Unbeta'd and written quickly - sorry for any mistakes. Standard disclaimers apply. Hope you enjoy!
It's raining, cold hard pellets of water that sting when they hit skin. It's annoying, for a lot of reasons, including that she steps in a puddle almost as soon as she gets out of the car, rain seeping through the boot and onto her socks. She pauses to roll her eyes at herself before walking up the driveway and the four concreate steps that put her directly in front of the front door. She knocks, but when Octavia pulls the door open, she's putting on her coat and the house is dark behind her, which is weird because she's supposed to be running late to get to the New Year party, here. Octavia doesn't move to let her in, instead pushing out onto the small landing where Clarke is standing, "Good, we've been waiting for you" Octavia says, light, and Clarke notices that everyone behind Octavia is pulling their own coats on too.
"What's going on?" Clarke asks, stepping back down the stairs as Octavia herds everyone out of the house. Raven gives her a sympathetic look when she passes Clarke and that's when she knows that she isn't going to like whatever is happening.
"We're going to The Drop Ship" Octavia says, voice a little higher pitched than normal, like it is always is when she's trying for a forced casual. Clarke shakes her head a little, stepping back a little, trying to stay under the house's overhang and out of the rain.
"No, O, come one, why?" Clarke was promised a lowkey night in, a Netflix and pizza, and watching the ball drop at midnight, kind of night. She wanted to drink grocery story champagne and fall asleep on the Blake's living room floor. She didn't think it was too much to ask. She's wearing leggings, tucked into boots and an oversized hoodie, not exactly bar clothes, and she hadn't even been sure she was going to come here, after what happened with Bellamy, she definitely doesn't want to go out.
"Bell was supposed to have tonight off, but Dax quit like an hour ago and Pike called and said Bell had to work. We're going to go there for New Years so he isn't alone" Octavia says, trying to sell it. As far as Octavia knows, Clarke doesn't want to go because she wants a night in, and because her and Bellamy haven't ever been close so him having to work on New Year's shouldn't matter to her. No one, except Raven, standing off to the side and bouncing a little in place to keep warm, knows the whole story.
Clarke's mouth twitches, "aren't Miller and Murphy both working today?". Bellamy was supposed to be at his place for the makeshift New Year Eve party, of course, but she knew with how angry he was at her and how the group dynamic always played out when they were somewhere contained, like Bellamy's house, and she knew she could avoid him. But, in an environment like the bar, she wasn't sure how things would go.
Octavia starts talking about how badly she feels about Bellamy having to work, he has three jobs and he'd pretty carefully planned it out so he'd have tonight and all day tomorrow off, and Clarke tunes it out, thinking over her options instead. "I think I'm just going to head home" is what she settles on and Octavia's face falls almost immediately.
"Come on, Clarke, I thought things with you and Bell were getting better. You can't set aside your shit for one night?" Octavia asks. Clarke and Bellamy did get off on the wrong foot, arguing all the time from almost the moment that they met. But then, like Octavia said, things did start to get better – they found common ground and then found themselves on the same side of arguments instead of yelling at each other. But, since they still snipped at each other, more in fun than actual anger this time, it was hard for anyone besides them to tell what was a genuine argument and what was friendly sniping.
"Griffin, cut the shit, it's cold out here, lets go" Raven shouts from a few feet away, huddled with the others under the house's over hang. Clarke scowls at Raven, she's supposed to be on her side, she was the only on who knows exactly why Clarke doesn't want to go. A couple of weeks ago, when Bellamy walked Clarke home after her birthday party, he'd kissed her against door of her apartment, the gross strawberry moonshine Monty and Jasper made still on their lips. He'd pulled back, stammering and apologetic, but she'd reached out and pulled him back towards her by the front of his shirt, giggling into his mouth as she tried to unlock her apartment door.
"Yeah, okay, sorry" she says, not sure how she'd explain being adamant about leaving. So, she'll go and try to cut out early. The bar is within walking distance, it's why Bellamy had started working there before he'd had enough money to fix up his car and make it reliable. It's like a twenty-minute walk, but in this weather it's miserable. They walk huddled together, hoods covering their heads and eyes casts down to keep their faces out of the rain.
