Summary-"Arthur just wants to finish his crossword but Eames is incredibly distracting. Saito and Yusuf take photo's and Ariadne is mildly amused. Also includes misuse of frying pans and Monty Python references. Crack!Fic."
Pairings-Arthur/Eames, Cobb/Ariadne, and if you want to see it that way, Yusuf/Saito
Warnings- Crack!fic, slash, fluffityfluffluff of the teeth rotting kind, mild swearing and complete and utter randomness.
Disclaimer- We own nothing, except the clothes on our backs, the words in our heads, and the man tied up in the basement.

A/N- uh, crack!Fic isn't as cracky as anticipated, this started off as a one word story, and escalated into fluff.

Arthur was laid out on Cobb's sofa cont emplating The Times Crossword whilst researching some information on their latest mark, because he can actually do that and Eames was doing the washing up. Eames was actually washing up! Arthur was secretly in shock about this but being Arthur he didn't let this show, also he didn't want to stop Eames from being helpful ever again.

Meanwhile Cobb and Ariadne were putting the children to bed and, obviously, reading them an overly long and ridiculous bedtime story, about elephants and sneezing. It was the day before Phillipa's birthday and Cobb had invited everyone round to help him organise a party.

Eventually Eames finished the washing up and started to raid the fridge for snacks, despite the fact that he had only eaten half an hour earlier. What he didn't think about was that once he had finished eating he would have to wash up again, thus a vicious circle had begun; it might have had something to do with the copious amounts of alcohol drunk over dinner.

Suddenly there was an explosion from the garage where Yusuf was, he'd arrived gone to the garage, came back inside for dinner then went back out again.

"It seems he has not perfected his lemonade recipe yet," Eames called out to Arthur.

Arthur ignored them both and continued with his crossword.

"Eames, Comedian, 16 letters, first letter M, second to last letter R." Arthur called.

"I thought you were researching and 'Didn't want to be disturbed'." Eames called back.

"I am."

"That sounds awfully like The Times Crossword, 7 down if I'm correct."

Arthur hid the cross word behind his back.

"Arthur?" Asked Cobb who had just appeared in the door way. "Why are you hiding The Times Crossword behind your back?"

"I'm not." Arthur said indignantly.

Cobb decided it was about time that Arthur deserved the infamous Cobb squint.

"Fine, I'm doing the Times Crossword," Arthur admitting with a sigh.

"For fuck sakes Arthur, I wanted to do that crossword." Ariadne scowled at the point man.

"Would it help if I bought out The Times?" Saito appeared from seemingly nowhere. He did that often, it was normally because during a get together he spent most of his time making phone call on his Blackberry.

"Gah, don't no that." Ariadne cried. Honestly, Saito could appear out of nowhere like a weeping angel on a sugar high.

"Besides," Said Arthur, "it was just The Times Crossword, I mean, I wasn't expecting some kind of Spanish inquisition."

"Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition," Eames cried, jumping though the door way and into the living room.

Silence fell through the room.

"What," Eames, shrugged.

Arthur raised an eyebrow and the others continued staring at them.

"This is all getting rather random," Ariadne pointed out, but no one listened to her common sense. Because seriously it couldn't have got weirder in her opinion if Mal had turned up doing the Can-can with Robin hoods merry men (in tights) and a tin of spam.

"I'm going to see Yusuf," said Ariadne.

"Me too," agreed Cobb, and Saito nodded.

"So I take it that means no-ones seen Monty Python then." Eames said, "by the way, the answer you're looking for is Michael McIntyre."

"Thanks."

Arthur filled out the answer.

"Have you finished yet?" Eames whined, about five minutes later. "I'm bored. And there's nothing on the TV except 'Dancing on ice' and some show about a magic dolphin."

Arthur ignored him.

Eames continued to grumble about the TV, "At least if I was at home I could watch re-run's of 'Top Gear' on 'Dave'."

Arthur continued to ignore him. Didn't the forger know that he had a crossword to complete?

Eames whacked him with a saucepan. Well he tried to anyway, and when Eames would re-tell the story he would tell everyone that he whacked Arthur with a saucepan, but in reality he didn't. He didn't actually get to the whacking bit, just the swinging back, getting ready to whack bit. He did try though; he tried harder than anyone else had tried ever. In fact he tried harder than the hardest try-er in try-land. If he were a rugby player he would have been 'Man of the Match'. That is how hard he tried, but trying to hit Arthur with anything was like trying to carry a seventy litre tank on the London underground.

