Steve glanced over at the softly snoring figure beside him and smiled, indulgently. He envied the man his ability to sleep peacefully, since it didn't feel as if McGarrett had slept without nightmares for quite some time. He laid his head back onto the seat and tried to relax. It wasn't worth trying to sleep; he knew they'd be in San Diego shortly. In any case, as soon as he closed his eyes they were there, the images of a rescue gone wrong, and a very dead teenage girl.
This had the makings of a messy situation, with something for the whole family; arms, explosives, drugs and the Middle East. McGarrett hadn't enjoyed his time at Gitmo, but it was a job and it had to be done. He saw things he'd rather not have seen, but that was nothing new. Five Oh had had some experience with terrorist organisations before, but only skimmed the surface. Al-Qaeda was in a different league. They took no quarter and you had to give none in return, because they disregarded human life in a manner even the toughest gang boss would find abhorrent. He hoped that Danny was prepared for the potential firestorm.
In many ways, Danny was his perfect partner. McGarrett knew that he had a touch of the 'gung-ho' and Danny was someone who would temper that enthusiasm when necessary before it got out of control, like hanging people from roofs, and throwing them into shark cages. Danny didn't like that, and in his unique vociferous and eloquent way, he would let McGarrett know about it. For his own part, Danny could be just a tad OCD in the procedural department, and Steve had taken it as a personal mission to get him to loosen the hell up. As far as he could tell, it was slowly working, as evidenced by the guy they drove through Honolulu tied to the hood of the Camero.
His partner was right to accuse Steve of having control issues, but who could blame him? As commander of a SEAL unit, he was responsible not only for getting the job done, but for the life of everyone on the squad. He hadn't been able to save his mother from the car bomb that killed her, nor had he been able to stop Victor Hesse from shooting his father in cold blood and as for Mary, Steve didn't think anyone would be able to control her. Ever. As far as he was concerned it was understandable that he liked to be in control of as much of his life, and the lives of those he cared for, as possible. He looked over at Danny again, loath to wake him, but knowing he must at some point soon. He wondered, and prayed, that he'd be able to protect his partner if things got serious. He elbowed Danny none too gently, resisting the urge to kiss him awake. He'd already been on the receiving end of a Williams right cross, he wasn't eager to do it again. The guy could throw a punch.
"Hey, batter up big guy. We're landing in a minute."
After they'd collected their bags, the Navy driver picked them up and took them to the Fleet Intelligence Training Centre Pacific Fleet.
"We've come to meet an old friend of mine. Commander Chaim Rappoport, from the IDF. He's working as liaison to the US Navy."
"Israeli? Wow. Those guys are tough."
Steve nodded. "We worked together in the Gulf a few times when I was a SEAL. He's a good man. He might be able to help us."
The corridor seemed to go on 'til Cleveland, but eventually McGarrett stopped outside an office door marked 'Attaché' and knocked.
"Enter!" the deep voice seemed to come from somewhere in the bowels of the earth.
Steve and Danny opened the door and as soon as the man behind the desk caught sight of Steve, he rose and grinned broadly.
"McGarrett! Shalom chaver! Mah nishmah?"
Danny wasn't quite sure if he was ever going to stop getting up. Steve was way tall enough, thank you, but this guy was a giant. It was a good thing Danny rarely felt intimidated. In fact, he could only think of one person who'd ever made him feel that way.
Steve laughed as the large man gave him a bear hug.
"I'm good thanks And you?"
"Always! Who's this?"
Danny leaned forward to shake the Commander's hand.
"Na'im me'od. Sh'mi Danny Williams."
Once Steve had retrieved his jaw from the floor, he managed to splutter, " He's my partner."
Chaim looked impressed and asked, "Ha'im atah medaber Ivrit?"
Danny smiled and shook his head. "Nah, not really. Curse words, mostly. I had a friend in High School who'd come from Israel with his parents. They wanted to save him from serving in the IDF because it was gettin' pretty hairy out there. Not sayin' it was necessarily the right thing to do, but y'know, I got a daughter. I can get where they were comin' from."
Chaim nodded, soberly. "I understand. My wife and I have three sons, all safe, Baruch Hashem, but we know plenty of people who weren't so lucky."
