Miserable.
That was the image that nineteen year-old Gilbert Nightray way portraying.
It was quite a pitiful sight, really. Imagine, a tall, charming young man sitting hunched over in a secluded little corner of the park, who tainted his own handsomeness by sporting a surly look on his otherwise alluring face. In addition to that he was fully clad in black, as if his expression and posture was not enough to tell the world that he was brooding.
But it didn't end there. All around his lonely little bench was nature in full-bloom, making the depressed man stand out even more. The evergreen grass beneath his feet gleamed with fresh raindrops from the sudden spell of rain that struck earlier that day. A few meters ahead was a wall made out of thick, rectangular green hedges that lined the right side of the pathway extending as far as the eye could see. Behind him was a neatly manicured row of various vivid coloured flower beds that included blood crimson, pastel pink, honey yellow, sky blue and even snow white. In regular intervals on the same row were tall, ancient oak trees that sheltered him from much-needed sunlight. Their leaves danced lethargically in the gentle breeze.
Every now and then people would walk past him, usually a young couple or a family. That only served to worsen his mood for some strange reason. But he too probably gave off uncomfortable vibes to the unfortunate passer-byes, so in a way they were all even. For what exactly? He wasn't sure.
Meanwhile, at some other location in the same park, Xerxes Break was currently taking an idle stroll down the secluded pathway leading to his favourite attraction of this particular park: a large, marble fountain situated in the alcove at the end of this long, isolated path. He enjoyed that particular location because of the constant, soft splashing sound of the water which always seemed to calm him down when he was troubled. The perfect place to find peace.
Though, to say that he was troubled at that moment was technically incorrect.
The word, 'uncomfortable' seemed a bit more appropriate.
It had been quite a while since he had received any updates about the Nightrays from his precious left eye, Gilbert. He knew that there was nothing to worry about – after all, he had trained the young man well to handle most situations – but it was still a mystery as to why Gilbert would be out of contact for so long.
The only logical conclusion he could come to was that something was wrong; something that Break had not taught Gilbert how to handle, and it was that thought that made him uncomfortable. Surely he had covered everything, hadn't he?
Going directly to the Nightray Mansion was out of the question, and calling the man was unadvisable. Usually they would meet somewhere along this very pathway at least once every two weeks in case Gilbert had any progress reports, which he didn't that often. One could never be too cautious though.
But ever since Gilbert had joined Pandora a year ago, bumping into him had become a more common occurrence. Rather, it happened almost daily since he worked directly under Break so their number of meetings in the park reduced significantly as a result. But lately he hadn't even showed up in the workplace, so Break resorted to coming back here with the hope that he would find Gilbert.
And after a few more minutes of walking, his hopes were not dashed.
There, sitting all alone on the middle of a bench made for two was Gilbert, oblivious as always to the heavy aura of misery and discontent he was giving off.
Break didn't know whether to sigh in relief of grin in amusement.
"I thought you'd be here~" sang Break as he approached the brooding man, who started at the sound of Break's voice.
"Break!" exclaimed Gilbert, sounding more surprised than he should've been. "Wh-what're you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing," countered Break while idly twirling his umbrella. The object was solely for the purpose of show and nothing else, though sometimes it did actually help in the rain – if it wasn't anything more than a drizzle.
"You've got some nerve skipping work without prior notice, Raven~ Mind telling your superior here what could've caused you to do such a thing?"
Gilbert turned back to staring intently at a particular patch of grass that he had been long before Break arrived. The latter trailed his eyes in the same direction, and soundly deduced within three seconds that it wasn't exactly the most fascinating patch of grass either man had even laid their eyes upon.
"...No reason," answered Gilbert eventually.
Break sighed.
"You know, eventually you'll end up telling me one way or the other," he started as he a moved to take a seat beside Gilbert, who scooted a little to the left to make room. "So we might as well cut to the chase, no?" suggested the man with a condescending smirk.
Gilbert glared in annoyance at Break from the corner of his eye. Break simply turned to look elsewhere, cheeky smile never fading.
The two men sat in silence for some time. The only sound present was that of the birds chirping in the trees and the occasional rustling of the leaves.
At last, Gilbert began to speak. "It's just... family problems."
"…Again?" inquired Break. That was it? And here he thought it was something new. Something worrisome.
"Yeah..." Gilbert paused, eyebrows quirking in confusion. "No. Or maybe..." Another pause. "Sort of?"
Break raised an eyebrow. "Make up your mind. And if you can't then just get on with it already."
All of a sudden, Gilbert's cheeks turned rosy pink.
"U-um... I don't really... I mean- How should I...?"
The older male patiently waited for Gilbert to sort out his thoughts. Just because it was family problems again didn't mean he could lower his guard. After all, anything could be a potential roadblock to their goals if not dealt with appropriately. At last, Gilbert seemed to have calmed down a bit and he took a deep breath before starting from the beginning.
