Gonna Be Your Hero
Summary: Seth broke Dean once. But he's determined to built him back up no matter how long it takes.
Dean's heart was thumping in his chest, doing flip flops. His eyes were half lided. Soft moans escaped his parted lips as his mouth hung open in pleasure. Seth was placing the sweetest most sensual open mouthed kisses all over his jaw and neck area as he held Dean against the wall of their hotel room.
As soon as Seth had cornered him in the locker room after the show, Dean knew where this night would lead. Seth had a certain heat in his eyes. The way he looked at Dean, he wanted him. He wanted to take things to the next level.
Dean knew deep down inside his heart that he wasn't ready yet. That the fears and insecurities and trust issues were too deep still, but Seth had been so damn good to him. He had been treating him so nicely. So patiently. And Dean didn't want Seth to give up on him. Didn't want him to stop trying. Stop making the effort of doing his wrong right. Because Dean missed him so much. Missed Seth's attention so much. He wouldn't be able to deal with Seth getting tired of him and his issues and say fuck it to this whole relationship they had been pursuing just because Dean was taking too long to recover and be ready to be loved again. He wanted to let Seth in completely, and maybe, maybe if he only let it happen, it will be alright. Maybe Dean's scars and fears will heal if he would just let things progress on their own.
"Fuck baby...You are still so beautiful...Still so fucking tempting...I missed this..Missed you..."
Seth's hoarse voice mumbled the things that took Dean's mind back to what they were. What proved to be the downfall of their friendship. The lust, the attraction that they both had for each other back when they were together working as a team in the Shield. And Dean had fallen. Fallen hard for Seth when Seth wasn't ready for a commitment. It scared him to the point that he felt leaving the Shield and getting rid of Dean for once and for all would be the best option for him.
He was sorry. Even though it had been three long years, Seth was sorry. It had to mean something. Dean felt obliged to acknowledge that because Seth still held a place in his heart. A void that only Seth could fill. So he gave him a chance after Seth remained persistent. And so far Seth hadn't given him a reason to regret that.
Seth had treated him to night outs, dinners, good company, romantic moments without getting too physical, and it all made Dean's heart warm and giddy. Because he knew Seth was doing it all to make sure Dean knew he wasn't using him for only sex this time. And having sex wouldn't mean the end of them. Like Dean feared.
Dean couldn't stop himself from falling in love with Seth again after seeing such a gentle and caring side of his towards him. He always yearned Seth's love and care. Because it made him feel whole. But the paranoia still lingered deep inside him that getting physical would probably ruin things for them. Like it did the last time. For months Dean felt nothing but like a used up whore after Seth fucked him and left. And even though Seth treated him like a dainty now, he still couldn't get rid of those fears.
Dean willed his heart to calm down. His senses to just simply enjoy the intimacy. Having his hearts desire pressed so closely to his body...Like Seth was a part of him.
"Fuck Dean...You okay baby?"
Seth's concerned voice made him look into his boyfriend's eyes, finding nothing but adoration in those deep brown orbs. Dean chocked back a sob, nodding his head gently as he kissed Seth's lips and mumbled, "Yeah". A little smile on his face which Seth returned.
"Yeah? Because I don't want to push you darling. If you want this, only if you want this, we'll do it."
Seth was giving him an opening. Dean was so tempted to just take it, but something stopped him. Instead, he said, "Yeah...Keep going."
The smile that appeared on Seth's face was so fucking genuine that Dean almost, almost felt at ease. It was worth it. It was gonna be worth it because Seth was different now. Secure in his feelings. His identity. He was aware and confident of his love that he had for Dean.
"...You drive me crazy you know that? I love you, I can wait for you as long as you want me to. But I wouldn't lie that there has been nothing I have wanted more than to just push you down on the bed and ravish you. You are so fucking sexy and I want you so bad...Do you want me baby? Tell me...Honestly...Because if not, I will stop."
Dean's eyes watered because this was too much. Seth was being too good. A perfect gentleman. It was like a dream come true. Dean was used to Seth just taking what he wanted. He wasn't used to Seth considering his feelings and putting him above his own needs and desires.
"I want you too Seth. I just...No..I...I am just overwhelmed because I didn't think you would ever want me again..."
Dean regretted his words as soon as he saw Seth's expressions turn sour. Eyes going sad for a minute there. He felt himself panicking and quickly grabbed Seth's face in his hands as he made him look into his eyes.
"Hey..Look at me...Seth, please...I want to move past that...Past everything...You can fuck me."
Dean grabbed Seth's hands and placed them on his ass, pushing himself more into Seth's embrace. Seth kissed his forehead and squeezed his backside gently as he rested his forehead against Dean's.
