Just a little something i thought i'd write
Flashes :)
They say before you die your life flashes before your eyes, and as I lay here unconscious on the cold, hard concrete; I think I start to see mine. It was only minutes ago that I was marrying the man I love, I was happy, healthy and full of life and now fate has taken all that away. I see my Mum and her beloved Terry, I don't know why, but I do. I hate them, they are nothing to me; but as I'm here this way I have a memory come to my mind. She is telling me I'm a mistake that I'll always be in the gutter and he's telling me that I'm a nobody…nothing, but I proved them wrong, look at me now and everything that I've achieved.
They are now replaced with my beautiful kids, my Leah and Lucas, my reason to smile every day. Although Leah isn't mine by blood, she will always be my daughter. I see happy times, taking them to the park and pushing them on the swings. I see them sleeping and looking peaceful and so beautiful. I sometimes wonder how I managed to create something so amazing. They are the only things in my life that I did right and as I lay here this way I can't help but wonder how they will cope without me. Who will love them the way I do?
Then I see Amy, beautiful Amy, the mother of my babies and I see me hurting her and I feel ashamed. How could I have done that? She gave me everything. I see me cutting her hair, I see her crying and I'm disgusted with myself. But then I see her being there for me, loving me, holding me and we pulled through and became best friends. I owe everything to her, I changed because she saw the good in me and she never gave up on me, not for one second. If I could thank her right now I would.
Doug is the next person I see, the man who has taught me to love again, my business partner, my friend and my lover. I see our day an hour before. We are laughing, happy and in love and then I see him lying and deceiving me, I see myself listening to a message on his answer phone. I know we are over even though it's only just begun. Our whole relationship has been built on lies and I wonder how I even made it to this day…our civil partnership. I had my doubts before; I should have listened to them. I wonder if I will get the chance to tell him how much he has disappointed me. Today was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, not the end of my life.
Then I see Brendan, I should have known it really. He is the first person I ever really saw; it's ironic that he will be the last now. I thought I would see the bad times, the violence, the pain and the hurt but I just see him. His face, his smile, I see us kissing and I feel alive even though I'm laid here almost dead. I think about all the time we should have had, all the wasted months when I could have been with him. If I had followed my heart, I certainly wouldn't be here. Then I see us together, new beginnings… a future. We are holding hands, so in love and more together than we have ever been and I feel warm…I have hope again and then I wonder if I'm about to die.
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