The midday desert wind brought with it a deep chill as the sun slipped into the early afternoon. The cold was to be expected, considering the geography, yet it was still disconcerting to be in a desert that never felt anything close to warm. Terraforming could do incredible things, but it couldn't move Mars closer to the sun. There would always be a chill here.
Sylvanni lay on her stomach at the edge of a cliff ridge, looking out over the dusty red expanse below as she pulled out her sniper rifle. It was a long time companion, its workings comfortable in her hands. She barely needed to look as detached the mounted scope, pulling a longer, heavier alternative from her pack. Her regular fitting was good for a firefight, something that gave good range without compromising stability too much, but for this, she wanted as great a distance as possible.
With the telescopic mount attached, she leaned forward, the faceplate of her helmet helpfully sliding up to let her press the scope to her eye. The horizon rushed to greet her like an old friend, distant details becoming clear between the crosshairs.
"Apologies," a familiar voice said beside her, electronic distortion coloring the words just slightly, "but I must admit some confusion. Did I miss an assignment? Are we on a patrol mission that I didn't hear? This is… rather far from the grid."
Sylvanni leaned back, eyeing the floating geometric shape just above her left shoulder. "We're scouting."
"For whom?"
Sylvanni put an eye back to the scope. "The Tower."
Her Ghost gave a chirping beep at the nonspecific answer. "We haven't seen anyone in almost four days."
That was kind of the point, she thought. "Not entirely true. We've cleared out at least three outposts of Cabal so far."
"You know what I meant. What are we even looking for way out here?"
She knew what the Ghost was digging at, but she clung to the official excuse a while longer. "I just noticed that intelligence from the Athabasca area was very scarce. Little more than satellite images."
"That's because there's nothing here," the Ghost said glumly.
Sylvanni sighed, letting her head fall forward. "I just… I needed some space. To get away from it all for a while. The emptiness helps me think."
The Ghost took a moment to process that. "Think about what?"
She answered his question with one of her own. "Do you know what happens when you bring us back? Guardians, I mean. When the Traveler made you to bring me back to life, what exactly did you do?"
"I'm not certain I know what you mean."
She moved back to the scope, distracting herself with a slow and careful sweep of the horizon. "I just find myself wondering about my life before all of this. I barely remember anything from then. My name, a few images, a few words and phrases. I just wonder if I'm… different now. If I met the person I was back in life, would she recognize me, or would she see a stranger wearing her skin?"
"Guardian…"
"Maybe I'm overthinking it," she said. "I mean, I have a duty now. It's good work, right? We're fighting the Darkness, we're protecting people, defending the Last City. Maybe I shouldn't question. I'm more effective if I don't think and just do.
"But sometimes I feel like I'm just a weapon. 'Go here, Guardian, shoot this, come back and we'll tell you the next thing to shoot. If you want a break, go train in the Crucible and spar with other Guardians.'"
Sylvanni pushed away from the rifle, turning to look at her small Ghost. Perhaps putting voice to her tumultuous words had been a poor choice, as her frustration was now rising. There wasn't even anything truly wrong, per se, but questions of her own identity and duty kept catching her, tugging at her thoughts and pulling her in circles about who she was and what she wanted.
"Am I still a person, Ghost? Or am I just a tool, created to fill a specific purpose? Did the Traveler actually resurrect me, or did it just shove some Light into an old body no one was using, to make another fighter for the front lines? I feel like I must have had friends and family and hopes and dreams before all this and now… I just have a next mission."
A wave of guilt washed over her as she finished speaking, and not just because she knew the Ghost wasn't the one with answers to her questions. He wasn't unintelligent, but the little robot lacked some of the capacities for empathy and philosophical reasoning that dealing with his Guardian's personal existential crisis would require. It wasn't his fault. He was just doing what he was designed to do, and she felt like she'd taken it out on him.
Yet, she didn't dare speak about any of these things with other Guardians. It felt selfish to even think about this, when the magnitude of their duty stretched before them. The defense of the Tower and the Last City required everyone at their best, performing optimally, and yet here she was, fretting over things that probably didn't even matter anymore, like her past life. Normally she just tried to ignore her nagging doubts, throwing herself into raid after strike after mission in an attempt to distract herself with duty. If she was working, she didn't have to think about who she was.
Perhaps she should have known that wasn't really sustainable. She was bound to burn out eventually and end up doing something like wandering the frigid deserts of Mars in a self-absorbed attempt to figure things out with alone time. It wasn't as though it was helping anyway.
Her Ghost flitted uncertainly at her side, not entirely certain how to respond to something like this. Before he thought of anything, however, she caught sight of movement through her scope, far off in the west. She held up a hand, leaning close and focusing the lens on the distant object. It was dark against the pink and orange sky, rising like a cloud of smoke, but there was something not quite right about the way it moved.
She heard the Ghost flit down beside her, trying to catch what she was looking at. "Did you spot something?"
"I'm not entirely sure," she said slowly. "It's too far away to really make out, even with the sight. I think we should check it out, though. Could be another Cabal outpost, and I wouldn't mind taking down another of those."
"Alright, Guardian. I'll follow your lead. Should we take the Sparrow?"
The spot was a good distance away, especially considering the distance that her scope focused. Yet, without knowing what was over there, she felt it unwise to rush in headlong. "I'll take it on foot," she said. "I'd rather get an idea of what we're dealing with before they see me."
Not to mention, with as far off the working grid as they were, if the Sparrow was damaged, she wouldn't be able to summon it back. The idea of making the days long trek back to the grid on foot wasn't appealing. Better to be cautious with the Sparrow.
The cold desert wind whipped at her robes as she stood, slinging the sniper rifle onto her back. Holding scout rifle at the ready, she took a small leap over the edge, and slid down the incline, headed in the direction she'd seen that dark smudge.