Shingle no Kayaking
A/N: So a friend of mine(the one who got me into this amazing fandom!) was searching for stories under the title "Shingeki no Kyojin", however was presented with a message saying, "Did you mean Shingle no Kayaking?" She sent a screenshot to me and I just started cracking up like mad(probably because I was overtired, but still). That was the birth of this lovely thing. Yeah. Anyway, enjoy this late Christmas present! Happy Christmas!
One glorious and sunny day, the Scout Regiment was enjoying a vacation at a Mountain house near a small river.
Erwin majestically stood on the docks holding a Shepard's staff and wearing nothing but a small flap of fabric covering his genitals like a caveman.
"I like salted fish," he announced, nodding contently. "I am very fond of salted fish."
As Gunter pulled his head out of the water again, he gasped for air.
"Sir! Sir! I caught... another one!" he panted, pointing to the fish speared on that pointy chocolate chip head of his.
"Ah, very good, yes, very nice," the tall blonde regarded him before turning back to stand majestically while looking out across the river.
"Um, can you help take it of my head, sir?" Gunter asked politely.
Erwin clenched his dimpled asscheeks at the question.
"I'm afraid I cannot," he stated and turned his head to look at the man with the wriggling fish on his head. "For I have to look after my sheep."
His head turned and clicked back into place.
"There are no sheep here..."
The perfectly carved statue of David replica whipped his head around to the Cookie Monster.
"Yes there is."
A meaty finger of his pointed down into the water as he continued to look at him with an utterly disturbing smile and proud, wide eyes.
"Those are fish, sir..."
Erwin stood there for a moment before diving backwards into the water with an, "ALLEY OOP!"
Gunter sighed and managed to carefully remove the fish from his head before submerging his pointy point again.
-MEANWHILE-
"Mike, dearie, look at our beautiful grandchildren out there playing together so nicely," Nanaba cooed.
"Those aren't our gra-"
"I'm just so," she paused to sniffle as her eyes teared up. "So proud of them, Mikie!"
Nana Nanaba ran over and hugged the human bloodhound, who let out a long sigh.
"Nanaba, please let g-"
"AREN'T YOU PROUD OF THEM?!" she cried, looking up at him with huge eyes.
"Er... yeah... sure..." he muttered with uncertainty.
Her smile became the shape of a wide banana.
"YAAAAAAAAAY!" she shouted happily before flying out of the window and off a cliff.
-AT THE SAME TIME-
"A'IGHT! EVERYONE READ-AAAYY?!" Sasha called out to all the teams of two holding their oars, ready to paddle and win the race.
Before anyone could answer, Marco stood up in the kayak he shared with Jean.
"Marco what are you-"
"Now everyone remember, this is just for fun! Just a way to enjoy ourselves and spend time with one another! So don't get too competitive and be a good sport and this'll be fun for everyone!" he chirped, finishing off with a sweet laugh.
"Ha, GAAYYY!" the elderly Oluo Bozado called from his place on a kayak, earning him a slap from his orange-haired partner.
"Oookaaayyyy... SO. IS. EVERYONE. READ-AY?!"
After receiving an affirmative answer from the teams, she hollered, "GO!"
A flare was heard and seen; it was Rico, who had snuck into their ranks to join them on their vacation and shoot flares in the middle of the night naked.
Petra and Oluo were starting take the lead, but Eren and Mikasa's boat quickly became tied with Reiner and Bertholdt's. They were neck and neck, with Jean and Marco a little bit behind. Connie and Sasha seemed to get lost behind everyone.
After a minute or two, Reiner and Bertholdt took the lead, Eren's boat following close after, with Oluo's right behind his.
It was getting to be a very heated competition, everyone cursing and swearing at each other as they got closer and closer to the finish line.
Suddenly, they all began hearing a motor noise coming from behind them and drawing nearer.
"Do you guys hear that?"
Everyone turned around to see was coming up behind them.
Around the bend came Sasha cheering in the kayak and Connie hanging off the back of the boat with his bare ass in the water, followed by lots of bubbles. Dear lord, they must've been flying at some ungodly speed, making everyone one wonder how that bald eagle could force that much wind from his anus to propel them at such a speed. Some even held their behinds protectively in thought of it.
The kayakers were muttering curses under their breath and growled as they sped by.
"Dammit," Eren breathed, knowing they wouldn't be able to get back in the lead; they were defeated without the resource of gas power.
-WHILE THAT'S HAPPENING-
While everyone played games and kayaked and fished, Levi took to the duty of scrubbing the roof and outside walls.
He had been out there for about three hours so far, after he finished scrubbing the floors, and everything was serene and peaceful, save for a little bit of noise the kayakers made down below in the river.
That was the way Levi liked it.
It was just at the moment he was finally starting to enjoy his day when the scientist lady sprung out of a sunroof.
"BONZAAAAIIIII!" she screeched before assaulting the startled raven with two super soaker water guns.
He went wide eyed as he looked down at his wet clothes, then shot a fierce glare up at Hanji.
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, SHITTY GLASSES!"
Quick as a rabbit, she danced along the rooftop. The angry dwarf growled and lunged to get her, however failed to see the large puddle of water before him. He slipped and toppled backward off the roof, taking a few roof shingles with him.
Down below in his kayak sat Eren, still baffled by how Sasha and Connie's boat had sped by so quickly just a moment ago. All of a sudden, he was pummeled by humanity's firmest ass.
"Eren!" his adopted sister squealed in fear.
"Ow..."
Levi looked down at Eren.
"Oi, brat, what're you doing under my ass?" he questioned.
Before Eren could answer, the brunette bitch screeched at the top of her lungs, "ERERI!"
She threw lots of shingles into the air like confetti as she cackled and jumped off the roof and plunged into the river.
The shingles rained down, causing everyone to shield their heads. The idiot Oluo Bozado didn't think to do so, resulting in a shingle crashing onto his head.
"Hey!" the old man shouted, rubbing his head. Before he could yell curses at the lady who had jumped into the river, the head of Erwin Smith emerged from the water, holding a flopping fish in his mouth. With great force, he spit the fish out in Levi's direction, causing the raven the recoil to avoid the filthy thing.
"BAMBOOZLED!" he proclaimed.
"Wh-" the grey-haired Levi wannabe began, before, suddenly, Erwin's head exploded and initiated the next Big Bang.
What a day it was to be alive.
THE END