Hi everyone!
For those who follow me and are wondering why I'm posting this instead of working on The Path to Albion, I really do apologise for not doing anything with that fic. I'm still in the planning stages of that story. What I'm attempting in it is so big and going to take me so long that I don't want to do anything more until I'm 100% certain of what it's going to contain. That, plus uni is ridiculous. So I am sorry for not posting more of that and I promise that I'll get around to it eventually.
This fic, however, is an idea that's been floating around my head for a while. It's also my way of saying that I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. I'm just still around, I've just been focusing on other things. This story also went through a lot of title changes before I settled on the one I did. To be honest, the main reason I chose this title is because of the song Shattered by Trading Yesterday. There are some really good Mergana videos on Youtube to that song, so I suggest you guys go and check them out!
I'm not really sure how I feel about this fic, but it was one of those ideas that would just not get out of my head so I had to write it. Does anyone else get that?
Also, just a heads up, I'm an Aussie so we call sweatpants track pants. I'm not sure if everybody knows that, but I thought I'd better mention it so there was no confusion. And another thing, I mention Disney's The Sword in the Stone a bit in this, so spoilers if you haven't seen it.
Okay, enough talking from me. Enjoy!
Shattered
Definition:
If something is shattered, it is broken suddenly into many small brittle pieces.
If there was one thing Morgana Pendragon was, it was stubborn.
So she was stubbornly trying to deny that she had any feelings whatsoever for Merlin Emrys.
Part of that problem definitely came with what happened between them back in Camelot. Their relationship back in the age of Camelot was tempestuous at best. They were friends, then enemies, which ultimately ended in the death of Arthur and Merlin driving a sword through her stomach.
It didn't help that before Merlin had betrayed her she'd felt something for the manservant. She wasn't sure what it was. But she felt a certain fondness that could have developed into something more, regardless of their stations. That all changed the moment Morgana swallowed the poison he had given her. But her new feelings that Morgana was ardently trying to deny started when Merlin had returned her memories to her.
When Morgana first met Merlin in her reincarnated life after Camelot, she didn't recognise him. Why would she? She had never met him before – at least, not in that lifetime – so she merely stared at him as he walked up to her. No one was with her, she'd just been sitting on her own on the grass at her university, soaking up the sun in the courtyard before she had to go to her next lecture.
He'd come along, simply dressed in jeans, a white shirt, black leather jacket and a bright red scarf, sat down before she could say anything, turned to her with a wide smile and said, "Hello, Morgana. Ofmunan." With his last word, his eyes had turned a glowing golden colour and Morgana was suddenly hit with a rush of memories and visions.
"You can trust me, Morgana. You know you can."
"I'm scared, Merlin. I don't understand anything anymore. I need to know what's happening. Please."
She saw Merlin handing her a water skin. "No, you have some before I finish it."
"Thank you."
"No. It doesn't have to be like this. We can find another way."
"This is no other way."
"No, you're wrong. This has only just begun."
"The one they call Emrys will walk in your shadow. He is your destiny, and he is your doom."
"Why are you so loyal to Arthur?"
"I don't expect you understand, Morgana. You've got no sense of duty, no sense of loyalty."
"You're wrong. Don't think I don't understand loyalty just because I've got no one left to be loyal to."
She saw an aged Merlin casting bolts of lightning down up a great field of battle.
"EMRYS!"
"I blame myself for what you've become … but this has to end."
"I am a High Priestess. No mortal blade can kill me."
"This is no mortal blade. Like yours, it was forged in a dragon's breath … Goodbye, Morgana."
The visions faded and she turned to Merlin. He was still sitting beside her in the courtyard of her university. He watched her expectantly, waiting for a response.
Hatred welled up inside her. "Emrys," she snarled at him, before the toll of having her past memories returned to her proved too much and she passed out.
When she woke she found herself in Merlin's home, lying on his lounge with a blanket over her. It was a small little apartment that at first glance didn't remotely seemed like it housed a powerful sorcerer, but upon closer inspection Morgana found the tell-tale signs of sorcery. There were spell books all around the apartment, security enchantments and just an overwhelming sense of pure magic.
Not that Morgana was in any mood to appreciate it. Instead, she simply glared at Merlin, who until she woke had been sitting on the ground, leaning against the lounge she slept on while he waited for her to wake. When he saw that she was, he sat up and gave her an infuriatingly bright and cheerful smile. He looked the same as he always did: scruffy dark hair, bright blue eyes, and overly large ears; She scowled at him.
"Hello, Morgana," he greeted, playing no mind to her less-than-pleased expression.
She tried to lash out at him with a spell, but nothing happened. She felt her magic stir in her, but then nothing.
He gave her a knowing look. "You may know all the spells, but you don't have the same control as you did. You need to work on your control again before you can even think of casting a spell."
"What do you want with me, Emrys?" She demanded.
"Merlin."
"What?"
"Merlin. Call me Merlin, not Emrys."
"Why should I? You are Emrys. You ruined every one of my plans, and even when I took your magic away, you regained it. You're my enemy and my murderer, Emrys." She hissed the name at him like an insult and to her great satisfaction, he flinched at her words.
It took him a while to respond, but when he did, his gaze was steady and his expression sincere. "Because we were once friends, something I'd like to be again, and my friends call me Merlin."
Morgana scoffed at him. "You think we can be friends? You? The one who always got in the way and protected Arthur-" She stopped dead, struck by a sudden thought.
Arthur.
Two different emotions welled up inside her as she thought of her brother. One of love, from the memories of being Morgana Pendragon in this lifetime, beloved and acknowledged daughter of Uther and half-sister of Arthur. The other of hatred, from the memories of the past Morgana Pendragon, High Priestess of the Triple Goddess.
She groaned and put her head in her hands. She didn't know what to think. As soon as Merlin had restored her memories of her past life, she had felt nothing except hatred. But that clashed with her memories and personality of her current life. Now she was Morgana Pendragon, once again best friends with Guinevere, and close sister to Arthur. Arthur. Her brother. And anyone who knew the Pendragon siblings knew how much they meant to one another, even if they were predisposed to annoying the crap out of each other more often than not.
And there was Gwen. Sweet Gwen. Her best friend since they were children. Her current idea of Gwen clashed with her thoughts on Camelot's Guinevere. The one who was crowned Queen in her place. She hated that Guinevere, but the current Guinevere she loved and would tease mercilessly about being in a relationship with Arthur.
She groaned again. This is too confusing! She thought.
"It's happening, isn't it?" Merlin asked, bringing Morgana out of her thoughts.
She raised her head out of her hands and looked at him, her confusion clear on her face.
"Your two lives are battling against each other in your mind, aren't they?" He asked. Wordlessly, she nodded and he continued. "That was one of the reasons I restored your memories."
"What do you mean?"
"Camelot is gone, Morgana. It's not coming back. You have a chance for a new start here, Morgana. With family and friends who love you. You wouldn't be alone anymore."
Again, anger and hatred welled inside of her. "What do you know of being on your own?" She snapped at him, thinking back on all the lonely, bitter nights she had once Morgause had died.
