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I ran my fingers over the little dots, feeling them, reading them.

"The horse galloped on the sandy beach towards her master."

I smiled. Aw... Georgia would get her horse back. How sweet! I love happy, sweet endings.

I wish that I could have a sweet ending. But I couldn't. My physical disabilities, well, disabled me to have a good life. I was not able to see the grocery store or the puppy that I heard barking. My hearing and smelling were keen, while my sight was completely gone.

My name is Carmella Rivera. I was born blind, as are my both my parents.

My father is deaf, though. Good thing that gene didn't get to me. As hearing how my father has to struggle with everything... he did nothing. He barely left the house. He stuck to his braille books and took much interest in food. His taste was much more keen than anything else. Even touch.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes... I am blind. Apparently I have gray eyes, brown hair, and darker skin. I wouldn't know, though. I never looked into the mirror and saw a reflection back. I never even saw the mirror. I never saw the room where the mirror was in. I never saw the world where the room was in. I am an expert in braille, and I could read anything in braille in less than an instant. It is the only thing I have.

I live in an apartment in Paris. I had a fantastic view of the opera house, located a few blocks away. I lived with my assistant, Mary, who helped me through simple things like doing my hair or brushing my teeth. After exploring the apartment, I am able to maneuver through it very well. I only need help with basic things... and for company.

I am very alone. I have no sense of sight to see men that I may want to know better. They usually get scared after realizing that I can't see them. I have no friends, for no one wants to be around a blind person. Apparently we were hard to communicate with. I didn't think so... and neither did Mary. Mary was my only person that I could call something close to a friend.

But who needs a social life? Who needs money? I get enough money to pay the rent from the government, and from the money that I get from work, I pay for food.

I worked at a braille school. I was the only teacher that taught braille. There are three teachers that teach the history of braille, me, who teaches braille, and the last who is the medical and food supervisor. I know none of their names. We don't communicate much. They are all not blind or deaf or anything of the sort. They ignore me, so I ignore them back.

I taught in a little abandoned tool shed. It was located a block away from my apartment building. It was small and cramped, but there were only three students. They were all blind, of course. They said that they liked my class best and they are learning braille at a rapid rate.

For all of you who are new to the concept of braille, it is a system of writing. For the visually impaired, we feel little clumps of dots with our fingers to read words and numbers. There are books for the blind filled with braille, such as the one I was reading now.

Mary pulled a snag on my hair. I was sitting in front of a mirror, a vanity, I presumed. Mary toyed with my long hair and made it into some hair style. I didn't know what she made it look like. She could make it look stupid, and I wouldn't know. Or care. I never cared how I looked, because I never saw myself.

"Your hair looks amazing today, Carmella. Definitely not a bad hair day..." she tightened some pony tail that pulled my hair into a high pony tail.

"Thank you..." she said this every day.

She powdered my face and applied mascara. I hated when she had to put make up on. Who cared what I looked like? Blush, lip gloss, the works.

"You better get off to work... I will tidy up around here and do the things on your list, hm?" she must've looked at the clock.

Every day I made a list in braille of her daily shores that she was to do. I had a braille typewriter. She was not only my assistant, but it also said on her resume that she wanted to be part maid or nanny. I had no children, so she insisted that she clean.

I didn't care... I never saw the place. I didn't even know what color was on the walls.

I grabbed my bag, my cane searching for it. I slid on my dark sunglasses, to hide my eyes and to let others know that I was blind. Mary opened the door for me and shouted a goodbye.

I waved back, my cane searching for the elevator. I pushed the down button, for I lived on the third floor. I listened to the doors slide open and the familiar 'ding!' to let me know that they were in fact, open. I stepped in, hearing no one else in the small box, and set my bag down. I felt for the buttons and pushed the one that I felt the star on.

Mary was supposed to follow me around everywhere I went, I know. But I told her that she was to stay at the apartment all day until I got home. I was blind. That does not mean paralyzed. I could do everything that everyone else could do. I could put my hair into a ponytail. I could brush my teeth. I could put makeup on, if I practiced. I could attend operas with no help. Operas were all about the music, anyway. Of course, I will never attend the opera 'Hannibal' again. Oh, that one woman was horrible!

What was her name...? Obnoxious puffy dress, stupid thing on her head, and a horrible voice that dragged on. I heard of her appearance from the people who sat next to me who mumbled about how great she was. Of course I clapped after her performance, but it was only out of being polite.

AH! Christine! Christine Daae! Oh, thank God she left the opera! No one knows why she left... but that one Carlotta lady took her place. Carlotta was even worse... but by then I had lost all hope at the Opera Populaire.

