Not Fair

A/N: sorry, just had the impulse to write this to get myself out of my writer's block (I haven't been really doing the chapters for my new fic as I've planned!!!!) and it's not beta-read... so it might be very illogical. Rukawa's OOC, I think, here. Flame me if you want! I'm desperate for reviews to keep my fic-writing spirit up.

/.../ = thoughts

/Alone, again. Why can't he see that I'm not okay? Why is he putting them before me? Is friendship really more important to him than my love for me?/

Kaede gave an inaudible sigh as he sat down on the sofa after having done all the household chores there were to be done. But still, Hanamichi was not back. And still Kaede could not help but felt a pang of jealousy. His do'aho was always ready to leave him alone at home with just one call from his so-called Gundan.

----Flashback----

"Kae-chan!" Hanamichi's voice rang from the living room.

"Hn." Kaede continued with his dish-washing but he felt something in his heart, telling him that he was not going to like what Hanamichi was going to tell him.

"Erm... heehee, you see, Youhei just called..."

Kaede's heart gave a big sigh as his eyebrows slowly knitted together. But he quickly returned to his usual expressionless façade when Hanamichi walked into the kitchen. He did not want the red-head to think that he was feeling frustrated with his best friend.

"And he said the Gundan want to hang out with me since we haven't, you know, do things together for quite some while. And he said, 'Ask that boyfriend of yours to at least spare us some moments with you, then he can have you back for all the whole day or night.' Yeah, that's what he said. So... erm..." Hanamichi was flashing a pleading puppy eyes look at Kaede.

"Hn. Just go," /No, you can't go! You just went out with them on Wednesday and today's only Saturday! No.../ Kaede was trying his best to keep his voice even.

"Honto ni? Are you sure?"

"Hn." /No, I'm not! Can't you see that I'm not? Can't you see that I don't want you to go?/

"Wahhh! Kae-chan! Oh thank you thank you! You're the best!" Hanamichi bounded over to his boyfriend and gave him a hug from behind.

/Do'aho! You know I'll give you anything you want even if it hurts me, especially after giving me your best "Please?"-puppy-eyes look. Demo... I.../

Kaede could only murmured a "Hana-chan" and leaned back against his lover's chest, closing his eyes and enjoying this silent moment.

"I love you. You're always so understandable," Hanamichi muttered and planted a kiss on Kaede's neck which sent shivers down the pale boy's spine.

-------End of Flashback--------

Kaede's lips curved into a smile small as he remembered the tender kiss but a wave of sadness washed over his heart.

/Me? Understandable? You really don't know what I'm feeling right now... I hate to admit it, but I'm jealous of your friends... they always seem to be able to make you laugh and smile... and you will always be there with just one call from them... and I feel that, for you, I'm second to your friends... but your happiness is always my priority.../

"Argh. What's wrong with me? Hana-chan has the right to spend time with his friends. You know they're very important to him... and you shouldn't take him away from his friends. You never understood what friends are, do you, Kaede? Do you? You never had any friends anyway... as long as Hana-chan's happy, it's okay..." Kaede muttered to himself.

/Or is it? Then why are you feeling as if you want to destroy the whole world and keep Hana-chan in a faraway place where no one except you can see or reach him? Then why do you feel like bashing up anyone who even dared to look at your Hana-chan, even if the person is his best friend?/

"Shimatta! Yamete! Stop this thinking. I think I better go and buy some grocery to keep myself away from this negative thought!"

Decided, the pale boy named Rukawa Kaede made his way out of his apartment to the nearby grocery stall.

But the shopping did not help much, instead the thought of Hanamichi filled his head. He would think of what to buy for Hanamcihi, what would be good for the red-head's health... and all those things.

Lost in his own thoughts, he did not realized that his feet had carried him to the cashier. The shop assistance gave him a weird look because he was simply standing in front of the counter and clutching to the items.

"Gomen," he murmured as a slight pink crept up his face and handed the things over.

After paying and such, he exited the shop, only to hear a voice he hated.

"Rukawa!" Sendoh's voice rang through the night.

"Hn." Kaede gave a nod of acknowledgement to the spiky-haired Ryonan ace and his boyfriend, Koshino.

"Hi, Rukawa," Koshino said.

"What're you doing here on your own? Where's Hana-kun?" Sendoh asked with a big smile.

"With his Gundan," Kaede answered but gritted his teeth at Sendoh's "Hana-kun". He still could not forgive Sendoh (before he went out with Koshino) for hitting on Hanamichi at last year's Christmas party.

"And leave you alone? Now..." Sendoh's smile became wider as he obviously wanted to tease the fox-eyed boy.

"I'm going home. Ja-ne," Kaede cut him off and walked away. But he could hear Koshino's argument with Sendoh for calling Hanamichi "Hana-kun".

