Chapter Three : Reason to Die
By Sceaduw
It had never been about saving people from Akumas. It had always been about protecting the territories of the Vatican from the Millennium Earl. As long as the battle could be won, exorcists were expendable. Who then even cared about mere non-exorcists?
I stood at the center of the dimly-lit hall. Usually, criminals would be in chains before this court. As an Exorcist General, I was immuned. Judgement Hall was the place where exorcists were tried for treason, unfit to practise and other things that went against the Black Order regulations or laws by the Vatican. Usually, I would be one of the Generals sitting up there on the bench and not standing down here, waiting to be sentenced. Exorcists and officials were gradually entering the hall, placing themselves in the rows of seats on either side of the wall. Before me was a huge alter with the magnificent and symbolistic statute of the Black Order rose cross, and set up in front of it was a long bench that would be seated with six important persons. In less than 5 minutes, the other four senior Exorcist Generals - Froi Tiedoll, Kevin Yeegar, Cross Marian and Winters Sokaro, would occupy the four seats at both end of the bench. The two empty seats in the middle will be occupied by Komui Lee, the supervisor of the Black Order, and Malcom Rouvelier, the pitbull from Vatican. I was mentally prepared for public humiliation by Rouvelier, but I was not sure if I was prepared to face General Sokaro. He was the only General who had showed encouragements to me during my training days when everyone else looked down on me. He had high hopes for me and I was about to bring shame to him.
Closing my eyes briefly, I rehearsed my defense for the trial. There was no defense really. The fact was I lost all the retrieved Innocence to a Noah. They would judge me as unsuitable to be a General. Maybe they would sentence me back to be an ordinary exorcist where I originally started off as. Well, that wouldn't be too bad… I just needed to start all over again, working and gaining experience as I go along. I still had my life, own my Innocence and my synchronization was still perfect.
But I didn't want that sentence… Whenever I closed my eyes I could see them. I could not start over again, not without my team mates.
Death seemed like a favorable option. I just wished I would be sentenced to death, stripped of my Innocence. Right now, living was meaningless to me. I had no one to fight for. The Vatican, the Black Order or the human race… none of them were really on my mind. Cross… why was I thinking of this monstrous man at this moment? I hadn't talked to him since my recovery. He was around somewhere in the Black Order headquarters, I sometimes caught a glimpse of him from a long distance but never once at close proximity. He was definitely hiding from me… or maybe I was instinctively avoiding him. He did not kill me eventually, but neither did he explain anything to me.
I stopped suspecting Cross to be a traitor. Not because of his unclear apology, but he was a very smart person. If he were to betray the Black Order, no one would have noticed anything until everything was too late. Cross Marian was one of the senior Generals, although he was not as old as the other Generals. He was around his thirties, slightly older than I was. I was only twenty-five… too young, too rash, too arrogant. That man would be one of the judges sitting up there in a moment. I didn't know how I should face that man.
The surrounding hustles and noises of the exorcists suddenly faded as if God had turned down the volume. I opened my eyes slowly and saw six souls had already seated at the long bench. There was General Cross Marian, sitting on the second left seat next to Malcom Rouvelier, smiling slyly at me like a cunning fox. I looked blankly at him, ignoring his smiles. I had no idea why the other females found him so attractive with that annoying half-moon-shaped mask on his face. Why was he wearing that mask anyway? Maybe he had huge scars on his face and he would want to shield them like what I was doing now? I had been wearing my hair loosely since I left the hospital ward, leaving half of my scarred face covered with my long bangs. Some of the scars were seen from time to time as my hair swayed back and forth while I was moving around. Usually the people around me just pretended they did not see me. I was basically invisible to everyone until today. I never knew so many people cared to know about what happened that day at the Dark Forest until all these souls busily trying to find a seat in the Judgement Hall.
"General Klaud Nine! Are you guilty of your sins?" boomed the man. I looked up calmly at Rouvelier. His voice echoed in the hall, bouncing off every wall and into the ears of all those present. His sudden roar shook the young supervisor sitting next to him. Komui Lee shifted his pose uneasily and adjusted his glasses with his fingers. Was he supposed to frighten me? Obviously Rouvelier had never been to a battlefield and hadn't heard the war cries of Akumas before. Everyone waited for my response… but, what sort of question was that?
"Malcom, everyone is guilty of their sins. Can you be more specific as to whether General Nine had or had not done in the Dark Forest that led to some consequences which the moral world… or the Vatican… would consider a 'sin'?" asked General Kevin Yeegar, the eldest of the Generals. General Marian produced an obvious snicker as the General raised his query gently. Both Komui Lee and General Froi Tiedoll raised one of their eyebrows simultaneously at the question. I crossed my arms and shifted my standing position while I waited for Rouvelier to rephrase his question. There were some suppressed laughter from the audience but were silenced by an angry stare from the embarrassed chairman.
