Jackson's Legacy
-O-
DISCLAIMER: I am not connected to Emmerdale and its characters, which belong to ITV
-O-
31st October, 2012
A solitary, hooded figure slipped silently into the graveyard; he shivered in the cold, biting wind of a late October evening; the gloom gathered quickly like a cape being drawn over his head. All around him, the headstones carried the touching epitaphs of past lives lost; loved ones sadly torn from their nearest and dearest; all of them just memories now. He, of course, felt his own sense of loss as he gazed at one particular headstone. The name, Jackson Walsh, still tugged at his heartstrings; even now, he still wished that his boyfriend could be with him; in body rather than in spirit.
Aaron focused on the name with his clear, blue eyes; those very eyes that Jackson would have died for. How ironic it was that Jackson had done just that! The young builder had looked into those eyes just before the end; trusting them to take away the hurt of being immobile; helpless; feeling Aaron's warm hands on his face and not being able to reciprocate. In Jackson's most desperate hour, Aaron had given him his final wish. He had loved Aaron so much and, even though he could not tell him now, he had known that Aaron would not fail him at the end.
That was scant consolation to Aaron, of course, as he continued to stare at the gravestone. He was aware of the warm tears rolling down his cheeks as he bit his lip in frustration; wanting to speak but being struck dumb by the emotion welling up inside him. His attractive features were drawn into a hard, cold line. He was aware of the icy wind chilling his marrow; yet he seemed detached from it...aloof, numb, removed from his surroundings; nothing and no-one to stop him falling into a bottomless pit of loneliness. He looked skyward; the clouds were succumbing to the darkness; he could almost imagine that he saw the witches on their broomsticks; flying across the face of a cold, impassive moon. He wanted to howl at that moon, a lone wolf baying in the night; with no way of knowing how to mend a broken heart.
"Aaron?" a woman's voice crept into his consciousness and made him jump! He turned to look at a familiar face in the dusky light.
"Hello, mum!"
"My baby!" Chas launched herself at her son, pulling him into a big hug, "What are you doing here?"
"I'm looking at Jackson's grave," he replied, as if it was not at all unusual.
"But...you were in France!" Chas looked on incredulously, "How did you get here? Why have you come back? If the police catch you..."
"Don't worry!" Aaron gripped his mother's hands, "I used that fake passport that Uncle Cain got me. They won't know I'm here!"
Aaron looked dog-rough, with a couple of day's stubble covering his chin; his handsome face almost hidden by his heavy beard and the dark hoodie-top that he was wearing. Chas felt Aaron's icy fingers on her hands and was concerned for his welfare, "You're frozen! Let's get you inside for a hot drink!"
"But...I don't want anyone to see me!" Aaron's voice was full of trepidation and anxiety.
"We'll slip in through the side door and go straight upstairs. No-one will know! Anyway, most of the locals are at a Halloween party in the village hall."
Aaron, realising that he had no option; other than to trust his mother, followed her into the Woolpack, looking around all the time to make sure that no-one was watching.
After they had settled in Aaron's old bedroom at the pub, Chas sat Aaron down with a hot drink. Aaron, grateful for the opportunity to take the chill off, clasped the mug in his hands and sipped his tea slowly, "Why aren't you at the party, then?" he asked.
"It's not really my scene, is it? All the old folk gathering together around a water butt to bob for apples; or whatever it is they do! Although, I know; with my long dark hair, I could easily dress up as a witch!"
Aaron opened his mouth to speak...but thought better of it and did not come up with a sarcastic reply.
"In any case, I'm covering the bar here, with Diane," Chas continued to explain, "But, it's dead in here tonight; what with the party and all, so Diane said I might as well go for my break. I went out for a breath of fresh air; I couldn't believe it when I saw you! You still haven't said what you are doing here!"
"I wanted to get away..." Aaron's voice trailed off.
"Go on!" Chas could tell that Aaron was troubled.
"I had a row with Ed!" Aaron began opening up to his mother.
Chas looked at Aaron steadily, "Well, that seems a bit drastic; running all the way back to England just because you've had a row!"
"I've finished with him!" Aaron said, curtly.
"I thought you were getting on OK!"
"We were...well, most of the time. But it's hard, you know; after Jackson!" Aaron stared at the floor.
"You like Ed though, don't you?"
"That's the problem!" Aaron sounded frustrated.
"What is? I don't understand!"
"Yes, I do like Ed, but I don't love him!"
"Does that matter?"
"It does to Ed! He says he loves me, but..."
Chas was piecing it together in her mind, "But, that's not what you want to hear?"
"No!" Aaron lifted his eyes from the floor to look at his mother again, "I know I didn't tell Jackson until it was too late and I was an idiot; I didn't know I loved him back then. But I know now...after Jackson...what love is! Jackson was 'the one', mum! Ed's a good bloke and I like him a lot, but I don't love him! I don't think it's enough! It's not enough for Ed and I sure as hell know it's not enough for me!"
"I don't know!" Chas sounded exasperated, "Jackson told you he loved you and you did a runner; and now Ed tells you he loves you and you do it again! What is it you want, Aaron?"
"I want what I can't have...Jackson!"
"But why put yourself in danger...you're still a wanted man in these parts!"
"I needed to talk to Jackson," Aaron explained, "I thought, if I came back, I could ask him what I should do!"
