A/N: In recent weeks I received a request from Maii-senpaii to do a multiple chapter Shiz/Nat fan fiction. I agreed to do it, so here we are, chapter one, of who knows how many. This fiction will not be dark, but it will also not be completely light and fluffy. Some place in the middle I hope. I hope you all enjoy this work. For those of you still following "Symmetry" no worries, I'll still be working on that one too.

I have no set date on how quickly this will be updated, but I would assume at least every 10-14 days, we'll see how it works out.

I don't own Mai HiME.

Prologue
(POV, Natsuki)

Salutations,

If you're reading this, it's been exactly three weeks since the carnival. I'm writing this for the future. For the other HiME that will be born into this world. I don't know when it will happen, I don't know if you'll fight the same way we did. I don't even know, if you'll be the keeper of Duran like I was. I'm leaving this for you, as a time capsule of sorts. I want you to understand what we went though, although, I doubt I'll do anything justice. I guess this is just my way of putting these feelings into a box, and then locking it away. If that is the case, and you aren't a HiME, you're lucky.

The future is an uncertainty, and my battle is done. Now, as I sit here writing this, I realize, I've got to leave something. Some type of legacy, so that what happened now, doesn't happen in the future. Then again, I doubt any of you could stop it, if you were indeed HiME. You'd fight, become angry, lose control...so, maybe what I should tell you is the aftermath. Assuming you survive, that you do come back from that unknown world...life is different, and perhaps, that's the thing I should warn you about the most.

There are days when life seems inconsequential. It doesn't mean anything. The sun would rise and fall, even if you weren't there. That's the lesson we learned as HiME. No matter how much pain we brought, how many people we lost, it didn't matter. At the end of the day, people would cry as we reached out, trying to grasp onto the sparks as they dissipated into nothingness. It was all we could do not to get lost in our emotions. Some of us angry, others grieving in despair. It was a dark time in our lives, and though a few of us were friends, we were forced to become enemies. It was inevitable, I think.

The madness that tore though us all left gaping wounds that can't ever be filled by our willpower. The things we did requires a sort of ending, a retribution, if we're to keep on living without regrets. The memories need a place in the back of our minds never to be forgotten, but also, never to relive. There's got to be someplace that you draw the line. For some of us, that line can't ever be drawn. There's no clarity, grayness of right and wrong surpass logic, morals, and even love.

Would you kill thousands in the name of love?
Would you become so angry, you'd blame your best friend for the death of a family member?
Would you get so caught up in revenge, that you couldn't stop the hate and malice that birthed more destruction?

Those were the things we've done, the lines we crossed. It didn't end there, either. The highlights of events are so muddled I can't even begin to explain them. To dig ourselves out of something that deep, it can't be done alone. For some of us, the only values we have in our lives anymore, is the value other people give us. I know it sounds stupid, thinking that we all have burdens that are worse than everyone else. Still, some people aren't as resilient as Mikoto, or Midori. Some of us can't be flighty, like Mai and Yukino. Some of us can't forgive everyone else...and others try to shoulder all of the blame themselves.

That's no way to live.

At some point, you have to draw that line. You have to put the past behind you. The question is, how do you do that, when your past is nothing but the HiME, like me? What about Shizuru? She has to go to bed every night, knowing what she did, knowing the hurt she gave to others, myself included. How do you pick up the pieces to that? We don't know how. I'd like to think I've done the best I can, giving Shizuru some measure of solace. It's not enough though. I don't know what to do...

I guess this is my redemption. My way to draw the line. Thinking that there will be another event in the future, knowing that it might not be the end, makes me realize this cycle is endless, so why should my grieving be? Why should the guilt I harbor transcend the time I have left in this world, carried by only the whims in my heart. The fact is, it shouldn't be. So here I am now, writing and burying my testament of the battles, of the aftermath. I'll save a copy as well, save it for my future, for the generations that come after me, because it may be blood related, family lines may have ties.

If that's the case, call this my insurance policy for the future, or at the very least, my way to close the book...

