Today was practice with Touhou. Today was also the day I get to see Aomine after a break of 2 months. We had originally decided to take a break to try and focus on basketball - even if he didn't really need it. He said he'd do it for me. In the beginning, I had found it weird how we could love each other so much, but not mention those three words. I smiled, I didn't mind saying it but when Aomine tried to, he would freeze up and only say the first two words. It's cute, and I know he feels the same so I don't have to worry.
I glanced over to the clock only realizing I was late. I needed to hurry.
I needed to hurry and see him again. I had so many things I wanted to say and do. Things that have built up over those long 2 months. I wanted to hug him, hold him, and kiss him. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted to say that I'll love him for the rest of his life. Then I wanted to show him how much I loved him. Then thank him for trying. Trying to love basketball again for me. I hadn't wanted to force him, but after a 'what if' question, he said he would do it for me in an instant.
I smiled, thinking of the chance I'm able to see his smile when he said he loved basketball again. I quicken my pace and rushed outside.
Only Aomine in my thoughts, I shoved past the crowding people around me, for once thankful for my hidden presence. Not realizing I would regret thinking that in the next moment when a blinding light assaulted my vision from the corner of my eye. Tires screeched.
"You're going to ask him?" Bakagami elbowed my side, laughing. I glared and pushed him off and leaned back on the bench. We were waiting outside the gym for Tetsu to show up. He was late as always.
"That's none of your business." I felt my face heat up but ignored it. I glanced at my phone screen. Where the hell was he? I haven't seen him in 2 months and he's late. Nice to know he misses me.
Bakagami laughed. "Cheer up, you're just angry Kuroko doesn't want to see you." This time, I shoved my foot onto his leg, making him lose balance and almost face planting onto the bench.
"You know nothing." Despite saying that, I was, in fact, nervous that maybe Tetsu didn't want to see me. I fingered my spare key nervously in my pocket.
"You know," he pushed himself to sit next to me, "how annoying it his to listen to him talking about you all the time." I couldn't help but smile.
"What? Jealous?" He scoffed and shook his head.
"What I was trying to say was that just suck it up and say it. He lives alone, why would he deny moving in with you?" I swallowed a lump. Licking my lips, I pulled out the key that was now covered in nervous sweat. I rubbed both the key and my palms against the side of my pants.
"Yea. Yea I know." I gripped the key. We've been dating for over a year. It's won't seem too early… will it?
A loud ring broke my train of thoughts.
I whipped my head over to Seirin's flat chested coach. I eyed her as she answered the call. Was it Tetsu? Why wouldn't he call me first? I shook my head. It's probably not him.
Why her face contorted as tears fell down her eyes, I wish I hadn't asked.
I stared down at my own body. What was going on? The upper half of my body stuck out from under a black van. People started to scream and panic. The driver rushed out to check on my body. How could I be seeing my own body? I stared down at my hands, to find they were see through. A faint light shimmered around them.
Through my hands, I could see the blood pooling around my body. I tried to shout, but nothing came out. No sound. Not anything.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. This can't happen.
Aomine.
I ran. I ran as fast as my ghost of a body could take me. I pushed myself, not feeling anything. I needed to see him. He couldn't find out. He just couldn't. It'll break him again. He's going to break, and it was going to be my fault. Not like this. He said he would love basketball again for me. Who knows what will happen when I'm not there to tell him those three words. I wanted to scream, to cry but no tears came.
'I love you.' I whispered, despite no sounds could be heard. All I wanted was for him to be happy, to smile. To smile at me again like he had before.
When I finally reached the school, I recognized the familiar tuff of hair.
Aomine. I took a shaky breath as I came closer.
He was sitting on a bench that was being surrounded by both members of Seirin and Touhou. He sat, smiling gently, staring at a silver key. I stared at the faded red string that came from his finger and connected to mine. I looked the others, whose string were a solid red string. I shook.
I went forward, to hug him, to show him I was still here. To whisper in his ear the three words that made him smile.
Only to phase through him and the bench. Colliding onto the ground. Why can't I touch him? I got up and tried again, only to experience the same result. What kind of torture was this? I could only watch as he sneered and laugh. I want to touch him. I wanted to feel him again. All I wanted was for him to smile at me again, but that wasn't going to happen anymore.
I jumped at the sound of Riko's ringtone. I looked at her, wanting to cry, but nothing came.
Everyone went silent to let the girl answer the phone. She raised her brow at the screen. Shrugging off a cold feeling, I focused on her, instead of the key that rested in my palm.
"Hello? Who's-" Her face fell into a frown. Then she looked as if someone had just shot her.
"What's wrong?" I asked, somewhat worried. I didn't really know her long, but I knew she wasn't really the type to cry. Especially to the point of collapsing down to her knees. Seirin's captain rushed forward, to try and catch her. He let her slowly, slide gently onto the ground.
