Even the Strong Won't Survive.
.. ;xsyntheticsmile -- - ---
KAIXEL.
50 SENTENCES.
50 THEMES.
( and if we only live once, who's to tell me i'm wrong? )
- - - -
#01 – Motion : She's pretending to be asleep, but you know better; and you just can't help but smirk when you catch her spying as you mess with your chakra, the flames spinning so fast that you're not even sure how much longer you can control it and wondering, even, if you ever really could; after all, didn't her mother ever tell her not to play with fire?
#02 – Cool : The very first time you play it cool: whispering sweet little nothings and gently stroking her hair, just in case she really is as fragile as she looks; but surprise, surprise, her highness isn't quite as innocent as you thought and you're aren't quite certain whether or not this should worry you.
#03 – Young : There are days when the clock strikes three and you try to remember when you were that young; that naïve; that innocent; and you always have to force yourself to forget the guilt when you look at her and realize you're slowly stealing that away.
#04 – Last : She's always the last taste on your tongue and the first thought to your mind and sometimes it kills you to wonder how in the hell you ever fell for a girl like her.
#05 – Wrong : It's wrong; it's wrong; it's just so incredibly wrong, you tell yourself when she's beneath you and you suddenly imagine someone else instead, but even after blonde turns back to red and blue to violet, you just can't seem to shake the feeling when you realize that maybe you miss Roxas a lot more than you think.
#06 – Gentle : In a spat of defiance, she mentions that Sora would have definitely been a lot more gentle with her, and you just grin and push even further in, saying, "Well, it's a good thing he's not here then, isn't it?"
#07 – One : "Just one," you admit, when she asks you if there was ever anything you were afraid of; but what she doesn't know is that right now, your biggest fear is what you'll do when he finds out she's missing, and for some reason, the more you think about it, the less you want her to know.
#08 – Thousand : There are a thousand other places she'd rather be than with you, Axel; in fact, you make her sick, so fucking sick; but after the first hint of insult, you can't help but flash your patent smirk because darling, that's exactly why you keep sticking around.
#09 – King : "The King?" you scoff when she continues to shriek from the inside of her barred walls, "Your 'King' is nothing more than an oversized rat who never hit puberty; now sit down and shut up, 'cause you're going to be in here for quite a while, princess," though, for a few days afterward, you can't even walk by her cell without cringing because how is she supposed to help you if you keep insulting her, you dipshit?
#10 – Learn: It doesn't take long for you to learn her: her expressions, her mannerisms; hell, you even know her favorite color for Christ's sake (periwinkle, if you really wanna know); but what really does it is when you wonder how much you've said about yourself because the fuck should it matter; she doesn't mean anything to you, right?
#11 – Blur : You hadn't really intended to say it; after all, with your hands up her folds and her back against the shower door, the "l-word" was absolute last thing on your mind; still, you make no effort to stop yourself and out of the corner or your eye, you catch her smiling, and well, well, well aren't you the lucky bastard? Looks like she loves you, too.
#12 – Wait : "Wait," she mutters harshly just as you're about to come, "I hear footsteps," but you stopped caring about discreetness a long time ago and even as Larxene throws the door open, shrieks in horror, and runs off screaming bloody murder, all you can do is laugh because hell, she had that one coming.
#13 – Change : Sometimes it amuses you how much she's changed these past few weeks because really, how much sex can you have before they say you can't be a princess of heart anymore?
#14 – Command : You like to think you have the upper hand in these things, and for the most part, you do; but it scares you to know that despite all that, you'd do just about anything for her; so when did you become such a sap?
#15 – Hold : For the fifth night in a row, she asks you to hold her a little bit tighter and stay just a little bit longer and for the first time in your life, you're thankful to the dark for hiding your expression when she admits that he would have never held her like this.
#16 – Need : "I need her, goddamnit," you say, raising your voice to the Superior without even thinking of the consequences, and in the silence of his reply you can't help but turn away, realizing that you mean that in more ways than one.
#17 – Vision : You feel like gagging when she tells you about her dream last night; something about a pirate and a princess and the knight that comes to rescue her, and little more than ten seconds into it you tell her to shut the fuck up, you don't want to hear it; besides, who the hell likes knights, anyway?
#18 – Attention: Some days you wonder why you didn't notice it before, but it doesn't matter anyway because the fact is, she's gone now and there's nothing you can do to bring her back.
