a massively smart move," she continued, throwing a pointed glance behind him to Quinn, who she could almost swear gave her a small smile in return.
But Finn was undeterred, just barely resisting the urge to grab her arm in desperation. "You can't tell me the last two years has meant nothing. Come on, Rach, this was always about us," he urged in a conspiratorial tone that Rachel all but recoiled away from.
She gritted her teeth in frustration, carefully enunciating each word. "You broke up with me, remember? And you know what? I'm grateful. It was time for me to wake up and see things as they really are, to stop wasting my life wishing for things that just don't belong together. Whether or not you regret that now is not my problem. But you have to let me go, you can't have it both ways. There's nothing here for you anymore."
"I was just –"
"I know exactly what you were doing," she interrupted impatiently, "and I don't need or want your misplaced intentions."
"Take the hint," Jesse muttered smugly over her shoulder.
Finn snapped his eyes to him, anger and humiliation exploding inside him. "This guy is such an asshole!" He lunged for Jesse, convinced if he could just remove the former VA kid from his turf then things between him and Rachel would be fixed. Students shouted and backed up as a violent tussle and shoving match broke out, Finn swinging a punch that Jesse easily dodged before Rachel dug her fists into his shirt and tried to push him back.
"Get the hell away from him!"
"Alright, alright, break it up!"
The number on stage had finally ended, the singers descending to the floor to join their friends in the fray just as Sue made an appearance, yanking the two boys apart.
"Prom's over for you – all of you!" she announced with evident glee, moving to usher the three guilty participants out of the gymnasium with a hard push.
"Wait, you're kicking me out?" Finn exclaimed, a note of panic in his voice.
Rachel twisted out of the coach's grip, moving out of reach before Sue could make another attempt to manhandle her. "Don't worry, we're out of here," she declared loftily. Clasping Jesse's hand beside her, she turned and led them both out of the gym and the school, the crowd parting around them in muted shock.
Blaine cast a look at the boy beside him, hoping for some explanation as to what drama he had just missed, and was surprised to find a small, satisfied smile on his boyfriend's face. "What are you smirking about?"
"Oh nothing," Kurt dismissed, his grin growing as he finally drew his eyes away from Rachel and Jesse's retreating figures. "Puck just owes me twenty bucks."
Finn was also distracted from his former girlfriend's exit, this time by a hand clamping down on his arm. "You too, Jolly Green," Sue ordered as she hauled him by the elbow.
"But, but" he stuttered, searching for an excuse, "we're up for prom king and queen! You can't –" He turned to Quinn imploringly where she stood, her arms crossed like a regal statue, eyes stony.
"Don't even bother," she said coldly.
"But the election –"
He was cut off as Santana came up beside her oldest friend, placing an arm over her shoulders in solidarity and regarding the jock with equal distain. "She doesn't need you for that. She can win without you. In fact, we don't need you for anything except blubber oil," she quipped scathingly. "Frankly, Finn, you've been so overrated these past two years that you've started believing your own publicity. You're an average singer, a spastic dancer, and well in the running for world's worst boyfriend."
'"But… I'm the leader," he protested stubbornly.
"Consider this a mitten," said Brittany as she appeared on Quinn's other side, sliding her arm around the blonde's waist and completing the embrace.
"Mutiny, honey," Santana corrected with a soft smile before turning her attention back to Finn. "Your services are no longer required. Run along. Rachel pretty much runs the club single handed anyway. You were just a spare part, Lumps."
With a brief look of almost pride at her former Cheerios, Sue proceeded to haul Finn out before he could protest any further. Without another glance in his direction, Quinn turned away with her girls, a satisfied smirk on her lips. The unholy trinity reunited once more and ruling fierce, just the way they were meant to.
[o]
Rachel chewed idly on the straw of her drink, her head tilted up as she counted the sprinkling of stars that lit the night sky above the streetlights. They were lounging of the hood of his car, both contentedly quiet as they stretched out beside each other, listening to the soft music that drifted out from the radio through the open windows.