The bar is ready for New Years Eve, cheap decorations everywhere and champagne chilling on a table in the corner with plastic flutes lined up. There are a few people at tables in the bar, strewn about, it it's not packed, not like it will be in a few hours. It's a small town, and the options for ringing in the New Year not at home are pretty limited. But, it's early, and people haven't started filling the building yet. Clarke sees Jackson and Monty dropping their coats over chairs at the bar and follows suite, taking the seat furthers in the corner at the end of the bar, next to where Jasper had dropped his things.
Clarke is sitting when she hears Bellamy laugh, bright and loud, and her eyes flit around until she finds him, walking towards the bar from the back room, just barley in view, and laughing at something Miller said while Miller smirks, pleased with himself. She doesn't realize that she's staring until his eyes catch hers. She knows the moment that he's processed her presence, the corner of his mouth ticks and his smile drops, replaced with forced ambivalence, his eyes shuttering off as he glances around. 'surprise!" Octavia says, excited, as she walks around the bar to pull Bellamy into a side hug before he pushed her out from behind the bar lightly.
"What are you guys doing here?" Bellamy asks, glancing down the bar, which their group pretty much takes up in its entirety.
"Well, you couldn't come to the party at your own house," Raven says, settling into her seat and throwing a peanut at Miller when he kisses Jackson from over the bar.
"So, we brought the party to you" Harper finishes, scooting her chair closer to Monty's when he slings his arm across her shoulders.
"Oh, good, everyone is here" Murphy deadpans as he walks up to the bar, coming up from the back.
"Yeah, it's the worst" Emori teases, letting him kiss her when he comes around the bar, her gloved hand landing on his cheek.
Clarke watches Bellamy quietly. She's thinking about waking up to his hand on her cheek that morning, thumb sweeping over her cheekbone soft and repetitive as he whispered her name. She'd blinked a few times, trying to come back to herself but still half asleep. 'Sorry' he'd whispered, tucking her wild hair behind her ear and waiting for her eyes to focus, smiling softly when then do. 'I have to go, I have work' he'd told her, soft. 'Yeah' she'd whispered, propping herself up on one elbow and closing her fingers around his wrist before moving her hand to the back of his neck and pulling him towards her to kiss him, 'okay' she breathes out smiling when he drops his forehead to hers. 'I have a few hours between the Ark and the bar today. Want to meet me at Grounders for lunch? Talk?' he'd whispered, lips brushing the slope of her nose. 'Yeah. I'll be there' she'd whispered back, kissing him again before he pressed his lips to her forehead and stood.
A drink is set down in front of her, snapping her back to the present. "Princess" Bellamy says, cool, when her eyes meet his. You're beautiful, Princess flashes through her mind and she shakes her head a little.
"Thanks" she answers, tapping against the side of the glass. None of them ordered, not unless she was a lot more out of it than she though, but then they wouldn't have to – not with Bellamy, Miller, and Murphy working. He taps the counter in front of her twice and walks away.
She hasn't seen him much since that day, and of course not meeting him at Grounders didn't help things. She'd gone, saw his back through the window as he'd picked at a plate of French Fries and played around on his phone. She watched him for long enough that he'd texted her, asking where she was and in a moment of flight-or-fight induced panic, she'd crossed the street and went home. All of her past relationships had failed, not just ending badly, but blowing up in her face. She and Bellamy had worked so hard to get past the constant fighting that defined them when they met, and she didn't want to jeopardize that, not when that never ended well for her. She knows, now, that she should have gone in and told him that, that he would have understood, but she's always been best at running. So, she'd turned off her phone, and went home.
After that, she wouldn't see him again for a few weeks while she actively avoided him. But, having the same friend group meant that she'd have to see him again. They only spoke for a minute when they next saw each other, but it was long enough for Clarke to know that he took her not showing up as a rejection, as her saying that he wasn't good enough for her, that in the clear light of day she understands her mistake. She hadn't known what to say, how to make him understand that it's not true. So, in the end she gives him his space and he avoids her. And its…fine.
The bar has filled in some since they arrived, and while all the televisions are showing New Years Rocking Eve, the volume is off and music pulses around them instead. There normally isn't a dance floor at The Drop Ship, but for today, they've crowded all the tables around the perimeter of the room to clear a space. Jasper is out there now, jumping around to a Top 40 song that Clarke doesn't recognize. She hears Bellamy snort out a laugh behind her and almost turns to make a joke, like she would have before, but it's not really an option now, so instead she watches Jasper.
