Morrowind…But Stupid

Chapter 1: Feel My Wrath

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm sure you don't remember me, but I'm an author who's been here since '03, and I left for a long time, came back, and left again. So hello, hope you enjoy this, and I'm so sorry about the shortness of it.

Vivec, Sotha Sil and Almalexia sat, as usual, in a random hall in some mystical place the game designers never bothered to tell us about. But this day, something was different. Only they didn't know what it was.

"Something is different," Sotha Sil said gravely, "only we don't know what it is."

Vivec paused for a moment before answering, "Perhaps it could be that just the other day we really, really ticked off a Daedric goddess?"

Sotha Sil stopped to consider this. "Maybe," he said, bewildered.

Without hesitation, Almalexia whapped them over the head with a paper fan. And suddenly, as if on cue, Azura appeared.

"You have really, really ticked me off," bellowed the aforementioned goddess, "and you shall pay for it!"

"How?" Vivec asked.

"I was GETTING to that!" roared Azura. "I'm going to cause you endless years of grief and you'll all die! MUAHAHA!"

"I'll never die," Almalexia said testily, "I'm immortal. Or at least I think I am, as there is absolutely no evidence to prove that I am in the games, especially because even though I claim to be invincible, I DIE!"

The other three shushed her, and whispered, "Don't reveal the plot! The Nerevarine might figure it out and kill us early so that we don't have a chance to assail her and make her life difficult until we figure out that she's actually meaning well and—OH!" Suddenly they stopped, realizing that they were revealing the plot. Surprised, they all paused.

Finally, Azura spoke up. "Although you guys weren't supposed to know about the Nerevarine, you're correct—there will be one. It's going to be a girrrl!" She squealed gleefully, and continued. "Anyway, she's going to destroy your sorry asses, so you might as well start praying."

"But," Sotha Sil interjected, "We're the gods of this world."

"You weren't once," Azura said firmly, "I was. Me and the other Daedra. But you overthrew us because you're greedy, power-hungry, male chauvinist pigs!"

"I'm a girl," Almalexia said indignantly.

There was a long silence as Azura considered this.

At last, she thought of something to break the silence with. She burst joyously into song.

(To the tune of "Be Our Guest" from Beauty and the Beast")

Feel my wrath! Feel my wrath!

Sotha looks like Mark McGrath

I will destroy you, mon cherie,

With my Daedric wrath

Nerevar is real dead

We think you cut off his head

Nerevarine will really kill ye

Present from Boethiah an' me

Feel my wrath! Feel my wrath!

Better write your epitaph

After all, this isn't France

So we don't drink wine or eat old smelly cheese

Anyway, I'm gonna kill you

A few more years and surely then you'll

Feel my wrath!

Oui, my wrath!

Feel my wraaaaath!

And with that, Azura disappeared, and left the Tribunal sitting alone again in their hall, wondering who in the world Mark McGrath was.