"It's," she choked, "Kuroko." She said his name sounding as though she was being suffocated. My body went cold.
"What do you mean?" I felt anger build up inside. What does she mean 'It's Kuroko'. I haven't seen him in 2 months, and I'm going to see him no matter what.
"Aomine, he's," taking in a shaky breath, she whispered the last word, "dead." She flinched like the word had come back and punched her in the jaw.
I shot up and glared at her. "You're lying." She shook her head, convulsing on the floor. The tremors gluing her lips shut.
"No. You're lying!" My body felt like I just jumped from a cold bath and into a hot one. Needles pricked my skin and clenched my fist. No, she's wrong. I felt warm blood drip down my fingers. I felt the key dig deeper and deeper into my palm. I stared at the ground that was slowly being stained with blood and tears. I ignored everyone else. Only thinking of Tetsu. Feeling my chest constrict when I remembered - I had never said 'I love you' to him. My memories flashed to every single moment he told me he loved me and remembered how happy he looked when I smiled. My knees gave out, and I fell down, scraping them against the concrete.
"I love you Tetsu." I forced out, those words I should have said earlier. Feeling ashamed that the time I could finally say was when he was long gone. My hands went numb. I dropped the key that was coated in blood. I flashed back to when he told me,'I'll love you for the rest of your life.' You liar.
I stood helplessly, watching him shaking, whispering at the ground in front of him.
"I love you Tetsu."
"Where are you?"
"I miss you."
"I need you."
With each word, I felt a piece of me breaking. Slowly crumbling. I kneeled down next to him, trying to rub his back without phasing through. To reassure him, but to reassure me even more. 'He'll be okay. He can do it.' I told myself that over and over. Hoping desperately that he could.
Years later, and I'm still hoping. Hoping you'll stop hurting yourself. I watched you quit school, drink, cry, then eventually giving up and sleeping with strangers who reminded you of me.
I sit across from you, inside the apartment I was supposed to move into. I looked at the scattered photos and empty beers around the room. The pictures were photos of me, and only me. Anyone else he had ripped out. I didn't understand why, but I could only watch. Watch you break down. Watch people try to get you grounded, only for you walk away with an emotionless face. Watch you awake from nightmares, screaming for me to come back. And in return I would tell you, 'I'm here. Right here. I told you I'll love you for the rest of your life, and I'm not breaking that promise. Are you listening?' Know fully well that you couldn't hear me, but still trying.
He sat silently on the edge of the bed, staring at a picture where I was smiling and had my fist up facing the camera. The photo was ripped in half, he crumpled up the side that contained his smile. Tears stained the photo.
"I'm sorry Tetsu, I can't do it. I need to see you." He shoved the photo into his pocket and stood up. He walked over to a cabinet and grabbed a pill bottle. I froze. He can't. No, he just can't.
'Stop it! Stop hurting yourself, I love you. Stop it.' My words soundless.
Placing the pill bottle in his jacket he walked outside. Silently, he walked with bags under his eyes and tear stained cheeks. His eyes slightly glazed over, as if he was already dead. I followed, shaking. This isn't what I wanted.
He stopped in front of my grave. He sat down in front of it and cried. Apologizing over and over. Confessing his love over and over.
Stop it. All I wanted was for you to smile. Aomine, please.
Smile.
Smile.
Just smile. I just wanted you to be happy. But instead, I broke you. I wish I could tell you. I wish I could tell you everything and hold you. Hugging you tight until you knew I still loved you.
He placed a spare key onto the grave. Then a picture of me. Then pulled out the bottle. I tried to stop him. I clawed at the bottle, I screamed, I begged. Nothing worked when he finished off the entire bottle. Then- he smiled. A smile full of sorrow. Full of love, and yearning. When I wanted you to smile, this wasn't it. 'Stop it.' He brought up a shaking arm, hand clenched into a fist. He lightly fist bumped the headstone and fell. He slid down to his side. I shook my head. No. No. No. I tried to grab him, push him back up. Hoping this was just a bad dream, know perfectly that this was not. His skin paled.
I was here, sitting in front of his grave. Slowly opening the white pill bottle, I thought of all the things I needed to tell him. Heart racing as I took the entire bottle. My throat burned. My body shook, and tears continued to rain down. Then I gave him what he ever asked of me. I smiled. I lightly tapped his headstone with my fist. Losing balance, and energy, I fell. Closing my eyes, I thought of Tetsu. Ignoring the hard rush in my chest. The disturbing cold and numbness that spread from my fingertips. I heard my dry voice whisper, "I'm coming."
Sorry, it's a little corny or cliched. I'm not very good at writing angst but I was in love with the idea of Kuroko being a ghost so... I wanted to try it out. Tell me what you think!