I did like music, but I had more important things to do than listen to it. You would think that because I was blind, that hearing something nice would be a great means of entertainment.

But I liked reading with braille better. I can see more pictures with words, dots, than with some annoying, fat woman with golden ram hats' song.

The door opened and I scooped up my bag. I sighed as I felt with my cane to navigate my way to the door.

"Ma'am?" I heard a dainty-sounding lady call me, "do you need any assistance?"

Her hand touched my shoulder as my back was to her. She turned me slightly, probably just to see my face or get my attention. I shrugged it off and growled, "No. Go away."

She sounded shocked. "Oh, I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude..."

I frowned and stared into the blackness that no one else had to be forced to see. "You weren't rude. I merely do not need assistance." I started to walk towards the door that I heard open, then close.

She followed and I listened to the soles of her shoes rush after me. "I just figured because you were heading towards a wall..."

I stopped. "Right now?" I turned my head towards her so that she could see only one eye, staring blankly into space.

"No, before. When I grabbed your shoulder... I guided you away from a wall..." she stopped with me. I sensed that she almost bumped into me at my sudden stop.

Oh. She moved me, but it was only to help. I grimaced.

"Thank you. But I do not need any further assistance" I trudged off to push open the door. I discovered, after the door did not open and I was stopped in my tracks, that it was a pull door.

I heard the morning crowd and the door shut behind me. I was rude to that girl, but it was so annoying. Having people ask if you need help 24/7. Like I said, blind does not mean paralyzed. I may have run into that wall if she was not there, but who cares? At least I wouldn't be a charity case.

They recently remodeled the lobby. They moved the desk, added a few walls, added plants and such, and more employees were there. That is why I was not very good at maneuvering myself. I was not used to the environment.

I took m usual route. I was hungry... good. I passed my Benny's muffin stand on my way to the school. He always was so nice to me, only offering help when it looked like I really needed it. He also gave me free muffins when I wanted them. Oh, they were so good...

"Hey, Carmella!" I stopped in front of his stand, getting there from knowledge. I had been taking this route for as long as I lived here, thirty five years.

"Greetings, Benny..." I smiled and he took my cane after I held it up, placing it on the table in front of me, belly button height.

"What can I get you today?" he chuckled. He was always so happy to see me. I really didn't know why... I wasn't anything to be excited about.

"Just a small banana nut muffin..." I smiled and revealed my teeth for the first time in a while.

"Coming right up, m'lady..." he was gone for a while, rustling through something below me. I guessed that his muffins and such were below me, and after touching it, in a glass box.

He handed me the muffin with chubby hands as I gave him five francs. I had felt the designs on the coins, and I knew what they each were worth.

I guessed that Benny was a chubby, jolly, old man. His voice sounded aged, while I felt his hands to feel that he was a little overweight. He was just so joyful all the time. How did he do it?

"I'll see you on your way home, okay pretty lady?" he said goodbye after I sauntered away, muffin in hand.

"Okay, handsome..."

That was our little joke. He called me 'pretty lady' while I called him 'handsome'. I couldn't see, so it made no sense to say such things. It was funny to me, for some reason.

Don't even think of saying something like that to me. He was my friend, you are just a reader.

I touched around with my hand, my cane in the other. When I was around people, I only used my hands or I didn't want to poke anyone. Not that I cared, I was blind. It wasn't my fault I don't know where you are.

My hand soon touched the door's handle. I heard the children converse and opened the door. The chatting was louder.

"Ms. C!" one child hugged my dressed leg. I touched the top of their head to see that it was a boy.

"Hello, Erik!" I smiled, after finding that he was a boy, I knew it was him.

He was the only boy. He was five years old, with soft hair.

"Hi, Ms. C!" the twins said in unison. They were girls, about three years old. They didn't run up and hug me, for they probably did not know where I was. They did not know the school very well yet. Where the door was was a mystery. They had their mother escort them to school everyday.

"Sit, children..." one of the teachers said. She was a woman, old as dirt, but I didn't ever get to know her. She didn't want to talk to me.

I didn't want to talk to her.

The children sat for their first class, history of the blind. I heard their chairs clatter as they scooted into their desks.

I placed my bag on my small desk on the far left corner of the room. I almost knocked over my stack of papers, the second thing other than my braille typewriter on my desk. But I missed it, and my bag landed with a thump on the right of the typewriter.

I felt for the back of my chair and pulled it out. I sat in it and emptied the contents of my bag, taking care to put things where they were supposed to go. If they weren't in their correct place, then it made it just that much harder to find things. I had to feel around, and that just wasted everyone's time.

