Chapter 1: My Immortal
I'm so tired of being here
I should have left with him. That day, the day I almost lost him. I should have jumped in after him and swam back to the Pearl. I'm so tired of being here. In Port Royal, living the life of a blacksmith's apprentice. I still don't get credit for my work. I loathe having to bite my tongue every time someone says to compliment my "Master" on his fine work. I don't think that man could even swing a hammer without so much as breaking his finger hitting it.
Suppressed by all my childish fears
It was fear that held me back from going with him. I was afraid that he didn't love me back. Which he.probably doesn't, but at least I could have gone with him and escaped my prison. My prison since childhood. No one even knows the half of it. The way he hits me, the way he takes me. On the first few days, after the night I got back I couldn't even sit down he had taken me so hard. I had forgotten how much it hurt. What that pain felt like. The pain of being Master Brown's whore.
And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave
I know he had to go. Even if he'd wanted to stay here he couldn't have. He couldn't be held here, even if he wasn't a wanted man. He needed to be with his Pearl. He needed to be free. And for a while, I was free with him.but to him it wasn't freedom. Now he's truly free, and I wouldn't wish him anything but that. He has everything I want. He is everything that I want. I wish he'd just leave me alone.
Because your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone
He's still here. He's in my memory. He's the ghost of freedoms past. I met him, I desired him from afar, and then I let him go. I let him go to his true love. His Black Pearl. I can't forget him. He plagues every waking minute of my mind. Whenever I dream I dream of him. He won't leave me alone. I can still smell that unique scent that is Jack. Rum, spice, and a bit of sea water. I can still smell him as if he were standing right next to me.
These wounds won't seem to heal
The cut still hasn't healed. Two goddamned years and I still need to keep it bandaged or it starts to bleed. It isn't healing.like my heart. Maybe my body is trying to bleed to death. I've thought about suicide a lot lately. It'd be so damn great not to have to deal with the pain that I face every single day.
This pain is just too real
Before I saw him fall off that fort I didn't believe in heartbreak, but now I live it every day. I try to push it out. I try with all my might to push it out but it just won't go away. I try to will it away by trying to make myself believe it isn't real. But that's just it. I think I would have felt this long ago if i'd have believed in it. I had never known what freedom was. I had never known what true love was. Yes, I cared for Elizabeth but in my foolishness I mistook it for love. I wish I still did. Then maybe I could forsake the pain that I'm feeling. But no, I can't. The pain is just too real and it's grown too much now.
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've been hurting for far too long. Since I was ten I've been hurt by the only man I knew as father. I still feel every blow he ever gave me with a whip. I still feel the pain of every single time he took me. Before I had tasted freedom I held on because it was just the way things were. I tried to pretend that it didn't matter, but now that I've had a taste of what my life could have been, and what it never will be again.I can't stop feeling it. Time can't erase it, it's too much. It just won't go away.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
I remember the night I first knew I loved Jack. I was having a nightmare about the first time Brown took me. He hurt me so bad I was screaming. My back was splitting open and even in the nightmare I felt the vivid pain like he just done it. Then I woke up, and just like that it was gone. When I opened my eyes I saw his face and felt his hands stroking my upper arm. I felt the wetness from my tears trailing down my face and sweat drenching my shirt. I guess I'd been crying.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
He'd asked me what the hell I was screaming about and who Master Brown was. I started to cry again, but what happened next I didn't expect. I thought he'd laugh right in my face. I asked him to go away and leave me in my misery. But he didn't laugh. He didn't leave either. He pulled me up into a sitting position and he embraced me. That's when I felt it. That was the first time I had ever felt real love. Warm and comforting. I remember stopping my crying once I entered his arms and I think I fell asleep with him holding me. I woke up the next afternoon with my shirt off and Jack shaking me awake. He was smiling at me with his usual toothy grin like he'd never even been there the other night. But the damage was done, now I loved Jack Sparrow.
I've held your hand through all of these years
It's been years since that day. It's been years since the whole deal. I guess the only thing that kept me alive until now was the fact that he might come back for me one day, but it's not worth holding on anymore. He's taken everything from me.
And you still have all of me
He's taken my soul for his own. He's taken away my love, my happiness, and most of my life. He's even taken away the little happiness I might have had by thinking I loved Elizabeth. He's had it since that night on the Interceptor, he has it now while he's sailing the high seas with his beloved Black Pearl, and after I'm gone he'll still have all of me.
You used to captivate me with your resonating light
I remember how I used to be able to look at him. He looked amazing. He had a gorgeous body, toned and with a beautiful bronze tan. His black tresses, with all the trinkets glittering in the midday sun. The way his arms waved about when he spoke and the way his hips swung as he walked. The way his breeches clung to his muscles and his shirt fell open to reveal that beautiful chest. I remember watching him at the wheel with the sun shining on him. Perhaps not even on him, but from within him.