Jesse's suit jacket and tie had long been removed, his shirt sleeves rolled up in the warm evening. An occasional breeze brushed past them, fluttering a few loose ebony tendrils against her cheeks and tugging at the layers of her skirt. Rachel dangled her feet over the edge of the hood, wriggling her toes and relishing the freedom from the tight pumps. Pink had never really been her colour, but she had still been silently thrilled when Jesse had opted for a boutonnière that complimented her dress. He was making such an effort this time and it touched her as much as it amused her. Of course she would tease him endlessly about it all in the future, and he would of course retaliate with that delightfully wicked and inventive mind of his.
Finally she felt him shift slightly, his voice breaking the quiet at last.
"Sorry about your prom night."
"Don't be." Rachel sighed, moving to sit up as well. "I don't think it's really me. This," she plucked at the ruffles of her candy pink dress. "That…" She gazed off distantly back in the direction towards the school. "It's just not who I am. And I'm tired of trying to be something I'm not." She wrinkled her nose gently. "Prom isn't the perfect high school moment of harmony and redemption, no matter what the movies lead us to believe. It's just a tacky excuse to get wasted really."
Jesse smiled wryly, taking a swig from his own soda cup as he contemplated her words, before finally saying, "I didn't even go to my prom."
"You didn't?" Rachel turned to look at him in surprise.
"No. I went to the anti-prom instead."
"What's that?"
"Underground party that stands for everything the prom doesn't. No pretentious glitter or streamers or rules, except a general mandate of mutual respect. It's just a good time with good music," he clarified, leaning back on his elbows. "A statement against the in-crowd and the legitimacy of such social conformity, I suppose."
She raised a sceptical eyebrow at him. "God, if you as leader of VA didn't constitute the in-crowd, then who the hell did?"
"What, I can't have layers?" he teased, to which Rachel only rolled her eyes. He shrugged, turning his gaze towards the sky again. "We are what we choose to be," he said mysteriously.
They sat in quiet for a long moment until Rachel said, "And anyone can arrange it?"
"Pretty much."
She nodded to herself thoughtfully. "Huh. Maybe I'll set up a committee next year." Leaning over, she helped herself to another spring roll from the takeout box before settling down again, tapping her bare foot absently in the air as a fresh tune came on the radio.
Jesse waited until the song ended, more than content to listen to her sing along softly beside him, before finally voicing the question that had been burning up his thoughts for the past hour. "Can I ask you something?" He watched as she turned her head to meet his gaze, her bright eyes lightly curious. "What did all that mean, back there?"
She didn't even flinch, her gaze calm and intent on his face as she chose her words carefully. "What do you want it to mean?"
"That you're Rachel Berry again," he replied without hesitation.
The corner of her lips curved in a playful grin. "Think you can handle it?"
Jesse smirked. "Think you could stop me?"
"A challenge?"
"A promise."
Rachel laughed, flinging an arm under her head as she returned her gaze to the winking stars that stretched out languidly above them. She could feel his warmth so close by but not touching, heard a sigh whisper through his low breathing, and she knew that he was still troubled by something. Yet she didn't push, letting him come to her when he'd gathered his thoughts.
It didn't take him long.
"Okay, I give up," he said abruptly. "Just what was the appeal of Hudson in the first place? And please don't say that 'opposites attract'."
The question was hardly a surprise yet it still gave her pause. Rachel was silent as she turned over a number of typical, automatic responses in her mind.
He was cute.
Well, in a conventional, boy-next-door, harmless kind of way. True, he was never anywhere near Jesse's league of attraction, but she supposed he wasn't exactly unattractive.
He was sweet.
And he could be… when he wasn't being an insensitive jerk.
He was passionate.
Yeah, when he was talking about sports.
He was funny.
Maybe unintentionally.
Rachel frowned as she thought back to what had drawn her to Finn initially, at the very beginning of the seemingly never ending tedium of their so called "relationship". It wasn't like he had shown her much interest at all to warrant such a strong reaction on her part. Was she just a sucker for punishment? The queen of the misfits lusting after the leader of the jocks with a girlfriend. Her brow crinkled with a mixture of disgust and embarrassment. It all seemed so unhealthy and unbalanced now, looking back.
But Finn had represented that other world, personified the appeal of that life on the other side of the thorny wall of high school hierarchy. The popularity she had craved and the acceptance she had been denied. And she had wanted to believe she could have it all. A boy with that status in the school and still with a passion for the arts and for her. And so she had collided and forced their worlds together until she could convince herself they had threaded into some kind of workable union, instead of just a bloody car crash of opposing forces that would forever be pulling in the opposite direction.