"I have been alone for a long, long time, Morgana."
His sombre tone gave Morgana pause. "What do you mean?" She asked once more.
"I never died."
In a very un-Morgana-like fashion, she gaped at him. "What?"
"I have been alive since Camelot, waiting for you all to return. So, yes, I do know what loneliness is like. I have made countless friends over the years, but I would always long for my Camelot friends."
"… You've been alive all this time."
"Yes."
"Never aging?"
"I can alter my appearance if I wish. For a long time I was using the elder Emrys form that you're so familiar with, but with you all coming back I thought my young appearance was better."
"You're immortal."
"I can die, but age will not be the death of me."
"You can't expect me to believe that."
"This coming from someone who was reincarnated?" He asked, raising his eyebrow in a very Gaius-ish expression.
"Is that what we are? Reincarnated?"
"Call it what you will. Reborn. Reincarnated. Whatever you like. I was just told that Arthur would rise again when Albion's need is greatest, though it looks like he wasn't the only one to come back."
Morgana thought of her brother and all their friends. Gwen, Gwaine, Leon, Percival, Lancelot, Elyan … The Knights of the Round Table. They were all back.
"So if we're back, then that means something bad is going to happen eventually, right?"
Merlin nodded, "Yes. Eventually. That's why I restored your memories."
She frowned at him, clearly not following that train of thought. "… You brought back the memories of one of your biggest enemies because something bad is going to happen? That doesn't make sense, Emrys."
He sighed. "Something bad is coming. I don't know what. I need all the allies I can get. Why should we fight anymore? Camelot is gone and you clearly have feelings of love for Arthur this time around. I'm not too sure how you feel about Uther, but-"
She scowled at him, "-Don't mention that man to me!"
Merlin shook his head at her. "No, Morgana. What do you feel for Uther this time around? Love? Hatred? What?"
It took a long time for her to answer. "… We have issues. He is just as controlling as he was in Camelot."
"But do you hate him?" Merlin pressed. "In this lifetime, do you hate him?"
Again, it took her a while to answer. "… No, I don't hate him … Or Arthur … Or Gwen … But I should!"
"Why?"
"What do you mean why?! Uther killed thousands of innocents in his Purge!" Morgana shouted at him. "And Arthur and Gwen were in my way! Sitting on my throne! Camelot should have been mine!"
"Camelot is gone, Morgana!" Merlin yelled back at her.
Seeing Merlin uncharacteristically yelling drew Morgana up short.
"Camelot fell over a thousand years ago!" Merlin went on. "It fell. It's no more. We one have legends of it now – ridiculously wrong legends – but that's it! Why fight anymore? There's nothing to fight for! But now you have friends, family, people who love you. That is worth fighting for! I brought your memories back so you could have a new chance. I can help you regain control of your magic. I want to be your friend again, Morgana, and now we have a chance to."
She just stared at him without saying a word. He sighed and stood up. "Just think about it, Morgana. You should rest though. That spell would take a lot out of you. You'll feel better after some sleep."
"Wait-"
"-Swefe nu."
Morgana felt sleep claim her almost immediately. As her eyelids drooped, she heard one last thing from Merlin.
"Sweet dreams, Morgana … I missed you."
It was night by the time Morgana woke back up a few hours later.
Merlin's living room was dark, only lit up by the light that was coming from the kitchen that lead out to the living room and dining area that she was currently in. His apartment was quiet except for the sound of running water coming from what Morgana assumed was the bathroom.
Content to wait for him to get out, she simply sat on the lounge and tried to organise her thoughts. Merlin assumed that a sleep would help her, and she did feel better, but she was still oh so very confused. Two completely different lives and personalities were clashing inside of her and she didn't know what to choose.
"You're awake!" Merlin said in surprise when he saw her, startling Morgana out of her thoughts and she turned to face him. He came into the longue room, flicking on a light switch as he did so the living room was illuminated by more than just the light coming from the kitchen and Morgana had to blink at the sudden change in lighting. "It figures that as soon as I decide to go for a shower, you wake up," he said. "How are you feeling?"
She looked at him. He was dressed in what were clearly sleeping clothes: plain, dark blue pyjama pants and an oversized band shirt for a band she didn't recognise. His hair was still wet and sticking to his head and his eyes were that same crystal blue that she always remembered.
Morgana hated that he had such nice eyes.
But as to his question and how she was feeling? "…. I don't know. I – I want to go home, Emrys … I need to be alone and think."
Merlin nodded in understanding. He went over to where Morgana's bag was sitting on the table – he must have grabbed it when she fainted at the university – and handed it to her. "Here."
She took it wordlessly.
"Did you drive to the uni?" He asked.
"Yes?" Morgana frowned at the random question.
Merlin reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. Before she could snap at him to take it off, she muttered a transportation spell, his eyes flashed gold and they were transported to her uni's carpark. Thankfully, due to the hour, no one was around to see the blatant use of magic.
"Emrys!" She hissed at him. "You could have been seen!"
He shrugged. "I've been doing this for a long time, Morgana. No one ever sees me teleport unless I want them to." He disregarded the disapproving look she sent him. "I put a piece of paper with my phone number and address in the front pocket of your bag. If you ever want to talk, that's how you'll find me."
She was about to ask how he'd found her in the first place, but he cut her off. "Think about what I said, Morgana. You have a chance for a new start and I want to help you. Take care. Don't be a stranger." With that, he gave her a bright smile, repeated his teleportation spell and was gone.
The days following her encounter with Merlin were quite strange for Morgana. She holed herself up in her apartment and no amount of coaxing from Arthur or Guinevere could get her to leave. Worried, they would ring or text her constantly, or stand outside her door, banging on it and pleading to be let in. But Morgana never answered them. It was too confusing to see them. Love and hate were warring inside her. She needed time to herself to deal with it.
Merlin's words keep echoing in her mind, refusing to be ignored.
Why fight anymore? There's nothing to fight for! But now you have friends, family, people who love you. That is worth fighting for!
You have a chance for a new start and I want to help you.
Her past life was so full of hate, her current one was filled with love and friendship. The obvious choice was to go along with what Merlin said and take a new chance, but it was so hard to let go of what she once felt back in Camelot.
Eventually though, Arthur and Gwen apparently decided that she'd spent too long on her own and as a last resort, Arthur unlocked her front door with the spare key she'd once given him a long time ago.
"Morgana!" The pair chorused upon seeing her. "Are you right?!"
She was curled up on her lounge, with an old episode of Doctor Who playing on the TV that she wasn't really paying attention to. She was cuddling a cushion to her chest and was surrounded by tissues. Much to her chagrin, she'd cried a lot over the past few days and used a lot of tissues.
Her brother and best friend rushed over to her side. "Are you alright?" Arthur asked again, concerned.
"We've been worried," Gwen said. "You haven't been answering our calls or messages."
"I had to use that spare key you gave me just to get in here," Arthur put in. "What is wrong?"
"…. I knew I should have never given you that key."
"Morgana," Arthur pressed.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Morgana, please," Gwen entreated. "What's wrong? We can help."
