As Long as You Want Me
By: Taylor Griffin
I realise that I've been drawing all over my note paper instead of actually taking notes, when the bell rings. Finally. It's Friday and I just want to have a good weekend before I have to go back to school.
Gathering my things, I leave class and head to my locker to put my books away. When I close my locker door, he's there, staring down at me, looking as gorgeous as ever. Finnick Odair. He has somewhat of a smug expression on his face as my face heats up and I look away. "How was class today, Taylor?" He asks, as I turn back around.
"Fine. Though I didn't get much done." I reply truthfully.
"Too busy dreaming of me?" He says, letting out the full extent of his conceit.
"You wish, Odair. I never pay attention in math anyways. I just don't see the point in trying anymore because I won't understand anyway." I shrug.
His eyebrow rises in the slightest bit. "I can see right through your lies, you know." Now I'm the one raising my brow. "I can tell how I affect you just by watching when I approach you" he raises his hand to stroke my cheek, "or when I touch you."
I shy away a bit, unconsciously, which makes the corners of his mouth lift into a triumphant smile. "I have no clue what you're talking about."
"Sure you don't." His eyes roll. "Have any plans this weekend?"
His question takes me a bit off guard. Finnick Odair would normally never be caught anywhere outside of school with me. The only reason it's acceptable to talk to me here is because he's my senior mentor. I'm relatively new to the school and he was assigned to help me around and make sure I'm not struggling. But he only ever makes my life more difficult for me. The day he was assigned to me, all I could do was blush at anything and everything he said. I tried to remain quiet because of how nervous he made me, but after a while, I got in the habit of making it seem like I had no interest in him at all.
Stuck in my thoughts, I had completely forgotten Finnick's question until he tilts his head at me. "Oh, um no, not really. Why do you ask?"
"Well, I don't have anything to do either. A lot of my friends are going out of town and I didn't want to go. I was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie with me or something." I search his face, looking for any hint that he's joking, that he's messing with me. I stare so long that he actually begins to look kind of… nervous. That's new.
"Sure, why not? What movie?" I ask.
"Doesn't matter. Pick you up around seven?"
"Sure." I smile.
"Okay I'll see you later." He turns to walk away.
"Wait! Finnick… did you just ask me out?" I ask, kind of shocked as the realisation finally sank in.
He stops and turns to face me again. "Yeah, I guess I did." Then he's gone.
I spent the whole walk home wondering what possible motives he may have for this. I can't really think of any. Maybe it's a dare from one of his friends. Nonetheless, I can't help smiling and thinking of what to wear.
When I get home, I raid my closet and pick out my nicest clothes. I'm torn between two completely opposite looks. The shy and girly look or the striking, sexy look. Well, it is Finnick, after all, so I decide on the sexy look and throw my mid-thigh red dress on the bed. I run to the shower and go through all the necessary steps of beautification: Washing my hair/body and shaving my legs, even though they're still smooth from the other day.
Once I'm out I get dressed and then blow dry my hair. After it's dry, I run a flat iron through it and pin it to the side. My makeup doesn't take long because I only use eyeliner and mascara. Once my face and hair are done, I try to decide on shoes. I was thinking about wearing my boots that look nice with the leather jacket I normally wear over this dress, but I decide against them and put on some black and white low top converse. That's a little bit more my style.
When I'm done with everything, it is six-thirty. After a little bit of television, there's a knock on my door. I opened the door and felt a bit over dressed when I saw Finnick. He was wearing a black and white flannel shirt that hangs open underneath his hoodie, a white t-shirt, and jeans.
At first sight of me, his mouth opens just a bit and then closes right away. "You look…"
"Over dressed? I know I'm sorry, I just didn't know—" I'm cut off.
"You look amazing." He says in a serious tone.
I can't help the blush that runs to my face. Hey, at least it matched the dress. "Thank you."
Finnick reaches for my hand and I let him take it as he leads me to his car. We sit in silence for a bit until I begin to quietly sing along to the song on the radio.
"You have a lovely voice." He says trying to look at me but keep his eyes on the road at the same time.
"Thanks. I like to sing a lot but I always get nervous singing for people." I admit.
Finnick is quiet for a moment. "Well you shouldn't be. You're really good at it. I'm sure anyone would agree with that."
"Maybe." I reply.
