So I've read a few hilarious parodies by ladies who normally write pretty serious stuff. Since I really enjoyed the laugh, I thought I'd give it a go myself.

Warning 1: this is a smutty parody so expect gratuitous sex around each corner. It is by no means meant to be derogatory to the real work of the unit. If you are easily triggered, don't read.

Warning 2: parodies are not to be taken seriously. Forget about timelines of all kinds, other logical reasoning about characters and all kinds of other inconvenient details. Just sit back and enjoy - or not. :)

*SEX*

1. Overture

Olivia Benson loved working at sex crimes. What she loved most about it was the sex because it was everywhere. Not the involuntary sex of course. That was what they were fighting. But the voluntary sex was the best. And they were getting a new guy on the team today, so she was already wet.

She wanted to ask Captain Cragen if he knew at what time the new detective was coming in, because she had an errand to run but she wanted first dibs on the new dick. So she knocked on the door of Cragen's office.

"Come in!" Cragen yelled. Or was it "Coming"?

Olivia wasn't sure but she swung the door open anyway. Cragen was slumped in his chair and Amanda was on her knees between his legs, sucking him enthusiastically.

"You need some help?" Olivia offered, always ready to give her co-workers a hand.

"Almost done," Amanda mumbled, and just then Cragen shot his load into her throat.

Amanda started coughing loudly, almost choking on the white stuff and Cragen handed her a tissue.

"Thanks," Amanda said.

"You're welcome," Cragen said, and he stood up to pull his pants back up.

"Sir, do you have an ETA on the new guy yet?" Olivia asked as Amanda ran past her out of the office to go and throw up in the restroom.

"That's what Amanda came in here for too," Cragen said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Did you tell her?"

"No, she ran off before I could, so I'll tell you instead. He is coming in through the back entrance in two minutes."

"Thank you sir!" Olivia said, and she quickly left his office.

She hoped nobody would see her sneak off towards the back entrance, but of course, Elliot saw her. Elliot saw everything she did, always. He jumped up and ran after her until he caught up with her, and then stepped in front of her with a grin.

"Ah crap El," Olivia said. "I wanted him first."

"Wanna do it together?" Elliot asked, and suddenly Olivia was even wetter.

"Sounds like a plan."

"It will save him some time too."

"True."

And so they both met up with detective Nick Amaro together and pulled him into the nearest closet. The handsome man quickly caught on. As soon as Olivia had stripped in front of him, he pulled out his dick. It was already hard and Elliot grinned, pulling out his own dick. It was hard too. They were about the same size, and after high-dicking each other, Elliot kissed Nick hard. Olivia pulled them apart and started kissing Nick too. She wrapped one leg around his waist and Nick slipped into her easily because she was so wet. Olivia's back was against the side of the closet and Nick lifted her other leg up as well. Elliot stood behind Nick and pulled the man's pants down further so he could join the fun. After some ooh-ing, aah-ing and heavy breathing, they all came - perfectly simultaneously of course because that is so easy to time - and then shook hands to introduce themselves. After fixing their clothes, the three of them walked to the squad room, where Amanda and Barba were giving Olivia and Elliot death glares because they had wanted to greet Nick first.

Olivia walked up to Barba and Elliot walked up to Amanda, perfectly in sync like Benson and Stabler always were, dropped to their knees and gave their co-workers oral until they smiled again. Then, they introduced Nick to the others.

"Nice to meet all of you," Nick said.

He gave Barba an extra wide smile when he added,

"I think I am going to feel right at home here."

Barba giggled and Nick winked at him. Then Barba passed out.

*SEX*

To be continued. Love it or hate it.