And I'm sure that, if you touch me, I'll break. Because I am that weak, that venerable, that scared. And so my eyes will you to keep your distance, the moonlight falling across the space between us, spilling onto your face, illuminated but unreadable.
The grass is wet and cool beneath my bare skin, as I imagine it is beneath yours, and that, combined with the chilly summer night air that is just barely a breeze, is enough to make me shiver. But as cold as I am, I'm burning, because you're so close to me, closer then you have been in years, and your body heat is just tickling my skin. And as always I'm perfectly harmonized with you, mesmerized by you, pulled to you in a way that makes me afraid because it renders me completely out of control, as if I were trying to swim through the currents of a tide. And wave after wave of want crashes over me, of need and desire, this unbelievable craving for closeness, and I'm drowning in it. I wonder if you can see it, if you can feel it too.
It looks like you want to say something, but you don't, and this silence that isn't silence continues unbroken. I can't remember when we stopped talking, and know that it doesn't matter because there are no words for this. And I will always remember you as you are right now to me. This moment has become part of my forever, and as much as I'm fighting it, I'm lost in it, and I'm trying my hardest not to breathe because if I do I'm afraid this spell will break.
Instead I turn my head and look up to at the stars. They're blinding really, in their brightness and in their intensity. There's so many, each and every one a wish, a dream, a promise. And even when I close my eyes I see them all, sparkling in the pitch black night sky, and I don't need to look over at you to know that your eyes shine brighter then them all.
Inside I'm a mess, and I can feel my heart breaking, into raw and red and shattered pieces. It hurts, and the pain is bubbling up, making me cry. And you, because you haven't stopped watching me, see the first few tears as they slide down my checks.
"Mist," you half say, half whisper. I can hear the concern in your voice, and even now I can't help but feel a spark when you say my name.
And I can't help but look over to you, and that look in your eyes kills me, because if I didn't know any better I would swear it was love. I know you want to know what's wrong, to help me, but I can't tell you and I can't stop crying.
I'm not at all sure if I'm still breathing, if I even remember how. And whether or not my heart is beating is beyond me, but if I were to guess I'd say it was because I'm alive, alive because you've pulled me to you, into your arms. And now I'm crying into your jacket while you hold me tight. And I feel a million things at once with your body so close to mine, your heartbeats vibrating against my own, your breath warm and soft right before you kiss the top of my head.
And I was right, I'm broken. Because here in your arms I'm in heaven and hell, contented and tormented and you hold me tight, praying you'll hold on just a little tighter a little longer, knowing that, any second, you'll let me go.