I took the papers from the large bag and placed them in one drawer. These were papers that I had to grade. There weren't man, only twelve, for each student turned in four pieces of paper. Then I took my ink and placed it next to my typewriter. I took out my new imprinter that I had to put in my typewriter in order for the dots to show up. I put that in place of the old one, and clicked it in with a little clip that you needed to put over it to keep it in. I placed the old one back in my bag. It has worn after so many papers being typed.

I listened to the woman rabble on about the origin of braille. I touched Gracie's, one of the twins, paper in braille.

Then I went to the opera house and my momma told me of the opera ghost. She said to be awae uv box five. I beleve in the opra ghost, but I dont think he wil do anything bad. He must be nice somwhere.

I rolled my eyes invisibly. She had many spelling errors, but it was hard when you were three. Just being able to walk into the room is amazing.

And not just the spelling errors. It was the whole 'Opera Ghost' thing. That man, that phantom, does not exist! Why does society seem to believe in the impossible, yet push away the possible. The assignment was to tell what you did last weekend. Apparently she saw Hannibal. Poor girl's ears must be bleeding from Carlotta.

Carlotta was the same level as that one curly-haired horrendous singer.

Moved onto the next paper, Will's. His was very good, only a few spelling errors here and there. He went to Italy to visit his grandma. He went to a braille library, and I smiled when he said he read a few books.

I packed the papers into the children's folders. We gave the children their folders at the end of the day, each day. They were sometimes disappointed, sometimes they were glad. Will seemed to take a bad grade the hardest. Once he got an 'F' on a spelling test, and he began to cry. Poor boy... all he wants is to good at school. And he does, my best student that I have ever had, in fact. He just doesn't realize it.

I heard chairs clatter and Will say something to Gracie. She giggled as I stood up to give the class my full attention. They had to move their desks to my side of the classroom so that they had somewhere to sit and write. The chairs were connected to the wooden desks, and the other teachers really carried it. The children just thought they carried it. Whatever made them happy...

"Hello class," I smiled as I placed my fingers on one of the desktops to make sure that they were here. I could feel their vibration as they moved their things for my class onto their desks and such. This was Will's desk, I discovered, when I ran my fingers over his braille name tag. The next Gracie, and the last was her twin sister, Gabby.

"Good morning, Ms. C" they responded in a somewhat monotone group. It was half way into the year, and every morning they always said good morning to me. I didn't expect much anticipation.

"Did any of you have any trouble moving your desks today? I know last week Gracie had some issues..." another common question, for I should know if they had any injuries and such.

"Yeah! Gracie rammed her desk into a wall!" Will laughed and I grimaced. I knew he couldn't see my dirty look, but he seemed to sense it, for he stopped laughing.

"Answer me, William..." I tilted my head, placing my palm on his hand that rested on his book.

"No, ma'am..." he mumbled and rustled in his chair.

"Anyone else?"

"No, ma'am."

"That's good. What do you want to start with today?" I stepped back up to the front of the room.

"Reading braille in a book!"

"Math!"

"I don't care!" Gracie's sarcastic voice filled my ears. I smiled. She always said this, every day when I asked what they wanted to do.

"Well, how about... spelling..." I already had every day planned the day before that day. It was strategically put together to fit everything that they needed to know for their age in it.

They groaned. Apparently they didn't like spelling. That was okay, you don't like every subject. Unfortunately for them, this was one of the most important things to know.

I gave them a sheet of paper with many little dots on it. These were our braille words to learn and type on the typewriter for this week. They consisted of:

Grass

Tree

Flower

Ride

Bush

Rose

Care

Pretty

Red

Orange

It was nature themed. With little random words filling the gaps, it was a little challenge for them. There were always two colors in the list. They said that they wanted to learn how to spell colors. Especially Gabby, who wanted to be an artist.

There were many blind artists. As stupid as that sounds, if you train yourself to do it and to feel the art that you are making, you can do it. I envy those who can paint. I can barely draw a smiley face.

"What are the words this week, Gabby?" I leaned on the wall behind me and blinked.

"G...r..a...s.s..." she studied the letters, "oh, grass!"

"Good!"

She read off the letters of the rest of the words, then put them together to make the word. I smiled as she took less time to read them off than last week. She must've been practicing.

"I want you to take your typewriters out and retype those words three times each, children" I knew they hated this assignment, but it was a sure-fire way that they could memorize the words.