She shook her head. "No, you can't."
"Well we can help if you don't tell us what's wrong," said Arthur. "Please, let us help."
Morgana sighed and surprised herself by answering them. "I saw an old friend for the first time in a long time the other day. He brought up some painful memories."
Arthur's expression darkened. "Is he an old boyfriend? Did he hurt you?" He asked, while Gwen leant over to give her hand a comforting squeeze.
Morgana shook her head once more. "No, nothing like that. It's just … If you had the chance to make a difference and be happy, would you take it? Even though in the past you've been hurt and don't deserve to be happy? Have you ever felt like the person you are now is completely different to the person you were before but you just can't let go of your old self?"
They looked at her in confusion, "Morgana, what are you talking about?" Gwen asked.
Morgana rested her held on the pillow she was holding. "It's nothing," she said. "I'm just trying to get my thoughts in order."
Arthur reached out to put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I won't pretend to know what you're going through," he said. "But we're here for you if you need us. And as for me and your question … Well, if I had the chance to be happy, I'd take it. Regardless of whatever happened in the past."
"And so would I," Gwen agreed with a nod. "So you should too. We love you, Morgana. We want you to be happy."
Morgana looked at them, a small, uncertain smile breaking out on her face. Part of her still felt an angry resentment towards them, but in that moment it was drowned out by a large feeling of love and affection for the two people in front of her.
She wiped at the tears that started to build up in her eyes.
"Thank you," she said, and Arthur and Gwen enveloped her in a hug.
Morgana stared at the door of Merlin's apartment.
"Come on, Morgana," she told herself. "Knock."
She hadn't called him to let him knock she was coming, she just found herself making her way to his apartment, and now she was standing at the door but lacking to courage to actually knock.
Taking a breath to compose herself, she raised her fist to knock, only to have the door open and a smiling Merlin look out her.
"Morgana," he said in lieu of a greeting.
Momentarily taken aback by his sudden appearance, it took a second for Morgana to reply. "Emrys," she said at last. "I – I – well…" She trailed off, not entirely sure what to say
"You…" Merlin prompted, a gentle smile on his lips.
"I'm so bitter and angry. Part of me wishes you never gave me back my memories so I can keep being the normal Morgana of this life. But then, if that's what I wish … then I've already made my choice, haven't I?"
"And what are you choosing, Morgana?" The way he asked seemed so resolute. So important. Like there was no going back after it.
There was a long pause before she replied. "I don't want to me bitter and angry anymore. I don't want to be alone. If there is something bad coming that needs the Once and Future King, then I want to fight on the side of my friends."
The smile Merlin gave her in response was the biggest she'd ever seen.
Their relationship grew after that. They would see each other every other day and practice their magic. As Merlin promised, he helped her regain her control, but he really didn't need to for long before she was back to the prowess she had when she was a High Priestess.
Morgana found herself seeking out his company more and more often. She would automatically smile whenever he sent her a message, even if those messages were just pointless updates about whatever he was doing at the time. She found herself thinking of him more often than not.
She found herself with the realisation that she was slowly falling in love with Merlin Emrys.
Merlin. That was what she called him now. Not Emrys. Merlin.
When she first called him that, he gave her a huge hug. Startled by the sudden show of affection, she asked him why.
"You called me Merlin," was all he said in response and her mind flashed back to the day he'd restored her memories.
Because we were once friends, something I'd like to be again, and my friends call me Merlin.
Friends. Yes, they were friends. That surprised the part of her that was Camelot's Morgana. That part of her didn't think it was possible. But Merlin was slowly helping that part of her heal. She was letting go of her pain, hatred and anger. It was pointless now. Like Merlin said, Camelot was gone.
That's not to say that their relationship was perfect. Much like their relationship in Camelot, their new relationship was tempestuous. Some days they would get along great, some days Morgana would be screaming at him, throwing spells at him or sobbing into his shirt. Some days were just better than others, but every day Merlin was a pillar of support. He was soothing and patient, calm, charming and funny. Just like he had been in Camelot before everything went wrong.
So Morgana really shouldn't have been surprised when that certain something she'd felt for Merlin like she did in Camelot started to return. Morgana wasn't an idiot, she knew what it meant. She was falling in love with Merlin. She supposed it was kind of inevitable, but there was absolutely no way that she was just going to accept it.
None.
None at all.
Absolutely none whatsoever.
At least, that's what she told herself. Because she only just got her friendship back with him. She was healing. They were in a good place. She wasn't going to risk it just because she'd started to feel something more than friendship towards him.
So she kept her feelings to herself and tried not to think about how much she wanted to kiss him, or run her fingers through his hair, or how good it felt to make him laugh or smile, or how badly she wanted to tear his clothes off and see what over a thousand years of experience could be like in the bedroom.
Nope.
She didn't think about that at all.
… Well, at least, she tried not to.
Guinevere didn't help. Upon being introduced to Merlin, she'd picked up on the something between them and since then had been bugging Morgana to just accept that she liked Merlin and do something about it.
But if there was one thing Morgana Pendragon was, it was stubborn, and she blatantly refused, much to Guinevere's annoyance.
Morgana had introduced Merlin to all their past Camelot friends. As she expected, Arthur, Gwen, the Knights of the Round Table and Merlin clicked instantly. Merlin and Arthur especially so. It seemed that the King and his warlock were destined to be best friends regardless of what life they were in.
However, to her surprise, he didn't restore their memories.
When she asked him why he didn't, he said, "Albion's darkest hour isn't upon us yet. Let them enjoy the peace while it lasts."
"Then why did you awaken my memories?"
His response shocked her. He took a step towards her, so he was closer than really necessary and cupped her cheek in his hand, gently brushing her hair out of her eyes with his other hand as he did. "Because you're Morgana," he said, his voice a mere murmur and filled with an emotion Morgana couldn't identify. "I wanted more time with you. I wanted to help you, because I couldn't bear to lose you a second time."
Triple Goddess above, he was not helping her resolve to be just friends when he said and did things like that.
"I can't believe we're watching this," Morgana said.
She and Merlin were sitting on his lounge watching Disney's The Sword in the Stone. Merlin had his legs out, resting on the coffee table, while Morgana curled up beside him. She was leaning on him comfortably and Merlin had his arm around her, hugging her to him.
"What's not to like?" He asked. "This movie is a classic."
She laughed. "Merlin, we are currently watching you and Arthur being squirrels and running away from lady-squirrels who have the hots for you."
"A classic," Merlin reiterated.
"Did that ever happen in Camelot?" She asked teasingly. "Did you and Arthur ever have to run from the affections of woodland creatures?"
Merlin laughed and Morgana felt the chuckle rumble through his chest. "Uh no, can't say that ever happened. Although Arthur was prone to falling victim of love potions, the clotpole."
"But alas, he never fell victim to the love of that poor little squirrel."
"You're really caught up about those squirrels, aren't you?"
"Oh, I'm going to be making jokes about this for weeks."
A comfortable silence fell between them as they continued to watch the movie. It was eventually broken by Morgana. "Did you even find love in Camelot, Merlin?" Part of her hated herself for asking. She shouldn't be interested. She shouldn't care because nothing was going to happen between them.
