Kendall and Mariah belong together; she knows that, he knows that, and everyone around them knows that. But she can't accept that out of fear and he won't let her go. This is the story of their journey together and apart. Story originally posted from Tumblr.

Prologue

I watched as Kendall held onto his thin raven-haired famous girlfriend as he walked ahead onto the red carpet and cameras flashed their bright lights at the couple. I was only six feet away from him and I could feel the awkward tension between us. It wasn't like people knew about us or ever would. He wanted our relationship, if that is what you would call it, to be public. I wanted it to be a secret, my management would kill me. Our yearlong romantic rendezvous would remain unspoken of and nonexistent. Its best if he stayed with his new girl, for his career sake and mine.

"Mariah, over here. Here Mariah," a reporter called as I moved my smoky chestnut eyes towards him, "How's the new movie role and is there any romance in your life". Ahh they just get straight to the point these days, those reporters. I laughed the last part off. "Uh the new role is brilliant, challenging but brilliant. I am very blessed for this opportunity. And unfortunately no, no boyfriend right now. Acting is my only love," I told them falsely smiling as I felt Kendall's eyes burning on me. Only half of that answer was true. Sure I loved acting with a dying passion but it wasn't the only love of my life. Kendall was.

When we had met, I mean formally met, we had an instant connection. I had seen him around during auditions when I was much younger but we just always passed by one another and nothing else. It wasn't until almost two years ago when I had guest starred on his TV show that we had official met. He was just then starting his career for Big Time Rush and I was trying to restart my acting career from being a child and teen star. We bonded completely, well me and all the guys but Kendall and I got along greatly. The way he felt about music, I felt about acting. For us it wasn't about the fame or the fortune, it was about the art and only the art. I fell hard for him after that conversation. But I knew it wouldn't last for us, I was offered some parts, not a lot but a good amount of roles, while he was touring a lot. It was fun for me but it got serious for him. He wanted commitment and to be able to go out in public with us. I couldn't handle that and I knew my agent wouldn't go for that. Keeping our relationship a secret ached his heart, but me ending it really broke it. I never told him how much I loved him.

Kendall soon met Melissa, a actress and singer who from what I've read in magazines, touched the heart of millions with her records and graced all the teen magazines. She might be a really sweet and caring girl but she was just one of those actresses or singer, whatever she called herself, who only does what does for fame and stardom, nothing more or less. From what I heard, she had just starting acting three or four years ago. She didn't work hard enough to get where she was. She didn't act good enough to get the roles that she had obtained. She didn't love acting enough to get a place in this industry. And she sure as hell didn't love Kendall enough to hold onto his heart. Okay, okay so I am a bitter and jealous ex-girlfriend but sometimes I regret letting him go. But he's happier now and he gets to have the girlfriend who puts him before her own career. He deserves that.

—

The award show was all right; I didn't get to see Kendall or his girlfriend that much. Only when Big Time Rush performed and when she won her award for best cast in a television show. I was envious, truly envious of her. She had everything I wanted, movie and television roles coming in and Kendall. I wish I were over him like he was over me. I should of listen to my mother's advice. "You CAN have it all". But I never believed her, sure she had my dad and me and my siblings, but she was never satisfied with her job. She always dreamed of being a Photographer for National Geographic. It gave her the best of both worlds, her love of nature and her love of capturing the moment. But she gave it up to travel with her military husband and start a family. I always felt like she resented us in a way. And I always promised myself I would never let a man come in between my dream, my dream of becoming an incredible thespian, no matter how much I loved him. Now I am all alone at a hotel, while my peers are out at the award show's after party. After waiting for the hotel maid to deliver some clean towels, I decided to get them myself. As I walked down the long hall to the elevator, I admired the art that hung on the wall. I was in my own little world when someone grabbed my hand and pulled me around the corner of a little hallway just before I could get to the elevators.

"Hey," I yelled at the unknown stranger pushing him without looking at him. "Whoa, whoa. It's only me Mariah," The dirty blond smiled whispering to me, "Sorry I scared you. I just wanted to see you". I gave him soft eyes that instantly hardened. "Kendall where's your girlfriend," I asked bitterly. He squinted his eyes giving me a confused face. "She's at the after party. What does she have to do with anything," he questioned. I nonchalantly shrugged even though she had everything to do with it, her and my stupidity. He sighed and tilted his head back. "You know you were the one who broke my heart remember. I just wanted to be with you," he told me lifting my chin up to make contact with me. He gently brushed his lips to mine and tenderly kissed me. I loved the way his lips felt on mine, it made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl in the world, the only girl. I felt like I was his girl and I finally fit and belonged to something, to someone. That scared the shit out of me.

My tiny hand went across his face sharply and viciously. I slapped him, I couldn't believe I slapped him. "What are you doing? You have a girlfriend remember? And I'm not jeopardizing my career just so you can have your cake and eat it too," I poked at him. He was pissed and I could tell by the redness of his face and the darkness in his yellow-green eyes. "Will you shut up about your career for once and let yourself be happy. I can make you happy. And as for the girlfriend thing, it's not real. Its all for her career and mine. Look I miss you and if you want us to be private then we can be private. I just want you, so let me in," he held my hands intertwining them with his. I pulled them away. "So you're just using her for fame and nothing else. That's nice Kendall. Real nice". He opened his mouth and shrugged speechless. "I was trying to make a statement. To YOU. I wanted emotion from you. I wanted you to care about something other than your career or acting. I want you to care about me," Kendall practically yelled in the empty hallway. I chuckled and rubbed my blueish-black locks. "So you wanted to make me jealous". He hit the wall behind me with so much frustration that it scared me. "NO! God no! Can you stop being so fucking selfish for once? This isn't about your career or my career, or even about fame. This is about us. I'm in love you. I truly love you. Just be with me forget everything else for a minute and just let me make you happy," Kendall told me making full eye contact with me. He was sincere, he always was. I waited so long to hear him tell me that even though I always knew how he felt, but to hear it come out of his mouth was the most amazing thing ever to me. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted to tell him I made a stupid mistake and I wanted to be with him. I wanted all those things. "I can't. I just can't Kendall. I gotta go". So I left him there, with tears in his eyes. Not only did I broke his heart again but I broke what was left of my heart too.