"As you know, the Nightrays tend to get involved in… shady business every now and then. And you also know that the Duke usually leaves those kind of matter to Vincent and I."
Break nodded. Gilbert continued. "Well... The truth is, there are still some things I have to learn..."
"...What kind of things?"
Gilbert fidgeted, and once again his cheeks began to darken in colour. "Things like..." He swallowed, before pressing on in a smaller voice. "Th-the kind of things that Vincent is good at..."
Break blinked.
"I-I always thought it'd work out if we separated the jobs," huffed Gilbert, doing his best to sound more irritated than flustered. "He'd take care of those kind of tasks while I handled the more… aggressive ones. But lately..." he trailed off.
"It wasn't good enough?" guessed Break, as he slowly realised where this was going.
Gilbert nodded. "There are times when Vince is not available, or not suited for the job for certain reasons. The Duke has held back in the past but now he's started to implicitly express his disapproval at my… incapability to adapt to various situations. Vincent has no problem with anything thrown at his way but I...!" Gilbert paused abruptly, biting back the outburst, but then dropped his face in his hands in mortification. "I've never… and- I don't even... know how to... to ki…"
Break knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help but snigger at Gilbert's dilemma. Honestly, the man got worked up over the strangest of issues. However, Break's light mood vanished just as quickly as it came. He knew this was still a potential problem. Gilbert could not give the Nightrays any reason to criticize his talents or give them an excuse not to trust him with any task.
So, as Gilbert's self-proclaimed mentor, Break easily knew what the solution to Gilbert's problem was.
But that solution came with a whole new set of problems...
While Gilbert went back to wallowing in self-pity, Break began to ponder.
Like all the other things he'd done, Break would have to... teach Gilbert how those things were done as well. Ideally it were best if Gilbert learned on his own, but he knew it was impossible. Gilbert proved to be absolutely horrible at dealing with women on from the few attempts he was forced to make in the past. Either he never knew what to do or he'd become so nervous that he would royally screw up somehow. There was also the fact that if Gilbert had been capable of getting a partner in the first place, then they wouldn't even be here, discussing such an issue to begin with.
Gilbert would be against the idea, that was a given. But really, what choice did he have? Such things could only be learned and overcome by experience. And Break knew that at the end of the day Gilbert would not leave this problem unresolved.
It was all for his Young Master's sake, after all.
But... How far would Gilbert go for the boy? How many times was he going to sacrifice his own heart for a person who may not even be alive anymore?
And as for Break...
He knew it was wrong. True, they had long ago agreed to use each other liberally as means to reach ends; to achieve their own personal goals. But this time was different. This time he would quite literally be using the young man because...
Because he wanted Gilbert.
He wanted him just as badly as Raven probably wanted his Master. He had for quite some time now.
So in a way, this solution of his was a very, very unhealthy one. Not to mention crazy, dangerous, and just plain bad.
"...What are you going to do about it?" asked Break finally once he had resurfaced from his thoughts.
"I... don't know," answered Gilbert truthfully while staring down at his own gloved hands, as though he were trying to seek out hidden answers written on them. "I know that the only solution is to... to just… b-but I... can't…"
Break took a deep breath, preparing himself to speak the words he would surely regret later on.
"You have no choice," declared Break while standing up. "You've reached another roadblock on you path to saving that Young Master of yours. Now, how will you overcome it?"
Young Master.
Oz.
The magic word.
Gilbert's eyes widened.
Break felt guilty when he saw the conflict in Gilbert's expression, and so he decided to take control of the situation. With a heavy sigh, he said, "I guess it can't be helped. I'll teach you everything you have to know, just like always."
Silence.
"…E-excuse me?" breathed a flabbergasted Gilbert, fully aware of the implication behind Break's words.
"Must I really repeat myself? I said that I'll teach yo-"
"N-n-n-no!" stuttered Gilbert. "Wh-what's wrong with you?! You can't possibly-"
"You'll never earn the Nightrays' trust this way," interrupted Break, before pushing on with a question that would surely provoke the adopted Nightray. "Do you really want your Master to be doomed forever?"
Gilbert lowered his gaze, and Break did his best to swallow the guilt that was surfacing from his core once more. "...Of course not. I… I'd do anything to get him back. Anything at all. But it's just..." After a while he glanced up at the red-eyed man. "Wh-why are you going so far to help me anyway? It's not like you at all."
Break had been anticipating such a question so he barely skipped a beat with his answer. "I told you before, didn't I? You're my precious left eye. My secret weapon. I will use anyone and do anything it takes to achieve my goals, even if it's something like this."
For a moment Break stared hard at Gilbert, before lowering his gaze and mumbling, "Compared to what I've done in the past, this is nothing…" Then, with a shake of his head, he continued before Raven could question him. "That's why, if the Nightrays find something lacking within you, I shall help you make up for it."