"But, Jackson's gone, love!" Chas did not want to sound cruel, but she wanted to try to reason with her son, "He was a good man; and he would want you to be happy. Can't you just 'settle' for Ed?"
Aaron continued to look directly at his mother, "You don't get it, do you? How can I live with someone who loves me if I don't love them back? I've tried with Ed...really I have; but the spark isn't there! Not like it was..."
"...With Jackson?" Chas finished Aaron's sentence.
"Yeah!" Aaron looked at the floor again, "I don't think I'll ever meet anyone like him!"
Chas did not know what else to say, so she changed the subject, "Well, you can stay here tonight; this is still your home!"
"No!" Aaron looked at her again, "Thanks mum, but I can't! I'll have to slip away again in the dark so that no-one sees me."
Aaron rose to his feet and walked towards the door, with Chas in hot pursuit. They walked down the stairs and paused at the outside door; Aaron pulled the hood over his head.
"Where will you go?" Chas asked.
"Back to France; my job's there. I'll have to stay with Ed for a day or two," Aaron answered, shrugging his shoulders, "but one of the other mechanics is looking for someone to share a flat and he's asked me if I'm interested, so I'm going to tell him 'yes'."
"Is he...?" Chas did not complete the sentence, but Aaron picked up on her meaning.
"No...not Damian; he's straight! He knows I'm gay but he's OK with it. He reminds me of Adam, in a way. We get on really well."
Chas wanted to beg her son not to go, but she knew it would be futile. In any case, she knew that Aaron would be in trouble if he stayed; he was still taking the blame for his best friend Adam, who had started the fire at Cain's garage.
"Will you pop in to see Paddy before you go?" Chas asked.
"I'd like to, mum...but I can't!" Aaron looked uncomfortable, "You know he's like a dad to me...but I don't want anyone to find out I've been here. After I've gone, will you tell him I'm OK?"
"Yeah, 'course I will. He'll be gutted to know he missed you. You take good care of yourself, yeah!" Chas drew Aaron into a tight hug, "I'm still proud of you; and I love you!"
"I love you too, mum!" Aaron replied, hugging his mother back, before departing through the doorway.
Chas watched her son disappear into the night like a phantom. She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks and she wished that Aaron could stay with her in the village. She closed the door and wept.
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Aaron stopped at the graveside again on the way out of the village. It was dark and he could no longer see the inscription on Jackson's headstone, but he knew where his lover was laid to rest.
"I've got to go!" Aaron spoke in hushed tones, "I miss you, babe; every moment of every day. I wish I could be with you!"
Just then, Aaron felt that he was not alone. He turned to see a shadow in the gloom, "Who's there?" he said, spooked by the sudden apparition.
"Is that what you really wish?" said the mysterious figure; and Aaron somehow knew that the hooded, cloaked man could read his mind.
"Yeah...I wish I was dead!" Aaron blurted out, "I want to be with Jackson."
The dark figure drew closer, "But, you are so young! You haven't lived...not yet!"
Aaron could make out a face underneath the hood and he gagged with shock! It was his own face...yet; he was older; worldly-worn and wrinkled, "Who are you?" Aaron gasped.
"Look inside yourself; deep down, you know who I am!" the old man spoke, calmly and assuredly, "This is the night when the spirit world meets with the Earthly world! When you look at me; you are looking in a mirror. Future; past, are as one; let me show you something..."
Aaron felt strange; like the ground was opening up beneath his feet. An eerie mist swirled around him and he felt like he was floating in space; for a moment, he was petrified!
Suddenly, Aaron was in a small Parisian cafe, sitting at a table. A waiter appeared from the back room to take his order. Aaron was amazed; this handsome guy looked like Jackson! Not identical by any means, but, with the beautiful big brown eyes, the curly dark hair and light stubble; the resemblance was striking!
"Can I take your order, Monsieur?" the waiter smiled. It was Jackson's smile! Aaron caught sight of the name on the waiter's lapel badge: Jacques.
The scene faded and Aaron found himself on a Lanzarote beach, staring at Jacques who was dressed in nothing but a tight pair of blue Speedos; his athletic body bronzed by long, hot days in the sun. Aaron had never seen such a beautiful man; at least, not since his beloved Jackson! He could also see the way Jacques was looking back at his Speedo-clad frame; it was a look of desire!
In the next second, Aaron and Jacques were at the top of the Eiffel Tower! Jacques was holding a glass of champagne and handing it to Aaron. As he sipped his own drink, Jacques looked deep into Aaron's eyes. Aaron could see love in those gorgeous brown eyes; the same look of love that he had seen before in eyes so similar.
The scene changed again as quickly as a flash; and Aaron was naked on a soft bed; with an equally naked Jacques! Aaron caressed Jacques' warm flesh; so much like Jackson's that it was uncanny!
"I love you, Aaron!" Jacques cooed, softly, with his delicious French accent.
"I love you too, Jacques!" Aaron replied, knowing that he really meant it sincerely; with all his heart. He had the feeling that he had been given a chance in his life to love again; and he was not going to mess it up ...not this time!
The images disappeared in another spooky, swirling mist and Aaron found himself back in the cold, dark graveyard. The mysterious figure; the image of his 'older' self, had gone! But, as Aaron stared into the gloom at the outline of Jackson's headstone, he took comfort in knowing that he had a future. He had just glimpsed it!
"Thank you!" he silently mouthed the words; a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders!
Jackson; his wonderful, darling Jackson, had somehow shown him that his life was still worth living!