...

Natsuki closed the folder that sat on her desk. "I just don't know Mai. Sometimes I wonder if Shizuru still blames herself." She'd spent the last hour catching up on the phone with her friend. "I guess it shouldn't matter, but sometimes, I think it does." It had been a few years since she wrote that letter. Messy, sloppy script that she hadn't put any careful planning in. There was a lock box she and Shizuru shared, a monument of sorts, that they kept their past in. "You know, she locked away a bunch of stuff too." Written notes, folders of regrets, pictures of times they'd never get back. All of it contained in a fire proof safe inside of the tiny home office, where Natsuki usually played her online games, and Shizuru finished her coursework.

"We all did Natsuki." Mai laughed, trying to lighten the mood. "Hey, do you think the time capsule is still at the school?" It was a way to move on, or so they thought, when all of the HiME, and those involved, buried a metal capsule at their school, filled with memories.

" I know it is." Natsuki locked the folder away as she got up to get a drink. "I'm the one who dug the hole, remember? I doubt anyone will find it, so it'll be safe." Natsuki had been careful to put it in a spot that no one would really think to look, a place hidden deep under the school. Hues of pastel pinks cascaded through the window of the small household kitchen. "So Mai, hows the baby?" The home was quaint, inexpensive, and lacking many of the finer luxuries. It wasn't that she couldn't afford them, but rather, that she didn't want to mess with it.

"I put him down for a nap a short while ago." Mai said softly, yet happily. "Started teething, so he's been getting low grade fevers. Tate gets worried about every little thing, but you know how he is. The baby is well though."

"Sounds nice." Natsuki wistfully sighed as she tossed away yet another empty box of cigarettes, ones she'd confiscated from Nao earlier that afternoon. "I miss you guys, you know that, right?" Her tired voice the only noise worthwhile in the lonely abode.

"It's better out here." Mai told her, though she missed her friends too. "The fresh air is good for Takumi, and Akira doesn't have to hide her gender, so they can be a real couple. It's cute, and I'm happy for them." Days passed by slowly without much to worry about. Daily life was mundane, compared to what they'd been though. "I do wish we would be able to visit more often, but you know how that goes. How's Mikoto doing, I haven't heard from her recently."

"I keep an eye on her." It was something she promised Mai she'd do, and she stuck firmly to her word. "She's not getting into as much trouble as before, but she really wanted to go with you. Mikoto always says that it's not the same without you, and she's right, you know? She's been hanging out with Nao more, I don't know if that's a good thing or not." There were dishes that she should do, the floor could use a sweeping, and over all, there was just a lot of other odds and ends that needed to be done. Natsuki didn't care though.

"Probably not." Natsuki heard Mai say as she poured herself a glass of soda. "But even so, Mikoto has to learn to live her own life, and not just follow us around."

"Mikoto's not like that." Retiring into the living room seemed like a good idea. "She waits for your visits all the time, and I can't tell you how how many times I find her sleeping at my doorstep. She isn't happy here Mai, she belongs with you guys." Her only companions were a ticking clock, and a sleeping puppy. It was her reminder of how lonely the HiME actually were.

"She belongs with Reito." Mai told Natsuki, her tone caring, yet firm. "You're not an older sibling, Natsuki. You don't understand. Mikoto is all Reito has, and he needs to step up, and be a good older brother. I did it with Takumi, and he has to learn to do it with her."

"She likes Shizuru more than she likes Reito." Natsuki grumbled. "Reito isn't suited to looking after her, and really, I'm not exactly the best choice either. Why not just let her go to the same school your brother and Akira do. She could visit Reito on the weekends, and then spend her week with you while she's in school. It would be perfect." Shizuru wouldn't be home from her classes for a few hours, and that made Natsuki realize how much time she'd spent by herself in the past. "It would give you an excuse to travel more." Now that she actually shared a home with Shizuru, she finally understood how important it was to have others around. It still boggled her mind how much things had changed. "You'd like that, right?"

