Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Dolores Umbridge; I think ancient mythology owns basilisks.
This is the story of how a toad-like witch named Dolores Umbridge
Fell in love with a basilisk.
She saw a ginormous snake that would make most people shake
Slithering along, oh her breath it did take.
The snake saw her too and at that moment he knew
Love at first sight was ever so true.
Dolores Umbridge was an ugly woman. No one could deny it. Basilisks were very scary monsters. No one could deny this either. This was what made them such a perfect match. One morning Umbridge was strolling along the street on her way to work. It was three o'clock in the morning to be precise, which is why the streets were empty. Technically she wasn't require to arrive at the ministry until six o'clock, but since she had no life outside of her job as Senior Undersecretary to the Minister because she didn't enjoy having fun and she had no friends, she spent as much time at the ministry as possible. She left work at one thirty a.m. and began walking back to her home, which was actually a dark cave. She would arrive at home around two o'clock and allow herself twenty-five minutes of sleep then eat breakfast and change into a different pink cardigan and bow and begin her walk back to the ministry.
She was contemplating whether or not she needed to buy another cardigan because her old one had started to unravel around the edges when she spotted a huge green serpent slithering along the road beside her. It was hideous. The reptilian monster was the most horrific thing she had ever seen. It was long and thick with red eyes and sharp fangs. In her eyes, he was gorgeous.
She had had enough theoretical defense against the dark arts training to know that this was a basilisk that should have killed her upon looking straight into its eyes. Yet, she couldn't resist. She was drawn towards the monster like a moth to a flame. Then she remembered that her great-great-aunt's second cousin's half-sister's father's fifth cousin twice removed had been a basilisk, therefore she was immune, and so she peered into his eyes. She felt something deep inside her soul. It was love at first sight.
Then the basilisk began slithering away. Umbridge panicked; her true love was running away. She ran after him calling, "Basilisk! Basilisk! Wherefore art thou, Basilisk?!" she followed him all the way to the girls' bathroom at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He hissed and the sinks slid away to reveal a dark hole. The basilisk slid down into the tunnel and Umbridge jumped in after him. At the bottom was an area filled with bones. The basilisk slithered to a door and hissed again. It slid open to reveal a chamber with a long stone pathway leading to a statue of Salazar Slytherin. Water surrounded the pathway on either side. The serpent slithered down the pathway with Umbridge at his side. A ghostly black-haired boy stood at the end of the pathway. He placed a veil on Umbridge's head and tied a bow tie around the basilisk's neck.
"I, Tom Marvolo Riddle," he said, "now pronounce you monster and wife."
So Umbridge and the basilisk were married and lived happily ever after until Harry Potter killed the basilisk in his second year at Hogwarts. The end.