Of course, there was more to his motives than Break would ever let on. As sick and shameful as it sounded, a small part of him wanted to use this situation to his advantage. He knew he could never claim Gilbert for himself but that fact just couldn't douse his yearnings for the younger man. Naturally he would never reveal this truth to Gilbert. But luckily Break also had a valid reason for all this; to make Gilbert to be the perfect spy – it was the perfect alibi.
Not for the first time in his life, Gilbert was utterly amazed by Break's determination. Just what exactly was this 'goal' that he was trying to achieve? What was it that was driving him to the extent of obsession? He wanted to ask, because they were too similar in this aspect. Both were willing to do whatever it took to gain something precious at the end of the day. For Gilbert, it was his beloved Master. But what about Break? What could possibly be considered precious to this man?
His chance to voice his query was lost, for Break ended the discussion with the same piece of advice that he drilled into Gilbert's head at every opportunity.
"Don't forget, Gilbert... You have to do the same. Good things don't come to those who sit around and wait patiently. You have to be selfish and proactive if you want to survive in this world."
Despite having heard them so many times before, Gilbert absorbed every single word and nodded solemnly, immediately after which he felt an indescribable weight of all that he just accepted with that simple gesture.
He always had this tiny little spark of hope in his heart that perhaps somehow, someday, he and Oz could be together despite how their situations and backgrounds said otherwise. There was no one else he would ever entrust his heart to except his Master. He had also always hoped that perhaps Oz would be his 'first'... which, again, just didn't seem possible no matter which angle he looked at it.
Then reality came crashing and knocked some sense into him. If Gilbert knew it was impossible, then why bother saving something as silly as a 'first' anything? It's not as though he was required to fixate his heart on anyone else, but by sacrificing the more physical aspects of love, he would at least have Oz return to his side once more.
Then, maybe... Just maybe...
"S-so what do I... We... What now?" asked Gilbert timidly.
Break moved to stand before Gilbert and started twirling his umbrella again, faintly smirking down at the younger man. "You have a long way to go, Gilbert. You should already know what the Nightrays expect from you. It goes far beyond than just hollow utterances of passion. But don't worry about all that right now. What's important is the first step."
"...Um… M-making advances…?" mumbled Gilbert, as his face coloured in embarrassment.
Break chuckled softly. "No, that will not be necessary." Then, under his breath he added, "Though it would be amusing to see you try."
Gilbert glared up at Break, but any effect it might've had was marred by the obvious tinge of red still dusting his cheeks. "I can hear you, you know."
Break's smirk simply grew wider. "What I meant was that someone like you doesn't need to take the initiative! Just act like your usual, useless self and women will instantly be all over you. After that you simply have to respond positively to their advances, because you're a unique type of man who should not approach, but rather, is approached. The rest that happens is what I'm going to teach you."
Gilbert felt a vein throb in his temple at each disguised insult that Break had oh-so-casually slipped in. Perhaps he really should've just tackled this problem on his own.
"Well?" prompted Gilbert impatiently. "Enlighten me. What exactly am I supposed to do then?"
Break stopped twirling his umbrella. "Very well." He bent over all of a sudden, leaving barely inches of space between their faces. Gilbert reflexively leaned back a bit, but Break just kept coming closer. Eventually Gilbert's back was pressed up against the bench and he could retreat no further.
"You see, Gilbert..." murmured Break once his lips were ghosting over Gilbert's, before lowering his rather small umbrella over their heads to shield their faces from any passer-byes.
"...It all starts with a kiss."
And then, to emphasise his point, Break closed his eye and firmly pressed his lips against Gilbert's.
The latter's own eyes were wide from shock in comparison. Break simply stayed put for a few seconds, allowing Gilbert to get used to the feeling while documenting the experience in his own mind. As expected… Gilbert's lips were just as soft and smooth as they looked, and their warmth sent a jolt down Break's spine. Something so wrong, yet so right… His heart hammered in his chest from the thrill.
Slowly, eventually, the Mad Hatter pulled back while simultaneously raising his umbrella. When he opened his eye again, Break was met by the sight of a tomato-faced, trembling Gilbert who looked as though he would faint at any second.
He sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought.
Gilbert, for his part, was feeling dangerously light-headed. He had just gotten kissed by Xerxes Break of all people! And it was his very first kiss to boot. It was all he could do but constantly remind himself that it was for Oz's sake just to prevent his consciousness – and perhaps sanity – from deserting him.
When Gilbert finally did get his senses back to normal he noticed Break walking away, back in the direction he had come from. Feeling an unusual sense of panic, he called out to the man.
"W-wait! Where are yo-"
"That's all for today's lesson," interrupted Break, as he stopped in his tracks. "You're clearly overwhelmed and the last thing I need is for you to cause a scene in public. We're going to go slow..."
He looked back over his shoulder, and for a moment Gilbert could've sworn the man's usually ghostly white complexion was a bit... pink. However, he waved it off as his mind playing tricks on him, because how could Break possibly be blushing, especially when he had that usual, annoying smirk on?
Impossible.
"...Understand?"