We reach the theatre and settle on an action movie because, let's face it, chick-flicks on a date are a little cliché. The movie's interesting but it's hard to pay attention when you have the hottest guy in school sitting right next to you. I shiver a bit, regretting ditching my jacket along with the boots.
"Are you cold?" He asks.
"Just a little, but I'll be okay." I say, even though it really is freezing in the theatre. I'm surprised that he isn't cold.
Finnick reaches over to put his jacket on me. It's so warm on the inside and it smells just like him. I thank him but he ensures me that it's no big deal, as his reaches over and puts his arm around my shoulders. I am then startled with the realisation that this is the first kind of contact I've ever had with Finnick besides a slight nudge here and there. My heart is beating faster than it ever has and I struggle to keep my breathing even. It seems so silly to react this way over a gesture such as this, but if you've ever seen Finnick, you'd react the same way.
The movie comes to an end too soon and I'm sad that I'm going to have to return home. We walk out to his car and get in.
"Did you like the movie?" He asks me.
"Yeah, I thought it was really interesting." I answer honestly.
The ride back to my house doesn't take as long as I had hoped. Finnick walks me back to my door step and I slide his jacket off my shoulders. Handing him the jacket, I say, "I had a really nice time tonight."
"I did too. But it had to end sometime." He smiles slightly.
I shift awkwardly on my feet, contemplating whether or not I should ask what I'm thinking but I don't want him to leave just yet. "Do you want to come in?" I fumble with my words, my voice sounding shy.
"Sure." He smiles.
I unlock my front door and we walk in. I turn on the television and walk into the kitchen, calling over my shoulder, "Do you want something to drink?"
"No thanks, I'm fine." He answers.
I walk back out with a soda for myself and sit on the couch with Finnick. Not too close, yet not too far away. Suddenly, he stands up and walks toward the hall. "What are you doing?" I wonder.
"I'm going to find your room and see all of the embarrassing things you keep up there." He smiles.
I'm on my feet immediately, chasing him up the stairs. Fortunately, he takes a wrong turn and I run to stand in front of my room door protectively. He notices and comes to stand in front of me. "How cute. Playing guard, are we? You don't stand a chance." He laughs.
"I'm not letting you in here." I say assertively.
"You know, you really are cute when you're trying to be all tough." He says as he leans in really close to my face. In my panic, I realise he has his eyes closed and he just keeps getting closer. I close my eyes as well only to feel the warmth of his breath leaving my face and hearing my door knob click open. I struggle to keep him out but he lifts me easily at the waist and sets me on my bed.
"You don't play fair." I pout.
"I never told you that I did." He grins. His eyes settle on a notebook on my dresser and he flips it open. Blush floods my cheeks when he sees the image of him, sketched in pencil, on a piece of my notebook paper. "This is really good." He says as he looks back up at me.
I train my eyes to the blanket on my bed and do not say a word. Finnick comes to sit next to me and sets the notebook down. "Are you okay?" He asks, seeming genuinely concerned. "I didn't mean to upset you, I was just curious. I won't go through your stuff anymore. I should probably go anyway…"
He starts to stand up but I grab his hand, warm and strong. "No, don't go."
"What about your parents? Won't they feel weird if they come home and see me here with you?" He sits back down, slowly.
"They're out of town for the weekend. They'd never know you were here. You could stay over and they'd never find out." I give a small laugh.
"I'll stay over if you want me to." He searches my face, waiting for an answer.
"Okay." I say. I realise I still have his hand and I try to let go, but he won't let me.
"Can I ask you a question?" I look at him.
"Anything."
"Why do you get so nervous around me?" He asks. As if he doesn't know!
"Are you serious? Well for one, you're the hottest guy at school and you decided to ask ME, of all people, out." I say in disbelief.
"You're a lot better than the other girls at school. You're…different and I like that about you." He looks down at our hands. "For one, you're the first girl who hasn't thrown herself at me." He laughs.
"I'm not like that. Too shy." I admit quietly.
This makes him laugh a little more. "So I've noticed."