I heard the clatters and the thumps as they picked up the heavy typewriters. I wished that the other teachers would help them, for I would probably drop it anyways and it would fall on them. Or I would miss the desk or something stupid like that.

There was soon silence, then, not too far apart from the silence, the tip-tapping of the keys as they typed.

There was soon a bang on the desk. "Gracie." she said her name to let me know it was her who banged. That was how they raised their hands, for I could not see their hands at all. They slapped or hit the top of their desk, then said their name to help me know who needed help. Normally I could tell who hit it because of their location, but it just made it easier.

I stepped carefully avoiding hitting anything with my feet or legs, to Gracie's desk and placed my hand on her book. I drummed my nails on the cover to let her know I was there.

"Yes, Gracie?" I touched her typewriter gently.

"What is..." she grabbed my wrist and placed my index finger over a collection of dots, "this letter, ma'am?"

I felt it and knew instantly. "That is an 'S', Gracie. You seem to have trouble remembering that particular letter."

"I know ma'am. I read every day, but 'S' seems to be the one letter that gives me trouble. Thank you, ma'am" she turned back to her work and I said a 'thank you' as I stepped back to the front of the room.

"Mademoiselle Rivera, please come to my desk at the far right of the room..." some woman called me from afar.

"Yes, I will be there momentarily..." and I grabbed my cane to feel around for the unfamiliar desk. I stepped around the working children and began to feel with my cane. I was stopped when someone grabbed my shoulders and started to guide me somewhere. I presumed I was being ouhed towards the mysterious desk.

"Okay..." I started to shove their hands off.

They continued pushing.

"I can go by myself. I'm not an idiot!" I barked and the hands released from my shoulders. I began to feel in front of me.

THUMP! My cane hit something hard.

The desk. It was wooden, I discovered after touching it and feeling around. There was something glass and something metal. I heard someone step, with high-heeled shoes, and sit down in a chair.

"Sit... there is a chair behind you..." a woman's voice spoke, and I felt around for the chair. I soon was sitting in it, probably facing the desk and the woman. I heard a door close, probably the room that we were in. I didn't know we had more that one room...

"Carmella... the way you teach the kids is amazing. You are one of the best teachers we will ever have..." she smothered me in a rich molasses of sweet talk.

"Oh, thank you. What do you require of me?" I wanted to skip past all of this. I didn't even know this mystery woman's name. They never wanted anything to do with me... why now?

"We... erm... the kids really love you..." she continued to procrastinate.

I tried to give a look of displeasure to her, but I had only a general idea of where her face was.

"And they will truly miss you..."

My eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"The government cut our funding..."

"We barely had any funding at all already..." my mouth hung agate at what I knew was coming.

"Exactly. Either we... release one of our educators... or shut down the school. These kids need some sort of guidance... and... well... the other teachers can tech spelling and reading too..."

"Oh. So why do you fire me?"

"We are not firing you... merely-"

"Why me?" I felt the anger rise with my breaths.

"No particular personal reason! It's just that we feel that with teachers that have... visual abilities... that it is easier to teach kids. We... we just need some more money..."

"Oh... I see... so you think that it is easier fro people that can see to teach braille? You picked me because I am blind?! Well you can't fire, or relieve, me! You want to know why?!" I stood, angry, and tipped the chair backwards. She stayed sitting.

"Please don't-"

"YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?!" I slammed my fist on the wooden part of the table.

"...Why?" she was tedious and she stood to be about my height. I could hear her trying-to-be-calm breathing.

"Because," I put my hand on the doorknob, grabbing my cane, "I quit!"

I slammed the door and rushed to my desk. I could hear the typing stop as the children questioned my quick pace. I shoved my things in my bag and hung it around my shoulder in a jerky movement.

"Ms...C?" Gracie called out quietly. They were frightened and confused, I knew. I knew that they wanted to know why I was so angry and why I was packing up to go home.

Well, I'll let the other teachers tell them.

I stormed out of the small building, slamming the small wooden door behind me.

HOW DARE THEY? They wanted me to go because I was blind, and I knew it! They thought it would be easier to teach kids who can't even see the teachers, with a person with eyesight! HOW?! It isn't like the children would see any more. The teacher would only get aggravated at the children for saying it was hard. Of course it was easier to read braille when you had eyesight! You could see the dots! We relied on feeling and hearing, and they shunned me for doing so. Well, I'm sorry that I need to do these things! GOD! Those idiots! I am the best thing that they could ever have! Those children could barely walk into the room without bumping into something before me! I taught them more than reading, I taught them something necessary for their life as a blind person!

I bumped into someone and grunted. I had rushed myself into some stupid crowd!