"I would, if it was feasible." Mai was home sick too, in a way. How could she just forget, it would be impossible. All of the nights spent singing with her friends through the halls of the high school, the birthday parties that they'd have in the dorms, the sleepovers, even the battles, the sadness and tears. It all seemed so far away for Mai, and she assumed her distance made everyone well aware of that fact. "Tate just doesn't make that much money, and just because Takumi fully recovered doesn't mean I want him taking on more than he can handle." The clock rang five times, a single they'd been talking for longer than they should have. "I've gotta go though, or dinner will never get done."

"Yeah, same here." Natsuki agreed. "I still have some chores to do." They'd said their goodbyes slowly. Even if they made phone calls as often as possible, it wasn't like being at the cafe, or hanging around someplace. It bugged Natsuki, knowing that, and she knew Mikoto felt the same way. All of them were growing up, moving on, but that phone call unearthed some very deep memories. Ones both fond, and yet, very painful. Natsuki's first kiss wasn't like the movies, hell, she couldn't even call it romantic. She could only think of it as dark, the insanity of the situation fresh in her mind, even after such time has past.

Shizuru loved Natsuki, and that was the honest truth.

It was a confession that rattled her, shook her to the core. Natsuki's feelings were a bit more undecided. She hadn't thwarted Shizuru's advances, even when they got decidedly more bold by the month, but that didn't mean Natsuki was ready to commit herself to being in love with anyone, let alone another woman. The feelings were new, and incredibility strange, even after so much time had gone by. It should be old news, Natsuki realized, but for some reason it wasn't. She wanted to reach out and embrace Shizuru, to eagerly give back the simplicities of romance, but nothing more than that.

The mere idea of doing something more than that sent a shiver of fear down Natsuki's spine.

She'd just gotten used to the idea of kissing, and cuddling on the sofa together, but things hadn't gone beyond that. Shizuru wanted more, she craved it. That prospect worried Natsuki. She wasn't put off by the idea, like she thought she could have been. Was she ready for that? She just didn't know. Natsuki was happy to just take things slow, to feel out the situation bit by bit. Natsuki had already resigned herself to the fact that she would be with Shizuru. It was only a matter of time.

It wasn't that she was settling, like Mai had assumed early on.

Far from it, in fact. She just wasn't interested in the pursuit of love, and Shizuru was already there, ready to offer more than anyone else probably could. Their history went far back enough, that Natsuki knew she needed Shizuru. There would be no one else quite like the woman of fawn tresses and crimson eyes. Her soft voice was filled with a toxic melody, one both seductive, and dangerous. She was, for lack of a better term, possessive over Natsuki. Returning Shizuru's affection was the least Natsuki could do, but it was also not enough.

Not for either of them.

...

To move on from the darkness wasn't as easy for some as it was for others. Most of the HiME had bounced back incredibly well, but not all of them. There were a few with lingering problems. First of the stragglers, Nao had a bad habit with welcoming trouble, but that wasn't unusual. Mikoto kept moping around, Mai's departure a depressing one for the young teen. Then, there was the trouble with love. Yukino found herself unable to really open up to Haruka, and the two of them suffered greatly when Haruka couldn't come to terms with Yukino's sexuality.

If that hadn't been the icing on the cake, Shizuru's situation clearly was.

"Do you feel as if Natsuki would leave you behind?" The school nurse was the only professional Shizuru could talk with after the incidents. The woman was the only one who could possibly believe the truth, but even then, she was a far cry from what Shizuru probably needed. Over cups of tea, they would indeed spend time together. The battle of the HiME leaving more scars that what could possibly be explained. "Are you honestly worried, even given the situation of Duran?" They kept it secret, mostly because Shizuru wanted it that way.

"Even if a HiME has a most important person, that person can easily change. Sometimes, we aren't even aware when it happens." Shizuru explained as she gazed into the warm liquid as it sloshed around in her cup. "Within that, you must take into account that anything can happen." The question at hand, well, that was more difficult to answer properly. "Duran may have grown larger, but my own greed had consumed me. It would be stupid to assume that love, and his power, came from Natsuki's bond with me alone. It does anger me greatly, that I know such a truth, but as you say, I worry I would be the next in line."