"General Klaud Nine, are you guilty of losing the Innocence you were escorting in the Dark Forest?" asked Rouvelier. His eyes were fixed on me like a snake on a rat. He might be a snake, but I wasn't a rat and intimidation was the last thing I would feel from him. Every General Exorcist could squeeze the life out of Malcom Rouvelier with ease. It would be as simple as General Cross stealing a kiss from a woman. We were all tolerating this Vatican man for the sake of the other younger or non-exorcists. The Black Order was founded upon the authorization and funding of the Vatican. It would be very unwise to have the Black Order being labeled as a pagan society and being hunted down. Although the Vatican did not show any understanding or mercy to the exorcists but merely treated us as 'weapons' against the Akumas, they did finance us handsomely in whatever we needed. Especially the extraordinary expenditures of certain General Exorcists – the many exotic art objects of General Tiedoll, General Cross' drinking and women problems… But most of all, our medical expenses. Nearly 85% of the money funded from Vatican was used on our medical supplies.
Akumas from the Earl, Exorcists from the Vatican. The only difference between us was that we are the ones who survived after battles. To the Vatican, it was worse than a sin to lose the Innocence to the Noah. I would have to die a thousand times and die over again for another thousand times to repay this sin.
"Yes. I am," I spoke calmly, waiting for Rouvelier to give me a death sentence. General Marian crossed his legs and placed them on the bench loudly. He yawned and stretched his back, making some strange noises despite Rouvelier's glare of death.
"General Nine… are you sure it was your responsibility that –"
"Of course it was her responsibility, Komui Lee! She was leading the team, was she not?" again Rouvelier roared and interrupted the young man's question.
"I thought we are supposed to be a jury here?" asked General Kevin Yeegar again, seemingly annoyed at hearing Rouvelier's excessively loud voice, "Speak, General Klaud Nine. Tell us what happened in the Dark Forest and the ALL six of us will judge if the losing of the Innocence was your sole responsibility. Then we shall decide a suitable punishment depending on the seriousness of your mis-behaviours."
I tightened my lips as General Yeegar looked at me sincerely. A tear was at the edge of rolling off the rim of my left eye. I should not deserve such mercy from the others. I killed my team and it was an undeniable fact. Holy Father I had sins, sins of pride. Before I knew it, I had lowered my head in shame, allowing my long bangs to cover half of my face.
"Say it quick, General Nine! Don't waste our time!" said General Sokaro. I looked up to him in reflex to his strong tone. General Winters Sokaro eyed me sharply behind his metal helmet. When I was still a freshman exorcist, he used to lecture me frequently how I needed to be extra strong and tough because I was a female. This world preferred to pick on the weak and discriminate against the females. He emphasized that if I wanted to survive, I could never show emotions in front of anyone, not even myself. And that was exactly how I survived… until this incident.
Back at the hospital, I broke down into tears in front of General Cross. God knew what he would think of me now. He would think I was a weakling, no difference from those other women who submitted into him.
"Look, I don't want to waste time here while the Earl is out snatching more Innocence," said General Cross lazily, "Whatever happened, had happened. What was lost, was lost and will never return." He stood up and adjusted his black hat. Timcampy flew down and sat comfortably on top of his hat. They were about to get up from the bench.
What was he doing? Was he leaving? We were still in the middle of… or was just starting the trial.
"If they were meant for you, they will definitely return to you no matter how lost they became; if they were not meant for you, they will be lost even if you held on to them tightly. You should grow up and embrace life, General Klaud Nine." said General Cross as he turned his back to me.
"Marian Cross! Are you taking the Innocence so lightly? They are sacred to the Vatican!" Rouvelier stood up and bellowed at General Marian, "You will talk to me directly and not hinting at me like this! The Innocence must not be lost and they must be recovered!"
"No, Rouvelier, I was talking to my Klaud. My God, can't you even recognize your own name?" growled General Marian annoyingly at Rouvelier. Everyone in the Black Order knew how General Marian hated other men being close to him, especially ugly ones. I would bet my chastity if Rouvelier was not a Vatican official, he would be sent flying ten feet away by now.
"General Nine, your Innocence will be retrieved and never to be an exorcist again if you admit to be guilty of what you believed to be your fault. I demand you to think carefully before you speak," said General Yeegar as he pulled on General Cross' long black gown, gesturing him to sit down at once. General Cross sat back down with a huff and lit a cigarette impatiently. The smoke elicited some grumbles from Rouvelier. I waited for them all to settle back and quiet down before I gave my reply.
"I have no denial in my sins. Please sentence me!" I said as I closed my eyes. There they were again, my comrades, all looking so sad. I was sorry for keeping them waiting, but I would join them very soon.
There was a loud thud. I snapped open my eyes. General Sokaro had stood up abruptly and knocked over his chair. I felt his fury radiating from behind his armour and helmet. General Cross breathed out a puff of smoke slowly and General Froi Tiedoll shook his head disapprovingly as the armored General stormed towards me. I tried to stay still as the angry man stormed towards me and raised his fist. He was ready to strike me down. I glared at the raised hand and did not blink.