And that's when it happens. Finnick slowly reached up and cupped my face in his hands. When he leans in, he rests his forehead on mine for a second and mutters, "But it's okay. I like a little challenge." He tilts his head and brushes his lips against mine. When he finally kisses me, he sighs, like he's been waiting on that for a while. As the kiss deepens, he slides his hands from my face to my hips and pulls me closer to him. I wrap my arms around his neck and my heart is almost pounding out of my chest. By now, he's pulled me onto his lap and has his hand at the hem of my dress, rubbing the skin at my thigh with his thumb. I lift my hands from his neck and run them through is bronze-colored hair.
We pull back slightly, for breath, but our faces are only about an inch apart. Both of us breathing hard, Finnick leans back in to kiss me, but it's only for a second. When he pulls back he says, "Let me know when I've gone too far."
At this point, I don't care about anything except for the fact that I want him, more than I've ever wanted anything. I stare into his sea green eyes and there's no turning back. I kiss him this time with such a passion and hunger that it literally knocks him on his back. He flips us so that he's now leaning over me. One of his hands is tangled in my hair and the other one is being used to prop himself up. He takes his hand out of my hair and toys with the strap of my dress, slowly pushing it off of my shoulder. He doesn't move it any further, though. He stops kissing me and nuzzles his face in my neck, biting down softly on the skin. A noise escapes my lips and it's a sound of pleasure and desperation at the same time. He lifts his head and smiles at me. Then he moves and plants kisses along my jawbone.
"Finnick…" I plead, hating the way my voice sounds so needing. I guess it's then that he realised he had permission to do whatever he was contemplating.
Soon, there were clothes scattered around the room and I wish I would have opened a window because the temperature had increased a lot since we first got back. A pang of guilt struck me, in the middle of everything. Taylor, you whore. It's only the first date. My thoughts were dismissed relatively quickly because of how Finnick was making me feel. Oh well, might as well take this opportunity because I may not ever get the chance again. After I stopped feeling guilty and gave in completely to my senses, I didn't know where Finnick started and I ended. We were perfectly intertwined as one. There were limbs wrapping around each other so tightly, as if they were afraid of letting go.
After what seemed like a perfect blur of forever, our bodies slowed to a stop. Finnick and I lay there, naked and wrapped around each other. Our breathing finally began to regulate and Finnick wrapped my sheet around us.
"Are you staying here with me tonight?" I asked, hopeful.
"Do you want me to?" He said, looking into my eyes.
I didn't even have to hesitate. "Yes."
"Then I'm staying, as long as you want me." We relaxed into a spooning position and I found myself drifting into sleep quickly.
When I woke up, Finnick wasn't with me. I frowned, thinking that he left while I was sleeping but then I noticed most of his clothes were still on my floor. I got out of bed and put my robe on to walk downstairs. Finnick was standing in my kitchen, making eggs and bacon, in his boxers. Sexy doesn't even define him at the moment. This is a sight I never thought I'd see. Him cooking, that is, not him in his boxers, not that I expected that either.
"Morning beautiful." He smiles as he realises I'm watching him.
"Morning." I smile at him. "You know, it's only nine in the morning and the sight of you half naked just makes me want to pounce on you."
He laughs. "I wouldn't mind that."
"Hm, it's a tad bit too early for that, but I'll keep it in mind." I wink.
Breakfast was great and Finnick spent the rest of the weekend with me. I couldn't have been happier. That is, until I got to school on Monday.
I went to find Finnick in the morning, but when I tried to call him over to me, he ignored me. He walked away with his friends without a glance behind his shoulder. I didn't know why I was so sad because deep inside, I always figured this would happen. "That's what you get for sleeping with him just because he's gorgeous, Taylor. Now look, he wants nothing to do with you." I mutter to myself, though I don't really believe that. I had my doubts, but I did believe that he liked me and I did like him. I still do, sad to say.
A few days pass and still no word from him. It doesn't matter. I had already given up hope of anything with him. As I was walking to class, a hand reached out and pulled me into a supply closet. Finnick. I try to refrain from crying at the sight of him but it doesn't work very well. He pulls me into his arms and I'm such a mess that I don't resist at first. After a while, I push him away.
"What do you want, Finnick?" I ask, wiping away tears.
"I'm sorry. I really am. I just got back to school and I was afraid of what all my friends would think. But I don't care anymore, I swear. They're not worth it." He pleads.
"Save it Finnick. You've already proved to me that you care. If you didn't, you wouldn't have ignored me. This was probably your plan all along. You figure you'll stay away from your friends for a weekend, soften me up, and get me to give it up. Well congrats, you fucking did it, okay? Now leave me alone." I try to move to the door but he stops me.
