A/N: This is a new little series I'm starting. If you've read fmylife dot com, then you'll know where these come from. If you haven't read it, I highly suggest you check it out, because it's hilarious. I choose certain stories that intrigue me and I write little oneshots to them (like this) as they would pertain to the iCarly characters. This is the first of who knows how many. I've already got 3 others planned out, and out of those, only one of them is actually shippy. None of these are connected, they're just random. And at the end of each one, I'll copy and paste the FML that it was inspired by.
If you see any on the site that you think would make a good oneshot, PM me and we'll discuss it. I'm totally open to ideas! Other than that, just review and let me know what ya think.

$20 Best Friend

Carly and Freddie were in the midst of an argument about - who else? - Sam. Freddie claimed it was completely uncalled for when Sam posted a blog under his name on iCarly and SplashFace proclaiming he was "coming out of the closet." Carly argued that there was no real damage done and that probably no one had seen it, and it was able to be deleted, unlike the incident with the first kiss. Freddie, however, objected. This was the last straw. He had a hard enough time defending his sexuality and reputation as it was.

"Did you not see the comments our fans are already leaving?!" Freddie cried, outraged at Carly's indifference.

Carly shrugged, raising her voice only slightly. "Oh, people will forget, Freddie. Just delete the blogs - "

"I already did, and they're still leaving comments."

"Okay, well, ignore it. Tell them you don't know what they're talking about and that they should stop before you take legal action or something," she finished.

"Ya know what, maybe I should just take legal action on SAM for once!" Freddie snapped back, not nearly as calm as his brunette counterpart.

"WHAT? Don't be ridiculous, Freddie," Carly said, baffled by his suggestion. "What would you even get her for?"

Freddie pursed his lips defiantly before answering, having thought about this long and hard many times before, "Slander, harassment, and defamation of character. What she does, as far as she takes it, Carly, is illegal, y'know. She knows it, too, she just doesn't care!"

Carly sighed, rolling her eyes only slightly in exasperation. "Freddie, now you're taking it too far. She's your friend, and you know she can't get into any more legal trouble or they're likely to send her to juvie - "

"GOOD!" he interrupted. "Maybe she'll learn how to TREAT people in there!"

"It was just a prank! They're all pranks! You know how bored she gets, and you know the kind of sense of humor she has. Just let it go before this really gets out of hand. Really, Freddie," Carly was almost pleading with him now.

Freddie groaned, hating when she got that tone in her voice. "You're only defending her - you only ever defend her - because she was your best friend first!"

He wasn't sure where that comment came from, but deep down, he knew it was true. So maybe that was why he'd said it. He was so tired of Sam getting away with so much around Carly just because they'd been BFF's since they were 8. He was just as much her friend now, and it wasn't fair. Carly went out of her way to defend Sam. But him? She defended him ONCE. There's no way that was right or how a friendship was supposed to be.

"No, I defend her because I chose to be her best friend! I had no choice with you!"

Freddie reeled. Had... had that really just come from the brown-haired goddess's perfect mouth? Was she telling the truth? What did that claim even mean? Was she keeping something from him?

It seemed apparent that she hadn't meant to say it, because as soon as what she said hit the both of them and she saw his reaction, her eyes widened and her mouth quickly snapped shut, making her look like a fly had just flown down her throat. Freddie searched for meaning behind the words in her expression, but all he could interpret was the fact that it was never meant to be spoken aloud.

"Wh... what?" he managed to ask, still stunned by the words.

Carly shook her head. "I - no, Freddie. I didn't mean to say that. I mean, I-I didn't mean it at all. It was just a... I blurted it out and it was only because I'm so frustrated. That's it, I swear."

Freddie narrowed his eyes, making his suspicion clear to her.

"I'm sorry," she added quietly.

A sad attempt at taking such harsh words back.

"No. You did mean it," he accused after finally finding his voice and a surprising amount of courage. "What do you mean you 'didn't have a choice'?"

Carly once again shook her head, her face flushing. "Nothing, Freddie! Like I said, it was just one of those things you say when you get angry and-and I didn't mean it."

But if there was one thing Carly Shay was truly bad at, it was lying. And Freddie, of all people, could see right through her. Her flushed face, the way her cheeks were beginning to gain that light pink tint, the way she was subconsciously chewing on her bottom lip, the stammer and lack of confidence in her speech... and that searching look in her eyes and how they were darting all over Freddie's face nervously, searching his features for some clue as to what to say next to make him believe her.

"Carly..."

She finally shut her eyes and her shoulders slumped over in defeat. She let out the breath she had been holding and said, with a little more relief lacing the statement, "Oh, alright... I... Your mom p-paid me to be your... friend. When we were twelve and you first moved into the building."

Freddie gaped, the admittance of this surprising fact absolutely stunning him and cementing his feet to the floor, his eyes on Carly. Questions raced through his head, yet he knew it was the truth. He had no doubt in his mind that this was even slightly made up. Mainly because... well, he was Freddie Benson, and if anyone knew the true nature of Mrs. Marissa Benson, it was her only son.

Finally, he decided on a question to voice. "You WHAT?!"

Carly looked back at her tech producer with apologetic brown eyes. "Your mom paid me to be your friend when you first moved in. We were only twelve and I didn't even know you yet. I'd literally just met you and when you left the room, your mom handed me twenty bucks and made me promise to be your friend."

Freddie's eyes widened in shock, still gaping at his friend as she tried to explain in the most rational way possible. But how could a person absorb something like this? Sure, he believed his mom would do it... he just couldn't believe she actually did. And-and that it actually WORKED!

"Please understand, though... She just seemed so desperate to see you make friends in Seattle, and I know she only did it out of love! She cares about you, Freddie, and she just wanted to do whatever she could to see you be happy," Carly continued, talking fast in an attempt to dull the words previously spoken by explaining herself as best as she could. "And I only took the money because she forced it on me. I was going to be your friend anyway! I didn't know what to say to her, I hardly knew her back then. And before I could give the money back or anything, you came back."

Freddie only stammered, "Tw-twenty bucks?!"

Carly nodded forlornly. "I didn't spend it, if that's what you're wondering... It's upstairs in the bottom of my sock drawer. I-I figured I could give it back to you someday. When I'd be able to explain..."

He shook his head, trying to clear all his muddled thoughts. "You're my best friend, Carly..."

"I know!" Carly cried, in absolute distress at his reaction to all of this. "And that's not going to change! We'd still be best friends if your mom paid me or not... I didn't mean that about choosing Sam and not choosing you. I did choose you! I swear!"

But Freddie had nothing to say to this, really. What could he say?

Besides, "TWENTY BUCKS?!"

end.

Inspired by: "Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML."