Disclaimer: For entertainment purposes only. I make no profit off this story. Across The Universe belongs to The-Brilliance-That-Is-Julie-Taymor.
Notes:First attempt at writing anything. I'm not a writer. Constructive criticism is appreciated. :) Inspired by Atonement, which is another brilliant movie I strongly recommend you see or you can read the book. Or both.Cross posted to Atufic and bentbacktulips on LiveJournal. Feedback equals Love
Jude had been back in New York for only a month when the first flashback happened. Upon his return things had not as gone as he had expected them too. After an extremely long conversation with Lucy, both of them came to the conclusion that their relationship with each other was something incredible to happen to either of them, they could not just pick up where they left off. While they had decided to remain friends every time he was around his ex-girlfriend Jude felt awkward and out of place. He tried to avoid her if it was possible.
He was in his room hunched over his sketchbook debating what to draw; it seemed his muse had abandoned him. He simply could not think of anything to draw or paint. Suddenly, Lucy came running into the room, tears in her eyes. "Jude, you have to help me. I don't know want to do." She cried tugging at his arm.
"What's wrong?" He asked concerned.
"It's Max, he's on the roof." Jude was on his feet running out of the room as soon as she spoke Max's name. When he reached the roof he saw Max staring out into the sunset but it was not the sun he was looking at.
Upon his best friend's face was a lost look one might see on a child looking for his mother. His eyes held a sadness and lost that broke his heart. Max was not standing on a roof top in New York but was somewhere in Vietnam.
"How long has he been like this?" Jude asked not even bothering to look at Lucy who had arrived beside him only seconds after he stepped onto the roof.
"I don't know. We were talking and then he was just staring at nothing in particular. I tried talking to him but he wouldn't respond. I came to you right after that. " Lucy's voice was laced with panic.
Jude stepped forward to stand in front of the blonde. His eyes met Max's lost ones. "
"Max?" He asked but received no answer.
"Max?" He tired again, this time placing a hand on Max's shoulder.
"Max." Nothing. Jude could feel his own panic starting to rise in his chest. There had to be something he could do to pull Max out of where he was. He put his other hand on Max's other shoulder.
"Max. Max, its Jude. Your best mate, remember?" Jude made his voice soft and gentle. "Max, come on. It's okay." He lifted his right hand and placed it on Max's cheek.
"Max, come back." He whispered. "Come back." It seemed to be the magic word because Max blinked.
"Jude?" Max's voice cracked and Jude could hear the sorrow.
"Yeah, it's me." Relief flooded Jude and he loosened his hold on his friend. "Are you alright, mate?"
"I-" Max started patting his pockets searching for something. "I need a cigarette." Without saying anything else he pulled out of Jude's grasp and walked past his sister, who appeared half reviled and half worried.
"It's never gotten this bad before." She said lowering her gaze to the ground. Her blonde hair falling in her face.
"This has happened before?"
"Yes, he's had flashbacks several times. But he has always pulled himself out." She pushed her blonde locks behind her ear and met Jude's eyes. "And he hasn't had one since you've returned, until now." There were tears forming in her eyes and Jude could see the struggle with her self to try to hold them back. "I wish I knew how to help him but I don't know where to begin." She covered her mouth as a sob escaped.
"I'm so scared, Jude. I'm scared one day I'll really lose him to that place." She turned away from him as she sobbed. Jude stepped forward wanting to offer comfort but she held up her other hand and moved away. "You're the only one who can help him. You're the only one that has been able to bring him back. Until you came back, he never smiled. He never laughed. He would just sit there, staring at nothing. His eyes were empty." She sniffed and wiped her face on her sleeve. "You brought his smile back. He needs you, Jude." She turned back to him waiting for an answer.
Many emotions overcame Jude with what Lucy was telling him. Max was not the person he met that fall day at Princeton when he returned, he knew Max would never be but he had not seen the person Lucy was describing either.
"I'll try", was all he was able to reply.
Lucy smiled. "Thank you."
