I haven't loaded anything in awhile. I hope you all enjoy. I own nothing. Warnings come per chapter.
"Calm down, Severus," Lupin said softly, "You knew that this was going to happen."
"No," I said through gritted teeth, "We moved them away from here to protect them. They can't come back now."
"There's no choice. They're already on their way."
Looking up at Lupin I saw the sadness in his eyes. He was just as worried as I was, but him keeping that calmness in his voice was angering me. I needed him to be upset about this.
Over the past thirteen years I had dreamt of what it would be like it meet them once again. Not like this though. Not with the Dark Lord around every corner waiting to kill anyone who displeased him.
I could hardly believe it had been thirteen years since we gave them away. Since Lupin and I gave up on whatever relationship that we had. Now it was all coming back and that was not something I was happy about.
Our relationship wasn't the important thing though. The fact that Lupin drank the wrong potion and ended up getting pregnant with our twins was. We had given them up after their births and now they were back.
Of course I had followed their lives. I had even been to a few of the shows their school had put on and talked to them once at the park. That was all the contact I've had with my children.
"I'm going to be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts this year," Lupin said walking closer to me, "I'll see you then."
"Do you know anything about them?" I asked before he could leave.
"No, I just…I couldn't handle seeing them again. I wouldn't have survived that. Goodnight Severus."
Lupin disapparited a second later leaving me in shock. I knew that it had hurt him when we gave them up, but I didn't think it had been that much. My children were happy, that's all that mattered in the end.
Sighing I moved into the library and pulled out a small photo album. I had saved all of the pictures I had taken over the years. Not that there were many or in good quality, but I wanted to know what they looked like over the years.
The first picture was when my babies were a few weeks old. One was wearing a pink shirt while the other had on a green one, but only one of them was smiling happily while moving around wildly.
That one I knew was Iris. She was a bubbly child. In all the times I had seen them she was the one I talked to. They had been at the park for their fifth birthday and I had decided to stop by and leave them a present like I did every year.
"Mommy," Iris said pointing enthusiastically at some flowers, "Pretty."
"Those are Honeysuckles," the mother said putting her down, "They mean Happiness."
"Happy."
Iris ran happily towards the flowers and started to play with them. I looked around the park for her father and twin, but neither of them were there yet. Part of me was worried, but the father had been late to almost everything no matter what.
I let my eyes go back to where Iris had just been, but all I saw was an empty spot. It felt like my heart stopped for a second when I realized that I couldn't see her anywhere.
"Hi," a soft voice said startling me.
Looking down I saw Aurora staring at me with a grin on her face. She looked so innocent and sweet that I felt my throat close slightly. This was my daughter and she was talking to me.
"Sad?" Iris asked frowning.
"Yes," I said kneeling in front of her, "I'm sad."
"Why?"
"I've lost some people. People that I can't get back, but I love with all my heart."
"Help find?"
"No, Sweetie, I can't get them back. That's okay though. They're happy where they are."
"Happy? Happy!"
I looked at Iris in confusion as she ran back to the Honeysuckles. She picked a few of them before running back to me and offering them to me. I took them gently from her hands while taking out my wand.
Showing her magic might not have been my best idea, but I wanted to see the amazement in her eyes and know that I was the one that let her into this beautiful world she should already be a part of.
"Do you believe in magic?" I asked saying a spell in my head.
"Yeah," Iris said nodding her head quickly.
"Good. Lay your hand out in front of you and don't move it."
Iris nodded her head before doing what I asked. Smiling I finished the spell and watched as a calming green glow incased her hand. As the glow faded all that was left was a small White Heather.
"Look," I said softly.
Iris picked up the flower and grinned up at me wonder in her eyes. It wasn't big, a very simple spell really, but to her I might as well have made the most difficult potion that I knew.
"It means protection," I said slipping it behind her ear.
"Thank you," Iris said hugging me tightly.
"Iris," her mother yelled, "Where are you, baby?"
She looked back to where her mother was before looking at me. There was just so much sadness in her eyes and I had no idea why. What was going on in my child's head right now?
"Friend?" Iris asked offering me her hand.
"Friend," I said taking her hand into mine for a moment, "Now, go back to your mother, Sweetie. I'll see you again some day."
Iris started to run away only to turn back and hug me tightly. I felt my heart stop for a second when I realized that this was my daughter. She was hugging me. My daughter was hugging me.
Blinking back the tears that I knew had gathered I put the photos away and went into the kitchen. I had no idea how I was supposed to handle having my children back in my life without them knowing who I was.
In less then two weeks school would be starting and I would be face to face with them. What was I supposed to do then? How long could I keep up the professor role with them around?
Running a hand through my hair I thought back to Lupin. He looked so run down when he told me what Dumbledore had said. All I had wanted to do was kiss away that pain.
Even after all these years I loved the man with all of my heart. I wanted to be with him so badly, but after our last fight I knew that wouldn't happen. I still cursed that day with all my heart.
Lupin and my relationship had gotten off to a rocky start. He had been my first love. Actually, he'd been my first everything. My first and my only. I hadn't been with anyone since he'd left me.
thirteen years and now I was hoping he would give me another shot. I doubted that any of that would happen, but I couldn't stop myself from wishing that for once my life would turn out the way I wanted it to.
What was the point in dreaming anyway? I was a Death Eater and no one was going to look past that, least of all Lupin. So I had to pretend that everything was fine in my little world.
Nothing was fine though. Everything was falling to hell and no one was around for me to hold onto and I couldn't balance myself. In the end I guess it didn't matter all that much.
I knew that during this war I wasn't going to make it. Neither side completely trusted me and the second they learned who I was no one was going to try to save me as they killed me.
All my life I hated being called stupid, but the moment I got the Dark Mark I knew that was exactly what I was. I was a stupid kid that picked the wrong side because I was upset.
No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop myself from letting my emotions get the better of me and everyone ended up getting hurt in the end. I hated that the most. I knew exactly what I was doing and I couldn't stop.
What else could I do though? Either I ended up hurting them straight off the bat or I let them into my heart before hurting them. Each time was harder and harder on me and I was tired of it.
I never wanted to let anyone close to me again. I couldn't help it though. I loved Lupin and now my children were here. No, I had to keep them as far away from me as I could.
If they didn't know a lot about me then they weren't going to miss me all that much when I died. That was something that truly worried me. Hurting them and not being able to fix it at all.
Not that I ever was able to fix any of the broken relationships that I had gathered. I had thought I had more time though. No, that was all over. I was going to die soon and I had to get my things in order.
After I got that figured out I had no idea what to do, but I had knew that it had to do with my children. I might have to do this from afar, but I was going to get to know them some how.