"Well, it's not quite New York City."
"No, it's definitely not," Chandler Bing said, as he looked out of his living room window with his best friend, Joey. "Scranton is…slower." The two of them continued to stare through the glass. Nothing was happening. There were no cars driving down the street, no people walking on the sidewalks, and no stray dogs rummaging through trash cans. It was weird for them.
"Is there anything left to unpack?" Joey twisted the cap off of his beer and walked away from the window. There was nothing to see.
"I don't think so, Joe, we got it all." Chandler, too, moved away from the glass. He walked toward his couch and collapsed on it. He was exhausted. The two of them had spent the entire day carrying boxes in from the truck and unpacking all of his stuff. He still wasn't completely sold on the setup of his living room, but he decided to let it be for the time being.
"What time do you have to get up for work in the morning?" Joey pulled the lever on the side of the recliner and the foot rest popped out. He let out a small sigh as he leaned back in the chair.
"I have to be there at nine. So if I pass out now I can still get four or five hours sleep." He wasn't looking forward to waking up, or starting a new job, but nothing is his life was really what he wanted at the moment. All of his decisions now were driven by necessity.
"Hey, what if when you get there tomorrow, you meet your new boss and she's really, really hot." Joey smiled at the thought. In his mind he began to construct a beautiful, yet slutty, business woman, body part by body part.
"I don't think that's gonna happen, Joe. My new boss' name is Michael Scott."
"Hey, maybe you should give guys a shot. You're changing everything else in your life." Joey finished his beer and sat it down on the floor next to his chair.
"Nah. That's one decision I refuse to let this recession make for me." Chandler turned and shifted a bit on the couch in an attempt to get comfortable. Monica had gotten the bed in the divorce, and so far he hadn't found the time or the money to purchase a new one.
He tried to relax and not thinking about all the changes occurring in his life, but it was impossible. Chandler was having a rough year. The divorce came first. Parenthood had taken an unexpected toll on his marriage and within a year of their twins' births things had spiraled out of control. They were both unhappy. They tried their hardest to make it work – for themselves, for the kids, and for their friends – but it seemed an impossible task. Then one day he caught her with her mustached ex-boyfriend and that was all she wrote.
He didn't adapt to single life very well. He drank and then drank some more. He put on a few pounds. His job performance declined noticeably and when the economy collapsed he was the first one the company let go.
He couldn't find a job anywhere. He had to borrow money from his best friend Joey just to pay rent. Then after two months of nothing, a chance encounter changed everything. While riding the subway home from yet another failed job interview, Chandler literally bumped into an old friend from high school. His name was David Wallace and he and Chandler had been quite close when they were growing up. They went out to dinner and when David heard Chandler's story, he promised his old friend that he would find him a job in his company. An opening popped up in the Scranton branch, and before he knew it Chandler found himself leaving New York to go work in the paper business.
Exhaustion finally over, and after a flutter or two, Chandler's eyes closed and he fell asleep.
Michael Scott sat behind his desk, smiling, and staring into the camera.
"We have a new employee starting today. His name is Chandler Bing. That's a great name, isn't it? Bing. He's probably Chinese. He will be taking Jim's place on the sales team, now that Jim is a big shot over at corporate."
Dwight Schrute stood tall next to his precious car. He spoke into the camera.
"I don't know the new guy's name, but I promise you this, by the end of the day, I will know everything about him. Likes, dislikes, ancestry… all of the important things."
Karen sat in the conference room, by the window, talking to the camera.
"Yeah, Jim is in New York now. He's been there a few months. We still talk every once in awhile but… Well, we broke up a few weeks ago. He got really weird after the whole beach thing with Pam, and then with the distance… it was just too much. I haven't said anything to anyone yet… I think Ryan might have found out somehow though… He keeps asking me out…"
Chandler stared at the writing on the glass door. "Dunder Mifflin Paper Company." This was it. He took a deep breath and walked inside the office. The first thing he noticed was the receptionist behind the front desk. She looked up at him and smiled and he was immediately taken back by how alarmingly adorable she was. It was the first time he had found a woman attractive since his divorce.
'Terrific,' he thought. He was already nervous about his first day. Having to talk to a pretty girl certainly wasn't going to help things. He stopped in front of the desk and did his best not to sound like an idiot. "Hi. I'm Chandler Bing, I'm supposed to be starting here today."
Before she could respond, Michael popped out of his office and moved quickly toward Chandler. "Konnichi wa!" After a quick examination, Michael realized that Chandler was in fact not Chinese. "That's weird, you don't look Chinese."
Chandler was confused. "No. I don't."
Michael quickly glanced over the personnel file he had in his hand. "Your last name is Bing."
Chandler wasn't sure what to say. This wasn't how he was expecting to be greeted. "Also true. Are you just stating facts about me or…"
Michael crumbled up the file. "Never mind. Forget that whole 'konnichi wa' thing."
Dwight, sitting as his desk and eyeing Chandler carefully, jumped into the conversation, "That's Japanese."
Michael, as he often did, dismissed the comment. "Same thing."
"No, it's not. Japan and China are – "
"Shut up." Before Dwight could respond yet again, Michael moved forward with introducing Chandler. "Attention everybody – this is Chandler Bing. He will be replacing Jim on the sales team. He has never sold paper before, so bare with him. He is recently divorced, like Toby, yuck, and he is from New York City, which is where Jim is now, so it's like we made a trade… The young and cute up and comer for the older, wiser, more wrinkly veteran…or rookie, really. We got ripped off. Anyway, we will be having a welcome party in the conference room at eleven fifteen so that we can all get to know Chandler more. It's gonna be great. Maybe we'll even get him to do some karaoke!"
Chandler stared straight ahead. He was in disbelief over what he was hearing. He tried to take in some of the other people in the office, but his eyes fell upon the doorway in the back and they refused to move out of sheer embarrassment.
He hated Scranton already. Scranton sucked.