Hey everyone. I'm not very pleased to write this story, but my cousin suggested I should. She told me to just pour my heart out through Alice. I didn't really want to, but she insisted.... just for her. Also, I am sorry that I have to make this adorable little pixie an abuse victim. And by the way... the soundtrack for this story is "Undisclosed Desires" by Muse. I just thought it would be suitable for this story.

Some of these events are actually based on yours truly. Sorry.

Chapter 1: If Only they knew

The day was gray and here I am sitting on my front porch. I rested my chin on the palm of my hand, and watched my little sister scribble childish things on the sidewalk with a decrepit pink chalk. Her squeals of excitement brought a small smile to my elfin face. She stood up and started brushing dirt off her white sundress, leaving a couple of pink smears. She slowly turned to my direction with a triumphant grin.

"Mary Alice!", she called, beckoning me with those tiny pink stained fingers. I sighed as I got to my feet. I strolled to where she stood, and gently patted her long ebony hair.

"What is it, Cynthia?", I asked her, tucking her hair behind her ears. She pointed at her masterpiece down in front of us. My eyes were glued to the cemented pavement, taking in all of her innocent work. She drew three lumpy figures in three different colors and sizes. The tallest one was purple, embracing two little ones. Her hair was in a neat ponytail, that rested in front of her shoulders. In her loving arms, there were her beloved daughters. One of them was yellow and the smallest was pink. The pink girl, had very long hair and a huge smile on her petite face. She held on to her big sister's hand as if she never wanted to let go. I fought back a gasp as I examined the yellow girl. Unlike the huge smiles that her mother and baby sister wore, this one only had a slanted line for a mouth. It looked like an unsure smile to me. Her hair was short and sprawled in different directions. I could feel my eyes watering as I saw the words at the bottom. Happy Family, it reads. My cartoonish impostor seemed unhappy to belong with such a loving family.... just like me.

Is this what she thought of me? The total wreck of a big sister? I cleared my head from that assumption and pulled Cynthia into a loving hug. Oh, Cynthia, if only you knew how truly miserable I am. That way I won't have to hurt you anymore with my lies.

"Beautiful, Sweetie", I commented, my voice slightly cracking. I hope she doesn't catch on to my sudden gloom. She wrapped her own little arms around me, returning her sisterly affection to me.

Desperate to lighten the mood, I tried to say something witty.

"Cindy, why am I yellow?"

She let go of me, and skipped to observe her work.

"Mommy said it is your favorite color", she explained, bending over to pick up the scattered pieces of chalk.

"Oh", I said quietly, regretting questioning her. Correction, yellow was my favorite.... eight years ago. It changed to black ever since that unexpected incident happened.

"Want to know what my favorite color is?", she asked, unaware that I already knew the answer. I smiled at her, as a sign for her to tell me.

"PINK!", Cynthia shrilled happily, jumping at the same time. I chuckled at her childish instincts. I soon frowned as I saw little of me in her. She was a complete replica of me when I was her age. So care-free, naive, and extremely energetic. My hair was just as long and luscious as hers, both of our eyes shone with such unbreakable innocence, and we shared the ability to create and imagine a world of pure fantasy. But now... Cynthia is the only one who has all that. I'm completely broken. It hurts to just be around Cynthia at times.

"Mary Alice?"

I didn't know I spaced out until Cynthia grabbed my hand, and shook it to get my attention.

"Mary Alice?", she repeated my name. I looked down at her, and squeezed her little hand in mine.

"I think we should go inside", I suggested, now looking up at the grayish sky. It looks like it's going to rain. "Mommy might be done with supper."

She nodded. I helped her pick up all of the discarded pieces of chalk and we both went in the house.

"MOMMY!"screamed my baby sister, running to the kitchen. I closed the door behind me, and kicked off my favorite black chucks. I bent down to pick them up, and headed upstairs to my bedroom.

I opened the door and went in.

My room used to be so brightly colored when I was ten. I stared blankly at the dramatic change of it all. The walls were a boring white, with nothing plastered on them. No posters, pictures, nothing. Not even girlie stickers. My furniture included a small bed covered with black pinstripe bedsheets, and a large black desk sitting in a corner. My mother constantly begs me to redecorate. She often teases me that it resembles an asylum. I kept ignoring her. Why should I redecorate? Leave my personal asylum alone.

I threw my chucks somewhere as I went to sit on my bed. Once I did, I laid down and tried thinking of something completely optimistic. Chirping birds. Umm no. Pink unicorns. Of course not. Maybe hearts and rainbows? Not helping. All that stuff reminds me of what life used to be for me. No matter how sweet any of those things are... they always give me bad memories of the person who stole my innocence. Especially since it's the one person I thought to be safe with.... even through problems such as these. How could he? He was my...

"Oh God", I choked out, letting the tears shower my cheeks. I turned over to lay on my stomach and grabbed my pillow. I sobbed and screamed into, letting it all out. All the frustration. All that horrible pain. I still can't believe he did that to me. How could he?! How the fuck could anyone harm a defenseless child? That sick bastard!

Throughout these years, I have kept that bottled up. I never told anyone. I was so ashamed to say anything..or maybe just dead scared that he'll do something even worse. What would people say, think, or do if I confessed. Above all, mommy is my main concern. It'll tear her apart. She's too fragile to handle something like this, especially since it's about one of her precious daughters.

That horrible secret has destroyed everything important to me. My relationship with my mother has never been the same. I used to be very sociable when I was little but... well I kept to myself since... Let it all out, Alice.

There was a soft knock on my door, which startled me. I pulled my face away from the drenched pillow and straightened myself up. I wiped the remaining tears with the back of my hand.

"Come in." I tried to act normal when I saw my mother come in, looking as gorgeous as ever. Why couldn't I be as pretty as her? She and Cynthia had everything going on. The long black locks, the radiant pale complexion, hypnotizing grayish-violet eyes, and the amazing wit. I felt my stomach twist into knots. Why did he do it? Did I ever provoke him? Was it my fault?

She sat on the bed next to me and ran her gentle fingers through my short hair. I leaned into her touch. Her hand slid down from my hair to cup my chin, and tilted my head up to meet her eyes. I was lost in them. Such pretty eyes she had. The most beautiful off-gray color I've ever seen. They were so filled with love and concern for me. Should I tell her?

"Sweetheart?" Her soothing voice was also adorned with concern. Don't look at me like that, Mommy.I shook my head, letting her know that there was nothing wrong with me.

"There's a plate of spaghetti waiting for you downstairs", she informed me, now stroking my cheek. I caught her staring at something behind me and then back at my face.

"I'll eat later, Mommy", I croaked, watching her getting up to leave. She reached door and glanced back at me.

"I'll store it for you, Sweetie", she promised. And with that she left me alone with my thoughts. I turned to where she was staring at a few minutes ago. I discovered that my wet pillow had caught her attention. Shit, I forgot to turn it over. Now she's really worried.

Once her footsteps were dying away, I laid back again. The last thing I want is food. I couldn't eat with all this guilt. I was hurting my poor mother and baby sister. I don't know what to do. Should I tell them? No, I may get them in trouble with him. I'm hurting them regardless by letting them watch me suffer in silence. I need help. I'm so depressed. And depression can kill someone. I don't want to die yet. I only lived for 18 years. I'm fucked.

I heard droplets of water colliding against my window. My eyelids began to close wearily. Pouring my heart out on the pillow has left me exhausted. Within seconds, I let the rain lull me to sleep.

Umm... this was difficult. Well...

If you guys don't like it or seem comfortable to where this is going...please tell me. That way I could discontinue it. Thank you.