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
She and Merlin were just friends and she didn't feel anything other than friendship towards him.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Morgana, a sarcastic part of her thought. She promptly told it to shut up.
It took a long time for Merlin to answer. He was quiet for so long that Morgana had just opened her mouth to apologise for asking when he finally replied. "There was a druid girl, Freya," he said, and Morgana could hear the sorrow in his voice. "I loved her and was going to leave Camelot for her." Morgana raised her eyebrows in surprise. He must have really loved her if he was going to leave Camelot and Arthur for her sake.
The thought made her jealous, but she pushed it aside and focused on what Merlin was saying.
"But she was cursed," Merlin went on. His expression seemed far away, like his eyes were seeing something else entirely different than the movie that was on the TV screen. "Every night she turned into a monster – a bastet – but she was kind and lovely and didn't want to hurt anyone."
The word 'bastet' struck a chord in Morgana's memory. Oh no, she thought.
"She turned into the bastet one night … and Arthur killed her to protect Camelot. She died in my arms. She became the Lady of the Lake, her spirit forever tied to the Lake of Avalon."
Although Morgana was surprised at the truth behind the Lady of the Lake legend, it was nothing to the guilt she felt due to making Merlin talk about it.
She turned to face him. "Merlin, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. I –"
"– It's alright, Morgana," he said, looking at her and giving her a small smile. "It was a long time ago. Although I loved her, my heart has long since healed from those wounds."
Morgana, wanting to spare Merlin anymore pain, said nothing and turned back to watch the movie, snuggling against him once more. She thought the conversation was over, but Merlin spoke up again. "There was another woman I loved back in Camelot," he said. "But it didn't work out. We were very similar, but we wanted different things. Still … she is precious to me."
Morgana moved to press a kiss to Merlin's cheek in an attempt to brighten his spirits. "I'm sorry for upsetting you."
A small, sad smile graced his lips. "It's alright. Thank you, Morgana."
The rest of the movie passed in silence.
It wasn't until she was falling asleep that night that what Merlin said clicked in her mind.
Still … she is precious to me.
Is precious.
Is, not was precious.
As in the person is still precious to him.
We were very similar, but we wanted different things.
Before she could even entertain the possibility that Merlin was actually talking about her, Morgana pushed the thought from her mind.
We're just friends, we're just friends, we're just friends, she told herself repeatedly.
She was still repeating the mantra to herself when she fell asleep.
Morgana vowed not to bring up old loves again, but unfortunately the topic came up the next time Arthur dragged them, Gwen and the others out for a drink.
Merlin, Morgana, Arthur, Guinevere and the Knights of the Round Table all sat together at a table in one of their favourite local bars. They were a few drinks into the night before Merlin, who was positioned between Morgana and Gwaine, asked what the occasion was.
Gwaine slung an arm around Merlin's shoulders. "No reason, my friend. We're just out to eat, drink and be merry!"
Merlin raised an eyebrow. "For tomorrow we die?"
Gwaine laughed. "Well, I certainly hope not. But that's one way of getting out of a hangover, eh?"
As Merlin laughed at Gwaine, Morgana could help but think back to their time in Camelot and all the pain she'd caused the roughish knight. He met his death at her hand, after all. In fact, she'd done wrong by all the knights at the table. They'd spent the majority of their time together in their past lives trying to kill one another. The fact that they were friends now was astounding.
Merlin drew her out of her thoughts by reaching over and gently grasping her hand with his. Their hands were under the table so no one could see this exchange, but before Morgana could do anything about it, Merlin's voice sounded in her head.
Don't think about, he thought to her. That's not you anymore.
How did you know what I was thinking? She replied.
I just had a feeling.
Since when did Merlin know her so well? He hadn't even been looking at her to see her expression or anything; he'd been looking at Gwaine.
Thank you, she thought to him and he gave her hand another squeeze in reply.
"So, Merlin," Gwen said, unknowingly forcing the two magic users to focus on the table's discussion again. "Is there any special girl in your life?"
Gwen ignored the 'shut the hell up right now!' look Morgana sent her, so she kicked her underneath the table.
"Ow!" Arthur hissed in pain.
…. Or, at least she thought she'd kicked Guinevere. Apparently not.
"What?" Everyone turned to look at Arthur.
Caught off guard by the sudden scrutiny, but apparently not dense enough to blurt out that Morgana kicked him, her brother said, "Uhhh .. sorry. It's nothing. Just a sudden cramp. What were you going to say Merlin?"
Morgana internally sighed in relief and mouthed a 'thank you!' at Arthur when everyone else focused on Merlin.
He rolled his eyes. 'Just tell him already!' He mouthed back.
Morgana wondered when Arthur had clicked onto the fact she liked Merlin. Did Gwen tell him or was Morgana just not as good at hiding her feelings as she thought she was?
"Uh no," Merlin answered, and Morgana thought she could see the traces of a blush colouring his cheeks. Then again, that could have just been from the alcohol.
"What about a special guy?" Gwaine asked. "Which is totally, one hundred percent okay if there is."
Everyone around the table murmured in agreement.
Merlin shook his head. "No. Although I do like both men and women, there's no one right now."
Everyone accepted his answer easily. Morgana wasn't really surprised at Merlin's response. He'd lived for over a thousand years. To think that he merely had female lovers during that time was ridiculous. Hell, Morgana even once thought that Merlin and Arthur had a thing going on together back in their Camelot days. With how unwavering loyal Merlin was to her brother, it wasn't that big of a leap to arrive at the conclusion that they were more than just friends. But when she mentioned it to Merlin, he'd laughed. Hard.
"No, no," he had said. "I mean, I can see we're you're coming from, but me and the Prat? No. I love him like a brother, and Arthur and Gwen were destined to be together."
The conversation moved on to other topics, but Gwen wouldn't stop giving pointed looks to Morgana. She knew Guinevere wouldn't stop until Morgana had admitted her feelings to Merlin, but she had no intention of doing that.
A few hours later, the night took a sour turn.
Morgana went to the bar to buy another round of drinks. Part of her was surprised she was even served – she was pretty drunk by this point and so was the rest of her friends – but she was served nonetheless. She was carrying a tray of tequila shots back to the table was when things turned bad.
A man slid up to her and trailed his hand down the back of her short, black dress and ultimately ended with him cupping her behind. The man was tall, thin, reeked of alcohol and was leering at her in such a lust-filled way that Morgana instantly crinkled her nose in disgust.
"Hey gorgeous," he said.
Filled with indignant, righteous fury, Morgana didn't let him go any further than that. "Let go of me."
"Aww, come on," the man slurred. "M'name's Jerry. You sure you don't want to…" He leaned in to whisper a few lewd suggestions in her ear.
Morgana scowled at him, but with her hands full she couldn't push him away. She tried to step away from him but he pulled her closer. "Get off me."
She was just contemplating the pros and cons of blasting him with magic when a new voice spoke up.
"Get. Your hand. Off her."
