Leave a Rose at my Grave
AN: I was at work and this song came on and I KNEW I had to write a story for it. Then I read a lovely little ficlet called Brown Coat, by Gentle Hobbit which has influenced one aspect of this story. Enjoy!
What if this storm ends?
And I don't see you
As you are now
Ever again
The perfect halo
Of gold hair and lightning
Sets you off against
The planet's last dance
Just for a minute
The silver forked sky
Lit you up like a star
That I will follow
Now it's found us
Like I have found you
I don't want to run
Just overwhelm me
What if this storm ends?
And leaves us nothing
Except a memory
A distant echo
- Lightning Strike, Snow Patrol
A five minute hop to the future is just what the TARDIS needs, and a thirty minute rest in the past is just what the Doctor wants.
People give him strange looks as he emerges from the steaming, whining police box. The Doctor's clothes are ripped and torn and everytime he takes a step a flash of white ankle is revealed by too short trousers.
But he doesn't notice. He just walks inside the flat.
Rose's room at the Powell Estate is bright and pink and messy. Her room is caught in the moment of it's owners leaving. Heading out the door, back in just a minute. Left behind.
The Doctor stands in the doorway and sees. He sees a cemetary. He is old enough to recognize one when it sits quietly in front of him. He has lost enough to feel it when someone leaves him forever. Even when that person doesn't know it yet.
He thinks Rose knows though.
He hopes she is happy where she is now. With him. How funny that she is with him, but he is not with her. How funny.
He thinks Rose is happy. The Doctor doesn't allow himself to think otherwise, because he can't save her if she isn't. Making Rose Tyler happy is not his job anymore. Rose Tyler doesn't even know what he looks like now. A new body wearing ragged-y clothes that might as well be a grave to the man he once was.
You are supposed to leave something behind at graves. This is something the Doctor knows. Ape culture. Rose's culture. He could respect that for her.
He doesn't have any flowers to give. No teddy bears. But he has one thing.
"Janis Joplin gave me that coat."
And the Doctor gave it to Rose in the only way he could. He folds it, or tries to, and sets it on top of Rose's bed. It sinks into dark pink sheets, a kahki contrast to the rest of the room. But... It fits. It belongs here. It wasn't his anymore. The arms of that coat are meant to wrap around a smiling pink and yellow girl. That was it's purpose. His buries his past self with her.
New legs. He hasn't quite gotten used to working them yet, and he trips and falls onto the soft surface of her bed. He exhales a stream of gold and inhales the light human scent of salty perspiration and a perfume she had found at an alien market that smelled like fire, berry pie and cinnamon. She could never use just a little. It coated her and lingered in the TARDIS control room long after she had left to go to sleep at night.
He freezes mid inhale. Stands woodenly, afraid to fall again. Then something catches the Doctor's eye.
The Doctor plucked a small item from Rose's bedroom dresser. A silver frame. A picture. Jackie must have taken it. Paper crowns and smiles with hope inside. He touches her the frozen image of her face, and then slips the photo into pockets that are bigger on the inside. He isn't ready to let go of every piece of her. He pushes it deeper into his pocket and the silver frame clicks against a smiling apple.
He turns to leave. There was nothing left for him here. The Doctor pauses in the doorway and remembers every time he has stepped through. Remembering the progression from stranger, to friend, to...
Oh, she knew...
If his duplicate wasn't telling her everyday for the rest of their human lives than he was a fool. The Doctor knew a lot about being a fool. But it was too late to change that now.
The Doctor said her name.
He shut the door behind him.
He won't be back again.
It was cold without his jacket.
His mouth tasted like fish fingers and custard and he remembers that there is a little girl out there waiting for him to return. He gets inside his TARDIS and keeps his promise to come back.
Rose taught him that.
The TARDIS hears his thought and hums in agreement.
Quite right too.
I want to see you
As you are now
Every single day
That I am living