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
When he went over that wall he left it behind. His need for revenge, his anger, his sadness, his loneliness, and his pain. Everything was left when he left. That moment was my chance. My chance to leave everything I hated about my life and join him. Perhaps not as his lover even but as his friend. I don't know why I told Elizabeth I loved her that day. Even as the words escaped my lips I felt I should be looking at Jack. I wanted to look at Jack. But then all he had to say to me was "nice hat". The last words I ever will hear from the man I love was "nice hat".
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
I wish I could forget him. Forget the tanned skin, the black hair, much softer then it looks, and most of all I wish that I could forget his eyes. Those bloody eyes of his swept me away from the moment that I looked into them. I see his eyes behind the lids of mine every time that I close them. I can't forget him, as long as I live. Never was there a soul that could ever forget. Captain Jack Sparrow.
Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me
And his voice. That damned voice. The sound of it drives me mad every second. Every voice I hear is his. It echoes in my head even when there is only silence and the sound of my hammer pounding the metal to listen to. His husky growls, his loose tongue spilling out words like a fountain of melodic perfection. You don't 'hear' his voice. You 'feel' it. I felt it. I still feel it, and the 'feel' of that voice drives me mad.
These wounds won't seem to heal
The flogging wounds aren't healing either. For the last few days I've had to rapidly change the blood-soaked bandages to keep from staining my shirts. I haven't stopped bleeding since he hit me three days ago. It's slow, and painful.
This pain is just too real
My body has gone cold. I never sweat at all anymore, my body's too damn cold. I haven't slept in the last three days. Something tells me to keep awake. Jack's voice tells me to keep awake. That's what I hear. Keep awake, Will, I'm coming. Hold on a little longer. It never ends! It never, ever, ever ends! Let me die, Jack! Yes! Yes that's what I want! To die! I know why I'm not healing! I don't want to be healed, I want to die. This life, my life, it isn't worth living without you!
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I love you, Jack, but you can't take it away any longer. You're not here to take it away. You're in my heart.and you are in my mind and memory but I'm so sad to say you aren't really here. Perhaps you never were.really here. Maybe it was.just a dream. Maybe the gods took pity upon me and they gave me one moment in time, one night for the dream that was supposed to be a nightmare but ended up being the only truly happy time in my life I can remember.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
Great, I'm crying again. Damn you, Jack! I've cried for you enough. I've shed too many goddamned tears. But the only difference was when I'd cry before you were there to stop them. You'd wipe away my eyes and with my tears you took away everything else and wrapped me so close in a warm blanket of comfort.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
You could always make me feel better, Jack. You kept me holding on even when I just wanted to abandon Elizabeth. You thought it was me upset over her. Never. I could never muster up that much care for anyone except you, my love.
I've held your hand through all of these years
It was only you I stayed for. Now, looking back over the past two years I have no idea why. As if a great man like you could ever love a weak blacksmith who's almost half your age. The memories I had of you were the ones I'd wrap myself in when times were cold, even though not as cold as I am now, and when I'd almost forget the fleeting hope I no longer even have. The one hope that's strung me along. The hope that one day you'd come back to me.
And you still have all of me
I'm so cold now. You're nearly yelling for me to hold on, Jack. But no, no this time there's no coming back. There's no recovery this time, my Jack. Oh no. I hope you'll carry on my memory. I think you'd do that much. Tell the people who buy my swords that it was I who made them and not that drunken bastard. You have almost all of me now, my love. And soon, you shall have the rest.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that your gone
I've tried to put you away. To bury away the undying love I have for you, but no. I've tried so many times to convince myself you've left forever. That you're gone and there won't ever again be the beautiful Black Pearl sailing on the horizon towards Port Royal. But maybe I needed to be alive this long. Maybe I did need to wait to see the end just to prove that you won't ever be in my shop, fighting me again. That I'll never get to feel the warmth of your arms again. I think that's when I gave up all of my hope. Over the last two years what's gotten me by is the memory. The memory of loves warmth. The warmth of comfort. The comfort of you. and now I've forgotten the warmth of your arms. I forgot it three days ago, after the last blow from master brown, and I can't remember.
But though your still with me I've been alone all along
Maybe I still have your eyes, your hair, your lips, your nose, your chest, but my love I can't live without the warmth. Yes, you are still with me in a way but I don't think.no, I know your never coming back. And even though I wished it over a thousand times the idea, we were never really together, as a couple. Just as friends. As two pirates on a common journey. I believed up until I lost the memory of your arms and my hope and will to live that we were together but we weren't, my love. I can admit now in my final minutes we never were. I've been alone all along.
