Summary: After being betrayed by The Commander and unable to face her demons in Arkadia, Clarke Griffin wanders the forest. The great Wanheda is a legend among the Grounders and has learnt their ways, even befriending a grounder healer who seems to be on the run from her own monsters. After all this time Clarke expected things to be easier but she only misses Lexa more. After a strange dream that feels more like reality Clarke knows she has to go back and face her decisions before more people get hurt, but is she too late?

"Feeling used but I'm still missing you, and I can't see the end of this just need your kiss against my lips.. I hate you, I love you, I hate that I love you. Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you." ~ I hate you, I love you Gnash

Heavy rain pours from the wide open sky, washing the dirt from my straw colored hair and splashing against my dry, cracking lips. When I was on the Ark storms like this terrified me. I would watch the raging, swirling clouds cross over the earth and wrap a blanket tighter around myself, wondering what thunder sounds like and if anything could survive it. Now that I'm actually here with my feet on the ground I constantly crave the purifying rain and electric clarity of lightning.

Lexa reminds me of a storm, maybe that's why I like them so much. Her eyes are dark like the clouds above me and just as unforgiving. She swept through me, bringing my towering oaks to the ground with her wind and somehow nourishing the flowers growing inside me.

It stings a bit every time I think of Lexa. My chest seems to burn from the strange combination of betrayal, longing, and disgust. Every time I close my eyes I see her sharp jaw and soft lips , and I'm torn between wanting to punch her or kiss her. I hate that I still want her.

Bright blue lightning flashes through the sky and I let out a strangled half sob half scream. I hate her for betraying me and my people. I hate her for her dedication and unyielding loyalty, iron determination and passion for her people. But I love her for all those same qualities. I hate that I love her and I'll never have her.

"Clarke? Clarke come in from the rain!" Luna, a grounder healer who I've been traveling with, darts out of our makeshift shelter and ushers me inside. She wraps a fur around my shoulders and sits me near the fire. Despite her small stature she's surprisingly strong and easily lifts the large log we have to close us in from the rain.

We don't speak for a while , just letting the fire crackle and burn between us. Rain pounds against the burlap roof in a steady rhythm that calms my pounding heart. I think of my people back in Arkadia, my mom, Raven, and Jasper, they always loved storms.

"Luna?" I wait for her to look at me before continuing. Her jet black hair falls into her piercing eyes, one brown and one blue, as she watches me curiously. "How do you get over someone you shouldn't have loved in the first place?"

She looks puzzled and contemplates me seriously before responding. Luna's like that with everything though, she's wise beyond her years and sometimes overly cautious. "How can you be sure that you're not supposed to be in love with them? Things rarely work out the way we want them too, especially the first time around, but I'm sure that traveling through the woods alone is not the best way to deal with it."

"I'm not alone, I have you."

Luna gives me one of her sweet half smiles and shakes her head. "You know what I meant Wanheda."

I nudge her playfully and relax back against some furs. "I told you not to call me that."

"Why don't you get some rest Wanheda, I'll take the first watch."

As if on cue I yawn and Luna chuckles. I settle in for the night and my eyes start to drift closed. She sits with her back to me, perched on her toes with her arms wrapped around her knees. She reminds me of Lexa. "Luna, why are you still traveling with me? Why are you on the run at all?"

"Because Clarke, I am like you." She turns to face me, eyes reflecting pain and regret and some much loneliness that it makes my heart hurt. "I can't change who I am or what I've done. I thought I was protecting someone I love by running but I should have stood and fought beside her. I hurt her... I am no saint Clarke, and I am not who you think I am."

I watch her for a minute, she's illuminated by the fire light and lightning making her olive skin take on an ethereal glow and her prominent veins look black. "Where should we go?"

"Maybe we should stop running."

Stop running... Am I ready for that? Will Lexa want to see me, do I even want to see her? Can I handle facing myself? The storm washes over me like a blanket and I'm gently lulled to sleep with all these questions swirling in my head. The last thing I think of before my eyes close is Lexa's strong arms holding me.

Mud seeps between my toes and harsh wind stings my cheeks as I grip the wooden window sills of Niylah's trading post. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears and smell the sweet scent of wet moss in the rain. I know this is a dream but everything feels so real.

Wiping away the fog from the window allows me to see inside and I instinctively cover my mouth to mask a scream. Three men are surrounding Niylah with their weapons pointing directly at her chest. They look freakishly strong and wear matching smug expressions. A fourth man steps from the shadows, casually playing with the knife in his hands. His chest plate proudly displays the sun and moon with a snowflake between them. Ice Nation.

"We know they've been here Niylah. Don't make me ask you again." He flips the knife so it's mere inches from her cheek and gives her a menacing grin. "I'm sure having the great Wanheda for yourself was more than good but now it's time to share."

"I don't know what you're talking about Roan."

It happens so fast that I don't know what he's done until its over and Niylah is spitting blood at the feet of the man who just punches her mercilessly. I have to admire her spirit but I can't explain the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Roan snaps his fingers and the rest of the men grab Niylah, pinning her arms behind her and tying her feet together. She doesn't try to fight but the fire in her eyes says enough.

"We don't have a lot of time so you're going to tell us where Wanheda and the traitor went and in exchange we'll let you live."

Niylah sets her jaw and stares at the Ice Nation soldiers without wavering. "No."

The sound of his fists against her cracking ribs is sickening. Niylah lurches back from the force of it but the other men hold her steady as they laugh. I beat my palms against the window. If I can't wake up maybe I can stop them."

"Is protecting the woman who left you worth your life?!"

To my amazement the blonde lurches up and kicks Roan square in the jaw. He looks more than pissed and swiftly lashes back with the knife. He cuts a long gash across her shoulder and another one on her chest. The blood gushes out so violently that it splashes bright red against his armor. His men join in now, letting her fragile body drop to the dirty floor. They kick her sides relentlessly. I scream until my throat is raw for them to stop but they don't so I scream at Niylah to just tell them but she only looks right through me.

Once they finally pause Niylah can barely lift her head. Every inch of her is black and blue and bloody. Tears stream down both of her cheeks.

"Where is Wanheda?"

"North." her voice is barely more than a whisper. "They went north towards the pine forests of Tre-Kru." Relief floods me now that her pain might end but something else is nagging at me to run. It's not safe!

"If you're lying, we'll come back and kill you."

"I don't doubt it."

Roan smiles, his lips red with blood. He plunges the knife into Niylah's upper thigh and she screams out in pain. "A parting gift."

I go to run to Niylah, to help her, but instead I'm falling through the trees...

Cold sweat drenches my goose-bump covered skin as I jolt up in my bed role with a scream. "Clarke what's wrong?" Luna is by my side in seconds, watching me with wide, panicked eyes.

My breath come in short, shallow gasps as I struggle to speak. What the hell was that? I need to trust my instincts, that's what Lexa would say to do. "We need to go."

"Clarke what are you talking about?"

"Now, Luna! Grab what you can carry, we need to leave. I can't explain it, I just know, Ice Nation is coming for us! We need to go back for Niylah!"