I, Brobot
by Gary D. Snyder
Prologue
"Knight takes pawn." In conjunction with this pronouncement the mechanical claw hovering over the chessboard descended, removed the hapless pawn from the board, and placed the opposing knight in its place. "Black threatens mate. White should retreat."
The computer's human opponent scrutinized the board, refusing to believe what he had heard. "Bishop takes queen," he replied, moving the pieces accordingly.
"Rook to A8. Check." The claw again descended to advance the appropriate piece. "Mate in two."
The White player studied the board and finally saw the trap baited by Black's queen sacrifice. After the white bishop returned to shield his king, the marauding knight would advance to force his king into a corner and Black's second knight would finish the job. After searching futilely for some way out, the human rose to his feet and announced his move. "White demolishes Black."
There was a brief moment of silence as the computer tried to digest this. "That does not compute."
"It will." The human raised the chair on which he had been sitting and brought it down with all his might on the chess apparatus. He repeated this several times, leaving the chessboard, chess pieces, and intricate circuitry a shattered ruin before he tossed the chair aside and dusting his hands. "Make a fool of Eustace Stritch, will you?" he challenged the smoking electronics. "Well, who's laughing now?"
Other than some sputters and pops the demolished circuits were silent.
Eustace surveyed the wreckage with satisfaction. "I thought as much. Blix!"
The manservant popped through the door like a genie from a bottle. "Yes, Mein Herr?"
"Contact our cybernetics division and tell them to keep working on their chess computer," Eustace ordered. "It still won't let me win."
"But Mein Herr, the objective of a chess computer is to win," protested Blix. "If they build a computer that lets you win there would be no purpose in building it."
"Don't argue with me!" the boy fumed. "Get them on it. I want it here by tomorrow morning."
Blix sighed. "Whatever you say."
"Precisely. Whatever I say. And after you've done that, dispose of this…failure."
"Jawohl, Mein Herr." The servant left, mumbling something in German beneath his breath as he went.
Eustace paced back and forth in growing irritation. What a world of fools in which I live, he thought. How hard could it possibly be for people to do exactly what I want? It isn't, after all, as though they'd have to make any decisions. I'd have already done all that, and making decisions is the hard part in anything. The smell of smoke in the room grew stronger, interrupting his thoughts and making him cough. He'd have to remember to have Blix air out the room after he disposed of the smashed robot. But even as the thought crossed his mind he realized that the smell of smoke was different. Almost like…tobacco?
"Hello, Eustace."
Eustace didn't have to look to know who it was. "How did you get in here?"
"Any wall is a door, if you know where to push."
Eustace turned slowly to face the cigarette-smoking man. "And being pushy is your forte, isn't it?"
Smoke dribbled out of the man's nose as he considered the remark. "In my profession it comes in handy." He gestured towards the pile of electromechancial debris. "Having some problems with your chess computer?"
"No. No problems. Why?"
The man shrugged. "Because I have a pressing need for some advanced cybernetics that you can deliver. And…" He paused to take a long drag on the cigaretted to underline his next comment. "…You still owe me a favor. A big one, as you recall."
That brought a frown to Eustace's face. "I paid you well. Especially considering that your efforts failed miserably."
Nothing seemed to fluster the man, who simply smiled. "You set the parameters, and were told that there was no guarantee of success. And all you paid for was the time and equipment. You still owe for the opportunity."
Although the smile unnerved him more than did the man's usually stoic visage Eustace simply sighed, trying to appear bored. "And what exactly do I owe?"
The man crushed out the stub of his cigarette and withdrew a fresh one from a crumpled pack. "As I said, I need some access to some advanced cybernetics. As your experience showed, there were some problems with our players that need correction. In particular, they need to be more flexible. I need a robot that that is able to compensate for unexpected factors and extrapolate courses of action from previous experiences."
"In short, you want a robot that can think."
"In so many words, yes."
Eustace's reaction was something halfway between a snort and a laugh. "Forget it. My cybernetics research division is years away from that sort of thing. Not even the pure advanced research laboratories are close to it. No one is."
"Really?" The man snapped open a lighter, worn smooth from years of use, and lit the cigarette dangling from his lips. "I understand there's someone right here in town who's made remarkable strides in the field."
"You mean Neutron?" Eustace spat out the last word as though it were something distasteful.
"None other. Consider that robotic dog of his. As I understand it, it beat one of your RA units."
"That was a fluke."
The man smiled again, seeming this time to be amused. "Then why have you been trying to get Neutron's dog for so long?"
"Because it's the best!" Eustace shot back. "And I deserve the best! I always deserve the best!" After a short time he succeeded in mastering his temper and went on. "And suppose I did manage to find some way to get Neutron's dog. What would you want with it?"
The cigarette-smoking man simply regarded the boy in front of him and let a stream of smoke escape his nostrils. "Oh, I could tell you," he replied, watching the wisp of smoke slowly dissipate, "but then…"
"But then you'd have to kill me." Eustace began to laugh at the old joke, but the laugh grew weaker and more nervous when the man didn't join in. Another cloud of smoke drifted his way, and he broke into a fit of weak coughing before the man broke the increasingly uncomfortable silence.
"Just get me the robot. Or the information to build another one."
As intimidating as this ultimatum was it was better than the ominous silence the preceeded it. Eustace felt almost relieved to have something concrete to which he could respond. "Easier said than done," he scowled. "Despite our recent Arean truce Neutron would never trust me with his dog or any of its secrets so I could duplicate it. And trying to get anything useful out of his doltish friends is like talking to a brick wall."
The man seemed unperturbed. "As I said," he returned smoothly, finishing the cigarette with a final drag, "any wall is a door."
Eustace considered that and a thoughtful look came over his face as he began slowly to pace and the wheels began to turn. "If you know where to push." A crooked smile revealed the full extent of his oversized incisors. "And I can also be quite pushy when I want. Wouldn't you agree?" There was no answer and he turned in irritation to face the cigarette-smoking man. "I said…" he began, only to let the sentence die when he discovered that he was alone. He let out a long sigh and muttered in annoyance, "I hate it when he does that."
Blix re-entered the room with a broom and waste receptacle just in time to catch Eustace's remark. "I beg your pardon?"
"Never mind. Did you contact the cybernetics lab?"
"Jawohl, Mein Herr," Blix assured him. "They will have the next prototype here at 8 AM." He moved towards the destroyed equipment to remove it.
"Excellent." He stepped in front of his manservant to block his path. "Forget about cleaning up for a while. I have another assignment for you."
Blix was used to last minute changes. "Ja, Mein Herr?"
"Go to the surveillance room," Eustace instructed him. "I need to know where Neutron's friends are right now. I have a business proposition for them."
"A business proposition? With you?" Blix blinked in confusion. "Will they be interested, do you think?"
"Oh, indubitably. You might say," Eustace assured him in a consipiratorial whisper, "it would be a dog-gone shame if they refused."
End of Prologue
Author's Note:
Long-time readers, and I mean really long-time readers since it's been nearly a year since I last posted anything, may recognize references in this story to my fanfic "The Neutron Show"as well as a reference to the more recent Nickelodeon episode "King of Mars" ("Arean" means "Martian"). If you don't, don't worry: you won't really need any background information to understand this story.