"The battle leaves you doubtful of Natsuki's true intentions?" Again, the poor nurse missed the point.

"I am quite clear of her intentions." Shizuru told her quietly. "It is true, I doubted them at first, feeling as if she was simply trying to tame the madness inside of me. However, I know that is untrue, and only paranoia could feed such a ridiculous claim. Natsuki would never be untrue, she can't lie so easily. To pull such a thing off would be nearly impossible. Anyone can tell she is an honest person, she isn't capable of doing something like that."

"Then, what is it?" Just like that, Shizuru could feel the heat on her. That was the question no one ever dared to ask, not even Natsuki. Shizuru swallowed hard as Yohko looked at her, watching and waiting.

"I believe Natsuki has doubts." Shizuru began, thinking carefully at how should could begin to explain such a feeling. It was grim, the way the carnival worked its wicked magics. It was a deep murky pool of unknown. For all of them, Midori included. Yohko knew that, and had even experienced small amounts of it herself. Yet, it was nothing compared to the anguish Shizuru had gone through. "Natsuki is a very different person than what one first perceives, shall we say." Shizuru was much the same, but even so, she knew Natsuki was the enigma to most. "Natsuki is a rather soft girl, even when she's angry. I know she likes to come off as pig headed, and rather brash, but, that's just her way. I fear deep down, she wants a normal life, the one which she never had herself."

Yohko nodded. "Midori told me, that the HiME gained powers because of overwhelming feelings. That you need to have a bond that runs deeply with the child in question." Shizuru nodded in kind, agreeing with what Yohko had been told. "Midori's beast was named Gakutenou." Yohko sighed, though she didn't know why she wanted to toss out such information. "She's said that he was a dark mind with a lot of remorse and regret. His anger fueled her powers. As much as Midori herself doesn't look it, she too holds a lot of baggage, I suppose all of the HiME do. Things left undone, words that could never be said, I believe is how she coined his existence."

"Precisely." That much was something Shizuru grasped onto, holding it near within her heart. "How strong our feelings were, made our powers grow stronger. Any single one of us could have been named the strongest of HiME, but the power would have had to consume us, and then, we would have been no better than the obsidian price himself. Duran was a lonely soul, one that Natsuki said battled with his memories every day. She used to do the same, and so, Duran chose her. She felt as if he was her only companion. That's why his name was the one of her childhood pet." Shizuru knew her own power had come from a deep feeling too, although hers was a much darker one inherently. "She's trying to make a family. One as close as it can be."

"The only way she could possibly do that now, is with the other HiME at her side." Yohko finally understood. "Natsuki's always driven in everything she does, so it makes sense she'd follow through with something like that too. She treats Mai and Mikoto like sisters, family she'd never have otherwise."

"Kiyohime is possessive." Shizuru sighed. "Unlike Duran who sought out fulfillment from the hearts of many, in order to fill his many voids, Kiyohime isn't like that. A HiME can only speak with their own power, not the others. I don't know what Duran was really like, only Natsuki could hear him. Still, Kiyohime was powerful, and just like I sought only for Natsuki, she sought only one soul in which to chase. For a HiME and a child to pair together, you must have an increasingly strong bond. Meaning that the things I did wouldn't matter regardless. My soul would have still wished to see all of District One dead, I still would have wanted to do it. Having her power only enabled me, nothing more."

"I assume that would be a rather frightening experience." Yohko agreed, remembering Midori's own, much less dramatic realizations. "However, that still doesn't explain why you're so concerned for her well being. Natsuki seems very capable to me."

"I've been watching Natsuki for some time now." It wasn't that Natsuki couldn't handle herself, but rather, that she was hesitating. "Ever since Mai had her son and moved away, Natsuki's been acting a bit under the weather. A normal person looking in from the outside would never notice. However, I'm far more than just an outside observer." She was more than that by far. She was the one who held Natsuki's heart. The infamous ice queen, the Kuga glare, Natsuki was Shizuru's to love and protect. "I want her to have everything she wants, but I can tell she's still struggling with it."