"Not gonna fuck you Dean. Never. I am gonna make love to you like you deserve to be loved. Like I should have had all this time. Gonna make it right...Gonna love you right this time. I promise you I'll never hurt you again."
Seth's word made Dean's face break into a smile and they kissed again, full of passion and need.
Soon Seth had Dean naked on the bed. Dean's legs spread wide open for Seth to comfortably settle in between them. Like home. Seth was taking his time in worshiping every inch of Dean's body. Making him squirm and whine so prettily.
Dean looked down at Seth placing soft kisses over his stomach. Grabbing at his lithe waist and nibbling at the skin on his hipbone. Seth's lips felt good...So good actually that Dean found himself being overwhelmed.
Seth looked up at Dean, silently asking for permission to go further and when he didn't see any protest from Dean, he placed Dean's legs over his shoulders and kissed at his ass delicately.
Dean let out a broken moan, his mind and senses feeling overworked because this was too good. Too good to a point where it scared Dean that he would open his eyes and Seth won't be there. This gentle sweet moment would disappear right before his very eyes. He felt Seth kissing at his hole sweetly, lovingly, rimming him. It made Dean gasp and jerk, his eyes squeezing shut even harder. He wanted to enjoy this...Wanted to let his heart be happy at the fact that Seth was back where Dean always wanted him. But his mind was losing focus. His breathing was getting heavy.
"You taste as delicious as I remember Dean. So pretty. So fucking pretty...I can't believe you let me back in...I can't believe I am here..." Seth babbled as he kept on loving on Dean's entrance. Diving in like a starved animal. And he probably was for as long as he denied himself the want to have Dean fully. Now that he knew what Dean truly meant to him, having sex with Dean had a whole different meaning to him. It showed in his every action. The way he gave each desperate lick to Dean's body.
Dean wanted to say something back. To return Seth's sentiments. But he found his tongue locked. He found his heart beating too fast. He wanted to scream at himself, because this was not the moment where he wanted to be overcome with emotions. Where his instability ruined the wonderful moment he had been waiting for too long. But this was exactly what was happening. He realized it as he felt himself finding it harder and harder to breath. He was gasping, desperately. Not because of Seth's tongue fucking the most intimate part of his...But because he was having a fucking panic attack.
Seth let go of Dean's legs and ass to get rid of his pants because he needed to be inside Dean soon or else he would burst. Having a taste of Dean's delicious ass just made his dick throb so hard. He wanted to claim Dean...own him as his because he had waited too long already. He didn't want to waste a single more moment...
Seth's movement abruptly stopped when his eyes fell upon Dean's face and he realized that his boyfriend wasn't breathing right and it had nothing to do with the pleasures Seth was giving him just a moment ago. His eyes widened suddenly as his hands left his pants and he scooted himself up towards Dean and grabbed at Dean's face, trying to force him to look at him.
"DEAN! FUCK...Dean? Look at me...Open your eyes...Dean!" Seth was panicking. He didn't know what was wrong but something was definitely wrong. And it was scaring the shit out of Seth.
A couple of tears rolled out of Dean's still closed eyes and Seth felt his own eyes tearing up. He had hurt Dean. Again. Even though he wanted nothing but to love him and cherish him, he was once again causing Dean pain and it was fucking Seth up.
"Fuck...I am so sorry...I am so sorry Dean please...Please open your eyes...Look at me...What's wrong?...Please baby..." Seth begged desperately as he petted Dean's head, running his hand gently into Dean's hair as his other held Dean's face in it.
Dean let out a chocked sob as he sucked in a deep breath and shook violently before his eyes fell open, wide and wet.
"Fuck..Thank God...You scared the shit outta me Dean...What...Fuck..." Seth tried to calm his rapidly beating heart as he checked on Dean to make sure he was okay. Dean's eyes searched his, scared and ashamed.
"Oh God...I am so sorry Seth...I don't know what happened...I am fucked up..I am...Fuck you are gonna leave me...I am such a fuck up..."
Those weren't the words Seth wanted to hear from Dean right now. Specially when Dean felt so weak under his hands. He could feel Dean struggling to cover his face with his hands, but his body wasn't operating. He was probably drained because of the panic attack he just had.
"FUCK THAT! Don't you dare to say sorry okay? Look at me Dean! Look at me! I LOVE you. I fucking love you. And this? This is on me...Its not your fault...I should have known you weren't ready..it was too soon...I am sorry...Fuck I am sorry...Don't you feel bad for this..."
Seth's voice was desperate, but his tone was firm. He wanted Dean to not only listen to his words, but believe them. Because making Dean self conscious and loath himself more than he already did was the last thing Seth wanted right now. He wanted to built Dean back, not break him further.