So, instead of actually hitting Arthur with the saucepan, he swung back but Arthur grabbed his arm and tackled Eames to the floor and straddled his chest to stop him from getting up.

"You just tried to hit me with a saucepan."

"No shit Sherlock."

(Sherlock would have something to say about this, but it's the wrong fandom, and Arthur would have given him an epic glare, so the detective would have slunk away.)

"Anyway, Darling," Eames said quietly, "you should probably get off me before Cobb thinks we are up to something that we're not."

Arthur looked from his position on top of Eames, to the door which Cobb had just entered through, and back to Eames again. It would have been funny, except everyone was in too much shock.

Cobb just stared in both shock, and amusement (and slight fear that he had just lost a fair bit of money to Ariadne). There was an awkward silence.

No one noticed that Saito and Yusuf were leaning through the window; taking photo's to put on Facebook at the next possible opportunity, the sneaky bastards.

"This isn't what it looks like," Arthur said, embarrassment clear on his face.

"Yes it is!" Eames said with a shit-eating grin.

Cobb shrugged, "I don't care what you two are up to, but please stop it in my living room. There are children in this house, you know."

"Are you two fucking?" Ariadne said, walking into the room.

"Not right now," Eames said, with a wink.

Ariadne rolled her eyes, "I meant in general. Anyway, that's the bedroom situation sorted. Saito and Yusuf can share the spare with the twin beds, and Arthur and Eames can have the double."

"No!" Arthur shouted.

Ariadne ignored him, "that way no one has to sleep on the sofa."

"Maybe I want to sleep on the sofa." Arthur said, pouting.

Eames shrugged, "Kinky."

"Wait there's something missing," Arthur mused, "Where are you sleeping, Ariadne?"

"With Dom."

"Oh I fucking give up," moaned Arthur, "I'm going to bed. I'll probably dream about Mal attacking me with train full of Daleks but at least its better than talking to you lot."

Arthur stormed upstairs.

"How the hell does he know what a Dalek is?" Eames murmured as Arthur walked out the room.

Cobb looked at Eames.

"Do you think we should tell him?"

Eames winked, "nah"

"Tell him what?" Yusuf asked from the window.

"That Saito will stay in the five star hotel down the road, that we all know that Eames is laying when he says that they are actually together. We know that Eames loves Arthur and has done for the past 3 years, that we would be over the moon if they actually got together and the we all know, despite what he say's, that Arthur likes Eames, possibly?" Ariadne said.

"Make that 'likes Eames a lot, so much in fact that he dreams about him sometimes' and you'd pretty much be there." Cobb said.

"Wait what was the last bit?" Eames said, amazed at the possibility that Arthur might like him too.

"You didn't hear that, okay?" Cobb said sternly, "and you will not use it against him!"

"but-"

"Sh, or Ariadne will to horrible things to your brain with a Spork." Ariadne nodded with approval at this.

"What?"

"Spork"

Eames shut up.

"I think I'm going to apologise to Arthur, are there any spare blankets?"

"Yeah, in the airing cupboard."

Eames left the room, not seeing the disapproving stair that Ariadne gave Cobb.

The extractor shrugged, "what? They need to be happy, or I will never see them again."

Eames walked up the stairs and to the bedroom, picking up the spare blankets on the way. He knocked softly on the door before entering. Arthur was sitting up in bed finishing the crossword, he looked up as Eames entered, but didn't say anything.

"Look, Arthur, I'm sorry about that." Eames said, but Arthur just scowled harder.

Arthur ignored Eames. You know, like a mature person. Eames ignored Arthur, like an equally mature person and started to make a bed for himself on the floor.

"What are you doing," Arthur asked incredulously.

"I'm setting up a bed for myself."

"Oh, okay."

Eames stripped down to his boxers and undershirt and settled into his makeshift bed, facing away from Arthur.

A few minutes later Arthur said, "I'm turning the light out."

"'Kay, night," Eames replied and tried to sleep.

They lay in silence just listening to each others breathing. Eames tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, but the floor was too hard.

After an hour of listening to Eames' shifting Arthur gave up.

"Get in the bed Eames."

"What?"

"Get in the bed."

"Why?"

"Because I can't sleep with you tossing and turning like that, so get in the fucking bed!"

Eames got up and climbed into the bed. He settled as near to the edge as possible and snuggled into the bed covers. Just before he goes to sleep, he thinks that possibly and only possibly he feels a warm arm wrap round he waist. But he might have been dreaming of course.

A/N this is a two shot and the next chapter should be up soon :)

Reviewwwwwww plzzzz or da chav of doom will eat ur brain!