"With what?" that was the unclear answer.

"Everything." Shizuru said, knowing it to be the only truthful reply.

...

Natsuki was a healthy young woman. She had indeed taken notice of Shizuru. She even enjoyed the traits she likely shouldn't have. If that made her gay or not, she'd yet to figure out. She really hadn't cared though. It only bugged her sometimes, like when she thought about intimacies. She wasn't naive about the things couples did. She had needs too. Natsuki hadn't wanted to admit it, but Shizuru was the one that plagued her dreams. They would torment her night after night.

She knew Shizuru hadn't even begun to try to be provocative. Hadn't even suggest seriously that they begin to have relations, but it didn't stop the idea from playing in Natsuki's mind. The idea of such a thing made Natsuki worry. She longed for Shizuru's touch, her gentle teasing, and perhaps, even making love to the woman. The idea frightened her, but it also wouldn't go away. It was nagging, especially when she was by herself. "This is stupid." She said, as if it made the thought true.

Natsuki stood from her sofa, stretching as she went out to the garage. She was in the middle of repainting it, and figured it was a good way to kill time. It was evenings like tonight when loneliness set in the strongest. Awaiting Shizuru to come home, so they could share their day. She wanted Shizuru to walk through the door, to greet her after a long day, to have a kiss, and then supper. Natsuki had wanted to be the idea of a housewife. It would have been a mockery if her friends knew that, but it was just her personal little pipe dream. One that Shizuru had caught wind of early on.

At first, it was just a joke between the two of them, but it really was something more now. A calling, so to speak, and Natsuki really didn't want to give that up. It was her way to be normal, though, she had to admit, the idea of being a homemaker wasn't the appealing part. Being a mother was. The real idea of a parent, the one she'd never had. That's what Natsuki wanted, and she dreamed of the day that she could. Still, it was farther off than she wanted to accept. It made her think often, the white walls merely an escape for her mind as she rolled on a fresh coat of paint.

It was a few hours later, when her little bubble would break. It was somewhere in the middle of shoving all of the HiME into one, very large house, and envisioning the perfect nursery. She'd never say it out loud, but she thought about those things often.

"Ara, you aren't bathing in that, are you?" Shizuru perplexed voice rang out as she stepped out of her small economy car. Her clothing was conservative, a gray blazer doing nothing for the hourglass figure underneath. "Natsuki is quite the mess." Her eyes shimmered in amusement, a smirk tugging at her lips.

"Yeah, well this has to get done sooner or later, and I'd rather sooner, damn it." Her arms were dripping in wet paint, and her hair had a few droplets in it as well. "If I don't, then your new car could get stolen, and that would just suck."

"I doubt my car is of any interest for passersby." Shizuru giggled at the mere idea. It may have been new, but it wasn't the most impressive car on the street. "The people across the street have a convertible. The one family next door has a minivan, and a motorcycle. My little car isn't anything compared to that."

"Are you kidding?" Natsuki said, turning from the wall, only to have another big glop of paint fall on top of her head. "It's your car." She groused, more at the fact that the pain was splattering everywhere, that at Shizuru. "The first one you've ever owned. It should be like your baby. The first bike I ever had was mine, and I took care of it every day."

Shizuru suppressed a remark about Natsuki infatuation with motorized vehicles, and instead, just took in the appearance of her lover. Her black shirt could now be considered ruined, and her jeans weren't any better. "Natsuki looks like a dalmatian, perhaps she should go take a proper bath." It was a suggestion Natsuki took to heart, although, she hadn't been done yet with the wall yet. "If you go now, I'll prepare supper whilst you're busy."

"Sounds better than lighting up the grill." Natsuki shrugged. She couldn't cook much, but what she did make, was normally pretty good. "Veggie soup, or something like that?" Granted, there were only so many types of dishes one could fabricate from meat alone. Natsuki didn't dare cook near the stove, the mere idea provoking more trouble than the intended outcome.