/Stupid Sendoh. Damn him to appear just at this moment with his boyfriend. And hit the pain spot./ Kaede knuckles turned white as he clenched his fists as he remembered about last Christmas and that activity that involved a certain spiky-haired boy and a red-head.

So after much gritting of teeth and clenching of fist and muttering under his breathe about a do'aho (all the while, gaining strange looks from passers-by) and thinking of that do'aho, Kaede was finally back at home.

"Tadaima," Kaede said, half-heartedly for he knew that no one would be there to greet him.

/Damn this jealousy! When did I become like that? I'm supposed to be the Ice Prince... and that do'aho has to mess it all up. Haiz... this jealousy is eating into me./

Rukawa sat down on the couch and put his head behind his hands. Uncontrollably, he began to sob because he was confused about what he was feeling. Grabbing a piece of paper a pen, he began scribbling.

It's not fair how you changed me

Changed me to someone who feels

Feels all the love

But also feels all the pain

Now I'm feeling jealous

Jealous of your friends

Why do you always share

Your laughter with them?

Why do you always leave me

With just a call from them?

Never had I felt so lonely

After you left today

I wanted to say, "Please don't go..."

But I also want you to be happy

Now I'm feeling confused

Confused of what I am to you

Where's my place in your heart?

Second priority to your friends

But what I offer is love

Is it not as important as friendship?

I want to shout,

"Please stay with me..."

And if friends are more important to you

I'm willing to be just a friend...

Kaede did not know what came over him to make him write that. But he suddenly felt tired and sleep... slowly crept in...

------2 hours later--------

"Tadaima," Hanamichi said as he stepped into the apartment but no one came to greet him.

/Hm... now where is that kitsune? Maybe he's asleep. I think I better apologize for coming home so late... I guess I should not have left him alone at home... I had a good time but still... it would be better if I had spend the time with him./

Hanamichi walked softly into the apartment, heading for the bedroom. But a light from the living room stopped him, so he changed his direction. He went over to the couch and saw his pale lover sleeping on it.

He gave a little smile as he watched his Kae-chan's beautiful face. Moving closer, he gently brushed the raven bangs away. But he noticed tear marks on the beautiful face and he felt a twang of guilt.

/Kuso. I really shouldn't have gone out. Now look what I have done./ Hanamichi was about to wake Kaede when a piece of paper dropped to the floor. Hanamichi could see Kaede's handwriting on it, so he picked it up and read it.

The red head's heart felt heavy and it hurt as if someone was squeezing it. He never knew that was how his lover was feeling.

/Was I really neglecting him too much? I think I seriously am... damn it damn it! Damn myself! How could I be so insensitive towards his feelings? How could I?/ Hanamichi was blaming himself so much that he did not realized Kaede had woken.

"Huh? Kae-chan..." Hanamichi chocked when he felt a finger wiping his tears away.

"Do'aho. I'm..."

"No, I'm sorry! I'm sorry for being such a bastard and not notice how you actually feel. I'm sorry for all the times I left you alone... I'm sorry for not realizing how much you love me... I'm sorry for giving you the impression that you're not important... I'm sorry..."

"Hana-chan..."

"Kae-chan... I did not know that you feel so insecure... but I don't want you to be my friend... I love you, please believe me and that you are always my first priority. Never to think that I'm putting you as a second to my friends... You're always my first priority, even above my own life..."

"I'm sorry Hana-chan... sorry for being stupid, sorry for doubting your love."

"Iie. It's my fault, not yours."

"No, it's mine."

"Mine!"

"Do'aho. It's mine!"

"Teme kitsune! I said it's mine!!"

Both boys fell silent as they stared at each other. Then Hanamichi began to laugh and Kaede broke into a smile.

"Aishiteru." Kaede whispered and pressed his lips against Hanamichi's.

"Aishiteru." Hanamichi murmured against the other boy's lips before deepening the kiss.

--------OWARI-------

Kaede: Hn. Baka author. What a piece of crap.

Hanamichi: That is because she's making you sound like a weakling who depends on the tensai! Nyahahaha.

Kaede: Do'aho.

Hanamichi: Teme! You baka kitsune... Omae o korosu.

Kaede: (rolls eyes and ignores Hana) Baka author for ending just here.

Hanamichi: What's wrong with that?

Kaede: What's wrong? There's NO lemon.

Hanamichi: Ohh... chotto matte! Are you saying... (blush)

Kaede: (hentai grin) So... since the author doesn't wanna continue it... why don't we continue on ourselves? We don't need her to do it, do we?

Hanamichi: TEME!!! Hentai kitsune! (Blush harder) I'm not doing.

Kaede: (purrs in sexy tone) Are you sure?

Hanamichi: Well... I... I... (being pulled away by Kaede to 'somewhere')

(Moans from that 'somewhere' could be heard.)