Alistair sighed with contentment. He was snuggled up with his favorite person in the whole world, and he wanted to stay in the dreamy limbo between waking and sleep as long as he could. He wrapped his arm around her and gave her a light squeeze. She was so soft and round and squishy...

Wait. Squishy?

He squeezed again. Definitely squishy. And hairy. And cold.

He snapped awake to find himself staring into the eyes of a very large, very dead badger, its face frozen in a look of vague surprise.

He let out a shriek and scrambled backwards, landing heavily on the woman beside him, who sat up as though she'd been zapped by a lightning bolt. Her attempts to shove him off snagged them both in the blanket, and they were caught in a tangle of limbs and linens.

It was several moments before he was able to speak. "Jaye," he croaked, still not quite up to complete sentences. "Your dog. Badger."

"What?"

He gestured silently at the corpse, which had been flung aside in the commotion and now lay in a heap on the ground.

Jaye's eyes narrowed, and she drew back the tent flap. "Baldrick," she called. "Get in here. Now."

The dog ambled into the tent and sat back on his haunches, looking up at her with wide, liquid brown eyes.

"Did you leave this here?" she asked, pointing at the body. Alistair had to admit she was at least trying to be stern.

Baldrick whined and pawed the ground.

"Don't look so insulted," Alistair said. "I know it was you."

Jaye and Baldrick looked at him. The dog raised his lip, just enough to show teeth, and dropped it when Jaye turned back to him.

She contemplated him for several seconds. He wagged his tail and nuzzled her hand with his nose.

The moment she spoke, Alistair knew he'd lost.

"Are you sure it was him?"

"Yes!" he said. "He's manipulating you. Sitting there acting all innocent. Look at me. Look how obedient I am. I would never misbehave." His gestures grew agitated. "He always does this, you know. Remember the time he ate Morrigan's underclothes?"

"That was never proved-"

"He's had it in for me ever since you started sleeping with me and not him."

"That's ridiculous."

"He hates me."

"Of course he doesn't. He's just a big sweetheart, isn't he?" she cooed, ruffling the fur around the dog's ears.

Alistair glared at Baldrick, who gazed unflinchingly back at him. "Out," he said, pointing at the tent flap. "I mean it. And I'll be watching you," he added in as menacing a tone as he could muster, which wasn't as menacing as he'd hoped this early in the morning.

Baldrick whuffed and raised his tail in his direction, then stalked out, radiating wounded dignity.

Alistair's eyes flicked to the dead badger, which lay forgotten in the corner. "I suppose I'll be one who has to get rid of the blasted thing," he grumbled. "Bloody dog."