Both Morgana and Jerry looked to see Merlin standing there. His face was a mask of pure fury.
"Who're you?!" Jerry demanded.
Merlin stalked forward, reached out and tore Jerry's hand off of Morgana. "I'm her friend, and she asked you to let her go," he said, releasing the man's hand and gently pulling Morgana away from him.
"Her friend, huh?" Jerry sneered. "Well, listen, friend. I was talking to that lovely lady, and we're gonna have a lot of fun together."
Morgana wasn't sure if he was doing it on purpose, or it was the result of all the alcohol that Merlin had drunk that evening, but he started to radiate power. She could sense the magic humming beneath his skin. An intimidating air of power and confidence began to build up around him.
"You will not touch her," he growled.
Jerry, cowled by Merlin's show of power, was about to back down. However, he was soon joined by three of his friends that looked just as unpleasant and inebriated as him, so he regained his bravado and didn't move.
"Or what?" He challenged, while his friends jeered.
"Or you will regret it," Merlin promised.
Seeing that the situation was quickly getting out of control, Morgana juggled her tray of shots in one hand and reached out with the other to put a calming hand on Merlin's wrist. Merlin, she thought to him. They're not worth it.
But apparently touching Merlin was the wrong thing to do. Jerry glared at the contact and abruptly took a swing at Merlin. The warlock dodged the punch easily and responded with his own. Merlin's fist slammed into the man's face and there was the very satisfying sound of Jerry's nose breaking.
Jerry stumbled backwards with a shout of pain and his friends steadied him. He and his three friends glared at Merlin and Morgana – although still reeling from the fact that Merlin had just hit someone – realised they were outnumbered. Outmatched, of course not, she and Merlin could take them down easily with just a flash of their eyes. But this was no place for magic and Morgana was growing concerned. It was currently four against two.
A new voice put her worries to rest.
"What's going on here?" Arthur asked.
Morgana turn to see her brother, Gwen , Gwaine, Leon, Percival, Lancelot, and Elyan standing there. Morgana could have laughed at how outclassed Jerry and his three friends were. They were up against the legendary Merlin, King Arthur, Queen Guinevere, and the Knights of the Round Table.
Not to mention herself. She'd like to get him back for touching her like that. "This man decided that my arse was a nice place for his hand and didn't take the hint when I told him to let go," she said. "Merlin was merely showing him the error of his ways."
All her friends glared at the man, particularly Arthur. "You should not have touched my sister," the Once and Future King growled.
However, before anything could happen, security guards convened on them and ordered them to leave. Not wanting to cause trouble, Morgana and her friends agreed, but not before downing the shots that Morgana had bought them, much to the security's chagrin.
Merlin had kept a comforting and supportive arm around Morgana as they left the pub, but as soon as they were outside he was pulled away and into a one-armed hug from Gwaine.
"I knew I liked you for a reason, Merlin," Gwaine laughed. "Getting into a bar fight! Brilliant!"
The boys all laughed and began both congratulating and teasing Merlin for the hit he had landed on Jerry. Morgana was distracted from the scene by Gwen putting a hand on her shoulder and leaning in to whisper in her ear.
"He just punched someone in the face for you," Guinevere murmured. "You can't say he doesn't feel anything for you now."
Dear Triple Goddess above, he really wasn't helping her resolve when he did things like that.
Morgana ended up at Merlin's that night. She wasn't entirely sure how that happened. After the pub incident, their group had gone wandering around town. They were all sufficiently intoxicated enough that the night passed in a blur of laughter and good times until they all went their separate ways. Somehow, amidst all that, she'd ended up back at his apartment, but Merlin didn't turn her away. Instead, he let her into his home and sat down beside her on his lounge with a content sigh.
A comfortable silence fell between them, but it was ultimately broken by Morgana.
"Hey, Merlin?"
"Mmm?"
"You've read Harry Potter, right?"
"Is that even a question? Of course I've read it. Repeatedly."
"Well was it ever weird when you read stuff like, 'Merlin's beard!', or 'Merlin's pants!', or 'Merlin's most baggy Y-fronts'?"
Merlin burst out laughing. "I think the weirdest was the 'Why is the name of Merlin's saggy left-' quote that was in the Deathly Hallows."
Morgana laughed. "Oh, yes, definitely. It's all nice and ambiguous."
Their chuckles died out and they lapsed into silence once more. In the quiet Morgana saw Merlin looking at the hand he'd punch Jerry with; it was bruised.
"Here," she said, gently taking it in her own. "Gestepe hole. Þurhhæle," she intoned softly and the bruises faded immediately.
"Thank you," said Merlin gratefully.
"Thank you for doing that for me, Merlin," she replied.
"I know you could have handled it on your own, but I came over to see if you needed help with the drinks, saw what he was doing and just got so angry."
"I honestly wasn't expecting you to hit him. Although the magic intimidation thing was impressive."
Merlin shrugged, "It's something I've picked up over the years. A little show of my magic would normally scare off the people who were pissing me off. Though it was harder to control this time because of all the drinks."
Morgana lent over to press a kiss to his cheek. "Still," she said. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. I'd do it again in a heartbeat," he said, before he suddenly turned to her, a huge smile dawning on his face.
"What?" Morgana asked.
"I just had a great idea!"
Before Morgana could ask what is was, Merlin grabbed her hand in his and shouted, "Bedyrne ús! Astýre ús þanonweard!"
The pair vanished in a rush of wind and reappeared in a deserted field, surrounded by woods. Content to just go along with whatever he had planned, Morgana took it in her stride, but she was still curious as to what they were doing there.
"Merlin, what-"
"-O drakon, e mala soi ftengometh tesd'hup anankes! Erkheo!"
Morgana gaped at him. "What – what was that?!"
She didn't even know what language that was. She had vague memories of the Battle of Camlann and of Merlin shouting something similar to Aithusa, but that was lost in the haze of battle. Part of her distantly noted that the amount of power Merlin had just displayed was incredibly attractive, but it was drowned out by her confusion about what that actually was.
"Just trust me."
"Merlin," Morgana pressed, sounding very much like her brother in that moment.
"Just wait and see, please? I want it to be a surprise."
Morgana pouted playfully, but didn't push him for any more details. Merlin laid down on the grass, content to wait for whatever was coming; Morgana followed his lead and did the same beside him. Without saying a word, Merlin took her hand and threaded his fingers through hers, making Morgana instantly smile.
"This had better be good," she said.
Merlin brought her hand to his lips and gently kissed them. "It will be," he promised.
For that action alone, Morgana thought it was worth coming out to the random field Merlin had brought them to.
They didn't have to wait long for whatever Merlin's surprise was, as suddenly a loud and very familiar roar had Morgana leaping to her feet in shock.
"Aithusa…" Morgana whispered in awe as the white dragon approached.
When she had last seen Aithusa, the dragon was twisted and crippled from their time spent imprisoned by the Sarrum. This was no longer the case. Aithusa landed and Morgana could now see her in all her glory. She was huge, healed, and her white scales glistened in the moonlight.