#19 – Soul : "No heart, no soul, no brain; man, Axel, God must've really not liked you," and for a minute you sit there grinning like an idiot because who would have known that someone like her had a sense of humor?
#20 – Picture : Flipping her drawing face down, she looks up at you and glares, saying, "I'm not freaking Naminé; just because she can draw doesn't mean that I can," and before she can stop you, you've snatched the paper from her hands and nod in agreement; "Yep, I can see that."
#21 – Fool : "Only a fool would turn his back on them!" you shout into the darkness, and when you open your eyes, you can't help but freak when it hits you that she's been by your side this entire night.
#22 – Mad : At first, she won't speak to you for days, but with just one kiss and a few pretty words, she in your bed again and you know that she can't stay mad at you for long.
#23 – Child : "I'm not a kid, you know," she tells you once and you just shake your head and bury your face in her hair because, yeah, she is, and yes, maybe that innocence is exactly what you need.
#24 – Now : "If you have a dream, don't wait. Act," and suddenly you find yourself laughing because you really didn't believe in any of that shit 'til now.
#25 – Shadow : You live for these moments when stray heartless wander into the castle and she stands behind you waiting for the fight to end; after all, this is the only time you get to show off and hey, just because you're a villain doesn't mean you don't like playing the hero every once in a while.
#26 – Goodbye : So you're lying there, see, bits and pieces of you fading into oblivion and with no one but her boyfriend for company; and you can't help but hate yourself right now because fuck, you didn't even get to say goodbye.
#27 – Hide : She's scared, you can tell; aw, hell, you can, and it's all you can do to stop yourself from reaching out and wrapping your arms around her, because even though you're nothing, no one, a nobody, that doesn't mean you're completely heartless; and so, even if you don't want to, and even if you feel stupid as you're doing it, you find yourself offering condolences. "It's alright Kairi, I promise not to hurt you," and little by little it kills you to know that everything you're saying isn't even in the least bit true.
#28 – Fortune : Life is a gamble; that's what you were taught a long time ago, and as days go by, and your motions get more intense, and you begin to forget why you brought her here in the first place, you start asking yourself if it's too late to pull back now, or if you even really want to.
#29 – Safe : "Safe? Safe? Darling, if you want something safe, you're in one hell of a wrong place," and somehow you know she prefers it that way because after all, isn't this so much more interesting than playing around with seashells all day?
#30 – Ghost : You know that she notices when you get that look in your eye, that choke in your voice, and that sadness in your expression, and you know how much it hurts her to understand that no matter what, she's always going to lose to a ghost; only second-best to your once best-friend and goddamnit man, why can't you just learn to let him go?
#31 – Book : You'd never pegged Larxene for the smutty type, but once you pick up her latest Marquis, you just can't seem to put it down, and the next time you see her, it's all she can do to mutter her confusion before she's pinned to the ground and the next unwitting volunteer in your sadistic fantasies; still, as your hands continue to slither up her legs and she begins to grow used to your awkward impulsiveness, it doesn't look like she'll be complaining any time soon, and that's if she ever will, at all.
#32 – Eye : "So what's the deal with the make-up?" she asks, pointing to those two little marks beneath your eyes, but you only twitch and bite your tongue because it's war-paint, damnit; war paint.
#33 – Never : "Why don't you admit it already; she's got you tamed and whipped, man; tamed and whipped," but even as Larxene cackles and her mandatory horror soundtrack starts up in the background, you know you'll never say so, even if you both know it's at least a little bit true.
#34 – Sing : You've got her between your legs and moaning your name and fuck, you just can't seem to go fast enough; you want to fucking tear her apart.
#35 – Sudden : It didn't happen all at once, but you still can't help but wonder when she stopped being a tool and started being Kairi because every time you watch her fall asleep and every day she wakes up to find you gone, you wonder if she'll ever be the same girl again and somehow you know that no, she won't.
#36 – Stop : "I want you to stop lying to me," she whispers as she glares at you through red, tear-ridden eyes and it makes you feel dirtier than ever because guess what, you broke her, and maybe she really wasn't as tough as she pretended to be.
#37 – Time : When she wakes up the next morning, she asks you for the time, but you only tell her to shh, go back to sleep; after all she's still just a kid and even princesses need their beauty rest.
