One-shot. I just wanted to write this because I needed some kind of a closure and what-not another possible scenario to everything that might have happened with Lexie and Mark in the season finale.
PS: it's not bright and shiny. She still dies.
She's waiting for me.
"Mark… I'm dying." she said, trying so hard to keep breathing.
"No, you're not!" he was frightened, he was afraid that he might lose her before they could have a last chance to make things right.
"Yes.. – I am. Please.. tell Meredith that I love her …- and that she was a really good sister". Her eyes filled with tears and it became harder for her to breathe. The pain and the fear could be seen in her eyes but she was Lexie Grey , she had to be sure Meredith won't blame herself for anything that might come.
"You're not dying, you're gonna be fine.." . Even though both of them knew that this might be the end, Mark didn't want to accept it. She was his Little Grey, she couldn't die so soon.
"Hold my hand." The pain became unbearable. She could feel the weight of the plane pressing against her pelvis and she couldn't really figure out if her legs were still attached to her body. All she knew was that the odds of survival were small, almost inexistent. It was ironic. Odds. Screw the odds, her mother died from nothing; according to the odds, she should have been alive but she wasn't, she died from hiccups if that even makes sense. She knew the odds weren't really on her side but she couldn't blame anyone for that, after all she was a doctor at Seattle Grace Mercy Death Hospital.
"I'm not holding your hand because you're not dying." Mark stood up trying one more time to get the huge piece of metal off her body, but he couldn't. That's when he knew it was his last moment to be with her, the love of his life. He laid down, the pain in her eyes killing him inside.
"Hold my hand."
"No! You're not dying. Do you hear me? You don't die today - I love you.." His words slipped from his mouth without him thinking twice. There was no time for thinking, and most importantly there was no time for them and that thought broke his heart.
She smiled; at least she tried. It wasn't her smile, the smile that usually lighted up every room she walked in and the smile that could change his mood, making his day better. It was a smile that faded quickly on her pale face making room for the pain she felt in her whole body.
"You don't have to say it just because I said it." The last thing she wished for was him telling her things he didn't feel. She didn't want him to lie to her only to stay alive, she didn't want him to say things only because he felt guilty.
":I do, I love you! I love you! I've always been in love with you, I will always be in love with you."
"Yeah?" She was surprised but she couldn't express it because breathing was hard enough for her, not to mention keeping her eyes opened.
"Yeah! That's why you have to stay alive! We… We are going to get married, and you're going to become an amazing surgeon. And we're going to have two or three kids" He still couldn't let go of that hope – that one day they would be a family, they would be happy. But he also knew that "happily ever afters" were not made for him, Mark Sloan, the man-whore, the man who was never good enough for any woman.
"So.. Sofia could have siblings." it was hard, talking about a life she would never have. Mark Sloan could give her the life she always wanted but it was now too late. She was trapped under a huge piece of metal and she was bleeding to death. Like she said, irony.
"Yeah, a sister and two brothers."
"That's nice."
"We're going to be happy Lex! You and me, we're going to have the best life Lexie… you and me, we're going to be so happy! So you can't die ok? You can't die. Because we're supposed to end up together. We're meant to be!" Her brain was replaying his words over and over again. She wanted to say so many things but she couldn't manage to form one word. She could feel her lungs filling up with blood so she knew she had to find the strength to tell him her last words before she died.
"Meant..to..be" she whispered and let out a sigh before taking a breath for the last time. Her face was pale but there was the look in her eyes that told him that she was now in a better place, somewhere where she belonged, because, after all, she was the one who put him back together; she was the one who turned him in the man who was; she was too good to belong to the ugly world.
"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you " The tears were streaming down his face while he was kissing her hand for the last time. He didn't let go of her hand and rested his head against the large piece of metal that killed the only woman he'd ever loved. She didn't deserve that; she hasn't even reached the age of 30, she hasn't had the chance to finish her residency and most of all she hasn't been able to live her live to the fullest and start a family with him.