Dean cried and pushed his face in Seth's chest and Seth let him. He petted his hair and cooed him. Murmuring words of comfort in his ears as he let Dean it all out. Let him calm down on his own. He had already pushed him enough it felt.
Dean calmed down after few minutes. His breathing more normal now. He sucked in few deep breaths as he smiled a little at Seth, who smiled in return and kissed Dean's forehead.
"You okay now?" Seth asked gently and Dean nodded.
Seth got up from the bed and helped Dean up. When he saw that Dean was wobbly on his feet and his breathing was still not completely steady, he bent down and picked Dean up in his arms bridal style, making Dean smile in surprise.
They kept their eyes locked as Seth walked towards the couch near the window and placed Dean down on it. "Stay here, okay?" Dean nodded and watched as Seth went and retrieved a bottle of water from the small fridge in the corner of the room and came back to him, sitting besides him and handing Dean the bottle to drink. "You need this."
Dean took the bottle with a small thanks and gulped down the liquid, only now realizing how dry his throat had really become.
"Why didn't you stop me if you weren't ready?"
Seth asked, voice concerned and held a little bit of hurt in it.
Dean felt guilty. Because not only did he ruin the moment, he also made Seth feel like shit when it was never his intention.
"I...I am sorry.."
"You thought I wouldn't want you if you denied me sex didn't you?"
Seth asked knowingly, not accusingly. But Dean felt it that way. Because it was true. Dean still didn't trust Seth's intentions fully no matter how much he thought he had gotten over on everything.
"Look at me Dean...I know...I know I am the reason you think like that. I am responsible for all of this. But I want to make it right. For real. I want you. But not just your body. I want all of you. I wanna love you right. I don't want to push you into something just because you are afraid I'll bail. I ain't bailing on you, ever again. You hear me? I will wait for you as long as it takes. I love you enough, and you don't have to believe me. Just give me a chance to prove myself."
Dean's eyes filled with tears as he heard Seth pour his heart out. It made him all fuzzy and warm inside. Fucking emotional too. Because he wanted Seth like this for so long. And now that he had Seth with his soul all bare in front of him, Dean was took fucked up to cherish it.
He didn't know what to say, so instead he buried his head in Seth's chest and let his embrace convey his emotions. Seth held him, kissed his head a few times. Before he said, "I don't remember you ever having panic attacks."
That made Dean pull back from him. Their eyes locked and Dean looked down. Not being able to handle the pure concern shinning in Seth's eyes.
He hesitated before answering, "When you...When you left...I lost it. I was too angry. Too hurt. I did a lot of stupid shit. Drank a lot. Got in trouble a couple of times...I thought drinking away was gonna numb the pain. But it resulted in me getting in a bed with an asshole who didn't know when to stop. He hurt me really bad. Since then I started having these mental breakdowns. Roman didn't let me get in any kind of trouble after that though. But the damage was done."
It hurt Dean to even speak about it. The memories he tried to suppress so badly. The memories that reminded him of nothing but pain and agony. In his heart and in his body. He dared to look at Seth and found a broken expression on his face. Tears were running out of Seth's eyes and Dean wanted to tell him that it was over. He was okay now. But he couldn't. Because if he was really okay, they wouldn't be having this conversation right now.
He watched as Seth's mouth tightened and he slammed his fist into the couch in rage, "FUCK"
Dean flinched, his heart breaking as he saw Seth breaking into a fit of sobs.
"Its all my fucking fault! This is why you went so crazy...This is why Roman wanted to beat my ass so bad whenever I tried to get near you...I hurt you so much and I didn't even realize it. I fucked up so bad."
Seth's heart wrenching sobs made Dean shake his head violently, "No, NO Seth...Please...I can't deal with this blame game anymore...What happened, happened. This is us now...We are both here. Yes I am damaged...You may not want me now and that scares me, but please...fuck please..."
Seth cut him off as he grabbed his arms roughly and made him look into his wet teary eyes. "NEVER think that I don't want you. I wanted you back then. I want you now. I want you more than ever. This...I did this damage. But fuck it if its gonna make me run away like a coward again. I did it once and we have both paid such a price for that. I am not gonna be a coward again. I am gonna stand by your side and wait till you are the Dean that you used to be. I don't love you any less...But I want you to be able to love yourself again before you start loving me. Can we try that baby?"
Dean let a few tears out of his eyes as he nodded slowly. Letting the weight lift off of his shoulders. The weight he had been holding onto for so long. Of fear. Of shame. Now that Seth was here, he felt lighter. And maybe they wouldn't be able to work together perfectly like a couple is suppose to be, but Seth was willing to wait and try for him. For Dean, that was worth more than anything else. His heart had already accepted Seth's love. If Seth kept breaking down his walls like this, soon he'll be able to have Dean's body too without Dean losing control of his senses.