Title: Tricks & Treats
Author: smackalalala
Fandom: NCIS
Pairing/character: Tony/Abby, plus another minor pairing of my own choosing (they're not involved in the story a whole lot, though)
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: Marilyn Monroe
Kink: bad girls
Notes/Warnings: Tag for "Witch Hunt." I can't write Tony/Abby without making it a silly fic. There's sexy times, too, but they're just so goofy. I'm also planning on writing a sequel (which may or may not end up on the crack end of things). Written for roundsofkink on Livejournal.

Tony watched with a smile as Abby and Ducky took Sarah, the little girl they had rescued earlier, around to all the desks in the squadroom. An idea suddenly popped into his head as Abby made her way to his desk.

"Hey, sexy," he greeted her, giving her an appreciative once-over.

Abby rolled her eyes, giving him a sigh of mock annoyance – come on, who could be annoyed with Tony calling them sexy? "What do you want, Tony?"

He pouted. "What makes you think I want something? You look absolutely smokin' in that dress. And maybe you should keep the blonde hair, too . . ."

That comment earned him a punch on the arm from Abby, who was now glaring at him. "I know you, Tony. What gives?"

He gave her an innocent look. "Well, I just thought . . . I know how much you love sugar, and Halloween is all about candy . . ."

Abby's face lit up, and it was a moment before she spoke. "You're going to take me trick-or-treating?!" she squealed, her voice getting higher pitched with every syllable, until everyone turned to see where the noise had come from.

Tony smiled at their audience. "She gets like this."

Abby ignored his comment, instead bouncing in place, which looked incredibly ridiculous, as she was still in her Marilyn Monroe costume. "Come on, come on, come on! We gotta get going before all the good candy is gone!" She grabbed his arm, yanking him from his chair.

"Ow! I'd like to keep my arm, Abbs!" Tony pulled his arm away from her, shaking it out and giving her a look of disdain.

Abby rolled her eyes. "Sor-ry. Can we just get going already? I want to have enough time to eat all my treats tonight."

Tony gave her an incredulous look. "You're going to eat all your candy tonight?"

"Duh, Halloween only comes once a year."

"Coulda fooled me," Tony muttered under his breath. He looked up and found Abby watching him expectantly. "Okay, fine, let's go."

"Yay!" Abby bounced around a bit more, clapping her hands this time, then suddenly stopped, as Tony was walking to the elevator. "Wait!"

He halted, dropping his head down to his chest in disbelief. Abby ran over to him, her heels clicking on the floor. "We can't go yet!" she announced.

"Now what?" Tony moaned, throwing his head back.

Abby took his face in her hands and forced him to look at her. His eyes widened as she kept her hands gripped on his cheeks. "You need to put on a costume."

"Oh, Abby," he groaned, his words mumbled, as Abby was still holding his face.

"I'm wearing a costume, so you have to put one on, too," she barked, squishing his cheeks.

"Ow, ow, okay, fine," he agreed, relenting to her pressure. She released him and he made a yawning motion.

"So . . ." Abby started, once again the picture of innocence she always managed to be, "what are you going to be?"

Tony bit his lip. "An NCIS agent?" He gave her a hopeful smile.

She glared at him. "Not funny, Tony. Let's go. I'm sure you have a secret costume you love to dress up in when no one's around . . ."

She took his hand and led him into the elevator, Tony's voice exiting just before the doors closed. "No one's supposed to know about that, Abbs . . ."

Shortly thereafter, Tony and Abby arrived at Tony's apartment, in search of his costume. Tony turned to Abby, halting her. "I'll be back shortly."

Abby plopped down on his couch as he entered his bedroom. "You better be, mister!" she called after him.

"And if I'm not?" he called back.

A wicked smile crossed her face. "Then I'll just have to come in and help you."

Tony poked his head out from the bedroom. "Ooh, sounds promising . . ."

"Get back in there!" Abby barked again, ripping off one of her shoes and throwing it towards the bedroom. Tony reeled back to avoid the projectile heel and it crashed against the wall, leaving a small hole in its wake. He peeked around the doorframe, catching Abby's sweet smile, and decided it probably was better to just get dressed.