I'm so tired of being here
I should have left with him. That day, the day I almost lost him. I should have jumped in after him and swam back to the Pearl. I'm so tired of being here. In Port Royal, living the life of a blacksmith's apprentice. I still don't get credit for my work. I loathe having to bite my tongue every time someone says to compliment my "Master" on his fine work. I don't think that man could even swing a hammer without so much as breaking his finger hitting it.
Suppressed by all my childish fears
It was fear that held me back from going with him. I was afraid that he didn't love me back. Which he.probably doesn't, but at least I could have gone with him and escaped my prison. My prison since childhood. No one even knows the half of it. The way he hits me, the way he takes me. On the first few days, after the night I got back I couldn't even sit down he had taken me so hard. I had forgotten how much it hurt. What that pain felt like. The pain of being Master Brown's whore.
And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave
I know he had to go. Even if he'd wanted to stay here he couldn't have. He couldn't be held here, even if he wasn't a wanted man. He needed to be with his Pearl. He needed to be free. And for a while, I was free with him.but to him it wasn't freedom. Now he's truly free, and I wouldn't wish him anything but that. He has everything I want. He is everything that I want. I wish he'd just leave me alone.
Because your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone
He's still here. He's in my memory. He's the ghost of freedoms past. I met him, I desired him from afar, and then I let him go. I let him go to his true love. His Black Pearl. I can't forget him. He plagues every waking minute of my mind. Whenever I dream I dream of him. He won't leave me alone. I can still smell that unique scent that is Jack. Rum, spice, and a bit of sea water. I can still smell him as if he were standing right next to me.
These wounds won't seem to heal
The cut still hasn't healed. Two goddamned years and I still need to keep it bandaged or it starts to bleed. It isn't healing.like my heart. Maybe my body is trying to bleed to death. I've thought about suicide a lot lately. It'd be so damn great not to have to deal with the pain that I face every single day.
This pain is just too real
Before I saw him fall off that fort I didn't believe in heartbreak, but now I live it every day. I try to push it out. I try with all my might to push it out but it just won't go away. I try to will it away by trying to make myself believe it isn't real. But that's just it. I think I would have felt this long ago if i'd have believed in it. I had never known what freedom was. I had never known what true love was. Yes, I cared for Elizabeth but in my foolishness I mistook it for love. I wish I still did. Then maybe I could forsake the pain that I'm feeling. But no, I can't. The pain is just too real and it's grown too much now.
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've been hurting for far too long. Since I was ten I've been hurt by the only man I knew as father. I still feel every blow he ever gave me with a whip. I still feel the pain of every single time he took me. Before I had tasted freedom I held on because it was just the way things were. I tried to pretend that it didn't matter, but now that I've had a taste of what my life could have been, and what it never will be again.I can't stop feeling it. Time can't erase it, it's too much. It just won't go away.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
I remember the night I first knew I loved Jack. I was having a nightmare about the first time Brown took me. He hurt me so bad I was screaming. My back was splitting open and even in the nightmare I felt the vivid pain like he just done it. Then I woke up, and just like that it was gone. When I opened my eyes I saw his face and felt his hands stroking my upper arm. I felt the wetness from my tears trailing down my face and sweat drenching my shirt. I guess I'd been crying.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
He'd asked me what the hell I was screaming about and who Master Brown was. I started to cry again, but what happened next I didn't expect. I thought he'd laugh right in my face. I asked him to go away and leave me in my misery. But he didn't laugh. He didn't leave either. He pulled me up into a sitting position and he embraced me. That's when I felt it. That was the first time I had ever felt real love. Warm and comforting. I remember stopping my crying once I entered his arms and I think I fell asleep with him holding me. I woke up the next afternoon with my shirt off and Jack shaking me awake. He was smiling at me with his usual toothy grin like he'd never even been there the other night. But the damage was done, now I loved Jack Sparrow.
I've held your hand through all of these years
It's been years since that day. It's been years since the whole deal. I guess the only thing that kept me alive until now was the fact that he might come back for me one day, but it's not worth holding on anymore. He's taken everything from me.
And you still have all of me
He's taken my soul for his own. He's taken away my love, my happiness, and most of my life. He's even taken away the little happiness I might have had by thinking I loved Elizabeth. He's had it since that night on the Interceptor, he has it now while he's sailing the high seas with his beloved Black Pearl, and after I'm gone he'll still have all of me.
You used to captivate me with your resonating light
I remember how I used to be able to look at him. He looked amazing. He had a gorgeous body, toned and with a beautiful bronze tan. His black tresses, with all the trinkets glittering in the midday sun. The way his arms waved about when he spoke and the way his hips swung as he walked. The way his breeches clung to his muscles and his shirt fell open to reveal that beautiful chest. I remember watching him at the wheel with the sun shining on him. Perhaps not even on him, but from within him.