The blow never came. The angry fist halted in mid air, trembling with rage.
"How could you, of all exorcists, give away your life so easily? Where is your pride?" the General blasted.
"Pride is one of the seven sins that I had too much of already, General Sokaro… Thank you for giving me a lot of useful advice all these years. By all means, hit me, I could not be hurt anymore," I said without much hesitation. Although I was smiling at the metal reflection of myself, I sensed tears were already filling up dangerously inside me, ready to overflow any minute. I swallowed hard, what embarrassment and disappointment I must have been to him.
"Go ahead and cry, Klaud dear. If that will make you feel better," General Marian Cross snickered. He exhaled a puff of white smoke slowly and Timcampy fluttered around the hazy cloud for a moment before settling down onto Cross' hat again. He sighed mockingly, "I can lend you my shoulder to cry on. You are a great woman! I am going to miss you if you resign from the Black Order, honey." Before my blood pressure could rise in response to this insult, he continued, "But if you resign, then I guess I will have to recover the lost Innocence for you. Well, Rouvelier, I now agree with you that we should never have sent a girl to do a man's job. Now we have to clean up the mess."
"It's a bit too late to regret now, aren't we, General? Shall we conclude on the judgement now?" said Rouvelier, believing that finally someone was on his side. He seemed refreshed after General Cross made his statement. My chest was about to explode with rage. I clenched my teeth and my right hand was about to reach for my whip when General Sokaro grabbed my wrist. He shook his head slightly. If I could have a last wish upon death sentence, my wish would be to castrate General Cross Marian.
I shook off General Sokaro's grip. General Sokaro swore silently and turned swiftly to return back to his seat to vote. I knew I was too rash to be so obviously annoyed by their little conversation in degrading me. General Tiedoll rubbed his chin lightly while General Yeegar rubbed his temple hard. They both seemed to be in deep thoughts about my suitable sentence. While waiting for the Generals to come to a decision, the audience began to discuss among themselves. I heard there were a few distinct curses targeted on Rouvelier and I was sure he had heard them too. General Marian was speaking to Rouvelier but I could not hear them from the distant. There were some exchanges between General Yeegar, General Tiedoll and Komui Lee too. They too were discussing in a very soft voice and I could not hear them among the noisy crowd of spectators. General Sokaro remained silent all the time. After a while, the crowd hushed again as Rouvelier cleared his throat loudly, ready to deliver the decisions from the Generals and Komui Lee.
"We have come to a decision, General Klaud Nine. We found you guilty of losing the Innocence," announced Rouvelier. There were loud noises from the audience, interrupting Rouvelier's speech. I closed my eyes and waited for him to continue. Rouvelier cleared his throat again and the audience settled back down into silence. I opened my eyes and fixed my stare at Rouvelier. "General Klaud Nine, you are to remain as a General and to mentor and lead another squad to retrieve back the same number of Innocence that you had lost in the Dark Forest. Your duty will resume tomorrow. You will be reporting to General Sokaro after each mission and General Sokaro will be reporting to me. Do you comprehend of your sentence?"
I blinked. I was surprised and I did not hide my emotions. I managed to squeeze out a verbal affirmative after a few seconds.
General Tiedoll held out his palm and quickly made a thumb up gesture. The six men then dismissed themselves from the bench. Marian Cross was the first one to leave the scene. He seemed to be quite desperate to get as far away from Rouvelier and as soon as possible. I was indeed puzzled by the merciful judgement. There must be a reason behind this decision but none of the Generals would tell me afterwards. General Tiedoll smiled gently at me and gave me a thumb-up signal.
"There will come a time for you to join the others, General Nine. When the time comes, it should be for a just reason," said General Yeegar as he walked past me. General Sokaro followed General Yeegar out of the hall swiftly and Komui Lee spoke a few words with Rouvelier before Rouvelier left the hall. Their words were so faint that I could not catch any of their conversation.
"My apologies that you have to put up with Rouvelier, General Klaud. I have no control over that man… Please take good care of yourself. There is no hurry, take your time to heal your wounds," said Komui Lee who waited for me at the doorway. I nodded slightly at him. Why should he be the one apologising? He had always been very protective over fellow exorcists. It never was any of his fault.
"My wounds are all better now, I can leave for action tonight," I reassured the young supervisor. My wounds have nearly all healed since we had excellent medical equipment and medications. Still, he looked so sad.
"It takes time to heal, General. It takes a great deal more to move on, but I believe you can and you will," said Komui and he gave me a faint smile. He continued, "Please do not hate General Marian. He is not what you think he is. You know how odd people have odd behaviours."
I didn't really understand his words. Marian Cross was not what I thought he was? He was exactly what I thought he was! But for the sake of Komui Lee, I would believe him. The love of Komui for his little sister and his determination to sign his own death warrant by joining the Black Order at his own will was a legend in the Black Order. I was one of the many being touched by this living legend. I smiled at him and left the hall. It had only been an hour since I entered this hall, but it seemed like a whole day had passed already.
-to be continued-