He felt his chest filling up with blood but he didn't know if it was the pain caused from Lexie dying or from the terrible crash he had been into. The moment he couldn't breathe anymore he knew it wasn't the pain he felt from her death, but a major hemorrhage in his chest. He felt his lids weight about as much as the piece of plane that he tried to push away from her body minutes before. His lips were trembling as he tried to call his friend but not a single word slipped out his mouth. As he was struggling to fight, to survive he realized there was no reason at all for him to live because she was already dead and gone. He closed his eyes allowing the pain to take over his body and rested his head against the plane while he was still holding her cold hand.
A quick flashback of memories filled his mind, still wondering what he did to ever have her. He wasn't worthed; of course he was a double board certificate plastic surgeon but he was a man-whore, a person who should never have anyone's trust, a person who didn't deserve anyone's love. But, she was still able to love him. She put him back together, she taught him what real love and caring meant, she saved him from a live that he had been living the wrong way.
He was now back to Seattle Grace Mercy West, standing alone at the nurses' station. He could smell the scent of vanilla that he knew so well and her warm breath on the back of his neck.
"I love you. I always have and always will." she whispered softly into his ear before he turned to face her. She was beautiful as ever and her eyes had this spark that truly reflected her bright and shiny personality, although she has lately been somehow dark and twisted, crying all over the places over Mark Sloan.
He took a step forward closing the gap between them. Putting a finger under her chin he lifted her beautiful face up and brushed his lips against her. Even though she was only a memory of what she used to be, a ghost, she couldn't hold back from the kiss she had waited for so long and leaned into him. He lifted his hands cupping her face as her hand was on the back of his neck pulling him into the kiss. The next thing she knew was that they were inside an on-call room with their clothes off. Few moments later, she was resting her head on his chest, while his finger drew circles on her smooth shoulder.
"This is wrong in so many ways.." she said. "We should talk. You probably don't remember, but I'm dead and you're caught somewhere between real life and death so we should probably have this talk now, considering that this is a big thing and you need to fight." She kept talking while he watched her amused.
"I missed to see you ranting like that."He smiled pulling her closer to him.
"Okay, Mark. Now listen carefully" she frowned, almost yelling at him.
"Fine Lex, fine.." he rolled his eyes and decided to listen to what she had to say to him.
"Look, you're dying.."
"No I'm not…" he couldn't remember how he got there or what he was supposed to do there, but he was sure he wasn't dying.
"Yes, you are. But hear this out first. Our plane crashed and I was caught under a huge part of the wing. You and Cristina tried to save my life but it was hopeless, I didn't make it. Anyway, we shared this moment when you told me about our life we were supposed to have together after a little Sloan-y ranting and denial about how I was not going to die. In case you feel what you admitted to feel, I have to say that I feel that too and I'm willing to wait for you to come back to me even if it means I have to wait a minute, a year, a decade or much more. I don't care as long as I will have you beside me where I go."
Mark remembered every single thing that happened before he closed his eyes the moment he decided to give up on his life. He couldn't stop looking at her now that he didn't know what it was going to happen next, but tears filled his eyes an he had to look elsewhere so she wouldn't notice.
"Mark, look at me."she said as she grabbed his hand holding him tight. "I need you to fight. I need you to go back there to your friends and to your family. I need you to go back there to save people's life."
"I won't leave you. It's my choice, my life and I decide I want to spend whatever comes next with you."
"No Mark.. think about Sofia. She needs her parents, especially her father. She needs a person to keep her safe when her world is falling apart. You're it. You're her person as you were mine and do not ever forget that. What happened to me was bad, but you still have a chance to go out in the world and live your life, you still have a chance to love and be loved." there wasn't any weakness in her voice as she spoke. She would have normally started crying a long time ago but she now knew there was nothing left for her to cry over.
"I could never love another woman Lexie" his voice was now trembling, overwhelmed by all the emotion he felt. "I'm not good enough for someone to love me; it was a miracle that you felt something towards a man like me and I felt like the luckiest man in the entire world whenever I held you in my arms. I don't deserve any of your love, because you are the most amazing woman I met. You're smart, beautiful and funny and from all the people lining up for you, you chose to fell in love with me. I don't know how that happened but I'm grateful Lex, I'm grateful for that." a tear ran down his cheek but he didn't mind wiping it. It was too hard to breathe, not to mention it was almost impossible to move any part of his body at that moment.
