The Reasons Why

Spoilers: Season 2

Pairing: Kensi/Deeks (friendship)

Author's Note: I got this idea after seeing many people complaining that Deeks needed to grow up. Knowing his background as an abused child, I understood why he doesn't and I hope this does some justice. It's my first one shot so please be kind!

Disclaimer: I own nothing! This is fiction!

It was just shy of three a.m. and NCIS Special Agent Kensi Blye couldn't sleep. She climbed out of bed and walked towards the living room. The moonlight shone brightly through the filmy curtains, lighting the room in silver. Kensi expected to find the sleeping form of her partner, LAPD Detective Marty Deeks on the couch, but instead she found a neatly folded blanket and a note in Marty's haphazard handwriting. 'Sorry I crashed, thanks for the blanket. I tried to get back to sleep, and couldn't. I'm in my meditation spot. Deeks... PS: Who got booted off Next Top Model?'

Kensi laughed out loud. She debated for a few moments whether or not to try to sleep or go see Deeks. Knowing she really wouldn't be able to sleep she went back to her bedroom, pulled on a pair of lounge pants over her sleep shorts and grabbed a hoodie, putting her keys in her pocket she headed out in to the cool Los Angeles morning.

A short walk from her apartment was the beach that Marty frequently surfed at. And that's where she found him, sitting on a large blanket staring at the waves. Kensi sat beside him without a word. She could tell by the way his face was contorted he had a lot of his mind and he was trying to sort it out. After what seemed like an hour, he spoke.

"Do you remember that first case after I got back from under cover op, where they thought I was dead?" Kensi nodded.

"Are you thinking about Detective Traynor?" she asked softly, thinking of his LAPD partner who he had a brief relationship with before she was killed. This time Deeks nodded.

"Yes," he said, then he added something that surprised her, "and you." His tone with serious, something she never quite heard before and she was beginning to sense she was about to see a whole new side of her partner.

"Me?" she said, surprise ringing in her tone. This time Deeks looked at her, his deep blue eyes were sad.

"I think it's time you knew why I'm almost never serious." He said.

Kensi nodded and tried to mentally prepare herself for whatever she was about to hear.

"There was never a time when I didn't know violence. My dad was a drunk. He would beat my mom and me to within an inch of our lives over the smallest reasons." He blew out a breath. Anxiety gripped his insides, like if he were to turn around he'd find his father standing behind him, ready to strike. "The first time he hit me I was five and he'd tripped over a toy I left in the living room. I just remember him coming at me reeking of booze, and punting me like I was a football. I hit the wall and woke up in a hospital. It was the first of many trips."

"The older I got the more brutal the beatings became. My mother began to fade away; I could see her dying little by little every day. I knew I had to act or we would both die by his hands. My two best friends knew of my struggle, Nessa offered shelter when I had nowhere to turn. Ray offered me a simple solution, he gave me a gun."

Kensi's eyes widened but said nothing. Several pieces of the puzzle started to come together. Deeks glanced behind them, then at her. His eyes were clouded with memories.

"When I came home from school one day I saw smashed glass and blood everywhere. I ran to find my mother. He had her cornered. His face was purple with rage. I'd never seen him like that before. I got in the way of the next several blows meant for my mother. As soon as he was distracted, I pulled out the gun and pulled the trigger. After he was down I called the cops."

"Gordon John Brandel." Kensi said without realizing she'd spoken aloud, Deeks blinked and his eyes became clear again.

"Yes, I was 11 years old when I shot my father out of self defense. I wasn't charged with any crime and my mother had our last names changed to her maiden name. But she was changed after that. I thought she would grow and thrive without him, instead she became a shell of herself and ironically died of alcohol poisoning a year later." Deeks cleared his throat and stood, then began to pace.

"Nessa's family took me in after that. But Nessa had been keeping a secret from me. She was being abused by her father. It stopped shortly after because she started sneaking into my room at night. Her father wouldn't cross me because of what I'd done to my own father. I became her everything and she became mine. But the emotional abuse her father had subjected her to was almost more damaging than the physical. She dealt with heavy depression and would often get lost in herself. I lost her for good when we were 15. She hung herself." A tear slipped down his cheek.

"After that Ray and I were always together and in some sort of trouble. After a pretty big scrape involving me, Ray, and a stolen car my pro bono lawyer set me straight. He took me under his wing and treated me like I was his own kid. I got my life back on track and graduated high school and decided to go to law school. And I buckled down and passed the bar and was pretty successful lawyer for several years."

Deeks sat back down again. "But it got heavy after awhile, so I decided to become a cop because I enjoy helping others and I felt I could a better job of it that way. So this is what I've been doing ever since."

"Is that also why you never shave or cut your hair?" Kensi asked "so you don't look like that little boy who had to kill?"

Kensi was more intuitive than Deeks gave her credit for. He nodded "And why I don't live further than 5 miles from that house, to remind me where I came from, to keep me humble."

Kensi nodded and brought her knees to her chest and rest her knees on them. "Why were you thinking of Traynor?" she asked quietly.

"She was the first woman I opened up to about my past since Ness, and I really did care for her. You know it's funny. When I was pissed off at Scarli for cheapening what Jess and I had and when you all tried to stop me from shooting him, your voice was all I heard. And when you put your hand on my chest to hold me back, you calmed me. Somehow you always manage to get through to me. And there's something I've come to realize about you too, Kensi. You're too serious from the same reason I'm not. When you have a trauma early on in childhood you mostly handle it by going to one extreme or the other, and here we are today."

Kensi lay on her back and took it all in. Deeks lay down beside her. "What a pair we make." She said.

"An awesome pair." He said lightly, a smile in his voice for the first time. Despite herself, Kensi smiled.

"That's true." She agreed and smothered a yawn.

Deeks rose in one fluid movement and offered her his hands. "Come on Fern, the sun is starting to rise, let's go get some breakfast."

Kensi gave Deeks her hands and smiled to herself as he lifted her as if she weighed nothing. She brushed off the sand as Deeks folded the blanket.

"Hey Deeks," Kensi said quietly, "What made you decided to tell me all of this now?" she asked. He was quiet for a moment.

"With all the empathies Hetty has put on us building our partnership lately, I figure you knowing why I am the way I am would give us an understanding and trust that would be the beginning of something good between us."

As the sun lifted in the sky, the partners looked at each other; a new understanding between them gave way to easy smiles. As they headed back to Kensi's apartment, a thought popped into Kensi's head.

"You'll never guess who got booted off Top Model…."