#38 – Wash : Sometimes you wish you could just wash it all away: all the memories; all the pain; all the guilt, regret, and angsty shit like that; but every time you're with her, you almost feel as though you could be happy and hell, looks like this is just about as close as you're going to get.
#39 – Torn : It's not like you don't notice how torn up she's been; after all, Sora's always been there for her, and in the end, Sora's gonna be the one to rescue her again; still, what the hell does she expect you to do, especially since you're the reason she's like this in the first place?
#40 – History : "History Lesson Number One: fire and water don't mix," you smirk, basking in all of your misplaced arrogance, and the next minute she's laughing, saying, "That's chemistry, you shithead," which reminds you why you dropped out of school in the first place and hey wait a minute, when the hell did you start cussing?
No, really, when?
#41 – Power : It hadn't really struck you not to use your fire powers on her, kinky son of a bitch that you are; but that doesn't mean you don't feel bad when she winces and tells you, "It's okay, I'm fine; but would you please freaking warn me next time," though it doesn't even take a couple of days before you forget and hell, I'm sorry; I just wanted to hear you scream.
#42 – Bother : Maybe it's the way his hair stands on end, or the way his voice is always cracking, or the way he's so goddamn naïve that he'd listen to just about anything you say; but somehow you know it bothers you how much he cares for her and every time you think about it, you can't help but hate her for making you so fucking jealous.
#43 – God : "You know, in some places, they'd worship me," you mention, twirling a lit fire wheel in-between your fingers, but she only scoffs and goes back to her shower, leaving you to facepalm because you've never met anyone quite so stubborn before.
#44 – Wall : "There's a wall back home, with pictures of us scratched into the rock," she says quietly, her tiny body shaking as tears fall from her eyes. "He'll come looking for me, I know he will!" and something about the way she believes it almost makes you want to believe it, too.
#45 – Naked : You'd bet anything that even the keyblade master has had sick little fantasies about her every once in a while and the sooner she stops being so goddamn self-conscious, the more you revel in the fact that, yeah, you got to fuck her first.
#46 – Drive : You know it drives her crazy when you run your fingers just so, when you tell her pretty words, and when you set her skin on fire, but even then she's got you beat because really, she's the only one who's ever been able to get so far beneath your skin.
#47 – Harm : There are times when you disappear for days on end that you remember feeling sorry for the poor girl, being left alone for so long while he went off to save the world; but the thought is always short-lived because, after all, isn't that exactly what you're doing right now?
#48 – Precious : He used to be so precious to you, and now that you think about it, so was she; and you guess that someone out there must have it in for you because goddamn, everyone that ever mattered has gone and left you, now haven't they?
#49 – Hunger : And maybe this is what you wanted all along; someone to want you, someone to beg for you, someone to listen to your every command because when her mouth is wrapped around your cock and your fingers are trailing her breasts you feel more alive than you ever have and damn, nothing has ever felt so right.
#50 – Believe : Oh, but you don't have a heart, you see; that's what you've warned her about from the very beginning. So as she's picking up her clothes and feeling dirty and betrayed, wondering what the fuck happened and lying shattered on your bedroom floor, somehow you find the cruelty to laugh (laugh, you bastard, laugh), bitter and hollow as you choke out the noise; after all, why shouldn't you? It's not your fault she didn't believe you, now is it? No, of course it isn't.
No, not at all.
- - - -
( but i seem to love affliction ; throw myself right overboard )
.. ;xfini -- - ---
Author's Notes:
well, i'm still on hiatus, but that doesn't mean i'm not writing. far from it; it just means i'm working harder and my updates wil be few and far between. i'm writing more chaptered stuff at the moment, but i'll try to update with a few one-shots here and there, just to keep you busy. :)
and, yes, about this fic right here: it's written for a community on LJ (1sentence) and it's the only thing i seem to be able to write these days. i dunno, my muse isn't being nice to me lately. but i'll try to have some other stuff soon, including that sokai i've been promising. as for the discrepencies between the game's timeline and this one, i decided to take a little creative license, so yeah. don't complain to me about that stuff. i already know.
ooh yeah, i changed my formatting, too. this will be my formatting for writing for the time being; until i get bored again and think of a new one.
lyrics and title were inspired by the most awesome band in the world: self against city and their song "even the strong won't survive." war paint remark inspired by vixen2004. and second-person pov inspired by caitlan and syrai.
reviews are appreciated; very much so.
♥xsyntheticsmile.