Jude went back down to the apartment and found Max in his bedroom sitting on the bed smoking a cigarette. He leaned against the door frame watching the blonde inhale from the cigarette and exhale smoke out. Jude continued to watch his best friend. Watching how his chest would rise and fall with every breath he took.
Jude lifted his eyes to Max's face, studying it. He studied every line and curve of Max's face, watching the way his cheeks sunk in slightly from inhaling the smoke from the cigarette. It was clear that Max had not shaved in several days. Jude's eyes wondered to Max's lips. The cigarette rested between red lips and Jude wondered what those lips felt like.
Wait.
Did he just think about his best friend's lips?
No, he couldn't have.
Yes you did.
No, I didn't Max is just my friend.
He's something more and you know it.
No he's not.
Yes he is. Would it be so bad if you loved him like that?
He's a guy.
So?
It's wrong.
Says who? You think anyone around here would care? One word. Prudence. You became best friends very fast and close.
That doesn't mean anything!
It doesn't?
"Take a picture Judey, it will last longer." The voice snapped him out of the conflict within himself. He tore his eyes away from the lips and saw Max looking at him, a puzzled expression on his face.
"What?"
"You were staring at me man."
"I was not." Jude argued fighting the blush that was threatening to cover his face.
"Whatever." Max turned his head away and resumed smoking.
Jude walked and sat in a chair in front of Max, fingers drumming on his pants. There was an awkward silence that settled between them and Jude wanted to break it. "So, would you like to go out? Grab a few drinks?"
Max shook his head and put the cigarette out in a nearby ashtray on a nightstand. "I'm not in the mood and besides we have plenty of drink here." Max stood up to walk out of the room.
"Max." Jude said standing up and Max stopped abruptly with his back turned towards him.
"Yeah?" Max asked still not facing Jude.
Jude shifted his weight from foot to foot unsure if he was going about this the right way but he couldn't think of any other alternative. "I'm not going to pretend it didn't happen and lie about it. What happened back there with you on the roof, it scared the shit out of me mate." He tried to hide the fear in his voice. Fear that he felt for not only himself but for Max as well.
Max hung his head down and did not say anything for a minute. Jude was beginning to become worried when Max said, "I'm sorry, Jude."As soon as the words were out, Jude was instantly by his side wrapping an arm around Max's shoulders.
"Don't be sorry. It's okay. It's okay. Everything is going to be fine." Max was silent, his gaze casted upon the hardwood floor. "God, this is just so fucked up." Max ran a hand through his hair and sat down on the bed. "I don't know how to explain it, man. One minute I was talking to Lucy and then the next minute I was there."
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Jude tells him, sitting beside him. He does not want Max to feel pressured into talking if does wish to do so. Either Max does not hear him or he chooses to talk anyway because he does exactly that.
"It was the fucking sunset. It was so orange and yellow and red. It made me think of the day…" Max stops and swallows. Jude reaches out; places a hand on top of Max's right hand, letting him know he is there.
"It made me think of the day I got shot." Max's voice is shaky and the words, which are barely above a whisper, come out chocked and filled with mixed emotions. Jude tenses up a little at hearing what Max says.
He is hit with a vision of Max walking through the jungles of Vietnam carrying a gun, his face smeared with dirt and blood against a bloody red sunset. The color of a strawberry.
Jude closes his eyes willing the image to go away. When he opens them Max has picked up a cigarette from the nightstand with his other hand, lights it, and inhales from it. He blows out the smoke and does not speak again until after he has finished with the cigarette. He picks up another one.
Jude does not let go of Max's right hand the entire time.
"It wasn't quite dark yet and there were bombs going off everywhere and I was just shooting, Jude. Shooting at everything, I was so fucking scared." Max's hands start shaking and he's having trouble holding onto the stick. Jude takes it away; Max does not acknowledge the gesture, just keeps talking as if he can not stop. "And then I felt something enter me, pierce me, and it fucking burned. There was pain Jude, so much pain and then I was falling and I saw the sun." Water starts to form in the blue eyes.