Steve made a mental note to never, ever underestimate Danny Williams again.
The moment passed and Commander Rappoport motioned for them both to sit, as he perched on the corner of his desk.
"So. What can we do for you?"
Steve took a photograph out of his pocket and passed it to the Commander. His expression became grave.
"Ahmed Sharif. Haven't seen his face in a while. He's in your neighbourhood?"
Steve nodded. "We think so. He's hooked up with the Triads, moving guns and heroin. He brings in the pure stuff from Afghanistan, and the Triads cut and distribute."
"Apart from money, what's Sharif getting out of this?"
Danny continued. "He gets a safe place to play, to plan. He gets time. Making someone disappear on the islands is something the Chinese are extremely good at. He's off the radar, but we're getting intel that something big is going down. We're just not sure where, what or when."
"In other words, you got nothing?"
"Pretty much," Danny admitted.
Steve interjected. "All we know is that he's there, somewhere and he's planning something. We're doing as much as we can to fill in the blanks, but you and I know this guy, Chaim. He doesn't mess around with the small stuff. He's been close to bin Laden, he has contacts high up in Hamas. You name an Islamic fundamentalist organisation and he has his hands in there somewhere. He has the money and the muscle. I want him off my islands. Or dead. Preferably the latter."
Chaim rubbed his chin thoughtfully and adjusted his khaki yarmulke.
"I have a friend in Shin Bet. I'll ask him to look around, see what he can come up with."
"Todah rabah, chaver sheli."
"Don't worry about it. We'll help you find him."
Steve and Danny both rose, and shook the Commander's hand.
"Where are you staying?"
"We'll be out and around, here's my card. My cell number's on it."
"I'll be in touch. By the way, Steve…"
Steve caught the look on Chaim's face and knew what he'd be asking. He turned back towards the Commander.
"It's okay, Danny. I'll be a minute."
Danny's face clouded with concern, but he did as asked and went to wait outside the office.
"How are you doing?" Chaim asked quietly. "We haven't really spoken since…"
Steve sighed. "Yeah. I'm… I'm doing okay. Other stuff's happened since then."
Chaim nodded, "I heard about your father. I'm sorry for your loss, my friend. I wish you long life."
"Thank you. What about you?"
Chaim shrugged. "They sent me to a shrink, which helped a little I suppose. I did it more for everyone else than for myself. Galia was incredible, but then she's Sabra back three generations. Her family helped to build Israel rock by rock. She's as tough as they come."
Steve looked into his eyes, and saw that Chaim had the same nightmares he did.
"It wasn't our fault, Chaim."
"I know."
"It was bad intel."
"She was fifteen, Steve."
"Yeah."
"We'll get this mamzer."
An unspoken promise passed between them, and Steve opened the door, and left.
Danny was as concerned as Steve had ever seen him, and since they'd been partners, Steve had seen him very concerned, very many times.
"Y'okay, babe?"
Luckily, Steve was still in business mode. He wanted to tell, in fact, he wanted to spill the whole thing and just fall into Danny's arms. That wasn't going to happen, and besides, they had more important things to think about.
The hotel was comfortable enough, and they'd managed to find connecting rooms for Steve and Danny. Danny couldn't work out why Steve had been so insistent about that, but went with it anyway. He would have been happy enough to share a room, and save the department some money, but then he wasn't exactly sure he'd be able to trust himself, so figured it was probably better this way.
Steve's eyes were dark, and sunken. His face was pale and although Danny knew he was able to stay up and work for several days without sleep, he looked like death warmed over.
"Steven, you look terrible. Why don't you just take a shower, get some shut-eye while I call Chin and Kono, to see how they're makin' out. I'll wake you in a while and we'll get some food. Okay?"
"I'm fine," he protested, but it was a half-assed effort.
"Oh, yeah? Tell me somethin'. In what universe, exactly, does *this* face count as fine?"
Danny manoeuvred Steve to the mirror and made him take a good look.
"No, Steve, you are not fine. Listen to me for once. You need sleep, you need a lot of it, and then you need some good old-fashioned food. Burger, fries, pie, coffee. Maybe even a donut. There must be a Krispy Kreme around here somewhere. We can do all this, but first you need to get your ass into bed. I know you're the boss, but trust me, I can be a real bitch when I have to be."