She catches sight of Bellamy, saying something to Miller, then disappearing into the back room. She knows that he likes to go outside on his breaks, that even when it's cold he like the few minutes break from the noise and activity. He used to smoke, but even once he quit, he kept going outside. She taps the rim of her glass, thinking, before sliding off her seat and slipping behind the bar and into the back room. She has to pull hard on the door that leads outside, the frame is installed a little crooked and it sticks. So, when she gets it open and steps outside, Bellamy is already staring at her. "Hey" she says, dunking her head a little, embarrassed.
He smirks, despite himself, "Hey". It's not harsh, but it's distant, detached.
It's quiet for a while, Clarke shifting her weight between her feet and Bellamy looking out towards the city, leaning back against the wall. "I um," Clarke starts, looking at Bellamy out of the corner of her eye. He's watching her now and she clears her throat lightly, not quite meeting his eye. "I'm sorry I never showed up at Grounders, or, I'm sorry I didn't go in, I mean – "
"Clarke" he cuts her off, holding his hand out and shaking his head a little when her mouth snaps shut. "It's fine, you didn't owe me anything…wait," he pauses as his mind catches up with her words, "what do you mean you didn't go in?" he asks, head tilted to one side, the flood lights from the building making his freckles stand out.
She smiles sadly, nodding a little. "Yeah, I went…saw you through the window" she smiles a little, "but I freaked out and left." It's quiet for a moment, while Bellamy just watches her. "Not my proudest moment" she whispers, looking at the ground.
Bellamy's quiet for a long moment, scratching the short hair at the back of his neck, "I didn't know that" he says, even though they both already know that. "Why?" he finally asks, breathing the word out, even though they both probably already know the answer to that too.
"I was just…scared" she says, wincing a little with how she knows it sounds.
He swallows, "I thought…" he trails off, they both know what he thought, shakes his head a little. "Clarke, I'm sorry, I didn't want you to feel pressured…" he trails off.
She puts her hand on his arm before she's had time to think about it, "No, it wasn't like that" she says, in a hurry to make sure he doesn't blame himself. She swallows, looks at where her hand is on his arm, "I have feelings for you, and that scared me." She pulls back a little, shrugging to fringe an indifference she doesn't feel. "I wish I could go back, change how I handled it, but…" she sniffles a little as she trails off.
He breaths out her name as he pulls her towards him, wrapping his arms around her when she buries her face in the crook of his neck. He's about to speak when they hear Murphy calling Bellamy's name from inside. Bellamy chuckles softly against Clarke's forehead, pulls away a little to shout back to Murphy that he'll be in after a few minutes, and pulls her back against him. "It's fine, Clarke," she starts to argue, the words a little muffled by his shirt, so he cuts her off, "I'm off all day tomorrow, provided you show up, we could talk about it then" he says, with a touch of teasing.
She laughs, punching against his chest lightly, and nods, "yeah, lets do that" she says. She steps back, pulls in a deep breath and looks up to meet Bellamy's eyes. He half smiles at her and she returns it, rolling her eyes a little.
They go back in, Bellamy situating himself behind the bar and Clarke sliding back into her seat. Raven gives her an inquisitive look from where she's talking to Shaw and Clarke gives her a little thumbs up. Raven is the only person Clarke told about what happened with Bellamy after her birthday, needing to talk to someone. Her attention is pulled back to the bar when Bellamy slides a grilled cheese in front of her. Officially, the bar took it off the menu in October, but it was Clarke's favorite so Bellamy still made it for her, from time to time. She smiles, pulling the plate towards her.
It's getting close to midnight and everyone has plastic flutes filled with champagne. There's isn't a lot of room in the bar, now filled to its capacity, but people seem to be coupling off. Raven and Shaw are huddled together, Octavia and Lincoln are in a corner, Miller has come out from around the bar to sling his arm around Jackson's shoulders, Murphy has followed suite and is crowding Emori against a wall towards the back of the bar, Harper is practically in Monty's lap a few seats down. The music has been muted and the NYE show on the televisions is being blasted through the speakers.
Clarke slides off her seat, glancing around. She knows it's a little dumb, that leaping before they looked was what lead them to this to begin with. But she feels good about where they are now and where she thinks they're headed. So, when she finds Bellamy, she grabs his wrist lightly so he'll turn to face her. She doesn't want to explain, so even though the count down is only on six, she tugs him towards her and kisses him. She can feel him laughing against her mouth before he buries his hand in her hair and pulls her closer. Vaguely, she hears the countdown hit one and everyone celebrate around her. She just pushes closer to Bellamy.
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