To lose, To find, To keep

Summary: When you lose the two you love, you think that you'll never find them again. And if you do, you must do everything in your power to keep hold of them. TIVA, slightly AU. Case-ficcy as well.

Little note from me: Hey, to all those reading this! Had writers block on the other stories, and this little story popped into my mind. It's mainly finished, which means way faster updates than the other ones. Hopefully better writing (ick) and not too boring. Also, this story's told mainly from Ziva's perspective, like in thrid person but from Ziva's outlook.....just read it to find out.

So, the prologue.

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, but I do own Ada and any other OCs (there will be a sprinkling of them throughout the story).

Prologue: The Losing

Ziva cradled the sleeping child in her arms. She felt so awkward…she wasn't ready to be a mother, she had never intended to be a mother. Yet she had, so suddenly, after she came back from America.

There was a man she had met. He was humorous and so compassionate, a soul that she could not resist but fall for. With tousled brown hair, he had made her laugh truly in so many years, had been her best friend, her lover. Yet it ended as fast as it began.

She had fallen in love with a man during an undercover mission. An undercover mission which had nothing to do with the man, nothing at all! He was part of the Metro PD of Baltimore, a tiny little American….thing, which Mossad had no use of.

She had met him in a coffee shop, the first month undercover. He wore a dark overcoat, with his light hair tousled (and immaculately gelled into that look, Ziva had suspected), his lips upturned in a gentle smile. Ziva liked the man at first sight, he seemed so….nice, so easygoing. When the man turned his beam onto her, she couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey, well, I'm Tony," he stated with a small laugh, after they stared at one another for a bit.

"I'm Lucy," Ziva smiled back, she had to use her alias.

"Well, you are a very pretty lady, Lucy." The man was a flirt, she had concluded.

"Why thank you, you are a very handsome man too, Mr Tony," she flirted back, batting her eyelashes slightly. Tony smiled wider.

The daily flirtations at the coffee shop led to something more. They went out for drinks sometimes, talking. Ziva had found a friend in Tony, he was so warm and sincere that she allowed herself to relax slightly in his presence. She learnt things about him, that he loved movies (he always couldn't help but make a few references to movies) as well as good pizza (pepperoni and double cheese), and could only cook pasta at a tolerable standard. That he wanted to become an NCIS agent, and get a good sportscar.

Then it began to develop. Mossad thought it was good that she had found a 'boyfriend', it would make her cover more believable. They spent nights at each other's houses, doing nothing but watching movies and laughing and chatting late into the night, then sleeping on the couch.

Ziva truly loved him. Yet he only loved the girl she had pretended to be, she had weaved herself so many lies that Lucy, the angelic, brainy accountant was completely different from Ziva, the Mossad Officer who killed for her country.

Then one night it got out of hand. After many drinks, she found herself stumbling into Tony's bed. The next morning, she woke up, dazed. He was next to her, his arm snaked around her body. It was so comforting, it felt like she belonged there, the arm was made to be held around her waist.

The night her undercover op ended, she felt her relationship coming to close as well. She had to return to Israel, no matter how much she wanted to stay in the country with him, with Tony DiNozzo.

She left him one night, silently, unexpectedly. She shed tears for the first time in a long time over it. There was no note, no letter, not even a goodbye. She had got on the plane to Israel, and had left him.

But Tony wasn't that easy to leave behind all together. What Mossad classified as an 'occupational accident' had occurred to her. Ziva discovered she was pregnant.

Yet she could not bring herself to abort it. It was her child, her little part of Tony. Her father suggested….commanded her to get rid of the 'thing', but she couldn't. She couldn't get rid of her baby.

And now she stood holding the little child. Its hazel eyes, those warm hazel eyes which had gazed so lovingly on her were copied by the little girl. The baby's damp, dark brown hair was her contribution. Ziva let the baby snuggle closer, its small, puckered mouth yawning.

She could not keep Ada for long. She planned to give the child to a close friend, a friend in America, a county where she knew the child would grow up safe in. She could simply not keep a child who had not been achieved within wedlock, as well as being part of Mossad.

"She's beautiful, the little one," Aisha, her friend in America, smiled lovingly. Ziva felt a slight twinge of jealousy that Aisha would keep her baby, would watch the child grow.

"Yes, Ada's beautiful." Ziva and Aisha gazed at the baby who nestled comfortably in Ziva's arms, her cherubic face peaceful.

Then she handed Ada over to Aisha. She felt so strange, handing her baby to someone else. It felt like she was handing over a body part to Aisha, this child had been part of her for so long.

"Her name's Adiel Antonia David-DiNozzo, Aisha. But register her with your last name. Ada's a good nickname, I think she will like it. You will be a fantastic mother, the mother I can not be," Ziva brushed a loving hand along the sleeping child's cheek and then kissed it tenderly. She felt tears begin to gather up in her eyes, as Aisha and Ada were beginning to leave for their plane.

"Oh, I want her so badly Aisha, I want Ada so badly," she let a small sob escape. Aisha comforted her the best she could.

"I love you Ada, I love you so much. I love you." She wanted to snatch the child back and run away, but she couldn't.

"I know you will love her like a real mother, Aisha. Take care." She hugged her friend, kissed her daughter's forehead. The new mother and daughter left, Ziva waving after them. After they disappeared from her view, she collapsed into a nearby chair, pain and tiredness washing over her. She would never see Ada again, or so she thought. She would see Ada very soon, if you think that five years is soon. And she would see the man she loved so much even sooner.

Next chap will revert back to about Season sixish.

Note: Can't wait for the upcoming season finale. Everyone pumped?

Reviews appreciated.