Morgana was vaguely aware of Merlin standing up beside her, but at that moment she didn't care. All the mattered was Aithusa. Her faithful companion from all those years ago.
"Aithusa!" Morgana cried joyously and ran towards the dragon. Aithusa lowered her large head and Morgana wrapped her arms around her in a hug, resting her head against Aithusa's snout.
"It is good to see you again, Morgana. It has been too long," Aithusa said.
Morgana pulled back in shock, but did not relinquish her hold of the dragon. "You – you can speak!" Aithusa's voice was soft and kind and it brought a huge smile to Morgana's face. "This is wonderful! Oh Aithusa, I've missed you!"
Aithusa chuckled. "And I you."
Morgana sensed Merlin coming up behind her. "Hello, Aithusa," he said, and Morgana could hear his affection for the dragon in his voice.
"Hello, young warlock," Aithusa replied, and Morgana could tell by the smile on Merlin's face and Aithusa's tone of voice that the greeting was some sort of private joke between the two.
Private joke or not, Merlin looked indignant. "Young?! I'm older than you, you know!"
Aithusa laughed again. "Even after all these years, you still like to pull the 'I'm older than you card.'"
"Well, I am."
Morgana shook her head at their banter. "Wait, how do you know each other? And what was that spell you call out before? And how are you healed, Aithusa?"
Merlin stepped forward and reached out to pet Aithusa. The dragon's eyes closed at the touch and Morgana could see the obvious rapport between the two of them. It brought out a feeling of jealousy within her, but she ignored it.
"Aithusa is my kin," Merlin said, "and has been my companion throughout these many long years."
Morgana didn't quite understand. "Your kin?"
"Merlin is my dragonlord," Aithusa explained. "He is the one who named me and called me forth from my egg."
Morgana's mouth opened in shock and she turned to Merlin in surprise. This was one secret he was yet to share. "Dragonlord?"
"I am the last of my kind," he said. "I inherited the power from my father when he died. Dragonlords are kin to the dragons and a dragon cannot disobey the orders of their lord. That spell you heard earlier was the Dragon Tongue, and it was me calling for Aithusa."
"You're a dragonlord…" Morgana murmured in awe. Morgause had mentioned them once, but her sister had thought they had all been killed. Apparently, one remained.
Part of Morgana was hurt that he hadn't mentioned this until then. "Why didn't you say anything?"
Merlin looked sheepish. "… To be honest … I forgot."
Morgana blinked once. Twice. A third time. "… You forgot."
"A lot's been going on!" He said defensively. "I awoke your memories, and there was helping you with your magic, and getting to know Arthur, Gwen and the others again. And I was just focusing mainly on you, Morgana. I wanted to make sure you were alright. And being a dragonlord is such an intrinsic part of me that I kind of forgot it needed mentioning with everything else that's been going on."
Morgana sighed. "You're an idiot."
He sighed too. "I know."
Aithusa chuckled. "Do not be too hard on him, Morgana. Merlin has been alone for a long time with no one but me as a constant companion through the years. Do not begrudge him for being caught up in reuniting with his friends."
Morgana nodded and decided to change the subject. "You name, Aithusa, that's not of the Old Tongue. What does it mean?"
"In the Dragon Tongue it means 'The Light of the Sun'," Merlin answered.
"Wow, that's … really poetic, Merlin," Morgana said, impressed.
Merlin just shrugged bashfully while Aithusa said, "Thank you. I am fond of the name."
The warlock went on to explain to Aithusa what they'd been up to lately, but Morgana was distracted by the dragon's voice sounding in her head.
You are fond of my dragonlord, Aithusa said.
I – I – I'm not. We're just friends, Morgana thought back.
You're clearly not. You love him. Why do you deny it?
Because we're finally friends again after everything that happened. I was so angry and full of hate and he helped me come back from that. I don't want to lose him by admitting anything.
Who says you will lose him?
He doesn't feel that way about me.
How do you know that?
I just do! I'm not risking it.
You called Merlin an idiot just before, but you are acting like one yourself, the dragon scolded.
Aithusa!
You are. You don't know how Merlin feels because you are afraid to find out. But what if finding out makes you happier than you ever were?
… I don't know … I don't want to risk it.
I saw you so alone and bitter in Camelot, and I have seen Merlin the same in the millennia since, Aithusa said. He wouldn't want me to tell you, but many times he has come before me and wept for the wrongs he did to you. Merlin missed you and would cry for the Morgana he lost. Even if he doesn't feel the same as you do, there is no way you could lose him. He has spent an age waiting for you, and now that you are here, he will not let you go that easily.
Aithusa's words dumbfounded Morgana, but she soon found herself hearing Merlin's voice in an attempt to get their attention.
"…. Hello? Helloooo? Are you guys even listening to me? You're doing the telepathy thing, aren't you?"
Her mind still going over what Aithusa said, she barely even registered what she said to him in response. It was like she was listening to herself speak from a long way away.
"… Sorry, Merlin. We just were having some girl talk. You wouldn't want to hear it anyway."
After a tearful farewell to Aithusa on Morgana's part and the promise to see her again soon, they teleported back to Merlin's apartment.
"You can have my bed," Merlin said, leading Morgana to his bedroom.
Exhausted as she was, she didn't argue. She merely got under the covers. It wasn't until Merlin went to leave that she spoke up. "Where are you going?"
He looked at her in confusion. "I'm going to crash on the lounge?"
She scoffed, "Just sleep here, Merlin."
If she wasn't so tired, she would have thought the blush that lit up his cheeks was adorable. But at that moment it was just annoying. She wanted to sleep, damn it. With a flash of her eyes, she made Merlin's bedroom door shut. "Just lie down," she told him.
She could see him mentally debating it as he stood hesitantly by the door.
"Merlin."
"Right, okay."
He shuffled over and slipped in under the cover, lying on his side. Morgana rolled over so she was looking at him.
"Thank you for taking me to see Aithusa," she said.
"I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner."
Morgana sleepily reached out to brush aside a stray hair that had fallen in his eyes. "It's alright."
He took her hand in his and kissed her before putting it down on the mattress between them, keeping his own resting gently on top of hers. "Goodnight, Morgana."
"Goodnight, my little Squirrel-Friend."
He let out a long suffering sigh. "You're not going to let that go are you?"
"I told you, I'll be making The Sword in the Stone jokes for weeks."
"Goodnight, my magnificent, marvellous, mad Madam Morgana."
She snorted, "Goodnight, Merlin."
His chuckles were the last thing she heard before she fell asleep.
Waking up next to Merlin was something that took Morgana's breath away.
Merlin was still asleep when she woke and breathing evenly. Sometime during the nights they must have managed to take one another in their arms, because she and Merlin were now tangled together in a mass of limbs. Merlin had pulled her against his chest and Morgana was resting there comfortably. She hoped he didn't wake up anytime soon because she didn't want to move.
She shut her eyes and just laid there in his embrace, listening to his breathing. She was so close that she could smell him. All alluring mix of scents that were just so Merlin that she had to stop herself from taking in a big sniff.
