About Back Then:

Chapter One

A collaboration piece by ZigFuckinNovak and LadyAzura

Although the second hand on the clock ticked by, time seemed to move so slowly.

Zig Novak took a small hit of the cigarette that was cradled between his two fingers, before parting his lips to allow a steady stream of smoke to flow through. He was nervous. The cigarettes calmed his nerves. He remembered their freshman year. Here at Degrassi. The two of them found each other. They found each other, liked each other, dated each other, and eventually, he had come to know the gentle curves of her young body. He could still see flashes of it. Her lips wrapped around him, her blue eyes glancing up at him to drive him wild. Those lips had been on his own so many times. Those lips whispered secrets. They spoke of future plans. They laughed and they smiled. He too, had laughed and smiled along with them. He was so naive then. So fucking stupid.

He crushed the butt end of his cigarette into the ash tray of his car, rubbing it in as though he were stubbing out the ugly thoughts that threatened to take over. Tilting his head back against the head rest, his eyes closed. He could still picture everything that happened. Everything.

'Look, I'm not about trying to be a Dad at sixteen! This is fucking ridiculous! Don't you see that our lives are going to be ruined? RUINED. Gone. Done! Why do you want to keep this baby? We can just get an abortion…I will even pay for it.'

His eyelids tightened with pain as he relived some of that things that he said to her. Some of the awful things that he said to the blonde girl with the short stature and the slender fingers of a cellist. He wondered if she still played. It had been so long since he had spoken to her, it felt like. In truth, it had only been close to two years. Close, simply because it took nine months for the child to grow. By the time the baby was coming, he had moved out of town where he had found a job. Lived in a shitty apartment. The works. He would do anything to run away from the problem that he helped create. That 'problem' was partially why he was back in Toronto. He was wrong. He couldn't run. Not even in his sleep. The dreams of her face, befallen and filled with bewilderment and pain…the expression flooded his memories and haunted his nightmares. He knew that what he had done was shitty.

He waited now, head dizzy with anxiety as his car remained in park outside of a small day care nearby Degrassi High. He had heard through the grapevine that this was where she often took their child. Their child was apparently a girl. Zig had a little girl. He felt his heart squeeze. She had been without a father for a whole year. Her mother, without a supportive boyfriend to help take care of them both. He was a piece of shit and he knew it.

Once a car pulled up, he straightened his posture, his eyes squinting in order to see who it was. He had seen blonde hair.

Yep, there she was.

Maya Matlin, coming out of the car with a blanketed child.

She awoke to a shrill scream piercing her ears and groaned, forcing herself to get up and walk over to the crib on the other side of the room. "Muhhh!" The infant inside sobbed, lifting her tiny arms. Maya sighed, leaning down and picking her up. "Shh. It's okay, Maddie. Mommy's here." She cooed, bouncing her gently. After a few minutes, Madison Matlin settled down, but continued to mouth her clothed shoulder. Maya giggled. "Silly girl. Are you hungry? Come on, let's go make you breakfast." With that, she made her way downstairs and to the kitchen. After getting Maddie seated in her highchair, Maya grabbed a bowl and some cheerios and placed it in front of her. Maddie squeaked and started eating them one by one, all the while watching her frazzled mother make up a plate of scrambled eggs.

It was seven-thirty by the time Maya was ready to go. She had thirty minutes to drop Maddie off at daycare and get to school before class started – hopefully her daughter wouldn't put up much of a fuss. "Ready?" Her father asked, walking down the stairs, dressed for work. Maya nodded. "Yeah. Let's go – I need to look over my Chemistry notes. There's gonna be a pop quiz."

"I'll be here to pick you up at two. Be outside waiting for me." Mr. Matlin told his youngest daughter. After bidding her and his granddaughter farewell, he drove off. Maya let out a sigh, shifting Maddie around in her arms. "Come on, Bug. Let's get you to daycare." She cooed, heading towards the building.

Zig fumbled with his seat belt before finally managing to get it off, getting out of the seat and shutting his car door behind him as he jogged up to her. "Wait! Maya!" He called out, coughing a bit as he tried to catch his breath. Picking up smoking after he left wasn't exactly one of his best decisions. Although, he hadn't been making those for quite awhile.

Maya recognized Zig's voice immediately and froze mid-step, her mind suddenly bombarded with memories she'd much rather forget – of them making out in empty classrooms; of them tangled together in her sheets, moaning and gasping and bringing each other to heights neither had known existed. Then, of course, her finding out that she was pregnant and him leaving, wanting nothing to do with her or the child he'd helped conceive. Feeling her throat start to tighten, Maya quickly shook these thoughts from her head and kept her face indifferent as she turned around to face him.

"Well, if it isn't the Dead Beat." She remarked coolly. "Never thought I'd see your face around here again. Get any other girls pregnant and abandon them lately? That seems to be your thing." In her arms, Maddie let out a gurgling sound and Maya turned her attention back to her. "Shh, Bug. We'll get you inside soon. It's cold, isn't it? Yes, it is." She kissed her daughter's cheek and bounced her gently.

