You were never good with relationships, you decide.
Not that you ever had strong feelings for really anyone, except a few, tortuous and painful times.
Of course, there had been Jolene. She was wonderful and strong and though, and you were not, you know you didn't deserve her, that you were so much lowlier than her, and that you were sullying her with your cowardly presence. Because that's what you are, a coward, and you couldn't stand the fear of living the moment when she realized all that, when she found someone better and you had to watch as she turned her beautiful back on you, as she ran away with someone far better and stronger than you, and so you ran away.
With some of her treasure, to make yourself feel better about yourself and to mask your fear with avarice.
After Jolene, you had thought you were done with romance. After all, the life of a sailor is never stable and you thought your looks alone could drive any woman willing to put up with you away.
You still curse yourself for falling for this other trap.
You know you shouldn't, shouldn't harbor such feelings for him.
He's a damn kid, for heaven's sake, and he's a damn boy.
Nothing you should feel anything more than paternal affection for.
But the way he clings to you, nuzzles into your chest like some kind of affectionate animal, looks up at you with those eyes, and breathes out your name in such a way that even you find way too appealing, Linebeck, please, you know you've already lost.
And the way he moves, the way he breathes into your mouth tasting vaguely of salt and berries, and the way he tongues lustfully at you, the way he sinks on you and clenches, and christ, who the hell taught a kid to act that way? Who even raised him?
But then you find, even as you earnestly worry, that you don't care, don't care at all-
And so, you can't help but settle a little, even as you feel uneasy, into this routine. As you grow accustomed to falling asleep to a golden, tousled head and still wondering how he could even be interested in you.
As you grow accustomed to that beautiful boy with the slightly sun tanned-sun burned skin that had once been very pale, with those dark eyes that reflect the light, and sometimes were dark blue, sometimes they were black, and god, how.
As you grow accustomed to ignoring the feeling of unworth and loneliness, as you grow accustomed to him.
But you still know it can't last, and you know you're right when you get to her.
She, the one whom he had to save.
The moment when you rescue her and he gazes at her newly restored form, you know that those are the eyes of love, of adoration, you know they are meant to be.
You know you don't have a chance.
And you mentally curse the Ocean King for asking you to express one wish, because then you curse yourself for wanting him for yourself, for wanting impossible things.
So, you wish to have back the one thing that had kept you two together for all this time, the only thing that's been a constant in your life for so much time.
And so, when you return to your daily life, you sail with her, your ship.
A lonely, cowardly sailor with only your ship as your spouse, the sea as your only family.