Abby had already challenged herself to list all the active ingredients in a Caf-Pow! without looking at the label (not that that was too difficult a task for her; she had already memorized the ingredients ten times over and occasionally alphabetized them just for fun) when Tony exited his bedroom half an hour later, his voice stirring her from her trance.

"Hey, little lady."

Abby spun to face him, her mouth widening into a grin as she saw his getup. She stood to meet him as he swaggered over to her. "Why, if it isn't the King of Rock and Roll."

"I'm just a hunk-a hunk-a burnin' love," Tony quipped in his best Elvis voice, causing Abby to giggle and throw her arms around his shoulders.

"We'll see about that . . . Mr. President." Abby winked as she dropped her hands to his, leading him to the door.

Tony smirked as she dragged him from his apartment, ready to prove his role as the King.

They got into Abby's hearse (her idea – exact words being, "How awesome would it be to go trick-or-treating in a hearse? Totally wicked."), Tony driving and Abby riding shotgun because she wanted to be able to eat her treats uniterrupted by such a menial task as paying attention to the road, and headed off for the part of town guaranteed to have the best candy available.

As they glided through town (hearses really did ride smooth, Tony had to admit, and was now highly considering a similar vehicle for when his own crapped out on him), Abby found ways to entertain herself – and Tony in the process. While she was busy staring at the witches and jack-o-lanterns populating front porches, her hands toyed with the hem of her skirt, dragging it up her thigh, then letting it fall, and repeating the action time and time again. Tony gulped and tried to keep his eyes focused on the road, casting occasional glances at Abby's lap, hoping to God she wouldn't raise her skirt any farther up her thigh – not until he had stopped driving, at least.

He pulled over to the side of the street, the hearse sputtering to a halt. Abby seemed oblivious as to why they had stopped, turning and facing Tony. She caught his eyes and found him looking at her in a way he never had before. The atmosphere in the car had gone from fun and playful to intense and serious.

"Tony?" She attempted to keep the huskiness from her voice without avail. It wasn't that she'd never been looked at that way before, just never by Tony, and he . . . he was pretty much the personification of sex.

He didn't laugh or admit his deep attraction to her as she expected him to do, but rather broke her gaze, clearing his throat. "Oh, uh, yeah, where would you like to begin, Miss Sciuto?"

Abby felt a twinge of disappointment that he didn't completely ravish her right there, but she pushed it away. There was time for that later, she would make sure of that. Her eyes sparkled as she responded. "Let me get my supplies and we can get started." She unbuckled her seat belt and reached for the door handle, but Tony's hand on her thigh halted her movements, causing her to look over at him, expecting that to be the point where he ravished her.

Tony saw the look in Abby's eyes and wanted so badly to just say fuck the trick-or-treating and get her into the backseat to have his way with her. But Abby deserved more than a quick screw in the back of a hearse (although she likely wouldn't mind . . . and hearses did have all the extra room . . .). He spoke.

"Allow me, Miss Sciuto." She gave him a sidelong look, a smirk upon her face. Tony returned the gesture. If she was going to play hard to get, so was he.

He stepped from the car, circling around the front to open Abby's door. He did so and saw the extension of a creamy leg, then another, then Abby exited the car fully, fixing Tony with a sexy look. She walked to the back of the hearse, and Tony suddenly remembered her announcement about getting "supplies."

He jogged around to join her. "Uh, Abbs, what kind of supplies do you need to go trick-or-treating? Last time I went, all I needed to do was show up and look cute and people gave me candy."

Abby scoffed. "Silly. I do that every day." She pecked him on the cheek, then turned back to the back of the car, lifting the door. Inside was an assortment of goods guaranteed to be more good for "tricks" than "treats."

Abby grinned at cartons of eggs, cans of silly string and rolls upon rolls of toilet paper, as Tony simply looked at her in semi-shock.

"Abbs, I thought you wanted to go trick-or-treating," he said slowly, watching as she removed a roll of toilet paper and threw it up in the air, leaving it to make white trails in the sky.

"Duh." She tore her attenion from the bath tissue, letting it fall to the ground unnoticed. "And in Abby's world, I like the tricks just as much as the treats." She turned back to the bags of goods, leaving Tony to stare at the motionless stream of paper on the ground. This was going to be a long night.

"Get down! Someone's going to see us!"

"Relax, Abbs," Tony said, hunkering down to join her behind a bush. "I'm a federal agent, remember? And you work for the federal government, too, so I wouldn't be too concerned."

