He was sitting on the edge of the fucking crane, not realizing how he got there. One awkward movement — the end of all problems, the end of whole life. He finally got what Hannah could feel. Emptiness. Solid haze — that's what he felt inside.
His own mother chose a drug addict and alcoholic, another. She chose him over her own son. Whether was it generally regarded her as a mother after that? She didn't say a word to him, she didn't stop him, she just took a quick look and closed the door.
Brice? Justin knew that the only reason he'd go to him is to fucking break his skull with a gun in his bag. He wasn't been able to think straight. Not yet. In his head he imagined Brice lying on the cold ground, the blood was slowly spread next to him, and Justin was just standing there and looking at it, no emotions on his face: no regret, no sadness, no remorse. He represented the growing sound of police sirens, because someone'd have surely called them, hearing the shot, perhaps several. And he'd quietly sat in the car, calmly admitted his guilt, he'd not be ashamed.
Alex? He had been visiting him too often lately. He had been showing weakness too often lately. And besides, Alex's father was a cop, upon learning of the situation Justin, he'd have made his life even more of a nightmare. He just didn't see the point of going to him, how could he help him?
Jessica? He was in love with her. He fucking loved her, truly. She probably was the only reason he was still sitting on that crane and not lying somewhere underneath. He knew it was difficult for her to accept Hannah's death, so he couldn't just make her feel that again, he believed that she still cared. He knew she hated him with all of her heart. He hated himself. What a normal person'd allowed his friend to rape his girlfriend? What a normal person'd allowed anyone to rape anyone? And doesn't matter under what amount of alcohol and drugs he's. But he couldn't just leave her, only if she asks. If she asks him to shoot himself in the head or to jump off this crane — I'll do it immediately, without a cry, just do.
He came down few minutes later, almost rallied a couple of times because everything was literally sailing in his eyes because of alcohol and tears. He laid down on the cold, slightly damp ground, not having a strength to withstand this fatigue. A couple of empty cans of beer were lounging around, because he had dropped them from above, imagining that it was he the one who falls down and land with a bounce, fucking breaking everything he could break in his body.
He kept replying the events of recent days in his head. He closed his red, swollen eyes and closed them with hands as much as possible, trying not to see all those pictures. He just fucking wanted to stop feeling. As Hannah. This girl was stronger than him, because she had been able to accomplish this only step, he hadn't. He was so fucked up.
He wanted to die, fucking much, but he kept thinking about Jessica and realizing that he couldn't let her go so easily, give her to Brice or anyone else.
So he got up from the ground and went to the places where she could be. Just to hear one fucking word and end all his suffering in a few seconds. Only one word, and he would cease to be her problem, would cease to exist, only if she'd get better from this, because he wanted to give her everything in that fucking world, even if it was his life, but only if she'd ever forgive him.