But the more she had learned, the more time she had spent with him, assimilating and compromising and chipping away at her rough edges to become the 'polished' girlfriend that a boy like him could want – the more she had come to realise it was a world she didn't actually want to be a part of. The truth was that it wasn't her world and it would never be, no matter how much some might will it otherwise. Yet she still hadn't been able to let go of the myth of him, the ideal, her substituted 'dream'. Somehow she had managed to blank it all out, wheedle him up her list of priorities until nothing else was more important – even the ambitions of a future that had defined her all her life. She had managed to whitewash his faults and follies, assume the blame and take one blow and sacrifice after another, willing to diminish her own identity rather than let go of the safety of that single minded determination.
She'd been afraid, she realised suddenly. Afraid of what it meant to move on, grow up, to stop playing games and start living for herself instead of someone else.
Rachel blinked, wondering why she had never seen this before. Why it had never crystallised from the depths of her consciousness into the front of her mind. It was as if blinkers had finally been lifted, and the blinding clarity of sunlight was almost overwhelming. She had held onto Finn in one way or another for so long and she had never stopped once to examine her motivations. And that alone was so unlike her that it should have given her pause. Rachel was analytical to a fault. A performer always made notes, always looked for ways to understand and improve. In fact the only time she hadn't been chasing after Finn, when their tired roles had been reversed, was when she had been with Jesse. That should have told her something right from the start, told her that this was something different. An antidote to the drug that had been keeping her asleep and submerged in artificial dreams for far too long.
"I… I don't know," she admitted at last.
Jesse stared at her for a moment before letting out a short laugh. "God, Rach. You put us both through hell, and you don't even know why?"
"I don't!" she exclaimed bitterly, throwing her hands up in frustration. "It's as if I was this clockwork toy, wound up, pointed in his direction and let go." She shuddered. "It was creepy."
"Agreed," Jesse said quietly. "It wasn't fun to watch either."
"It's like my life wasn't my own, my future being written by a foreign hand and hashed beyond recognition. A stranger in my own skin, a mask I couldn't take off."
He eyed her curiously. "But not now?"
"No," she muttered defiantly. "I'm no-one's marionette."
Jesse smiled. His Rachel was definitely back, and the confirmation was a huge relief that made his heart beat wildly against his chest, as if aching to take flight and stretch its newly unclipped wings.
She looked away, back out across the asphalt of the car park in front of the minimart. "To be honest, it kinda feels like this past year has been a bad dream. An out of body experience or something. Like someone else was pulling the strings out of my reach, taking me down paths I would have never chosen."
"What would you have chosen?" he asked softly.
She turned and looked at him, a secret smile on her lips as she slowly took his face in her hand and kissed him with all the answer either could ever ask for. She felt him tuck a loose wave of hair back behind her ear, his palm cupping her cheek gently, the callous touch of his thumb sending a thrill of shivers through her. So this was what it felt like to be truly turned on. She had nearly forgotten the sensation entirely until she had heard his voice penetrate the auditorium the other day upon his unexpected return.
"What do you think?" she muttered against his lips. They both smiled before she kissed him again, pressing into his chest and winding her hand into the collar of his shirt, gently forcing them both back against the car hood.
She tasted faintly of the raspberry ice in her drink cup and it made his tongue tingle pleasantly. As if she wasn't delicious enough. He was like a sugar addict being exposed to an insatiable source of the most delectable sweetness in the world, and he would willingly drown in her kiss forever. She was leaning almost flat against him, the heat of her body burning hotter than the engine under his back. Jesse's hand tangled in her hair, the other grasping at her waist as Rachel's fingers slid under the open neck of his shirt, eagerly exploring the hot, firm skin of his chest. Jesse felt his desire growing ever stronger, so much so that she must be able to feel it. A small mew of pleasure against his mouth confirmed she did and she shifted so slightly, creating enough pressure and friction in all the places their bodies met to threaten a muted growl from his throat.
