Broken Helix, Mended Hearts
Although, I can enjoy and laugh at the "Peter and Olivia have a baby stories," I had a more serious thought occur:
Should Peter and Olivia even have a baby? Of course as a shipper, I'd love for them to have a child eventually. However, the scientific side of me questions the ethics of such a choice.
It's near midnight at a small Holiday Inn in Boston.
Olivia has tried to be calm and understanding with Peter. She had forgiven him, after she had some more time to think about his situation in context with her own. Talking to Astrid some had helped. She had begged him to come to the hotel where she was staying to talk more in depth about what things had become, where they wanted to go, and how to get there. Not like she needed to beg; Peter came running right to her, as he always has.
But she was not sure of getting into a relationship with him so soon.
"Olivia, as I've always said, I came back for you. But if you're going to shut me out, then my choice was in vain. If I belong with you, then make me yours. Take back what was taken from you, or it may be lost soon."
She took his words as a threat. He might actually leave here. Olivia went into her sarcastic mode that made even the toughest FBI agents sting at her words.
"Oh, so now you're blackmailing me like a con? Well, I have my own free-will Mr. Bishop, and if you want, you can go right back there. Go on! Right back into Daddy Darth Walter's arms. And we all know their Olivia loves playing games with people's hearts. You two deserve each other!"
Peter is very, very hurt she'd even think he would go back to his birth-universe after he heard what she had she went through over there.
"What kind of man do you think I am? Certainly not one worth loving if I would ever do such a thing. Come on, my biological father was going to use me as some sort of world-destroying Energizer Bunny!
He still wants to use me for his own sick, twisted view of Armageddon. "
"He set me up for the worst possible deception by noticing that I loved you. Because of him, I nearly lost the real woman that loves me; you! Having my heart ripped out with a dull scalpel, only to be tossed into a garbage disposal while I watched, would have been preferable to the Hell caused by their Dunham.
He lowered his voice and looked at her with eyes made wet with the coming of tears.
"I mean it, 'Livia when I say that if they had dissected and killed you, I would have ended my own life. When I found out about the switch, I had plenty of time to think. Considering I was powerless to help you in any damned way, shape, or form. I had a letter already written for Walter in case the outcome was bad."
Olivia was ashamed of herself and shocked at this revelation, but he stopped her from speaking.
"If I wanted to leave, I would have done it when you told me that you didn't want to be with me. But, "Livia, as much as those words hurt me to the fiber of my being, I hold on to you and hope."
"But you have to admit, the future is dire. We are at a stalemate with the other side, but shit can hit the fan at any time. You know as well as I do how easily life can be snuffed out. Poof, 'Liv. One day we're here, one day we're gone. It's like that Social Distortion song goes, "reach for the sky because tomorrow may never come."
Olivia apologizes; admits it is thoughts of AltLivia that prompted her outburst. She still fiercely hurts from how that woman used him and screwed him in both mind and body. Peter attempts to lighten the mood and tells her that he'd castrate himself if it meant she'd love him for life. Olivia gives him a questioning eyebrow at that off-the-wall remark.
Peter half-joking, half-serious tells her that it's not like he needs that particular part of his anatomy anyway. He really shouldn't be reproducing with a deadly genetic illness and all... He takes note of the thinking look that Olivia gives him and something else hits him; something he never heavily considered.
If by some chance things worked out between them, he could not ethically give her children. Oh, he wanted them, but deep in his mind he knew it just couldn't happen. He looked at her and his small, joking smile turned away. His brow furrowed as he came to grips with this consideration and how it would affect them as a couple.
"God, 'Livia. I...we... "
"Peter, it's OK. I love you too much for that to be an issue. It's not like I should be bringing children into the world myself. With a FBI career and having been the lab-rat for mad scientists. God only knows the bearing that Cortexiphan has on human DNA. Oh, and let's not forget the impending doom of one or both of our worlds. Plus, the fact that any baby of ours would certainly catch Walternate's interest as a child of two universes."
Peter looked into her sparkling green eyes as she said, "I love you..." This was the first time he had heard those words come from her mouth. It wasn't like she had to say them... but after all they had been through, to finally hear them made his heart pound and his knees weak. Or maybe it was the thought that she was all right with not having children. The thought of Walternate getting a hold of their baby scared him even more than the small chance of a genetically passed disease.
"It's OK, Peter. If it's not to be, then it's not to be."
Peter shuffles on his feet and looks down towards the floor. It feels difficult for him to process what he is about to say, that he shows sympathy with his father.
"Walter will be devastated. But I couldn't risk such a possibility. The heartache would just be too much. I couldn't imagine what it's like to lose a child.."
Olivia had heard a version of those words before. Like father, like son. But this son was letting go of his thoughts of being a father...
"I guess I'll just have to be happy as Uncle Peter," he remarked and then exhaled sharply.
Olivia thought of Walter and something occurred to her. "Certainly Walter knows of this. He has made the grandchildren remarks before and the idea brings him nothing but happiness. Surely he knows deep down that you just should not go there..."
"Knowing my father, he'd try to convince me that we could correct any possible defect in the zygote. Sorry, but I'm not willing to use our potential child as an experiment in the wonders of DNA manipulation. We've seen how well that turns out." Peter shudders as he thinks of the poor "mole-baby"
from the case they worked more than a year ago.
"Peter, it is too early for us to be thinking too much about these things. But, I assure you that this is something that will not come between us. At least that is out there so you don't have to wonder..."
Peter was surprised at just how much this analysis has hurt him . He had always been careful with using condoms, as much as he despised them. After finding out the true nature of his illness, he considered more intrusive measures... such as getting a vasectomy. Then he had a scary thought; The other Olivia had tried to get him to forgo using any when they had sex. Yes, Peter knew that it would feel better without them, and was very tempted. But he refused to do so, no matter how much she teased him. He always stopped for one. She kept some in the nightstand because no matter how hard and willing he was, he'd stop if none were available.
Now he worried she may have tampered with them as part of some other hidden vagenda. He turns back to the reality of now, facing the woman he loves, all the while hoping that he was just looking for things that had no meaning again. A friend had warned him of the burden this thinking placed upon him.
He knows that he had "found the crack," as suggested by that friend during what seemed like a life-time ago. He had opened the door to Olivia and his father, letting each of their unique lives brighten his own. That was all the meaning Peter Bishop needed. Everything else was just a means to that end.
Olivia looked at Peter and wondered how she could possibly doubt him. Everything he has ever said to her was the truth. Everything. From the first day she laid eyes on him and dragged his ass kicking and screaming back to his misunderstood, but loving father. Not once has he lied to her, no matter how much the words he said may hurt him.
It was quite a thought to think that Peter Bishop may never have the chance to have a son try to prove that he was better than his father. Peter is one of the best men she has ever known. This, above all else, is why she loves him.
"You know Peter, just because you shouldn't produce children, doesn't mean you can't enjoy the process."
He looked at her with warranted disbelief, questioning her with his eyes. Olivia answered by softly taking his hand and leading him to the bed. A hotel room was not ideal; it reminded her too much of sneaking around with John. But all she wanted was Peter; she wanted to take what was hers.
Peter was more than happy to oblige.
But he forgot one thing...