Steve raised his eyebrows. "And you think I don't already know that?"
"Shut up."
McGarrett put up his hands in surrender. When Danny was in this mood, it really wasn't worth trying to argue. He'd learned that much.
"All right. I get it. I'll see you in a while."
He wearily got up from the bed; part of him wishing he could get into it and have Danny next to him in case the nightmares came back, which he knew they would. Not to… just to have him there.
The hot water stung, but felt good after the long day. He still wasn't convinced he was tired enough to sleep and not dream, but he had to try. He wouldn't be able to keep this up for much longer without collapsing, and then he'd be no use to anyone.
After towelling off, he slipped under the covers and tried to get comfortable. He closed his eyes and Shalit's face appeared as it had every night for the last three weeks. Terrified, eyes wide open, unable to scream for the duct tape around her mouth, unable to move from the chair the terrorists had tied her to.
Shalit Avioz was the daughter of a high-ranking Mossad officer, kidnapped by Sharif and his small but specialised al-Qaeda cell. She was being held at a Hamas training camp in South Lebanon. McGarrett had developed a reputation for being excellent at extraction missions in difficult circumstances, and had been seconded to the IDF from the SEALs to handle the transport from a small submarine offshore and assist the team with extracting the young girl. Unfortunately, when the team got there, the terrorists had been ready for them. Shalit's throat was slit as soon as the team entered the room, just like an animal being halal slaughtered. Sharif made sure the team were witnesses to the moment of her death. The man who'd killed her was shot dead, but it had been too late to save Shalit. He'd known exactly where to cut.
She bled out in front of them in only a matter of seconds. So much blood… It was a scene Steve didn't think he would ever erase, as if it was burned onto the inside of his eyelids, and of the six men on the extraction squad, Chaim and Steve had been the only survivors. Four of the terrorists were killed, but Sharif disappeared. That had been five years before, and Steve had thought he'd managed to file it away in a locked compartment in his mind. He had several of them, containing all the traumatic memories he couldn't bear to face, just to allow him to function. Then Sharif turned up again on Molokai and the nightmares began again.
Three weeks of no sleep had taken its toll, as fit a man as Steve was. He curled up into the foetal position and tried to relax.
Steve had been asleep for about an hour, when Danny heard a noise coming from his room. Danny became concerned and opened the connecting door. Steve was bathed in sweat, the covers thrown off the bed. He was thrashing around, moaning and yelling, "No! No!" over and over. Danny ran over to the bed and sat down. He wasn't quite sure how to play it, whether to shake Steve awake, or try to hold him. Instinct was saying hold him, but McGarrett was very strong and Danny didn't want to be thrown onto the floor, or worse yet punched. He gently grabbed Steve's shoulders, and started to shake him.
"Steve! Steven! Easy babe, easy."
Steve came to, confused and bewildered, yet reassured to see Danny's face.
"What?"
Danny relaxed a little. "You were having some nightmare there, buddy. You okay?"
Steve shook himself. "Yeah… yeah… I'm okay. Did I say anything?"
"Not really. Just 'no' over and over again. You remember what it was all about?"
Steve closed himself off. Danny was accustomed to that look, and knew better than to enquire further.
"I'm fine, Danny, don't worry about it. We got any beer in this place?"
"I worry. I'm like a Jewish mother I worry so much. I worry about you most of all, and yes, there's beer in the minibar. You probably won't like it, but it'll have to do, because that's all we got."
As much as Steve loved him, he wasn't sure he'd be able to cope with Danny in this frame of mind. There were two ways around it, as far as he could see. Tell him everything, and that would have to mean everything. He wasn't sure he was ready to do that yet, especially not in the middle of a case this big. The alternative was to lock down tight. He was more comfortable with that one, and more practised at it, so that was probably the sensible choice. Yet there was the voice in his head, insisting it was time to open up. Telling Steve it was time to trust again, saying that Danny was the only one who could heal his pain, and if he didn't do it now, there'd be an explosion very soon that he might not be able to recover from.
