Snape and the Girl

"Oh my god! Severus has a girlfriend!" Minerva squealed.

Dumbledore nodded wisely. "That's what Flitwick told me!"

"But he's so... greasy."

"Well it takes all types," Dumbledore reasoned.

"Bet she's a dog," Remus Lupin added from his quiet corner in the staff room.

"You're supposed to be in a time-out mister!" Minerva reminded him.

"Sorry... but I got news on Severus' new girlfriend."

Dumbledore looked pleadingly at McGonagall who finally said, "Alright you can come out. Now what's the goss?"

"Well..." Lupin said slowly, "I don't want to tell tales do I?"

"Remus as headmaster of this school you must tell me! I order you!"

"Ok... well I know it's a girl..."

"Remus!"

"Well he sometimes did imply otherwise!"

"Oh go on! "

"And she didn't go to Hogwarts."

Silence. "You mean... she's a muggle!"

"Yep."

"I can't believe it!" Flitwick finally said. "Severus was always your typical Slytherin! Hated muggles!"

"I know!" Remus said excitedly. "And you don't even know the worst of it!"

"What, what, what?" Minerva begged. "Tell me..."

"Uh hum." Remus held out his hat which several members of staff filled with knuts, sickles and galleons.

"Severus' new girlfriend... is a married woman!"

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"I don't believe it!" Dumbledore said finally. "The sly dog!"

There was a great whoop of laughter and excited chattering when suddenly...

Bang! The Staff room door banged open. It was Severus.

"Has anyone seen my quill?"

Silence. Then wordlessly Lupin handed him his quill.

Snape headed wordlessly to the door. Burning as he heard the giggles behind him.

"By the way," he added on the way out, "Potter was listening to whatever you were talking about before."

"Eep," Lupin whispered once Snape had gone.