It was so natural to both of you, as easy as breathing, when you'd gone from shy smiles to reassuring hugs, from impulsively hotly whispering your secret (the silly middle school embarrassment Monobear tried to motivate you with) into her ear and then that night you came to her with tears in your eyes and asked her to please, please stay with you, and you'd curled up in her chest until morning and felt so safe and so right.
It never needed discussing. You appreciated that about her. It was never "Aoi, where is this going" or "Does this mean we're lesbians now" - it was just how the two of you were, what you did. And when cuddling turned to kissing her softly on her scars, and your sleepovers turned into an undiscussed release through each other's tongues and fingers, you weren't afraid . You weren't afraid that it was going nowhere. You weren't afraid that she might lose interest. You weren't even afraid to die, not any more.
But simply banning yourself from imagining the possibility that she might leave you alone didn't make it untrue.
You'd ripped up your private letter from her. You didn't want it. There was only anger, white hot rage at how she dared be so STUPID and do a thing like that. You punched the wall in the girls' changing room until your knuckles bled and then all the anger was gone and there was only that awful hollow ache that never let up, a sadness that threatened to eat you up from the inside as you cradled her body - big, cold, lifeless ogre - and wept into her snow-coloured hair.
Now you lie on a bed sighing mutely as Hagakure earnestly thrusts into you. You've already borne Naegi's child and you see no reason not to be a good sport about the boys and their needs. Togami was the first to suggest it, actually, in his clinical way - for him it was a matter of family. He'd softened up since he lost Fukawa, but he was hardly romantic in his view of you. You didn't mind. Naegi was very sweet and awkward about it, and you saw it as an act of friendship. Hagakure had always seemed happy enough jerking it into a sock, but after you got round with Naegi's child he seemed to gain some motivation. So he grips you by the shoulders now and spills into you with a heaving, ugly gasp. You don't look at him, and you know he's picturing someone else, too. You don't smile at him. All your smiles are half-hearted now. As Hagakure removes himself from you and starts chattering away you nod, but you're not there.
You haven't been there for a very long time.