Steve's heart pounded in his chest as he waited for Danny to come back into the room with the beer. He took the bottle and drank deeply from it as Danny sat beside him, his face still grim and concerned.
"Steve, you can't keep doing this to me."
"Doing what? What am I doing?"
"I'm your partner, okay? If I'm gonna watch your back I need to know what's going on in your head. If you keep bringing the steel doors down, I can't do that. It makes me nervous. Let me in, Steve. You have to trust me."
Steve took another big slug from the bottle, and then took a deep breath. He kept his own eyes fixed on the mattress because if he was going to just rip out his own heart and serve it up to Danny Williams on a platter, he sure as hell didn't want to look in his partner's eyes and see any contempt or disgust. That would just about kill him.
He let out the breath.
"Five years ago, I was a SEAL working with the IDF to rescue a kidnap victim. She was the fifteen year old daughter of a Mossad operative."
"Israeli Secret Service?"
Steve nodded. "They're not known for their… finesse, and they'd assassinated a close relative of Ahmed Sharif who was an al-Qaeda operative in northern Afghanistan. Long story short, we got there and one of his men killed her. We shot the guy who did it, but it was too late for Shalit by then. One of the villagers had obviously betrayed us, although as far as we knew no one even knew about the op outside our small team. It was… it was the most evil thing I'd ever seen in my life. I had nightmares about it for weeks afterwards. Only two of our team survived and we both had therapy when we got back home. I locked it down, but then when Sharif turned up on the island, the nightmares…"
"I get it," Danny said, softly placing a hand on Steve's shoulder. The warmth of Danny's hand spread through Steve's bare skin and he quickly pulled the covers over the lower half of his body, just in case his dick betrayed his feelings before his words had a chance to.
Danny had never seen him like this before; it was as if he hadn't even begun to know the man. Danny desperately wanted to put his arms around him and make the nightmares stop.
"But that's not all of it, Danny. It's you."
"I'm giving you nightmares? I mean, I know I can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but…"
"No! Christ, Danny. Shut up. Please. Just for a minute. The way you make me feel. It's driving me nuts! I mean, I'll get it if you want to throw in the job, but if I don't tell you it's gonna kill me in the end. It's just too fucking much with everything else I have to deal with. That's one hell of a confession I've just made. Have you any idea how much this is costing me?"
"Whoa, whoa, wait up there Steven. I know I'm blond, and at times I can appear a little slow, but I'm getting confused here. Back up a tad."
Steve looked him in the eye for the first time.
"I think I'm in love with you."
It was a mixture of terror and triumph for Steve to make Danny Williams lost for words, but that did it. Danny's mouth was opening and closing like a guppy until Steve just got sick of it and kissed him.
His mouth was softer than Steve had expected, and the stubble on his face scratched against his own in a very good way. Although Danny was stunned, it only took a second for him to get with the programme and return Steve's kiss with interest. Danny's hand cradled Steve's face, his mouth yielding and eager. Their tongues played gently, neither one wanting to come on too strong. Danny tasted of coffee and beer, and Steve wanted to kiss him for days.
"Okay," Danny breathed as they finally broke the kiss. "That was a little unexpected."
"But not entirely unwelcome," Steve grinned, a little smugly.
"No, no, I can safely say that it wasn't unwelcome, it just would have been good if it had happened weeks ago. It would have been way better for my blood pressure. We've kinda wasted a lot of time."
Steve shrugged. "We got there in the end."
Danny smiled. "I guess we did. Oh, and just in case I hadn't mentioned it, I love you too, infuriating and ridiculous person that you are. I've been trying to hide it, and by the sound of things, I've done a pretty damned good job. You're so damned uptight I had no clue how you felt. You've damaged me more than enough on the outside, I wasn't that enthusiastic about the idea of having my jaw broken for making a pass at you, not to mention getting my heart broken into the bargain."
Steve smiled and stroked Danny's cheek with the pads of his fingers. "Not planning to do either one, Danno."
"Y'know, I'm getting to mind you calling me Danno less and less. So, you wanna fool around?" Danny grinned, pulling off his shirt and pants, but leaving his boxers on.
McGarrett rolled back his head and laughed.
Danny climbed into bed, and scooted up to him.