"I thought so." Shizuru nodded in reply. "After all, there's only so many times I can eat red meat in a week." That was all Natsuki knew how to prepare.

Natsuki smiled at that, and went to go freshen up, leaving Shizuru to her work in the kitchen. The small puppy, a little black lab, came scampering into the kitchen, looking to be fed some prized kibble. "Don't look at me." Shizuru sighed absent absentmindedly as she scanned through the mail they'd revived. "I'm not your food source." At first, there didn't seem to be anything of merit. A few bills that could be paid by phone, and a few advertizements. General things really, and Shizuru was momentary happy, until she came across a carefully folded letter from Yamada. Her eyes squinted at the poorly scribbled note that had likely been shoved in the bushes, as requested by Natsuki often.

-The last facility standing has one known survivor, she has been removed from custody. She'd be the best choice for interrogation. I can find her location, but it will cost you double your usual amount. Give me a call, we can discuss the details.-

Her old contact. One she still used to dig up dirt from the old HiME battles. It wasn't about revenge anymore, but it was a hobby. It ran just as deeply. Natsuki's memory of her mother had been shattered at one point in time. Natsuki had been told she was a HiME to be sold. It left matters feeling unstable, and muddled. There were passing thoughts about the HiME, and if they could be replicated, and Natsuki intended to find out how exactly it could happen. "This woman must be a link of some nature." Shizuru thought as she put the note back on the table with the rest of the mail.

She worked quickly on dinner, but her pondering left her speed much to be desired as she struggled with chopping vegetables. Natsuki came out of the bathroom wearing little more than a terrycloth robe and some matching slippers. It was a common sight, but one that made Shizuru bite her lip. Her breath caught in her throat as she held back from the most tempting view she'd seen in a long time. Surely, they'd occasionally bathe together, and it wasn't any question she's seen Natsuki bare every morning as they dressed for their day. Yet, there was something alluring about a pure white robe, one that hid everything, like a soft welcoming gift wrap. It dared onlookers to dream, to fantasize about the prize within.

It was a distraction at the best of times...much to Shizuru's great dismay. It made her burn, sweat, and become nervous herself, fearing she may scare off her long time friend, and lover. Natsuki was still quite a bit skittish, a trial Shizuru knew they'd have to face soon, if only for her sanity. Lost sleep wasn't a welcome outcome, nor could she continue to contain her ravenous need to claim the younger woman. Her desires as dark as her blood red eyes. "You received another letter for Yamada." Small talk was only her way to concentrate, least dinner be forgotten for more nefarious activities. "Do you plan to call him?"

"I already did." Natsuki's voice drifted softly across the kitchen. It was never completely feminine, not airy and harmonious, like Shizuru herself could be. Yet there was something distinctly seducing about Natsuki's calm purr. "We're going to be driving up to the facility tomorrow, after I run some findings over to Yohko. Yamada said he'd meet me there." What she expected to find, she wasn't sure, but she was indeed interested in the note that gifted plentiful information. "The facility had been abandoned, but I just want to make sure there isn't going to be anything left behind. Did you want to come with me?"

"I'm afraid I can't this time." Shizuru told Natsuki sadly, even though she did want to go along. "I have class late that evening, there would be no possible way to go with you. I don't like it when you go on your own though. It could be considered dangerous. You should wait until I can come with you."

"I'll have my gun, Shizuru." Natsuki knew that wouldn't be enough of an answer for Shizuru. She stood from her chair, and meandering across the room, pulling the woman she loved close. "I know you're worried, but I promise you, everything will be fine. Besides, it isn't like you can just carry your naginata everywhere, and you can't pull things out of thin air anymore, so it would be best if you didn't insist on coming along anyway."

"I would still like to be there." Her voice was merely a breath, but Natsuki could hear her. "I need to see the things I've done, I never want to forget what my inhumanity caused."