It's killing Jude to hear this. He feels his chest tighten and he bites the inside of his cheek. He needs to stay strong for Max. Jude squeezes Max's hand tighter.
"And I thought 'this is it, I'll never see another sunset again' and then…" Max trails off, the same empty look in his eyes from the rooftop returning.
Jude is not letting Max go back there again. He lets his takes his hand off of Max's and uses Max' shoulders so that Max is facing him.
"Max, look at me. Look at me." Jude says in the same soft voice he used earlier. "Look at me, Max." He repeated but little firmer then before. Tear filled blue eyes meet his own, but they are lost and empty. For a few seconds Jude is taken aback at the vulnerability he sees on the blondes face.
"You aren't there anymore Max." Jude takes Max's hand and places it over his own heart. "You're here, right here." He watches as the face in front of them starts to soften. With his other hand he cups Max's cheek. "Come back." He whispers. "Come back to me."
Max's faces crumples and he brings his hands up to hide his face. Max's whole body starts to shake and there's a choking noise that comes from behind his hand. It's a sob. Jude searched his mind to recall a time he remembered Max crying about anything. He comes up with nothing. Jude had never seen Max cry before. In fact, this was the first time he ever saw this kind of emotion out of Max since he met him back at Princeton.
Jude pulls Max to him so that his head is against his chest. Jude rubs his back his hands up and down Max's back, sometimes drawing little circles and other times tracing his spine with his finger tips.
Jude draws Max closer as he feels Max's tears soak through his shirt "Shhh, shhh." He tries to sooth. He knows Max should let his pain out. God only knew how long Max has suppressed his emotions since he returned from the war, but Jude hates seeing Max like this. He hates seeing his best friend so broken and in so much emotional distress.
Max's sobs echoes throughout the room, his entire body shaking along with each sob. Jude starts stroking his hair with one hand while his other continues to rubs his back. "Its okay, it's okay." He repeats rocking Max slightly.
Jude is unsure how long it is until the shaking ceases but the tears continue to leak out of his eyes. Jude brings Max's head away from him and looks into his eyes. Max's face is blotched; his eyes red, some what puffy, and looks utterly exhausted. Jude wipes the remaining water on his face away with his thumbs.
Max attempts to face away from Jude and Jude knows he must feel embarrassed about breaking down. Jude holds Max head in his hand. Jude shakes his own head to let Max know that he's not letting him go anywhere. He reaches out and moves several blonde strands of hair out of Max's face.
"It's alright." He says. "There isn't any need to feel ashamed." Jude takes in the sight of the man before him. He can not fathom how he survived as long as he did. "You're brave." Max looks at him, puzzled. "You have no idea how strong you are Max. What you've been through and you're here. You're so fucking brave Max." Jude can feel the tears forming in his eyes and then Max is hugging him hands around Jude's neck.
Jude hugs back and they are clinging to each other, holding on and just breathing. When Max pulls back they do not say anything. There is not any need to.
"I'm so tired, Jude." Max says.
"You should get some sleep then."
"I don't know if I can." Max tells him quietly. "Will you…" He does not finish but Jude knows and nods.
"Sure, no problem mate."
Both of them strip themselves of their clothes until they were in their boxers. They lay down on the bed side by side just like at Princeton, which seemed to have occurred years ago. Jude covered each of them with the blankets.
"Try not to take all the blankets this time okay, Judey?" Max says playfully.
"I take the blankets? Pot-calling-kettle. You are the blanket hog."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"You know you are."
"No I'm not."
Jude sighs knowing this could go on all night. "I'll try not too alright?" He watches Max grin triumphantly and he grins back. Jude spreads out the blankets so they have an equal share.
Jude lays his head back against the pillow and closes his eyes. Underneath the covers Max fingers intertwined with his. Jude opens his eyes half way and sees that Max eyes are closed but there's a small smile on his face.
Jude leans over and presses a small kiss against his best friend's forehead. "'Night Max." He whispers.
"Mmmm…night." Max replies half asleep.
It is when Jude is in that state between awake and sleep when he feels a squeeze on his hand and the faint words of I love you.
Fin