"Seriously. Your call. What now?" he asked quietly, his hand gently resting on Steve's waist.
Steve took Danny's hand and laced his fingers through his.
"Could you just hold me?"
The vulnerability in Steve's voice astounded Danny and he realised just how big a risk Steve had taken in telling him how he felt. He knew in that instant that Steve was showing a side of himself that no one got to see, not even Cath, and Danny's heart swelled to bursting.
"C'm'ere." Danny drew Steve towards him, putting his head in the crook of his arm and chest. Steve sighed, relaxing into his embrace, which was sure and strong, just like the rest of him and noting the softness of Danny's chest hair against his face. Danny pulled him closer, wrapping his leg over Steve's waist and winding his arm around Steve's back.
"I gotcha. Go to sleep now, babe," he whispered, planting a kiss on the top of his partner's head.
Steve breathed in deeply, savouring the smell of him, clean sweat and cologne and… Danny. He drifted off to sleep, at peace for the first time in weeks.
Steve's cell woke Danny with a start, and he sat up to answer it, swinging his legs off the edge of the bed.
"Danny Williams."
"Danny, it's Chaim. Is Steve there?"
"He is, but he's getting some sleep, which he needs. What can I do for you?"
"I may have a lead on our friend, meet me at Nado Gelato in an hour. Steve'll know where that is. I don't want to talk about it on the phone."
"Okay, we'll be there."
Danny swung his legs back into bed. He knew he'd have to wake Steve up, but didn't really want to. His partner was sleeping peacefully, and looked more relaxed than Danny thought he'd ever seen him. He leaned in close and gave the sleeping man a soft kiss. Steve snuffled and smiled, but didn't wake, so Danny kissed him again. The next thing he knew, he was on his back with Steve straddling his body and looking down at him.
"Smooth," Danny grinned.
"I have my moments."
"You're obviously practised at that. Part of your SEAL training?"
Steve laughed, softly. "Not exactly."
"Listen babe, as much as I want to fuck you right here, right now, for an obscenely, and I mean obscenely, long time… actually scratch that. As much as I want to make love to you, because, y'know, I'm romantic that way, and…"
"Hey, hey wait up a second, lover boy. When and where was it decided that you'd fuck me? I mean, who died and made you top?"
"I'm not saying you can't. Not saying that at all. In fact, I'm looking forward to that very thing at some stage in the not too distant future. It's been in my thoughts for quite some time as a matter of fact, but Steve, you get your own way too damned much as it is."
"You think so?"
"Yes, yes, I do. I definitely lead the team, you steal my lunch, you drive my car, you get me shot, it's time to turn the tables, my friend. First time out, I get to be balls deep in your ass, and there's no negotiation."
Steve couldn't help but smile.
"Only thing is, there are a few things that make that a little problematic right at the moment."
"Things?"
"Well, for starters we have no lube, and no condoms, because like I said, I'm romantic that way, besides, I know how you like to be prepared but I seriously doubt that even you thought we'd be gettin' it on in San Diego. Also, I'd rather do it back home. I have no idea why, I just perform better when I'm in a comfortable place. Like my bed."
"Perform?"
"Will you let me finish?"
"You say that like I have a choice."
"And most important, we have to meet Chaim in an hour. He has a lead on Sharif."
Steve leapt off the bed and grabbed his cargo pants. "Why didn't you say so?"
"Sue me, I was kind of enjoying the interaction."
Just as they were about to leave the room, Steve got right up in Danny's face.
"You wanna know why I have to control everything? Especially when it concerns you and the team?"
"I wish you'd tell me, because it drives me to distraction."
Steve leaned in and kissed him, deeply, carding his fingers through Danny's slicked back hair, then held him tight, whispering in his ear as if he didn't dare look as he spoke.
"Because you're my Ohana. You're my family now, and the thought of losing you terrifies me. Especially you. I'm not used to that feeling."
Danny held him close and massaged the back of his neck.
"I can take care of myself, babe. And you too, as it happens, and Kono and Chin. You're not alone anymore, okay? And you gotta trust me. I love you. You and Gracie are the most important people in my life, and I'm not gonna do anything stupid. You're not gonna lose me unless you throw me out of your life. Okay?"
"Okay."
tbc