"I understand." Natsuki nodded, taking in the scent of lavender, smiling into the embrace. "But you know Shizuru, you've gotta become okay sometime. Being sad over that, and everything, if we weren't meant to come back, we wouldn't have. So, we still belong here. At least, that's what I think."

They were meant to be together, not exactly because of fate. Just because it seemed right. Still, even so, when Shizuru turned around, her crimson orbs gazing deeply, searching for permission, Natsuki knew the woman before her still held secrets. Things Natsuki knew she likely never would find out about. When their lips touched, it was like they were back in the days of muddled confusion, during a time when Natsuki had throw caution into the wind. When Shizuru's tongue requested entrance, it became the silent plea, one the woman of fawn tresses never voiced. And lastly when well manicured nails tangled themselves in Natsuki's hair to deepen the kiss, the tangled web became infinitely harder to escape.

It was a dire need...a brutal want...and a heartfelt scream, something that begged to be noticed. It was all Natsuki could do to force herself to think, but she realized, at that same time, that she didn't want to. Temptations wasn't her mistress, and she dared not fall into it. She didn't flee though, even when the hunger in Shizuru eyes showed well of her thoughts. Those greedy, singled minded desires.

...

Shizuru sighed as Natsuki cuddled into her late that night, a frustrated sigh slipping from her lips as the younger woman slept. She's been so close this time, the fear in Natsuki's eyes hadn't actually shown up, but the hesitation did. It was both a blessing and a curse, Shizuru knew that. Still, it didn't stop the raw need that now coursed though her body. Shizuru, the chivalrous one for a change. She wondered how long it would take before Natsuki trusted her, but then again, this was the only thing she feared to take. She wanted Natsuki, badly. Yet, she almost wanted Natsuki to make the first move. To take the initiative so that she didn't have to. It wasn't that she was afraid of Natsuki, but rather, her reactions.

They were playful, yet fearful. Welcoming, yet guarded. The mixed messages weren't confusing though, Shizuru knew exactly what they meant. Natsuki has remembered a particular night vividly. A time when Shizuru had undressed in front of her, fallen down the road anguish, suffering in her eyes. Shizuru may not have taken Natsuki on that bitter night, but she'd wanted that more than anything, frighteningly so. It was maddening then, as Natsuki, under the influence of medicine from her wounds, rejected Shizuru's advances, tame though they were.

It wasn't until they'd been discovered, that Shizuru had really let Natsuki's rejection sink in. Looking back, it was likely her insistence that pushed Natsuki away, that even in such a sate, Natsuki knew better than to trust her friend. The painful reminder of where Shizuru stood in Natsuki's life reared an ugly head, a detrimental fact, one that could not be forgotten. That's when she lost it, she realized. When the final thread on her already fractured mind, snapped, and became lost in the abyss of her empty soul.

That's why she wanted Natsuki to make such an invitation, and to do it with as much resolve as the younger woman had done with anything else in her life. Her intentions were pure, Shizuru had to admit. It was just that Natsuki wasn't actually a sexual person, she didn't let baser emotions define her. It was an admirable trait, and one that frustrated Shizuru to no end. She wanted more than to hold Natsuki, more than just to feel her warmth. If that made her a sinner, Shizuru knew she was already surely damned anyway.

It was with great practiced restraint that she didn't move. That she stayed, carefully holding Natsuki near her beating heart. The greed of Kiyohime would likely never go away. Yet the desire to be the only one in Natsuki heart was without a doubt, an impossibility. Natsuki was not like Shizuru. She was not the lonely soul Shizuru thought she had been, the day Natsuki smothered the flower. There was a fleeting thought, a wish of sorts, Shizuru had occasionally had, thinking that Natsuki may have been better off with such a focus. But then, just like every time she thought such a thing, she reminded herself of Natsuki's heart, and the reason Duran chose her.

Then, like the plague, she'd remember why Kiyohime made the choice she did. Shizuru was such an individual, one Kiyohime related with. It would be no doubt, such possessive feelings would never go away.

TBC