"Don't ever say that.. you're amazing just the way you are, don't let others tell you you're not. But now, Mark, please.. think about Sofia. You want to be there for her, you need to be there."
"She already has two parents to watch over her. After all, I was just the sperm donor."
"See? You're doing that again. Shut up! You're her father and you're an amazing father. She might have two mothers but no matter how many other mothers you have, you must have your dad. Just.. think. She's a girl. She needs her father's protection."
"Oh, please.. Her mother grew up with the name Arizona. She knows how the fight on the playground And Callie.. well she's Callie.. she's a strong determined Latina woman. "
She smiled but she didn't want him to choose her. Because if he chooses her, he chooses death over a beautiful life with his friends and family and that wasn't right.
"Mark.. I promised I would wait for you for as long as I need to but you need to go and be extraordinary and - .."
"No!" he yelled. "I don't want to live a life without you in it and if choosing death means we can spend forever together, then I choose death."
"Mark, there's no guarantee that death would –"
"I know Lex" he interrupted brushing her cheek with his thumb "..but it's the best shot we have."
Lexie knew he wouldn't give her up and she was praying to God that someone would find him soon and save his life because there was no way she could make him fight. An uncomfortable silence replaced the loud sound of their voices. They were both speechless and disappointed. As she was thinking and over-analyzing things in her head, he reached for her hand holding her tightly while his figure began to fade away.
"I love you" were the last words he whispered before he disappeared in the darkness.
When he opened his eyes, he saw the desperation in Yang's eyes as she and Meredith were removing a large quantity of blood from his chest with a thing that looked more like a straw than some medical tool. Anyway, he wasn't into cardio and he graduated from med-school too long ago to remember every useless tool. . Derek was there too, being the supportive brother he had always been for Mark.
At first, he felt anger – anger that he was taken away from the only person that truly mattered for him, but then, he felt relieved that his friends didn't let him die and offered him another chance to his crappy life. Yeah, his life was happy, but it was still his and there were times when he felt content with his life, but he had to admit that his life was mostly crappy.
"I can't stop the bleeding" Meredith shouted.
"Do some sutures, do anything Mer, save him." Derek was too devastated to think about something that could help him. After all, his best friend was dying in front of him and he couldn't do anything about it. He never felt so helpless in his whole life.
"It's not like I could open his chest in the middle of the woods and perform a surgery on his heart" Cristina snapped at him. "Even if we use everything in our first aid kit, we are able to keep him alive only for the next few hours. I don't think he'll make it through the night."
"Just help him!" Derek snapped with an obvious anger and sadness in his voice. "Let's just do this and hope someone will find us in the next 4 hours."
"Let me go. Lexie is waiting for me."
"No, Mark. Sofia is waiting for you." Derek put his hand on Mark shoulder squeezing it so strong that it almost hurt.
"She'll be fine. She has two mothers, a boring uncle with perfect hair and two dark and twisted aunts." They all smiled even though the pain of him dying was very hard to endure, but Mark seemed content with everything that was happening to him. "You just be strong and happy for the rest of your lives. Meredith, you are extraordinary and you bring sparkle to this old man's life" he said as he lifted his hand and placed it on Derek's. "Cristina, you are going to be a God in the O.R. and I bet you'll become a legend. And Derek, I've always looked up to you. You're a great surgeon, a great man, but above all you are a great husband and an amazing father. Please tell my family that I'll always be there for them even though they won't feel my presence, and I beg you.. when Sofia grows up please tell her stories about what an awesome person I was, she'll need that" Mark was not – really not – an emotional person but in a situation like it seemed the right thing to do.
He smiled before breathing for one last time.
He was dead. But they liked to believe that he finally found his peace near the woman he loved. They knew it wouldn't be easy without them – but they'll try and figure out what was going to happen next in their lives.
I hope you liked it. Better review, my readers.!