Misunderstanding (AKA: The Toilet Episode)

By: a. loquita

Summary: Sheppard sighed in dreaded agreement. "Why was I afraid of this the moment Zelenka mentioned that part about a venomous snake creature on this plant..."

Rating: K+

Spoilers: Sateda, Adrift, Lifeline, Tabula Rasa, The Seer

TEASER

In the women's restroom just off the Gate room, Teyla looked at Colonel Carter through their reflections in the mirror as she spoke. "And you did not say anything to him in response?"

Carter admitted, "That's when we were interrupted."

"When do you expect to speak with him again?"

"Soon. As soon as I work up the courage."

Teyla retuned a sympathetic look as Carter twisted the knob to turn on the sink. Just as the water started, it turned green.

"Ah," said Carter, "that can't be good."

Teyla heard a sound near the rows of stalls and moved to investigate. In one of them, there was not only green water coming up but there were also lizard or snake-like creatures filling the toilet as well. They flooded onto the floor and Teyla jumped back.

She said, "Colonel, I believe you need to see this."

ACT 1

McKay was in the infirmary, lying on his stomach. A curtain pulled across prevented Sheppard from seeing McKay's naked bottom half where Keller was working with some gauze and alcohol.

McKay complained loudly, "Why does this always happen to me?"

"You were gathering Intel," Sheppard said.

"And how do you figure that?"

"You, being the one who happened to be on the toilet when they came up. And now we know they bite."

McKay grouched, "Fabulous." Keller fought off a smile while listening to the banter between the two teammates.

"Look at this way," Sheppard said. "At least this time it was the other… side."

McKay rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, let's all recall with fondness the time I was shot in the ass with an arrow."

Keller tilted her head, looking down at McKay's back end. "You'll have matching scars, one on each cheek." She grinned.

"You all laugh," McKay pointed out, "until I start turning into a snake. Then we'll see how funny this is."

Dr. Keller said reassuringly, "I'll run your blood and tissue sample immediately. If you start experiencing any strange symptoms let me know. But according to your scans, everything seems normal."

From the radio in Sheppard's ear Carter interrupted and asked, "How's Rodney doing?"

Sheppard pushed the button to respond. "He'll live."

"Good," said Carter. "Teams are gathered and ready to start scouting the city to try and find out what's going on. I want you in a Jumper along with your team."

"Minus the walking wounded, Dr. McSnake, I presume."

Carter heard the teasing nature in his tone and answered with a smile, "Yes."

"Copy that, on my way."

A short time later, Sheppard, Teyla, and Ronon were in one of the Jumpers flying underwater. They were surveying parts of the exterior of the city that lie below the surface. Everything appeared normal until they come upon an inlet pipe. Snakes seemed to be everywhere in the water, slithering up to and inside the pipe.

Sheppard said, "Well, now we know how they're getting in."

"But where are they coming from?" Ronon asked.

Sheppard turned on the brighter spotlight so they could see more clearly in the deep water. The line up of swimming creatures could be seen as far off in the distance as the light allowed.

Teyla commented first. "It appears they are coming from the direction of the mainland."

Sheppard sighed in dreaded agreement. "Why was I afraid of this the moment Zelenka mentioned that part about a venomous snake creature on this plant..."

A short time later, Cater and key leaders of the expedition were gathered in the conference room to assess the situation.

McKay reported, "We've got the pipes sealed off and shut down the filtration system. But a lot of them got in before we could do it."

"How many?" Sheppard interrupted.

"Oh, I don't know," McKay responded with usual acidity. "How does one measure an accurate amount of evil alien creatures? By the metric ton, or do you prefer in ounces?"

"McKay," Sheppard complained.

"A lot got in. Enough that we've had to seal off all the bathrooms and the kitchen in the commissary and so far they're not everywhere but… a lot."

Dr. Keller broke in at this point. "My main concern is that we have limited time before dehydration will begin to set in if we do not have a clean water source."

"We have reserves," Carter said.

"Yes, but they first need to be tested and even if they are still good, they won't last long."

"How much time?" Carter asked.

"A few days," Keller shrugged. "Depending on what else crops up."

"Crops up?!?" McKay questioned with growing concern.

Dr. Keller gave him a sympathetic smile. "Something else always crops up."

Carter redirected the conversation. "John, any insight on what's going on, where they've come from, and why?"

"Teyla, Ronon, and I believe they're coming from the mainland. We should take a closer look."

"OK," Carter said, "you three and Dr. Zelenka take a Jumper to the mainland. Surveillance only and check in every two hours. McKay, search the ancient database, see if there's any reference to an event like this." The meeting ended and everyone headed off to their duties.

TBC…