"Taylor, please… I wouldn't hurt you like that. It was not a scheme. I liked you a lot and I still do. I was being stupid and shallow because my friends don't believe in 'intermixing with underclassmen, especially the loners'. But I don't care about what they think anymore. I just want you." He tries to explain. But it's too late, I don't believe him.
"Stop! Stop lying to me! I refuse to let you get to me again because you know what, I just don't believe you." And this time when I go for the door, he doesn't try to stop me. He just stands there, utterly speechless. If I wasn't so convinced he was lying, I would think his eyes were tearing up.
The next week drags on. My feelings are conflicting me. I cared so much about Finnick but I'm so angry and hurt at being used by him. It gets better after a while though, and I start to move on. A little happiness sparks when math class is cut short for an assembly. The principal is supposed to talk to us about a new school fundraiser and some seniors are going to talk about prom.
I'm barely paying attention to the assembly. I just sit in my seat, fiddling with my braided hair. I was in a daze until I heard my name being called from the microphone on stage by a familiar voice. Of course it was Finnick, who else would it have been? His friends were right in saying that I was a loner. No one talked to me and I didn't talk to them, but that's how I like it.
"Taylor, I know you're in the crowd somewhere because I saw you in the halls today. I always make sure to notice whether you're here or not. I miss seeing your face in the halls when you aren't around." Finnick trails off and I'm wondering how he even got the authorization to do this. Oh yeah, he's Finnick. He can get anything. "I miss you, Taylor. I know you don't believe me, but I don't care what anyone thinks about us. This is the only way I could think to prove it to you. If you still don't believe me, then I guess I'll have to give up. You make me feel ways I haven't felt in years. I never have to go above and beyond for you to accept me, you always just have. I knew you'd be special the moment I was assigned to be your senior mentor. You looked adorable with that confused look on your face, trying to find your classes. I'll always remember the way you blushed when I introduced myself. I really just hope you'll forgive me. I don't want to hurt you and I never will, ever again, if you'll just take me back. It's like I said at your house. I'll stay as long as you want me… I love you."
And with that, slow tears began to stream down Finnick Odair's face. I was left speechless. He walked off stage and took his seat somewhere in the front. After the principal closed the assembly, I ran to my locker. I had to get out of here. I had to make some sense of what just happened. Finnick loves me? No, he couldn't. If he loved me, he wouldn't have left. But as I think about it, the pained look on his face, the tears, I realised he was telling the truth. No one's that good of an actor.
As I was leaving the building, I spotted his car. I decided to walk over to it and wait there for him. After a while, he showed up. He noticed me standing there and stopped about twenty yards away. We stared at each other a long time. Slowly, he approached me. "Taylor…"
"Shh." I raised a finger to his lips. "Don't say anything." I took a step closer to him and raised my hand to caress his cheek. My fingers slid gently down his lips and he lightly kissed my fingertips. I cursed myself silently as a tear dared to run down my cheek. Finnick lifted his hand to wipe it away and stroked my face with his thumb. We stood there like that a while, staring into each other's eyes, his also starting to tear up.
After I couldn't take the swelling, painful feeling in my heart anymore, I stepped forward and quickly wrapped my arms around him. He responded immediately, wrapping me tightly in his embrace, as if he were afraid I'd walk away if he let go. I started to sob into his shirt and he kissed the top of my head, trying to soothe me. When I looked up into his eyes, they were also filled with tears.
"Do you believe me now?" He whispers. My only response is to nod. "I love you."
And there it was. This is what I was waiting for, why we've been standing here for twenty minutes in silence. I was waiting for him to say that to me, face to face. "I love you too, Finnick."
Finnick didn't waste a second. He lifted me off the ground and held me there, kissing me. His lips were salted from the tears but I didn't mind. I'd missed him so much the past week or so. It killed me to see him around and to not say anything. But now I know.
Finnick Odair is really mine, and he always will be. I wouldn't trade this moment right here for anything. Suddenly, Finnick pulls away and tilts his head to the side. That familiar cocky smile forms on his lips. "Have any dreams about me lately?"
I smile, remembering this conversation from weeks ago. "You wish." I said and kissed him again. Oh, how good it felt to have him back.