I am really sorry that it has taken me nearly a week to get this posted. I started writing it just after the last episode aired but due to some technical difficulties I have only just managed to post it today.
So this is my take on a couple of scenes in last Saturday's episode, but I'm changing it slightly to suit my angsty brotherly needs. I've used some of the dialogue from those scenes – I'm sure you'll realise when you read it.
As always, I don't own anyone you recognise – if I did there would be none of this adoption rubbish.
What's Going On?
Ethan approached the now familiar hospital room nervously. Why was he so nervous for goodness sake? He was only going to see Matilda again – for about the fifth time in the last 24 hours. This time, however, it was different. This time he was going in to say goodbye to her. What an emotional roller coaster he'd been on in the last day or so – all culminating in this...having to say goodbye to his 'niece' who, as it turns out, wasn't his niece after all. And if that wasn't enough, Cal, after finding out the devastating truth that he wasn't Matilda's father, was slowly breaking in front on his eyes, and he didn't know what to do! His brother had almost broken his hand punching a metal rail in his devastation. When Ethan had tried to talk to him, he dismissed him, using work as an excuse. What Ethan did notice however, was a silent conversation taking place between his brother and Charlie – furtive glances at each other when they thought he wasn't paying attention, "What's going on?" he asked, but neither were forthcoming, but Ethan knew that there was more to it.
The young doctor arrived at his destination, pausing momentarily in the doorway. He was surprised to see that Matilda was on her own – he had expected Cal to be there, trying to spend as much precious time as possible with her. Ethan felt a stab of anxiety at not seeing the older man there. A sudden huge surge of emotion and affection for the gurgling bundle on the bed almost knocked Ethan off his feet. Quietly, he made his way to her bedside, giving her every opportunity to see him coming. He was rewarded with one of her brightest smiles as she looked directly at him. That almost broke him there and then. He reached over with a shaking hand and gently placed it on the baby's tummy, "Hello there...you're going to be fine little toad...I promise. You're going to go and live with a family who are going to give you everything, everything that we couldn't," Ethan had to remove his glasses to wipe his eyes as his emotions got the better of him once more, "I'm so sorry..." his voice cracked, "I'm so, so sorry my beautiful...and I love you..." he finished with a whisper, as he once more wiped his eyes. He jumped a little when he felt a hand rest between his shoulder blades. He didn't need to turn round to know that it was Cal – he could hear his ragged breaths as clear as anything.
"I'm sorry Ethan," Cal gasped out.
Now Ethan did turn round, "You have nothing to be sorry for Caleb, nothing!"
Suddenly he found the floor very interesting, "I...er...I talked to social services – they said that they would sort something out, but in the meantime whilever she's in here, we can visit her."
He'd hoped that hearing that would help cheer his brother up a little..."I can't..." he told him, "I just can't."
With that, he turned on his heels and left the room. Ethan called after him but to no avail, so, after giving the little baby a gently kiss, he took off after his struggling brother.
Frantically rushing down the corridor, the younger man soon caught up with his brother by the lift. The older doctor barely managed to look at the younger man. Ethan strode into the lift, hoping more than anything that Cal would still get in and not turn the other way. Thankfully, he did follow him in, the door closing behind him.
An awkward silence descended upon the lift as neither man knew what to say. Ethan studied his brother's face...it didn't take a genius to figure out that Cal was close to breaking.
Ethan watched his brother carefully, waiting for the right time to say something. Not that he knew what to say if that time ever came. He noticed that Cal kept glancing furtively at him, almost daring him to say something. Without warning, Ethan hit the emergency stop button. Cal looked over to him, his brow furrowed, as the machine shuddered to a stop.
"What are you doing?" the older man asked, his face contorted in pain.
Ethan couldn't talk. He just stood watching his brother, wishing with all his heart that he could say something – anything that would ease his brother's pain.
For his own part, Cal couldn't bear to see his little brother so emotional. This was not something that Ethan did, so seeing him like this now...only knowing half the story too, was killing Cal. He started to crack. He stepped towards the younger man, who was swallowing quickly, trying to keep his emotions under control, "Ethan...please..." the older doctor gasped out as he dragged in shuddering breaths. Suddenly the wall fell apart. Cal stumbled back away from his brother and great, painful sobs wracked his body. He felt his chest constrict as he desperately tried to breathe through the onslaught of emotions. He found himself curling up, trying to make himself as small as possible, to try to protect himself from the hurt he was feeling.
Watching this also tipped Ethan over the edge. His own chest feeling tight, tears coursing down his cheeks, he crouched down in front of his brother, put his arms around him and brought him towards him in an embrace that they both needed, truth be told. He felt Cal grab hold of the sleeves of his scrub top as he tried desperately to ground himself.
They stayed that way for a few minutes. Two brothers finding comfort in each other – something that up until a year or so ago would never have happened.
Cal finally pulled himself away from the safety of his brother's arms and stood up straight. He dragged in a deep, steadying breath as he gained control of his wayward emotions. He watched Ethan as he too wiped away tears and tried to breathe more normally. Then suddenly and without warning, the other problem that Cal had faced bombarded him. What should he tell Ethan? Should he actually tell him at all?
Before he knew it, his mouth was running away with itself, "Ethan...I..."
The younger man looked up at him and Cal was transported back a number or years, when a distinctly younger Ethan used to look up to him with that same expression – he couldn't ruin that.
"What?" the young doctor questioned.
"Nothing, it doesn't matter," he dismissed.
"Look, Cal, why don't we go home – just me and you. We'll get a take away – watch a box set – we'll even get drunk on tequila – not off semi naked women though...although we can if you want..." Ethan 's face looked horrified at the thought, but Cal actually felt touched that Ethan would even suggest something so totally alien to him, just to try to help him feel better.
He thought for a moment, "No, not tonight – I need to be on my own," he mumbled as he strode past Ethan.
"No, you...don't" Ethan whispered as he watched his disappear.
The young doctor sighed deeply as he trudged, with a heavy heart, to the staff room to get changed for home.
He opened the door and was surprised to see Cal, perched on a stool as if waiting for him, "Is the tequila still on?"
Ethan smiled, "Absolutely...but, er, do I have to find semi naked women?"
For the first time in a long time Cal felt like he wanted to kiss his brother, for his thoughtfulness, "No, it's ok. I'm happy enough with tequila and your company," he told him sincerely. Ethan quickly got changed and before long they were on their way home.
Four hours later...
Cal was passed out on the sofa, snoring his head off. Ethan was sat at the kitchen table, totally sober, looking at a piece of paper that unknown to Cal, he had found on the floor after Cal had taken his jacket off. He had picked it up to read it again – Caleb Knight is not the father of Matilda Knight, but, like Cal, at first reading he had not seen the confusion – but this time he had – his brother's blood group was not the same as their mother's – in fact according to the different blood types, there was no way that Matilda Hardy was Caleb's mother...
And now we wait to see what happens next...til next time xx