Abby gave him a look. "Tony. How would it look if the police caught a fed and someone who works with the feds egging some random houses?"

Tony grimaced. "I hadn't thought of that. Pretty stupid, I guess."

"Exactly. And that is why we need to be sneaky. Like Ziva!" Abby beamed.

Tony raised an eyebrow. "You think Ziva would be able to hide from the cops while egging houses?"

Abby thought for a moment. "Well, I don't think she'd be egging houses in the first place."

Tony nodded. "Yeah, yeah, you're right." He paused and looked at her. "She'd probably be throwing knives through their windows instead."

Abby snorted and punched him in the shoulder. "What do you think her and McGee are up to tonight?"

"What do I care?" Abby gave him a look that said, wow, you are an asshole, and he continued, brushing a hand through her fake curls. "I'm with you."

Abby's face melted into a puddle of "I love you, Tony, and take back everything negative I've ever said about you," and she let out an involuntary sigh. "Tony . . ."

"I know, baby," he whispered. "I know." He removed his hand from her wig. "Come on. Let's get out of here."

"Where are we going?" Abby asked, the same husky note as earlier back in her voice.

Tony stood, offering her his hand. She took it and he pulled her to her feet, retaining his clasp on her hand as he led them back to her hearse. "I know of this great party," he announced, grinning.

Abby returned his grin. "Oh, yeah? Will there be music?"

"They don't call me the King for nothing, little lady," he quipped in his Elvis voice, causing Abby to roll her eyes and rest her head on his shoulder.

"As long as you dance with me, I don't care if you do sing."

"Hey!" Tony exclaimed, mocking insult. Abby pouted at him, though, so he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the pout, continuing. "I'll dance with only you, Marilyn."

Abby smirked in triumph. "You better, Mister. Or else . . ."

"I know, I know," Tony sighed. "You're the only person who can kill me and not leave any evidence." He opened her door and she slipped inside, still smirking.

"And don't you forget it." He rolled his eyes and shut the door, but the same goofy grin remained plastered on his face as he jogged around to the driver's side of the car, whistling "Let's Get It On."

"You seriously don't see it?"

"Ziva and Probie? No way, Abbs. Besides," Tony tweaked Abby's nose, "Elflord has a date for this party, who we will meet once we go inside." He turned off the engine and faced Abby, who had a surprised look on her face.

"This is Timmy's party?" she squealed.

He rolled his eyes. "Well, it's not his party. But he will be there." Abby continued to gawk at him and he shrugged. "I was curious."

Abby threw her arms around him. "You are cute. And a good friend. That's what you are."

"Right." Tony grunted from the pressure of her hug. "I'd also like to be a person who breathes."

Abby gave him one final squeeze, then released him, apologizing. "Sorry. I'm just so proud of you, admitting you really like Tim."

He rolled his eyes. "Abby, I never said . . ."

She placed a finger on his lips. "Not now, Tony. We have a party to attend." With that, she spun and exited the car, before Tony could even suggest opening the door for her, and was trotting merrily up the sidewalk.

Tony quickly opened his own door and stepped out, slamming the door before jogging to catch up to her, and spinning her around to face him. Her eyes sparkled with mischief – or something, anyway – and her smile melted into a new look as Tony began to speak.

"I've changed my mind about the party," he said, watching as Abby's face fell, then continuing. "I have a much better way we could spend the night."

Abby's eyes regained their shine. She looked down and looped her hand through Tony's, then looked back to his face. "Where we headed, Mr. Presley?" There was no questioning it now – she wanted him. That tone of voice was only used for seduction, and what Abby wants, Abby gets.

He gave her a dazzling smile. "Well, it's not a far journey at all, Ms. Monroe. In fact," he led them back down the sidewalk before stopping at the car, "here we are."

Abby gaped at him, then the hearse, then him again. A smile snaked its way across her face. "You are a kinky boy."

He waggled his eyebrows at her. "You're a kinky girl. And there's considerably more room in the back of a hearse for . . ." He trailed off, leaving her to finish his sentence.

"Naughty times?" she asked sultrily, pressing herself against him. Her breath beat against his cheek. "Good for me, because I've been a very bad girl."