"Hey, watch where you're going!" the man pushed me back and growled.

I grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards me. I bent his face down towards mine.

"I CAN'T, YOU BOFFOON! I'M BLIND! CAN'T YOU SEE, MAN?!" I jerked him and he sucked in his breath.

"I- I'm sorry... I didn't know..." his fierceness melted away, revealing a scared, awkward tone.

"WELL... LEARN, YOU DIP!" I let him go and I heard him scurry away.

As I stomped back to my apartment, I only became angrier. How could you not notice the blind fool walking down the road? I was flinging my stupid cane everywhere, my gray eyes staring out in nowhere. What was wrong with that man? Perhaps he was mentally challenged.

I slammed the door to the lobby and I knew everyone stared. People weren't used to seeing me with my dark glasses off. They had stayed on my desk, where I forgot to grab them.

I pushed the 'up' button on the elevator at least one hundred times before the doors finally opened. God, why did it take so long?! Stupid elevator! Get fixed already! God!

I slammed my finger against the '3' button. It wasn't in braille, but Mary told me what buttons were which and, after much practice, I remembered what buttons were what.

OW! My nail jammed into the hard plastic after the billionth time that I smashed my finger onto it. STUPID BUTTON! Stop being so hard! What is wrong with some elevator makers?! They make it move so slow, now the plastic is so frieking hard! GOD HELP THE RETARDS!

The doors finally opened and I rushed to my door. I felt along the walls angrily for my room number. I finally found it after walking for like, an hour. WHY WAS MY ROOM SO FAR AWAY! GOD! I NEEDED TO MOVE CLOSER! NOW!

The door hit the wall as I threw it open. Mary gasped and dropped something.

"MARY!" I shouted it echoed in my headache... ow...

STUPID HEAD! WHY MUST YOU ACHE?!

"...Yes... madamemo-" she sounded like the man... scared and soft... but more woman-like of course! What were you thinking? That I said she sounded like a man? No! You idiot!

"BRANDY!" I threw myself on the couch that smelled freshly cleaned, like I asked on the list, "NOW!"

"Oh now... you know the doctor said that alcohol solved nothing..." she put her dainty hand on my slumped knee.

"Damn that doctor..." I grimaced and slapped her hand off.

"Let's just do what he said to do, and talk about it..." she sat next to me, for I could feel the weight being added on.

"Get me my Brandy..."

"No!"

"MARY!"

"I refuse! Your liver is the hardest working of anyones!" she gasped when I grasped her knee and she cut her sentence off.

"Get. Me. My. Brandy. If. You. Value. Your. JOB! BECAUSE YOU MIGHT JUST LOOSE IT BECAUSE I MAY THINK YOU ARE UNFIT FOR THE JOB BECAUSE YOU ARE AMERICAN! YOU MAY HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE AS A HELPER FOR THE BLIND, BUT WHO CARES!" my eyes soon began to well with water, "BECAUSE I COULD SAY THAT YOU ARE FAT, OBNOXIOUS, AND UGLY BECAUSE OF WHERE YOU COME FROM! OR WHAT YOU ARE FORCED TO ENCOUNTER EVERY SINGLE DAY!"

And my face fell into my hands. Her gingerly hand rubbed my back melodically. It felt good… but not good enough. Oh... I didn't feel angry anymore. My anger only masked the ugly sadness beneath it.

"Something makes me think that you aren't talking about me, Carmella..." her soft, melodic voice matched the movements of her hand on my arched back.

"I was fired from the school..." I managed to choke out.

I was an ugly crier. I made loud, painful noises. My face turned twisted. Most of my crying was shouts and yelling, while barely any tears fell. It was pitiful... but who could hold it back?

"Why...? I thought the kids liked you. I thought the teachers, well, were okay with you..."

"The kids like me... but the other teachers don't like me. They fired me because I am blind, Mary. They said that the children could be taught better if a person who could see taught them."

"What difference would it make?"

"I don't know! They... they also said that the government cut our funding... again! They needed to save some money... so they relieved one teacher. IT WAS-WAS-WAS- MMMMMEEEEEE!!!" I screamed in the emotional pain.

"Those insensitive monsters! I have a great mind to go over there and give them a piece of my mind!" she appeared angry now... oooohhh...

"Don't... just... AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"

This was why I was an ugly crier.

And I cried ugly for at least fifteen minutes. I eventually stood and went towards the door.

"Where are you going? You can relax for a while..." she followed me and out her hand on my shoulder.

I sighed and turned the doorknob. "I have to go find a job."

The door closed with no protest from Mary.