He was pleasurably surprised at this new, playfully aggressive side to Rachel. It felt like a release of inhibitions, her body almost simmering with energy. This was the girl he knew, the girl he had fallen for so hard against all the odds. Strong and passionate, determinedly in charge of every aspect of her life and dreams. Always going after what she wanted. She was a natural leader, just like him. And it made for a rather interesting dynamic between them – explosive and challenging but ever intoxicating. It might be new and bold and unexpected, but he had to admit that her exploring hands and plunging tongue were one hell of a turn on. Her fingers held firm to his body, nails leaving crescents against his bare skin with the alluring promise of bruises. Scars of possession he would bear and inflict in return just as eagerly.
Her hand was trailing along below his waistband, eliciting a response his body was more than ready to give, his own palm straying to the creamy skin of her thigh below the short hemline of her dress. Jesse knew where things were heading. If they kept this up at this rate, it would only end with him dragging her into the backseat and fulfilling every prom night cliché in American teen lore. Gently, he began pushing them apart. It wasn't that they were in a relatively public place – that rarely bothered Jesse with anything. But it just wouldn't be right for them. Not right now. He fisted his hand at the back of her head, knuckle deep in her luscious locks, restraining the magnetic pull of their lips long enough to utter the reluctant words.
"Rach, Rachel, stop."
"Why?" she murmured, a glimmer of hurt in her molten eyes when they met his, the dark pools shining bright with desire and confusion. "Don't you want this? Me…" she teased with a small arch of her lips that suggested she could easily feel all the evidence to the contrary.
Jesse felt his breath catch in his throat, his grip tightening on her. "Since the moment I saw you."
God, he wanted her so damn badly, and the cruel irony of the situation did not escape him. Jesse had never thought in a hundred years that he would be the one putting on the brakes. Not that he generally had a lot of experience with that concept at all when it came to his love life. He finally had the girl of his heart and dreams in his arms, warm and willing and eager against every inch of their pressed bodies, and yet he was urging her to stop. It was insane. But if Rachel had shown him one thing, it was the fragility of something so precious. Too much force in the wrong place and something so much deeper could be broken. He'd lost her for too long, turned away from her too many times…
He shook his head, voice almost trembling with the effort. "I pushed once before…"
"But this time you're not the one pushing," she argued, before adding wickedly in a whisper, "not yet anyway. It's my choice, Jesse. This is what I want…you…"
"Rachel, you know how I feel. But…you can't take this back."
She frowned a little. "You think I would want to?"
Jesse gave a small wistful smile, a restrained hope that had learned the hard way the virtue of patience. "I just want it to be about us. Not Finn."
"It's not about –" she protested forcefully but he cut her off with a soft touch and firm word.
"You know what I mean."
Rachel sighed, lowering her eyes until they were almost closed, teeth grazing her lip. If she searched hard enough, if she was truly honest with herself, she had to admit she would find that small part of her still fuelled by anger. A long overdue rebellion against Finn and everything he stood for. A misguided conformity that had all but swallowed her – turned her into a girl she didn't recognise. He was right. She and Jesse deserved better than that. And if he was willing to be patient a while longer, then she could afford to be too.
She felt his fingers brush her cheek and raised her eyes to his once more, turning her face to nestle into his touch. "I just don't want to screw this up," he said quietly, words almost too soft to hear.
"Don't worry. We almost certainly will," she teased lovingly, "but it won't break us up. Never again," she vowed with a smile, meeting his lips with a fierce conviction that sent a thrill down his spine.
It was a promise both would go to the ends of the earth to keep. One way or another.
"You know, we still have some stuff to talk about…" she mumbled, pulling away but not opening her eyes.
"Hmm," he agreed, whispering his reply between each soft kiss on her lips. "Afterwards."
She grinned in agreement before drawing him deeper into the kiss, relishing the feeling of taking control. And for the first time in so very long, Rachel felt like she truly was in control of her life again. The spell, whatever it had been, had broken. And there was no way Sleeping Beauty was ever going back to the tower. Jesse for his part was smugly compliant to her demanding mouth, answering each stroke of her tongue with an exploration of his own, his fingers twining loose pleats into her hair in their own tender caress.
It was true they owed each other a probing conversation, but it could wait a little longer she figured. It would always be Jesse after all, she knew that now, and no warped mind in any reality would ever make that untrue.
AN Thank you for reading, and big thanks to everyone who has reviewed. Also, a heads up - I am finally set to work in earnest on the next update of Bad Romance, so hopefully I won't have to make my poor readers wait much longer. That is if they haven't all given up on me! Until then x