Part of her still reeled at the fact that she could feel this way about Merlin. She had hated him back in Camelot and he had hated her. He had said as much when she'd asked him about it some weeks previously.
"Yes, I did hate you," he had said. "You were so against everything I was striving for and used you magic for such evil things … but I've had a long time to get over it. And I wasn't lying when I said I blamed myself for what you'd become. Who knows what would have happened if I'd actually told you about my magic? That's why I wanted to help you this time around. I failed and abandoned you once. I won't do it again."
She knew he felt guilty about what happened and was doing his best to make it up to her. And now she was lying safe, warm and content in his arms. Looking back on her lonely bitter years at Camelot, she knew she never wanted to go back to that. This was what she wanted now. She had friends and people who loved her. And Merlin. Merlin was a very big contributing factor to why she didn't want to turn back into Camelot's Morgana.
Morgana snuggled a little closer to him, but Merlin didn't wake.
Releasing a happy sigh, Morgana wasn't really sure how long her determination to ignore her feelings for Merlin would last.
"Morgana," Merlin murmured her name in his sleep.
A delighted smile graced her features, but all she did was whisper, "You're really, really not helping my resolve, you clotpole."
Morgana's resolve broke the next day.
And it didn't just break, it shattered.
It was much like any other day she spent with Merlin. They were having a lazy day, curled up together on the lounge and watching TV. They were both dressed for comfort in grey track pants; Morgana wore a plain black shirt, while Merlin had another band shirt on that she didn't recognised. She'd have to ask him about it later.
When he tired of watching TV, the warlock had suddenly announced that he wanted chocolate cake and dragged her into the kitchen to help him bake one. However, in a freak baking accident, Merlin managed to get flour all over her.
"Merlin!" Morgana shrieked, half laughing.
The warlock was doubled over in laughter as Morgana tried to get it off her. Whenever Merlin would get his laughter under control, he'd take one look at her and loose it all over again.
In retaliation, Morgana picked up a handful of flour and threw it in his face. "Ha!"
What followed was a flour-fight that ultimately ended in the both of them absolutely covered in it.
"Alright! Alright!" Merlin said, still laughing as he raised his hands in the air. "I give up! You win!"
Morgana stepped forward to get up in his face. "That's right!" She said victoriously. "You better remember that next time!"
Merlin lowered his arms, let out a short laugh and shook his head.
She cocked her head in confusion. "What?"
He shook his head again. "Nothing."
"Tell me."
Merlin reaching up and scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "It's just…"
"What?"
He shifted his weight. "It's nothing."
"Merlin."
Merlin caved, but he refused to meet her eyes. "It's just … Even covered in flour … you still look beautiful."
With that, her resolve broke.
It was gone; shattered into tiny little pieces. Merlin couldn't just say things like that without causing intense emotions to well up inside her. Screw not saying anything. She couldn't take it anymore. She just wanted one kiss, just one taste…
Morgana muttered a spell and the flour vanished. It was as if they'd never had their fight in the first place. Good. There was no way she was doing this covered in flour.
Merlin was staring at his feet, but judging by how red the tips of his ears were, he was embarrassed by his admittance. Morgana took a step towards him, reached out and gently made him look up at her.
"Morgana-" He began, but was cut off by Morgana leaning in to press her lips to his.
Morgana's heart thudded in her chest. Please don't push me away, she thought.
Merlin stiffened in surprise, but he soon got over it. To Morgana's delight, he stepped closer to her and brought her hands up to cup her face. "Morgana," he murmured into her mouth before kissing her again. Merlin's hands let go of her face and trailed down her sides to stop at her waist and pull her even closer to him.
Morgana was lost in the intimacy of the moment. Just in that short amount of time she already felt flushed. Her arms moved to lace themselves around his neck and she buried her hands in the back of his hair. Merlin nipped at her bottom lip and Morgana gave a small gasp at the action. She tilted her head and Merlin took full advantage of that to kiss her deeply.
Unbidden, a moan escaped her lips and she felt him smile against her mouth. He then lifted her up so she was sitting on his kitchen bench and he stood between her legs. This again elicited a gasp from Morgana, but it didn't stop her from moving her meet his lips once more. This. This was she had wanted for so long and she wasn't about to stop anytime soon.
Merlin's lips moved to kiss her along her neck, causing Morgana to tilt her head back with her eyes closed and shiver a little due to how sensitive she was to his touch. She bit down on her lip, but his name still came out as a breathless whisper. He looked up at her and Morgana opened her eyes to see him smiling at her, but it was his eyes that Morgana was fixated on. They were their normal, beautiful blue, but filled with a desire that Morgana had never seen in them before.
She reached out to pull him in for another kiss. She felt his tongue gently press against her mouth and she eagerly opened it and met him with her own. Dear, sweet Triple Goddess above, why had she waited so long to do this?! Morgana was lost in the sensation that was Merlin. His touch, his warmth, his smell, everything. She was drunk on his kisses. She didn't know where he'd learnt to kiss like that, but she was very, very appreciative of it.
It was only then that she realise their magic was reacting to the situation. She felt hers humming just underneath her skin and Merlin's was overwhelming. Distracted as his was, he didn't quite have the lid on it that he normally did and Morgana could feel herself being blanketed by the warmth and comfort that was Merlin's magic. It was alluring. It was intoxicating. Her magic sang in response to his and Morgana briefly wondered if he could sense hers and if it was doing the same to him as his was to her. But then Merlin began trailing kisses along her neck again and she instantly forgot about the magic.
"So beautiful," he murmured. "You're so beautiful."
"I wanted to – for so long-"
"-Not as long as I have."
Further talk was lost as their lips pressed against each other's again. Morgana wanted to stay that way forever, but when the crockery and other assorted kitchen items began to rattle in response to their magic, Morgana thought that maybe they ought to move.
"Merlin…" She murmured.
He didn't even reply, he just picked her up off the bench, holding her to him. Morgana wrapped her legs around his waist and smiled as Merlin carried her into the lounge room, kissing and sucking her neck as he went. She'd have a hickey there for sure, but Morgana couldn't find it in herself to care.
Merlin let her down gently and it was only then that Morgana realised that although she'd kissed him first, it was Merlin who'd been controlling the show until that point. Morgana was never one for being controlled. She was the one who liked being in charge, so she took initiative. She pushed him lightly into a sitting position on the lounge, moving with him so she was straddling his lap and her hands fisted in his shirt. The slight movement of her hips against his caused Merlin to give a low groan. Morgana smirked. It was nice to know she could elicit such reactions from him.
His hands moved to hold her neck and he pulled out of the kiss to rest his forehead against hers. It was only then that she realised that they were both breathing heavily and that Merlin had gained the lead again.
"I've waited a very, very long time to do that," he said, his voice huskier than what Morgana was used to.
"So have I," was her breathless reply.
He shook his head slightly. "No, you've been in my heart since Camelot, Morgana. I've waited a very, very, very long time to kiss you like that."
Morgana reached out to touch his cheek. "All those years?"
He nodded, "I hated you in Camelot, but part of me loved you too."
"You said you loved a woman who was similar to you but you both wanted different things."