Tony moaned a little as she ground her pelvis against his thigh. "Mmm. That you have, Abby. Shall we?" He moved from her grasp long enough to open the back door of the hearse, revealing the dim lighting inside the car.

Abby had done a complete rehaul of the upholstery since the last time he'd seen the car. The back of the hearse was now drenched in black velvet, with just the tiniest hint of shimmer here and there – to show her femininity, of course.

Tony let out a low whistle. He was going to take Abby, in the back of her hearse, on black velvet. Could this night get any better? He turned back to his soon-to-be lover. Oh yeah. She was dressed as Marilyn Monroe. That was an added perk.

He couldn't wait any longer. He put his arms around her and lowered his head to hers, capturing his mouth with his own. Her lips tasted sweet, like the candy corn she'd been chewing on earlier, with just a hint of the bitter acid of her Cat-Pow!s mixed in. She was delicious, and Tony was hungry as hell.

Abby brought her hands up to his face, caressing his cheeks and moving her fingers back to comb through his hair. The sensation of kissing Tony was something she'd never quite experienced before – she'd never kissed someone with quite so much . . . experience before. And oh, did his knowledge show.

He slowed the frantic movements of her tongue against his with a few gentle clucks and pulled away. His eyes still smoldered with lust, telling Abby that it was time to take their relationship to the next level.

She surprised him. Rather than him leading her gently into the back of the car, as he had planned, she forced him in backwards, causing him to sit down hard on the soft velvet. "Now," she ordered, and he remembered how intimidating she could be if she wanted.

He crawled backwards on his hands, his eyes focused on hers the entire time. This was it, their moment, and nothing could ruin it.

Abby crawled in behind him, closing the door as she fully entered the cabin of the vehicle. The lights didn't turn off automatically, though, leaving them bathed in an aura of butter-colored light, casting light shadows across the ceiling.

Tony found his voice. "You're so beautiful, Abbs. I never thought . . ."

Abby pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him. "Shut up, DiNozzo." She reached back to the zipper of her dress, then thought better of it, a smirk on her lips. "How would you like to do the honors?"

She turned then, back facing him, leaving him with a close-up view of all her tats, especially that incredibly sexy cross. He reached for the zipper, but rather than undoing it right away, dragged his fingertips across the outline of her largest tattoo, leaving her shuddering in pleasure.

"Tony," she drawled, her eyes closed. "You're so mean . . ."

He chuckled. "I thought I was being nice." He sat up a bit more, so he was directly behind her, pressing a soft kiss to the spiderweb on her neck.

"Mmm, and a tattoo fetishist to boot," she mumured, smiling to herself.

He drew his lips up to her ears, whispering, "You want me to get on with it?"

She nodded, eyes still shut. "Before tomorrow would be nice."

Tony snaked his tongue out and flicked her ear, making her moan again. "Oooh, then I still have a few hours to go . . ."

Abby didn't say anything as he continued to lick her neck, feeling content to revel in the feeling of a man doing the simple things beyond sex that got her just as hot and bothered as the act itself. She reached a hand back to push it through Tony's hair again – she knew his fixation with hair and wanted to satiate that need.

Just as Abby was turning her head back to return Tony's kisses, a cold blast of air interrupted their heat, and they broke from their lust-induced trance, turning to see what had caused the disruption.

There, by the now-open back door, stood McGee and Ziva, the former in his Elflord costume and the latter in the Ice Queen outfit McGee's cheerleader was supposed to be wearing. Their hands were all over each other.

The four of them stared at each other before McGee spoke.

"We, uh, we didn't expect to find . . ."

"We assumed you were inside," Ziva spoke up.

Abby glared at them. "So you were going to break into my hearse to have sex in the back?! Some friends you are!"

"Not to mention, you two . . ." Tony started, still a bit shocked that Abby was right about them.

"Hey!" McGee burst out, pointing a finger at Tony. "We're apparently not the only ones who had this idea. What are you two doing?"

"Well," Tony scoffed. McGee continued to give him a demanding look. "This is Abby's hearse, for one, and two, it's none of your business!"

Ziva joined in with her own demanding look. Tony sighed and turned back to Abby, who was biting her lip.

"Lucy, we got some 'splainin' to do," he muttered.

Abby retained her glare on their friends. "We're not the only ones."

THE END!!!