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
When he went over that wall he left it behind. His need for revenge, his anger, his sadness, his loneliness, and his pain. Everything was left when he left. That moment was my chance. My chance to leave everything I hated about my life and join him. Perhaps not as his lover even but as his friend. I don't know why I told Elizabeth I loved her that day. Even as the words escaped my lips I felt I should be looking at Jack. I wanted to look at Jack. But then all he had to say to me was "nice hat". The last words I ever will hear from the man I love was "nice hat".
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
I wish I could forget him. Forget the tanned skin, the black hair, much softer then it looks, and most of all I wish that I could forget his eyes. Those bloody eyes of his swept me away from the moment that I looked into them. I see his eyes behind the lids of mine every time that I close them. I can't forget him, as long as I live. Never was there a soul that could ever forget. Captain Jack Sparrow.
Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me
And his voice. That damned voice. The sound of it drives me mad every second. Every voice I hear is his. It echoes in my head even when there is only silence and the sound of my hammer pounding the metal to listen to. His husky growls, his loose tongue spilling out words like a fountain of melodic perfection. You don't 'hear' his voice. You 'feel' it. I felt it. I still feel it, and the 'feel' of that voice drives me mad.
These wounds won't seem to heal
The flogging wounds aren't healing either. For the last few days I've had to rapidly change the blood-soaked bandages to keep from staining my shirts. I haven't stopped bleeding since he hit me three days ago. It's slow, and painful.
This pain is just too real
My body has gone cold. I never sweat at all anymore, my body's too damn cold. I haven't slept in the last three days. Something tells me to keep awake. Jack's voice tells me to keep awake. That's what I hear. Keep awake, Will, I'm coming. Hold on a little longer. It never ends! It never, ever, ever ends! Let me die, Jack! Yes! Yes that's what I want! To die! I know why I'm not healing! I don't want to be healed, I want to die. This life, my life, it isn't worth living without you!
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I love you, Jack, but you can't take it away any longer. You're not here to take it away. You're in my heart.and you are in my mind and memory but I'm so sad to say you aren't really here. Perhaps you never were.really here. Maybe it was.just a dream. Maybe the gods took pity upon me and they gave me one moment in time, one night for the dream that was supposed to be a nightmare but ended up being the only truly happy time in my life I can remember.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
Great, I'm crying again. Damn you, Jack! I've cried for you enough. I've shed too many goddamned tears. But the only difference was when I'd cry before you were there to stop them. You'd wipe away my eyes and with my tears you took away everything else and wrapped me so close in a warm blanket of comfort.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
You could always make me feel better, Jack. You kept me holding on even when I just wanted to abandon Elizabeth. You thought it was me upset over her. Never. I could never muster up that much care for anyone except you, my love.
I've held your hand through all of these years
It was only you I stayed for. Now, looking back over the past two years I have no idea why. As if a great man like you could ever love a weak blacksmith who's almost half your age. The memories I had of you were the ones I'd wrap myself in when times were cold, even though not as cold as I am now, and when I'd almost forget the fleeting hope I no longer even have. The one hope that's strung me along. The hope that one day you'd come back to me.
And you still have all of me
I'm so cold now. You're nearly yelling for me to hold on, Jack. But no, no this time there's no coming back. There's no recovery this time, my Jack. Oh no. I hope you'll carry on my memory. I think you'd do that much. Tell the people who buy my swords that it was I who made them and not that drunken bastard. You have almost all of me now, my love. And soon, you shall have the rest.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that your gone
I've tried to put you away. To bury away the undying love I have for you, but no. I've tried so many times to convince myself you've left forever. That you're gone and there won't ever again be the beautiful Black Pearl sailing on the horizon towards Port Royal. But maybe I needed to be alive this long. Maybe I did need to wait to see the end just to prove that you won't ever be in my shop, fighting me again. That I'll never get to feel the warmth of your arms again. I think that's when I gave up all of my hope. Over the last two years what's gotten me by is the memory. The memory of loves warmth. The warmth of comfort. The comfort of you. and now I've forgotten the warmth of your arms. I forgot it three days ago, after the last blow from master brown, and I can't remember.
But though your still with me I've been alone all along
Maybe I still have your eyes, your hair, your lips, your nose, your chest, but my love I can't live without the warmth. Yes, you are still with me in a way but I don't think.no, I know your never coming back. And even though I wished it over a thousand times the idea, we were never really together, as a couple. Just as friends. As two pirates on a common journey. I believed up until I lost the memory of your arms and my hope and will to live that we were together but we weren't, my love. I can admit now in my final minutes we never were. I've been alone all along.