I think I was going to add more to this at some point, but I forgot about it. And I'm cleaning out my files because I'm getting a new computer soon. And it's finally some R/S! Ahaa. I probably had a happy ending planned for this at some point, but I'm in a horrible mood, and decided that I'll end it like this for now. Maybe I'll add more... maybe I'll add another chapter. When I get around to it. For now, enjoy. I apologize for the angst.
Oh... heart... what you've been through. I just don't understand why you can't just break already. You've been stomped upon, ripped at the seams, punctured with sharp objects, and even been attempted to be scraped out of my body by my wolf form. But you just won't break... are you really that strong? Oh, heart. Please break already?
Because my mind's been whispering to me lately, just so you can't hear... that I'm not being treated too well by a certain boy that you still claim to hold dear. Haven't you even heard what he has done to me this time? Oh, heart... you had to have. My bones are still aching from the hurt... the tears are still running down my face!
Well, there's a certain raven haired, sapphire eyed girl in sixth year that I'd even seen Sirius eyeing sometimes while brushing his hand against mine. And I'd pretend not to notice it, and I know you would too. Because heart, If I'm to be honest with you, you're quite stubborn. Well... that raven haired sapphire eyed girl just so happened to flash her skirt a little too high for Sirius. And the rest... we'll say is history.
Oh, heart! Break! Right now at this very second! Because I can hear his soft footsteps coming up the stairs and I don't know if I can do this if you're not totally in pieces, lying in the middle of my lungs just like all the air in my windpipe. If I can't breath, then why are you still pumping blood? Why aren't you just breaking, damn it?!
Here he is, standing there looking like the cat who ate the canary, and you're not letting me even move my feet. Either that, or they're not letting me. Oh, feet! Please let me move! My heart is hard enough to persuade, and now you?! And he's standing there, and I know he's waiting for me to make a move. And his dark eyes follow the tear drops running straight down my cheeks.
Oh, heart. He could have said no, he could have ran to me, because he knows that I give him everything that he had asked for. Did he want more, heart? Do you know something I don't know? He could have asked, I wouldn't have objected. Anything Ms. Raven could do I may have been able to do better. I can't lift my skirt up and show milky thighs... because I'm all bones. Oh, bones! Why couldn't you have been hidden under some more skin, some more muscle?
And theres now moisture forming over the bottom lids of his eyes and they're spilling over, and you're trying to make me move to calm him, but why? Why should I do that, heart? He's killing me. He let me down... way down...and I shouldn't have let him, I really shouldn't have. But I stopped my feet, a few steps away from him, close enough that I could see the difference in the dark deep blue and the black in his eyes.
"Sorry," he manages. Sorry! Heart, sorry! He's sorry? No he's not. He's not sorry at all, because he got what he wanted, she was desperate, he was horny, she's beautiful, and I'm just some scarred up messed up creature with a heart who doesn't like to listen to me.
"No you're not," Oh, voice! Oh, mouth! Oh, my chattering teeth! You don't decieve me.
"I was lonely...," he said, his eyes averting to the nearest floorboard by his foot. And you're still staring at him, aren't you? You just want to go and make him feel better, don't you, heart? Don't you?
"You could have come home. You could have called. But you'd rather have your lips locked with that girl,"
"It's happened before...," he says, this time his voice is shaking and his legs look like he's going to fall. And I'm waiting for it to happen, because you can't pick him up, I won't let you.
"In you're bed," It's one thing to be cheated on, but heart, he had her in his bed, the bed that I found my real self in. The bed I would have let him take me all the way in. Now do you see, heart? That you just can't be in love with him anymore! I can't be in love with him anymore! I just can't! So please, heart.
He doesn't say anything else. Just stands, and I just stand, and you just pump the blood through my veins, not letting me drop dead right here on the spot. Because that really wouldn't be too bad of an exit right now. Because my feet aren't letting me walk towards the door.