He gave her a wry smile, "Well you did keep trying to kill the person I was destined to protect."
"I don't want to be that Morgana anymore."
His response was to simply press a slow and tender kiss to her lips, before pulling away again. "God, I'm so selfish."
Morgana frowned in confusion at the random statement. "Huh?"
Merlin cupped her cheek in his hand, running his thumb along her lower lip. "I am a selfish, selfish old man."
"What do you mean?"
"I wasn't lying when I said I awoke your memories because there's something coming and I need allies. But, Morgana, the main reason was because I couldn't bear to be away from you anymore. I found you, reborn and happy and good and I couldn't help myself. I awoke your memories and put you through all that pain of having to choose simply because I wanted you back. I wanted the good Lady Morgana back. It's like you didn't get a choice at all. It's all been what I've wanted. I'm selfish-"
She silenced him with a kiss. "Shut up, Merlin," she mumbled into his mouth.
"But-"
"-You're not selfish, Merlin. I chose not to go back to being the old Morgana. You didn't force me to stay good. I chose this. And do you want to know why? Because of you. You've made me feel so happy ever since you woke me up. You helped me heal. I'm not alone anymore. I have you, Arthur, Gwen – everyone. But you, most of all. You're so important to me. You're not selfish because you helped me. You're not selfish because you wanted me to stay good. You're like the complete opposite of selfish and I…" She tried off, not sure if she should finish that sentence.
"Morgana?"
She steeled herself and just told him. "I – I love you."
Myriads of emotions flickered across his face before his lips slammed against hers. It was a hungry, burning kiss and the feel of Merlin's magic increased tenfold. It encompassed everything, reacting to the emotions of its master.
"I love you," he murmured between kisses as they clutched at each other. "I love you. I swear to the Old Religion, Morgana, I love you."
It occurred to Morgana that they were wearing too many clothes and Merlin didn't even try to stop her as she tore his shirt off him. She stared at his bare chest. It was covered in scars that he'd accumulated over the years. One large burn scar in the middle of his chest caught her attention.
"How'd-"
"-Nimueh."
She bent down to kiss it.
Merlin slipped hid hands under her shirt and slid his hands across her skin. More courteous than she had been, he asked, "Can I?"
Morgana nodded and Merlin slowly drew up and over her head. He tossed it aside before staring at her in awe. Morgana had the errant thought of wishing she'd worn something a bit more appealing than a plain black bra, but that was before she saw him mouth the word 'beautiful'. Distracting her, Merlin leant down to trail kisses along her chest while his hands were at her waist and his thumbs were lightly brushing over her skin, giving her goose bumps as he did.
Morgana ghosted her hands across his skin, and Merlin did the same to her. The time passed in a series of gentle caresses that had Morgana tingling all over. A fierce need was building up inside her. She reclaimed his lips with her own, moving her hips ever so slightly against his as she did. The reaction was instantaneous. Merlin groaned, and buckled beneath her. "Morgana," he bit out. She smirked in satisfaction. Morgana found that she quite liked him saying her name like that.
She could feel how aroused he was and Morgana felt the same. Merlin trailed one hand along her thigh while the other was buried in her hair, holding her to him. Morgana gasped at the contact. "Merlin," she said. "Merlin, please, I need…" But she trailed off in another gasp of pleasure as Merlin's hands moved to cup her breasts.
Morgana knew where this situation was heading.
Apparently he did too, because he pulled back and said, "We can stop. We don't have to rush. I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you into anything."
He was giving her a way out. They could stop right there if she didn't want to go any further. But Morgana didn't want to stop, not after all that. Not after all the stupid weeks she'd spent trying to convince herself that she didn't feel anything for him. Not after he'd lit such as pleasurable fire inside of her.
She shook her head. "No, no stopping. Merlin, please, I need you. I want you. Please."
It was like she was begging. Morgana Pendragon had never been one to beg, not in that lifetime and especially not in her previous one. But a few passionate exchanges with Merlin and she was all but pleading with him. She needed him and she couldn't take the wait any longer.
Morgana clambered off him and pulled him up off the lounge. Merlin went willingly, holding her close as they stumbled to his bedroom, laughing and kissing each other as they went. They stumbled into Merlin's room and he gently lowered her on the bed. He leant down over her and kissed her, his hands on either side of Morgana, supporting him. Her pulse was racing and her breath was erratic, but she didn't care. What mattered was Merlin in front of her, Merlin kissing her and distracting her while she tried to undo the drawstring on his track pants.
It was finally, finally happening. She'd fantasised about it for so long, even if she tried not to, and now it was happening. She was vaguely aware that she kept saying his name, and he kept repeating hers, she was vaguely aware of him muttering what Morgana recognised as a contraceptive enchantment – how did he even know that in the first place?! – But it was hard to focus because just dear Goddess, it was actually happening.
And when they finally came together, when they reached their high of sex, sweat, kisses and caresses, when they could hold out no longer and they finally let go, only to have their magic respond in kind…
… Well, the city-wide blackout really wasn't their fault.
Afterward, they lay in each other's arms, their chests heaving and their legs tangled together.
"We're gonna need to learn how to control the magic better for next time," Morgana said, a little breathless.
The corner of Merlin's mouth turned up in a smile. "Next time?"
She confirmed it with a kiss. "Next time."
"I look forward to it."
"Thank you, Merlin."
"I feel like I should be saying that to you."
She shook her head. "No, really. You've helped me so much. Just … Thank you," she said, before leaning in to give him a long, slow, tender kiss.
Merlin responded eagerly. "What were you saying about next time?" He mumbled between kisses.
"Keen, aren't you?"
"It's your fault."
"How's it my fault?"
"You are far too alluring to be legal."
She laughed and snuggled in closer to him, so her head was resting against his chest. "I know I said it before but I want to say it again. I love you, Merlin."
His lips pressed to her forehead in a chaste kiss. "I love you too, Morgana."
Morgana closed her eyes, feeling ridiculously happy and content. She was stupid to deny her feelings for him for so long. She'd been stupidly stubborn to hold on to her 'only friends' resolution for as long as she did. But Morgana was glad her resolve had broken; shattered in tiny little pieces after Merlin's compliment on her beauty. Because she was happy, she was loved and she wasn't going to let that go. So whatever danger that was coming with Albion's 'darkest hour' could try to hurt her and her friends, but she wouldn't let it.
Because if there was one thing Morgana Pendragon was, it was stubborn.
So she would stubbornly, and with all her power, protect her friends and the new life she was building with her old enemy and new love, Merlin Emrys.
Author's Note:
Hi again!
Just wanted to thank you guys for reading. Please tell me what you thought in the reviews. I personally think an alternate title to this fic could be 'The One With All The Line Breaks.' Hahaha.
I also wasn't sure if Morgana knew 100% about Merlin's dragonlord powers, so I just went with she didn't. It's been a while since I watched the show, so I can't remember.
Oh! And 'Ofmunan' means "To remember/recollect".
Anyway, I'm going to stop rambling (I always seem to do that in Author's Notes). Thanks again!
Much love,
Leisey.