Zig's lips pursed into a thin line some as she snapped at him. Ouch! He knew he couldn't pity himself too much, though. He simply deserved it. Everything that she said was true. He parted his lips to…say what? That he woke up one morning and realized that he was a fucking idiot for what he had done back then? Although it was true—-did it even seem believable? His attention was pulled away from his attempts to create words by the soft sound of the blanketed being in Maya's arms. He felt his face soften. Suddenly, the words seemed to find themselves ascending up his throat and through his lips: "…Please. Can I talk to you after you..drop her off? I know that you hate me, and I don't blame you, but…please. Just give me ten—-no, *five* minutes of your time.." His eyes went down to the small, squirm-y child again. He couldn't see her face because of the blanket. He was dying to know what…his baby looked like. Their baby.

"…Can you..move the blanket some?" He croaked, his voice almost a whisper. "Just for a minute…I just want to see..her face, Maya.."

Maya promptly rolled her eyes at his request. Five minutes of her time? He didn't even deserve twoseconds of it after what he did. But this was Zig she was talking to, and Zig was nothing if not persistent. He wouldn't stop pestering her until he got what he wanted. "Fine. Five minutes. No more than that." She said. She narrowed her eyes dangerously when she saw his gaze drop to the bundle in her arms, and held her daughter protectively, her maternal instincts kicking into overdrive.

When he asked to see her, Maya let out a dry laugh. "Oh, now you want to see her? Where the hell have you been for the last year and a half?" She snapped, glaring coldly at him. "You don't deserve to see her. You don't even deserve to look at her." She wanted nothing more than to yell at him and slap the ever-loving shit out of him — let out all of the frustration and hurt she'd been bottling up ever since he abandoned her — but she couldn't. Not around their daughter. Her daughter, she mentally corrected.

"Maya!" He stepped forward, his hand out to touch her shoulder, but he retracted it back to his side and balled it into a fist. His jaw was clenched with frustration at the situation. He knew he didn't deserve to be in their lives, but. "Goddammit, Maya…please? She…she is mine too..I was stupid, okay? I just want one look at her face before we talk just in case you decide you don't want any more of me after we talk, alright?" He sighed, reaching up to rub his temples. He didn't even know her name. Maya kept referring to her lovingly as 'Bug.' It was cute. However, it was not his child's name and he could feel his anxiety stirring in his stomach from how much he didn't know about this child that was half him.

"I will tell you…where I was and why I'm here, if you just let me look at her face for one minute, and then come with me to The Dot. Please. For old times sake? We…were in love once." He bit his lip, realizing how pathetic he sounded and not giving a single fuck about it. He could see blonde, baby hair peeking up from the top of the blanket. So, she was a blonde like her Mother. What did she have of his, if anything? He wanted so much to see.

Maya recoiled as Zig reached towards her, relaxing slightly when he gave up. She barked out a laugh. "Yours?" She repeated in disbelief. If looks could kill, Zig Novak would be a pile of ashes right now. "Sorry,Zigmund. You forfeited that right when you decided to leave me to deal with her on my own." She said coldly. Her lips curled into a small sneer as he continued. "Stupid does not even begin to describe you. There are much more fitting words, but I can't say them right now." She peered down at Maddie, who was looking up at her with wide eyes, her mouth hung open. Maya smiled lovingly at her before glancing back at Zig. She couldn't help but feel smug as she took in his anguished expression. Good. She wanted him to hurt.

She scoffed at his next words, rolling her eyes. "Love? Is that what that was? Give me a break." She muttered, before noticing the time on her watch. "I have to drop her off. I have class in like fifteen minutes. We'll talk about this later." Turning away from him, she continued her journey to the daycare centre, only to pause to look over her shoulders. "Maddie. Her name is Madison Margaret Matlin. Just in case you were wondering." She told him, before disappearing into the building.

"I got *scared*, Maya!" He shouted back at her as she made her way to the day care, before lowering his voice when he quickly remembered that not only is their daughter in her arms, but, they were in the presence of a day care where other children are obviously going to be. Zig felt a lump swell in his throat. He swallowed it hard, lifting both of his hands and running them through his hair in frustration as he paced a couple of times before cursing to himself and stomping to his car that was parked across the street. He swung the door open and slammed it close. If there was one thing about him that hadn't changed; it was his temper. Zig reached onto the floor of his car, groping for his pack of cigarettes. Once he found them, he quickly pulled one out and lit up. After he had taken a few big hits, he leaned back in his seat. Just the way he did before he stupidly approached her. Before she threw it in his face how much of an idiot he already knew he was. He knew that he deserved this treatment but it didn't make it any less painful.

Despite this, she had agreed to meet him.

Despite this…

He knows her name. Madison. Maddie.

A small smile formed on his lips as his eyes glistened. He loved the name.

~ End of Chapter 1 ~

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